PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@louisleftankle
nothing in the world makes me more evil than just being kind of annoyed
me when i'm in genuine agonising distress: i'm so sorry if i'm bothering you with my childish histrionics :/
me when i'm just in a bit of a bad mood: i hope hydrogen bombs fall on every living thing in the universe
StopNCII.org isĀ operated by the Revenge Porn Helpline which is part of SWGfL, a charity that believes that everyone should benefit from technology, free from harm. Founded in 2000, SWGfL works with a number of partners and stakeholders around the world to protect everyone online
Sounds legit
StopNCII.org is operated by the Revenge Porn Helpline which is part of SWGfL, a charity that believes that all should benefit from technolog
I just had a moment where i thought to myself āif i met myself when i was younger i would be kind to her. Hug her and keep her safe at all costs and try and cheer her up.ā
Then another thought hit me: āwhy donāt i do that for myself now? Why do i have such disdain for the person i am now, but nothing but love and patience for the person i was? What is the difference?ā
And i feel like i should continue reminding myself that until i realize, truly, that there is no difference between the two. I should have just as much patience and acceptance for the me sitting here today as i do for that little girl.
Reblog to kill it faster
If you like the wordĀ āqueerā reblog.
#fun umbrella. we r all sitting under it like the big rainbow thing in elementary school gym class
Behold: the queer community
everyone shut up and look at this
if i was very little i could live inside your tote bag and use your rumpled up receipts as blankets. have you thought about that
you're just mad that my presence is haunting and offputting and yours isn't
tumblr should have a feature where mutuals can manifest unannounced in your house
wait are there really new people joining this site. i thought it was a hoax.
Congratulations, that's the vibe
This^^^
This!Ā
AO3 offer a comfortable, no payment, ad-free service in exchange for donations specifically to KEEP THE WEBPAGE UP AND RUNNING and people still complain?!
youāre invited to kick my ass!Ā
date: any day (preferably soon) time: anytime (again, as soon as possible) place: anywhere rsvp: not even necessary! just show up whenever & wherever i am and start swinging
Adventure Time episodes will be called shit like "This World Is An Illusion And Soon We Will All Be Gone" and then the plot is just Finn n Jake helping PB hit monsters with sticks or something
Adventure Time episodes will be called shit like "Bungus" and then the plot is an old man only tangentially connected to the main characters will reflect on their life and their regrets before finally coming to terms with the tragedy that once consumed them and dying peacefully
Thats the weirdest erotic sentence iāve read all month
this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life
You donāt really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex.
DO A BARREL ROLL
#in all my years of reading fic i have never encountered a sentence this terribleĀ #did he just say that his dick smacked EVERY MUSCLE in her body except you know her vagina?Ā #like I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CHEEK I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE SHOULDER I'MMA SMACK YOU IN THE CALFĀ #what is your dick doing??Ā #how do you think sex works morrissey??
Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breastsĀ doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere?Ā Let alone across a manās mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the worldās most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS???
ā¦ guys
ā¦.. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this? āHE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.ā
ā¦ I mean. Comparativelyā¦
Like, in My Immortal, itās at least implied he knows where heās supposed to put it. Itās very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but thatās better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts. So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better.
@master-of-strings
OK so Iām sure people are aware of this, but just in case youāre not: there is an annualĀ āawardā given every year by the Literary Review for bad sex scenes in fiction. The above entry (sorry) by Morrissey won this illustrious award in 2015 (and yes, he threw a massive tantrum about it, because heās Morrissey):
The best part of this is that the 2016 nominations were just announced, and OH BOY, there are some absolute crackers this year:
And in case anyone is interested, these are some of the entries that Morrissey beat to the top prize last year:
I agree. We are spoilt by fanfiction.Ā
I donāt know who to laugh at more, the guy having an existential crisis before getting a blowjob or the one going, āMmm. Papaya. Much more arousing than this nonsense.ā
I will never fear about my porn again.
GO BACK TO SONGWRITING MORRISSEY
If I ever write anything this atrocious, please, someone, anyone, smack me upside the head.
Come, sonny boy
@sephet everything in this post is gold.
On days when I look at my writing and worry I have failedā¦ I have not failed as hard as these people. jfc
If youāre wondering who won for 2020, the answer is nobody.
Bad sex award cancelled as publicĀ exposed toĀ ātoo many bad things in 2020ā²
I am cryingš¤£
Every time the Bad Sex Writing topic comes up, I just want to throw a party for all my fellow fanfic writers. Luke, seriously, there really IS worse writing out there, so donāt be so hard on yourself!
its so shiddy when u have to convince yourself to do your hobbies. like, its fun, you like it, why cant you just do it. do it. do it. but what if.... mindless media consumption instead....
im so sorry to the seven thousand of you so far who relate
the only reason cops are at pride now is to intimidate gay people into not making it a riot again and i will stand by that fact until the day i die
If the occasion should arise and I attend a pride festival, I would also like it to not become a riot.
imagine being this guy
arent they there? to stop any attacks from the anti lgbt groups?? yknow the ones that ALWAYS gather there???
contrary to what this newer generation of lgbt people think, cops are a new addition to prides. only within the past 10/20 years have they actually startedĀ āprotectingā pride. aka standing around and intimidating the general public. historically, lgbt people have protected ourselves and eachother during pride events. from police in a lot of cases actually. ive been to pride events where the anti lgbt protesters were the ones being āprotectedā from the pride crowdā¦ the cops arent there for us. theyre there to boost the image of the police force and make us think they care. the only people who feel safe around cops are the classes that they are meant to protect and people who are uneducated about police. (theres a heavy overlap as well.)Ā you may feel safe around cops but many people do not. theyre literally dogs to the upper class.Ā
2018 Baltimore pride was crashed by terfs who marched with the cops. pigs protected them.
In hamilton ontario the cops let neo nazis attack people and said they didnt help because people didnt want them there
I was at NYC Pride a couple of years ago and a massive section of the main route was completely dedicated to cops. The sight of a prison bus driving by with rainbow flags on it made me sick. That was the year that Toronto Pride asked the police not to bring guns to pride. And so the NYPD invited them to our parade, marching through and proudly brandishing their guns. Back at the Stonewall Inn, people who were protesting the commercialization of Pride were beaten by police. I used to buy some of what the commenters above are saying about protection, but after seeing all of that Pride needs to be anti cop.
my town in CT has an annual, family-friendly Pride In The Park event where theres stuff like drag queen story time, stalls for lgbtq artists to sell their art, face painting, etc. and itās all very chill and friendly. literally the most tame, relaxed event ever. two years ago the banner at the front of the event was vandalized with homophobic slurs the night before the event, and the organizers decided to independently check the security cam footage before calling the copsā¦and guess who vandalized the banner! take a wild goddamn guess who sprayed the f slur directly over the words ākids welcomeā on this community-funded sign at this community event. it was an off-duty cop from the same unit that was scheduled to show up the next day āfor the eventās protectionā.
In 2015, cops beat up a MÄori trans woman, breaking her arm during pride in Auckland. She, among others were peacefully protesting the police & corrections presence at pride, with banners that said āno Pride in prisonsā. She wasnāt arrested, but a person who filmed the incident was.
Uniformed Police have since been banned from Auckland Pride marches since 2018/2019.
The police are not & never have been there to protect us.
So you donāt have to watch the video every time you need one of these hacks immediately:
1. If you feel nauseated, smell rubbing alcohol.ļæ¼
2. If you feel like throwing up, start humming.
3. If you have a runny nose, put your tongue to the roof of your mouth and press your thumb to your forehead for about 20 seconds.ļæ¼ļæ¼
4. If you have a headache, pinch the webbing between your fingersļæ¼ and rub it back and forth for about 1 minute.
5. If youāre lightheaded from standing up too quickly, clench your butt cheeksļæ¼.
6. If your armās dead/has the pins and needles feeling, rock your head back and forth.
7. If you need to pee badly, think of sex to trick your brain and relieve the pressure.ļæ¼
8. If you have a migraine, stick your hands in ice water.ļæ¼
9. If you wanna calm your racing heart, blow on your thumb.ļæ¼
If youāre lightheaded while standing up, opening and closing your fists is also something to do. Also try stretching before getting up!
(These are vasovagal syncope tricks, to get the blood pumping where it should be)
Thanks for adding another hack!
I used the humming one when I randomly started dry heaving today, and that shit worked so fast!šš¼
