I’ve never really cared about Exy. Never put effort into goalkeeping much. But then, last summer, the strangest recruit showed up. Now, I don’t know if you’ve been following the PSU Foxes, but I’ve been keeping my ears open and it seems like everyone everywhere is super-mad about everything all the time. I try to stay a little optimistic, even though I will admit, things are getting pretty sticky.
Here’s how I try to look at it, and this is just me, this guy joining the Foxes, it’s like there’s a runaway loose in Palmetto. I think eventually everything’s going to be okay, but I have no idea what’s going to happen next. And neither do any of you, and neither does Wymack, because there’s a runaway loose in Palmetto! It’s never happened before, no one knows what the runaway is going to do next, least of all the runaway! He’s never played collegiate Exy before, he’s as confused as you are.
I tell everyone he’s dangerous. Nobody believes me when I say he’s dangerous. They’re like, “We recruited the injured Raven.” Get out of here with that shit! We’ve all seen the injured Raven. This is a runaway loose in Palmetto. When a runaway is loose in Palmetto, you got to stay updated. So all day long you walk around, “What’d the runaway do?” The updates, they’re not always bad. Sometimes they’re just odd. It’ll be like, “The runaway speaks German?” I didn’t know he knew how to do that. The worst days are when you don’t hear from the runaway at all. You’re running around Baltimore after a riot like, “Hey, has anyone…Has anyone heard–” [imitates exy noises]. Then there’s the quiet days when people are like, “It looks like the runaway has finally calmed down.” And then ten seconds later the runaway is like, “I’m gonna run towards the deranged mafia outcast and insult him on national television. I’ve got no survival instincts and a shitty attitude, I’m a runaway!” THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU’D SAY, YOU DUMB FUCKING PIPE DREAM!
And then… then… then you make out with him and he’s like, “It’s okay if you hate me.” And it’s like, “We’re well past that!” Then Kevin Day is like, “If there’s gonna be a runaway in Palmetto, I’m going to out my father on TV.” And those don’t match up at all. And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the runaway, and then, at the Winter Banquet, a Raven was like, “I have a doctor in Easthaven and I’m going to use him to hurt Andrew!” And before we could say anything, the runaway was like, “If you even fucking look at Andrew, I will punch you in the face in the middle of this banquet, I’m so fucking crazy.” “You think you’re fucking crazy, I’m a fucking Raven. I live in a fucking cult. I’m fucking crazy.” And all of us are like, “Okay.” Like poor Wymack at his goddamn team meetings. “Okay.” And then, for a second, I was like, “Maybe the runaway can look out for himself.” And then the runaway is like, “I was kidnapped and tortured!” And now he can make me feel things? That shouldn’t be allowed no matter who the runaway is! I don’t remember covering that in therapy!
2087
gummygunk
stormborns
snowghoul
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