after splitting up from your old band from sudden disagreements and confused feelings, you thought it was best to go solo and focus on your own desired dreams, a year of no contact goes by and you're now the upcoming star of the industry, not only are you a dj but a singer and rapper all in one, it looks like your old bandmates are proud of the star you've grown to be, and got to see you perform.
MDNI 18+ avoidant reader, reader suffers with depression, commitment issues, heavily implied mental health issues.
inspired by the song constantly (it's been on repeat since it came out which caused a little scenario in my head, also i love tiffany day, could be an opener to a series idea!)
pairing หหห jjk!bandmates x rockstar!avoidant reader
you had a show tonight for your new release that dropped, and you were nervous as hell but you were excited to finally be able to perform it. your friend was featured on the song and he was happy to be able to perform alongside you, since this was one of his favorite songs. you've been in a bad spot mentally, so music was what helped you, this album is what kept you on your toes.
you dropped your debut album a few months ago and just now decided it was time for a deluxe, people loved the album so much so of course a deluxe was due. but the question is, are you really satisfied? all the shows, all the time writing, all the time producing your own sound, is it worth it? it's all you've ever wanted, so why does it feel like something's missing? before you could continue something took you out of your train of thought.
"you ready to rock on, y/n?" your friend asked, hair slicked back in a ponytail, sweat coming down his face due to the lack of ac in the dressing room.
you stayed silent for a minute, then finally you took a deep breath while looking into the mirror.
"hell yeah, let's do this"
"i wonder who's performing tonight guys, i'm sooooo pumped!" gojo said, practically jumping up and down in the crowd.
"maybe if you shut up, you'll know satoru" sukuna growled out, clearly over his shenanigans
"how dare you kuna, i'll have you know it's okay to have a little joy in your life!" gojo fired back at him
"children, i'm friends with a bunch of children" suguru muttered out quietly.
"at least i know when to shut the hell up" toji finally added
"who asked you to join in the conversation, old man?" gojo scoffed but there wasn't any real bite behind it, at least not yet.
"the hell did you just say?" toji was ready to throw the first punch at the white haired troll.
"guys hush, i think it's starting.." choso calmly said, but the group knew he meant it.
the group instantly dropped their petty arguments to the side and looked directly at the stage, after a few seconds they see a girl come on the stage with a guy, what seems to be her friend. she seemed to be nervous by the way her palms were sweaty, taking a few deep breaths into the mic, and looking at her friend for approval to begin, but as soon as she started speaking, the voice started to sound real familiar.
"choso, start fucking recording right now"
as soon as the beat starts, you start to sing after a few breaths, you looked directly into the crowd, you looked different the boys thought, you have this new type of stage confidence, as soon as you started to sing it was like nothing mattered but what you're feeling right at this moment, what you could've been feeling for the past year, since you've parted ways, you're like a complete ghost to them, only difference is that ghost is standing right in front of them, they wanted to actually pay attention to the lyrics, which is why they look so determined, intrigued even.
it's been on my mind constantly
when you say your congrats, never know what to say back anymore
wish you could've been there honestly
cause how i'm supposed to act like we both picked up the tickets at the door?
i've been in my head probably a couple hundred times
when you smile, i can't tell if you're for surะต
wish we could've got therะต, honestly, i wish it didn't end
when you left, there was always something more
i know i'm not a saint, i let down people that i love
and i don't pin the blame on you or me, we just grew up
but god, it's such a shame that we don't talk anymore
the more you sang, the more you started to let yourself feel the lyrics, because the lyrics are targeted, the song is targeted, it's such a shame that you don't talk anymore, but who's fault was that? only you have yourself to blame, you figured if you left, you'd get better, but it only turned out to be the opposite.
you swore you could feel their presence cutting into your skin like a blade that wasn't finished with the job, gojo swears he can see a tear drop from your face, that's when they knew, oh how they knew... this song was about them.
your friend jumped in for his part, you grabbed your guitar and started to play it loud for the crowd, this was your way of letting your emotions fly, you forgot about the people, the stage, you could only hear your thoughts getting louder and you so desperately needed to let go.
you played the guitar with more intensity, more emotion, less control, and people started to notice, they started to notice, they always did.
"do you really think, this is about us?" satoru breathed out, anxious but also amazed by your performance, but clearly concerned about you nearly crying.
"there's no other explanation, it has to be, right?" suguru bit on his bottom lip out of nervousness, also concerned with the state you're in and no one seems to notice but them.
"is that even a good thing if it is about us?" toji folded his arms, biceps flexing by the sudden movement, sweat dripping down his face from the crowd being so bunched up together.
the others stayed silent after that, because they all knew they couldn't answer that head on, confusion and unsolved problems is to blame for it.
it's been on my mind co-co-constantly when you say that ( Go-go-go-go-go-go-go)
it's been on my mind conโ co-constantly (Go-go-go-go-go-go-go)
it's been on my mind co-co-constantly when you say that (Go-go-go-go-go-go-go)
it's been on my mind co-co-constantโ (Go-go-go-go-go-go-go)
the song came to an end but you were still going, you wanted to stop but you couldn't, the fans screamed louder for you, they were eating it up, it was electric, it was euphoric to them, but to you it's a never ending cycle that you couldn't control.
the harder you went, the more tears demanded to pour out, and the only thing you could think about was how things used to be, how things should've been, how things had to end.
turu: congratulations on your album pretty girl, we're so proud of you. ๐
sugu: it's not the same without you, i hope you know that.
you: i'm sure you're surviving just fine
ji: you don't talk to us anymore, i get wanting to do your own thing, but damn.
you: i just don't know what to say anymore
cho: hey, i know you've been going through a lot lately so i just wanted to see if you were okay, i miss you, we miss you, y/n.
kuna (asshole): quit being a brat and talk to us... please?
kuna (asshole): look... i actually do miss you, i just want you to talk to us, i'm going crazy without you here.
all the memories started to flow at you all at once, the good, the bad, and you didn't know how to stop it, but you let the guitar finally fade out, and after a deep long breath you locked eyes with the crowd, everyone was to stunned to speak, and so were they, because they were looking at you like you hung the stars, you locked eyes with every single last one of them, for a minute it was a staring contest, who was going to break first both parties thought.
you then spotted choso's camera, the one sukuna told him to start recording with, so you did the only reasonable thing to do. you smiled at the camera, smug, like you had a point to prove, and you were going to make sure they got the message one way or another.
"i think i'm going to shit myself"
"i think i beat you to that ..."
"she's so pretty... that was something"
"i have no words... did i just imagine that or did she just lock eyes with us?"
"definitely about us then holy shit...."
another silent moment was caught, and the fans screamed out and clapped for you, and you stood there smiling, right at them, bathing in the moment, message received am i right?
