lotus! I need some of your favourite 14/river fics, or honestly any of your favourite river/doctor fics!! I wanna get into my hyperfixation again in time for the Christmas special!
Ana 💕
You, Ana, have opened the pandoras box (aka my bookmarks) with this ask. This could become a bit long because a. I am a chatterbox, and b. I have little to no idea what your fic preferences are, so I'll just recommend you a bunch and hope that my taste in fics at least vaguely aligns with yours. Here we go:
*= Smut
°= Fix it
14 x River:
*This phantom life sharpens like an image (but it sharpens like a knive) This is the perfect fic. It isn't finished yet, and I'm honestly not sure anymore if it's a fix it or not, but it is great.
°In thee I delight A sweet little outsider!pov fic. Just something nice for the soul.
°It must be light wherever you are More of a multi-Doctor fic really (not at once), but there's some fourteen at the end.
13 x River:
°I'm Alive A short trilogy for when you need something funny and sweet.
°Love is not an emotion, it's a promise Again, multiple Doctors, but mainly 13. The Doctor refers to River as their 'little goddess'.
°5 Times The Doctor Talked About River Song With Graham (+1 Time The Fam Finally Met Her) It's in the title really. Very emotional. (Not as in sad necessarily, there are simply a lot of emotions).
°i am the distance you put between all of the moments that we will be Very lovely fic. Angstier than I thought tbh. So definetly something for when you want pain and longing. Has a happy ending though.
°You Know Who You Are and Yes You're Gonna Break Down This one's fun. They flirt, they dance, the Doctor's being gay... a bit of angst towards the end, but it gets resolved rather swiftly.
Of Handcuffs and Custard Creams Pure hilarity for when you need something to laugh about.
°she's got a smile that heals me Fix it happiness with a dash of angst and yearning, very sweet.
understanding I'm not sure how to describe this one. It is not necessarily Yaz bashing, it's just a lot of unrequited love. Very nice for when you're feeling vindictive after having to guess on every second fic on whether or not they're going to have the Doctors and Rivers marriage be open to sprinkle in some thasmin.
12 x River:
she blows out of nowhere, roman candle of the wild Human Au. Twelve is stood up on a date and River saves him. Banter and love at first sight ensure.
The Playwright and his muse Human Au. Twelve is a playwright in victorian(?) England, River Melody becomes his muse. A beautiful trilogy.
*But she prefers two lumps of sugar and tea Human Au. Twelve is the most grumpy barista that the world has ever seen, River does not put up with it. He immediatly falls in love, yet continues to be an idiot.
°Are we dancing after death, you and I? River gave the Doctor her regeneration energy, he becomes downright addicted. Angst, yearning, sweetness.
°I use the stars to find you This is just fluff and sapiness and domesticity. Like a long, warm, comforting hug.
*And if I get burned, at least we were electrified Sweet, hot smut. Twelve grows a beard.
*The voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses River has a praise kink. Very hot, and more emotional than it sounds. (Again, emotional does not mean sad. It just means... emotional).
Writing between the lines Have you ever wondered what elevens regeneration would've been like with River around? Well, wonder no longer! Here it is.
11 x River:
*°And all in war with Time for love of you The very first Doctorriver fic I ever read. A beautiful fix-it fic.
*though my eyes stare inward now at where you were Such a great fic. I won't spoil much because the riddle of it all is half the fun the first time around (for me it was, at least).
°Hold infinity in the palm of your hand The Doctor and River post dying. Very fun, very sweet. They're just so married (literally).
*heart swells like water A rewrite (or write along?) of 'Day of the moon' that fills in all the smutty gaps.
gazing into the abyss The Doctor has the last of the Mr. Clever residues fucked out of him by River. Very hot. River literally manages to seduce a robot. Not that we ever doubted her capability to do that.
To force them apart This might very well not be your cup of tea. I have a weakness for dark!Doctorriver.
°moved from day into night to be near you Steven Moffat had a very specific vision of how he wanted River and the Doctors story to end completly. This vision is sadly not canon. This vision is this fic.
Sharing Names This fic is amazing. It forever ingrained the headcanon in me that time lord names are telepathic.
Accomplice A fun little drabble. Hints of dark!Doctorriver.
a love that even time will lie down and be still for This one is so sweet! The Doctor is everything little Mels wanted in a partner.
and i'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways Human AU. River is very much in love with one John Smith. This one has a bit of everything. Fluff, flirting, angst...
10 x River:
*competition This one's a (very hot) revenge on the Doctorrose shippers who put works in the Doctorriver tags that are very mean to River. Maybe not your cup of tea.
9 x River:
°*Where I've been It's been a while since I've read this one, but I remember that it was incredible, so there's that.
Worth living for River helps the Doctor heal after the time war. Very sweet, if I remember correctly.
Multi-Doctor x River:
All in Your Head There are three Doctors (+ companions) in the TARDIS at once. River decides to be a telepathic tease. Very, very funny.
°Glad We're Here This is one of the funniest fics I've ever read. There are two Doctors (technically three, but thirteen misses the main action) and two Rivers. Lot's of timey wimey shenanigans ensue. It is so funny.
°*There is a love I reminisce This fic is wonderful. It includes eleven and eight and mentions a lot of the Doctorriver encounters featured in the audioplays. I'll admit, the ending somewhat confuses me, but that's probably nothing that couldn't be fixed with a reread. Lots of timey-wimey stuff.
Energy for a lot of words, but not for a long story (Oneshot collections):
The myth of us never ends 100 stories
You taught me how to love when nobody ever could 15 stories
It's called Marriage, Honey 70 stories
Recommended Authors for even more fics:
Del (godessdel) Their writing is just beautiful. Everything they write is so beautiful.
flowingtune Has great story ideas. Also writes lots of thoschody, if that is your jam. Lots of timetots.
melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme (sexymonk) Has lots of fun stories and Au's.
HellNHighHeels I had one fic of the bookmarked and just checked them out to see if I should put them on the list. I haven't read much of them, but their stories sound like great fun.
TheWifeofRiverSong If you ever feel like reading the hottest smut, they're the author for you.
hihoplastic Their fics are good. I never noticed just how many Doctorriver fics of theirs I have in my bookmarks until now.
In light of the Odyssey movie coming out this is my formal PSA that Helen of Troy is actually Helen of Sparta, Troy is the city she was stolen and brought to. The entire Trojan war is the Greeks trying to get her back from Troy, because she is from Sparta. I feel like we all collectively forget this.
listen it's not that I think epic the musical is a perfect adaption of the odyssey but it was an impressive passion project that knew what it wanted to be and knew what people gravitated to in the original work and it put significant effort into conveying this through its unique medium and tone to the point that hundreds of other people felt compelled to put effort into their own artistic interpretations of that version of the story. and that's really cool! and yes I would be more critical if it was a 100 million dollar project made by a professional because what the fuck do you mean you're a world-famous director and you cut the my name is nobody scene are you goddamn serious
Instead of the new dogshit Odyssey film you should watch Iphigenia (1977). It’s made by actual Greek people and focuses on a mother-daughter relationship to explore how women are sacrificed by powerful men in times of war. Also the main actress has the face of an angel 🙏 the whole movie is available on YT with English subtitles.
You can actually predict bubbles, especially ones this obvious. Everyone who wants to know how should read A Short History of Financial Euphoria by John Kenneth Galbraith.
Yes, it’s dry.
Yes, it’s 30 years old.
But it gives a tidy little checklist of “is this a bubble?” and AI has been checking every one off like a to do list. Just like NFTs and ponzicoin did before it.
You can also read This Time Is Different: Eight Centuries of Financial Folly by Carmen Reinhart and Kenneth Rogoff. It's on bookshop.org and, of course, on the Evil Empire website. It's all in the title, which is an ironic quoting of people who say what bubble-istas always say - what AI people are saying right now.
what if your doppelganger loved being you more than you ever loved being yourself. they're better at being you and everyone loves them and it feels almost selfish to want your life back. i want clone horror but the horror is that the thing trying to replace you is also the person you always wanted to be.
Did I just employ the "Treat Them Like You are A Kindergarten Teacher Again" method with my insurance company today? I surely did. Did it work? Probably better than intended because I made an actual doctor feel contrite.
So, my insurance has been trying to not cover my SNRI because it is new on the market and no generic available yet, so pricey.
I apply for a refill and the request gets locked for review. Again. For the 3rd time.
This time I call and immediately ask to speak to the actual doctor making these clinical decisions. Very politely. Must be a slow day because they allow it.
ME: [Teacher voice] I'm calling in regards to the SNRI you have placed a lock on. Why was this decision made?
DOC: Well, there are dozens of other medications on the market in that tier, and far cheaper for you and [insurer]. We have sent a request to your doctor to consider alternatives.
ME: I am aware of that. So, can you do me a HUGE favor and look up my prescription history really quickly and tell me how many SSRIs and SNRIs were only filled once in 2022 for me, showing they were poorly tolerated?
DOC: It looks like eight.
ME: Great job! Now, can you please look at my genetic test for psychiatric drug tolerance and tell me how many medications are listed in the safe category?
DOC: Two.
ME: Awesome! Now, can you tell me what type that other drug is that I'm not taking?
DOC: Yeah, totally, it's an MAOI.
ME: That's correct, you're really knowledgeable! Should I be taking something as dangerous as an MAOI with my other medications, or even just in general?
DOC: It's contraindicated for sure.
ME: It is! So true! So, last question since you've been incredibly smart and helpful. Is it less expensive for [insurer] to pay out for the medication knowing they already get a huge manufacturer discount anyway, or is it more expensive for them to pay for me to need potentially long-term inpatient psychiatric care?
DOC: I'll clear the code, ma'am and flag it as medically necessary. I'm sorry about this.
ME: I appreciate you SO MUCH. You have a great day now.
WALGREENS PHARMACY TECH WITH 5 NOSE RINGS AND PURPLE HAIR STARING AT ME: ........... OKAY! It'll be ready in five minutes. You wanna come work here?
Bookseller: Finished already?
Belle: Oh, I couldn't put it down. Have you got anything new?
Bookseller: [laughing] Not since yesterday.
Belle: That's all right. I'll borrow... this one!
Bookseller: That one? But you've read it twice!
Belle: Well, it's my favorite! Far off places, daring sword fights, magic spells, a prince in disguise!
Bookseller: If you like it all that much, it's yours.
If you listened to transphobes, you might assume that the whole concept of “separate toilets for women” was designed with women’s safety in mind - and it was, but not in the way you might think.
Gender-segregated bathrooms emerged in the late nineteenth century and early twentieth century (so around the time women were entering the workforce in greater numbers in the US and Europe). But the idea behind that wasn’t rooted in empowerment or feminism:
Women were seen as fragile and weak. Public spaces (and especially higher education or the workforce) were considered unsuitable for women. So, it was believed women needed separate “restrooms”, assuming they might faint due to their naturally "delicate" health.
Separate bathrooms limited women’s access to education, work, and public life. This may seem counterintuitive at first glance, so let me explain: women’s restrooms were often located inconveniently… subtly discouraging women from staying in public spaces for extended periods. This was not about women’s safety, but about men wanting control over women.
In Victorian ideals, women were supposed to be modest and “pure”, and this meant that they had to occupy distinctly different spaces than men . Separate bathrooms were a way of reinforcing their “proper” roles in society, emphasizing that their “real” place is in the home rather than in public or professional spaces.
The argument that we need “women only” bathrooms to protect women is not rooted in history or evidence. They were born out of sexism, not safety.
i thought the “this is the face that launched a thousand ships, although now it would maybe be five-hundred.” line was just an internet joke but apparently that's a line Menelaus actually says in Nolan's Odyssey??
Not only that the language itself sounds straight out of a marvel forcibly funny haha moment, but Menelaus? The Menelaus who all thoughout human history, from Homer, to Sappho, to Euripides, to Virgil, to Shakespeare, to Brooke, to Barth; from Classical vases to Medieval poetry to Reinessance art, has been known as the man whose sword fell from his hands at the sight of his wife after 10 years apart?
"What joy for me to hold my wife" Menelaus?
"He flung the sword away, and kissed her feet" Menelaus?
"I believe all. I understand nothing. I love you" Menelaus?
"I have no fault to find; my wife, he daughter of Zeus and Leda, is mine again, she whom her brothers on their snow-white steeds, whilst torches blazed, made my happy bride, but gods removed her from my home." Menelaus?
The Menelaus who was picked out of the suitors by Helen herself? The Menelaus who couldn't kill a begging Trojan so his brother had to do it for him? The Menelaus who rescued Odysseus and got out Patroclus' body? The Menelaus who volounteered to fight Paris one on one so everybody could go home? Who kept expressing his guilt about himself being the cause of war through every assembly he spoke at in the Iliad? Who after 10 years away at Troy, took his wife through a 7-year long journey at sea back home, where he reinstated her as the queen of Sparta? Who wept like a child in front of Telemachus recalling the war and his brother and all the friends he lost and the only consolation being his wife' gentle hand on his?
You want me to believe that man scarred Helen's face and called her only worth half the ships because of it?
I'm actually physically sick just thinking about it.
there are a lot of really good ancient roman laws but i think my favorite is that, if you got struck by lightening and died, you couldnt have a proper burial because it meant that the gods hated you
I pulled my sister in law for the family holiday gift swap this year and I'm vibrating with excitement. I've been wanting to get her for years. she's the most basic woman I've ever met and I mean that with admiration that borders on fear. Her house is full of inspirational quotes in cursive. Her bathroom has a "Lashes Long Coffee Strong" poster and she doesn't even drink coffee. Her makeup is Did. Her hair is Did. She is fashionably tipsy at every occasion. She sells bougie wine for a living and brings a hair curler with her on vacation. She is the maximalist luxury target consumer for literally everything. I am obsessed with her the way a gay man is obsessed with Liza Minelli. I would buy her a pink rhinestone car with lashes on the headlights if it wasn't a bit outside the secret santa spending limit.
Ideas I've had so far:
A gold plated wine opener with her name engraved on it
some kind of classy-but-cunty Christmas decor. Something chi-chi and sparkly that's giving "oh, it's Christmas, bitch"
one of those instax mini cameras in a color like "blossom pink" because you know this diva scrapbooks
those little bone china Tiffany's cups that are made to look like cheap disposable paper cups but they're Tiffany blue and they say "Tiffany's" on them (because you know this diva is obsessed with Tiffany's)
a Swarovski birthstone bracelet because you know this diva actually gives a shit about her birthstone
I hope none of this comes off as sarcastic because if my kidneys were gold and made by Louis Vuitton I'd give her one of those. This woman is delightful and friendly and warm and organizes the family photo with an air of command fit for a British naval commodore. She is more self-actualized than me, she is happier than me, her chi is clean, and she still talks about her quinceañera. Her wedding was "Tuscan-themed." How do I please this perfect angel. What should be my tribute
