Welcome to the Riverside

Hey ya'll, welcome to my blog! The name is River! This is a personal blog, so it's just misc stuff. I love The Evil Within, bugs, horror, and anime. So that's most of the stuff you'll find here, along with the occasional art and misc aesthetics. Check my About Me for more info.

[saino-m]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[thewordywarlock]

if i had a nickel for every time rebecca sugar’s ratatouille porn became relevant, i’d have like 5 nickels at this point

[pixelwishess]

REBECCA SUGAR’S WHAT?

[teal-deer]

Y'ever think about what absolute mad decadence we live in that "vanilla" means "plain"

[jordisstigander]

Anytime someone says 'it's just vanilla ice cream' I have to restrain myself from saying, "ah yes, the flavor produced by the seeds of a tropical orchid, a flower which blossoms for a single day before dying, the second most expense spice in the world. Just that."

Historically, the spices I have in my cabinet are an embarrassment of riches. I have there a large container of whole black peppercorns which I grate fresh over my food. Multiple containers of cinnamon because I forgot I already had some. Ginger, cardamom, red pepper flakes, whole cloves and ground, nutmeg and turmeric. Kings and emperors have not eaten food so well spiced.

I have vanilla ice cream in my freezer (cold! frozen! when the rich would pay fortunes to send for ice from mountains to chill fruit in the summers). I am going to put on my silk robe, fix myself a bowl, and feast.

[excuseme-howdareyou]

Favorite moments from working telephone customer service:

•customer: (currently putting in a bulk order for reusable menstrual cups to give to refugee camps) Have you ever been to Africa?

Me: No

Customer: Can I rant to you for a bit about giraffes?

Me: Sure, why not

Customer: ok so this asshole decided to wake me up this morning by sticking his head through my window-

...

•Customer (a sweet little old lady with a strong New Orleans accent): Ohh sweetie, have you ever been classically trained in opera?

Me: I've been trained in singing but I can't say I've ever done opera.

Customer: Well you should. Your voice is like butter and that's your speaking voice! Hon, if you're ever in New Orleans you find me and I am gonna get you a spot on stage!

(I later found out she was a singer for the New Orleans Opera Association when she was younger)

(Sadly I've still never been there)

...

•Customer is calling in from Hawaii

Me: So just to confirm, your shipping address is 123 Ka-... *quietly* Oh no...

Customer, sounding like he's really holding back his absolute glee: Say it. Say it out loud.

Me, knowing approximately nothing of the Hawaiian language but have seen Dragon Ball Z: 123 kame... hame... ha? boulevard?

Customer: (fucking dying of laughter on the phone)

[primeemeraldheiress]

It's the

Oh no

Say it

that's cracking me up right now.

[funshinebf]

there is so much fucking happening here

[with-practice]

What's your sc ?

My sperm count?

[overdose-art]

astrological tarot cards. henri armengol. 1927.

[shigraki]

im SO glad i decided to watch the resident evil real time fandub

[helloitsbees]

this is entrapment

[helloitsbees]

two equally delightful paths here:

1) a very simple and genuine “i like your shoelaces”, which tells me that you are either a lesbian or a very cool ally

2) “i like your shoelaces” followed by the pronounced grimace of one recalling their past sins, which tells me that you were a 2012 tumblr user. i now hold the power in this conversation and you are at my mercy.

[asofterepilogue]

if you know about 2012 tumblr how do you hold any power in any conversation

[helloitsbees]

well, stucky fanfic url, the trick is to not let them know that you are also cringe

[excusing]

this is the most poignant burn ive seen all year

[helloitsbees]

[wilburian-deactivated20221116]

everyone lost

[mango-pickle]

#tumblr is an ecosystem you kill one trophic level and everyone starts dying

(via @binguscore)

[notmusa]

please, its 2:30 am, please stop

[notmusa]

[notmusa]

[notmusa]

[scumbagsblog]

Every time I see this I’m not sure if its fandom content or just a summary of what being piss drunk with your best friend is like but either way it’s Perfect

[viralthings]

Calm before the Storm

[tastefullyoffensive]

Is your dad Ron Swanson? (via blooper2112)

[edgebug]

this is the money axe of good fortune, reblog to receive money and axes

[memewhore]

[pepprs]

[cypric-rat-hyperfixation]

[wertercatt]

*pushes the button and holds it down for an excessively long time before releasing it. and then waits*

[cypric-rat-hyperfixation]

[hyrude]

is the world really such a terrible place? yesterday i asked if oat milk was extra and the barista said yes so i said ok just regular milk then and when she gave me my chai latte she whispered “i gave you oat milk ;)” doesnt that make u want to live another day?

[chekplaysminecraft]

Theory Time

The reason endermen don’t like it when you look at them is because they communicate telepathically with one another by locking eyes! Humans are absolutely not designed to do this so when we look at them we are accidentally projecting all of our thoughts into them at the same time and it hurts :(

[ice-block]

But like, since the player is not of the Minecraft world, the player is just what the use to explore it, what if it’s like:

Enderman: *looks at player’s eyes*

Player: 01010010 01100001 00100000 01110010 01100001 00100000 01010010 01100001 01110011 01110000 01110101 01110100 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01010010 01110101 01110011 01110011 01101001 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110001 01110101 01100101 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101111 01101000 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 01101101 01100001 01101110

Enderman: oh ok *attacks player*

[tiny-slime]

[viostormcaller]

This kills me every single fucking time