ika

Craving summer evenings, sad literature, tears and love. I'm open for kind suggestions for improvement and kind corrections :) Be kind.

[lovesicksummer]

"We're not sexy, either, sitting on our beds in our underwear. For some reason it's important to me to make that clear. Maybe because I don't want you to see; the gaze on the naked body is so difficult."

from 'Girls Against God' by Jenny Hval

[lovesicksummer]

I keep my nails painted red, hoping I can get used to the color of blood. I watch my father play with kittens and I always wonder where this gentleness comes from, and how it stays for so long. I watch the TV with my family only to feel less alone, since the sound of the show fills every hole I can't get rid of. I purposely scratch mosquito bites to keep myself distracted from thinking too much for too long. I feel pathetic and often want to die. Passing days feel longer and dull, a feeling which transfers into my soul, making me feel older. I sigh at every beautiful cloud and gasp at every color that covers the sky differently.

Life's been confusing and people expect too much. I just want a peaceful life, a calm life.

[lovesicksummer]

"I know you can't understand why I cry for the loss of a mortal."

"I don't need to understand ", whispers Ares in my ear. "All I need to know is that you are sad, and I can be your strength until the sadness leaves."

["The Taming of Ares" by EMLathrop on Wattpad]

[lovesicksummer]

This is summer, this is a cool, warm breeze. This makes life good.

[lovesicksummer]

may arrived

she hugged me along with her flowers and whispered everything is fine

may is here and life makes sense again

may, may, may, may, may, may, may, may, may;

[lovesicksummer]

This year I decided to reread my favorite books, listen to songs I liked (and still like) and I decided to do stuff I used to do. I want to realive memories that were destroyed, telling myself it was not something weird to like nor to do. I'll go to cafes because they're not boring and I'll take long walks because they are not boring either. I'll watch ghibli movies and bake bread instead of something sweet even though I could "buy it in the supermarket". I'll take hundreds of pictures of the same sky and the same city and from every flower I see and I'll enjoy them everytime I look at them! Nothing that I did was "cringe" or "boring". We were just different. I decided to enjoy life quietly and you decided to enjoy life loudly. At least we both enjoyed life, that was something we had in common. And that is something everyone should appreciate!

[lovesicksummer]

"What a mysterious thing madness is. I have watched patients whose lips are forever sealed in a perpetual silence. They live, breathe, eat; the human form is there, but that something, which the body can live without, but which cannot exist without the body, was missing. I have wondered if behind those sealed lips there were dreams we ken not of, or if it was all blank?"

Ten Days in a Mad-House, Nellie Bly

[lovesicksummer]

winter came and I love it but also hate it. freezing cold morning when walking to school, but then there is this crisp air and colorful skies and when you have a warm drink in your hand after a cold walk through snow. winter makes you freeze so the warmth inside is being recognized.

[lovesicksummer]

I love clementines and figs. I love autumn.

[lovesicksummer]

I don't really think we especially need to have a favorite season. I thought mine was summer, since last year's summer felt like the sunset paints the water just crystal clear and everything felt just fine. This year's summer failed me, so I seeked comfort in autumn and I can't wait to know what winter and spring have for me.

I loved last year's summer, but I fell in love with this year's autumn.

[lovesicksummer]

Our times (2015)

[lovesicksummer]

when people ask me what my favorite movie is I say it's ,whisper of the heart' from ghibli studio. but then there is from up on poppy hill, porco rosso, kiki's delivery service, the wind rises, howls moving castle, ponyo, my neighbor totoro, the secret world of arrietty, ocean waves and many more. next time someone asks me what my favorite movie is I'll just say it's ghibli. my favorite movie is ghibli.

[seravph]

I miss when things used to be a bit ugly…. That’s when people had so much fun… now everyone is beautiful and untouchable and boring and sterilized…. Maybe fashion was weird back in the day and no one took proper care of their skin n whatever but at least people were having fun, at least people tried to be original and weird and fun instead of just being online . Maybe Sumtimes U have 2 go out on a summer day and have so much fun that u forgot to reapply sunscreen…. Maybe that’s what life is about ! Hmm….

[lovesicksummer]

We are sitting in the bus and you asked me if I wanted one of your headphones. I gladly took one and put it in my ear. A little smile appears on my lips. Gosh, I love that you love listening to Tomorrow X Together. Sharing this with you feels way too intimate.

I look outside the window and see everything moving by. City's are their own little world. Happens so much so fast. With you it's too fast, but it's worth it. I just hope time could slow down and the sun could just stay away a little longer when it sets.

The summer breeze kissed the trees outside and I could feel it almost reaching my skin too. Our skin. There were two stops left and our ways will be separated, but it was okay. Summer kept us always together and we knew it.

- ika.

[lovesicksummer]

songs where time slows down:

child by mark

chamber of reflection by mac demarco

lovememore. by dosii

ghosting by txt

the louvre by lorde

barefoot by summer soul

childhood by sunmi

mirror by shye

ivy by frank ocean

hard feelings by lorde

valley of lies by txt ft. ian dior

19 by stray kids

still with you by jungkook

fairy of shampoo by dosii

airport goodbyes by the black skirts X wendy

you by the 1975

sommergewitter by pashanim

dont by eAeon ft. RM

everything by the black skirts

buenos aires by nathy peluso

honest by jeremy zucker

way home by txt

wonder by adoy (cover of beomgyu)

[lovesicksummer]

Summer started. There is the heating sun and the cool evenings. The little sunburn on people's noses and the laughter at night. School ended but now it seems like I'm more busy than ever. There's plenty of books I want to read, plenty of evenings I want to go swimming and a lot of ice cream trucks to run after. But time is going fast and we are growing up. Soon we will be making money out of the books we less liked and the ice cream truck will be too far away from us.

Soon "we" will become "I".

- ika.

[lovesicksummer]

It's the first summer day and we were at the school rooftop. It was late. The sunset started and the sky became more than blue. I felt an unidentified feeling, I wasn't sad but it was a type of sadness. It was a mixture of some nostalgic blue feelings.

We wanted to runaway, we ended up here. But it was enough to forget what really happend at home. You were next to me and you had your eyes closed, I closed them for some seconds to see what you could be feeling right now. I realized the cool breeze sounded beautiful.

"Will it be worth it?" You asked. I opened my eyes and yours were already open. You were staring at the sky.

"We can say we tried. And it's not like we aren't going to see each other ever again, right? What can we loose with trying?" I said. You could find sadness in my voice. I found it in your eyes.

"This." You looked at me and I looked back. You showed me a sad smile.

"It's probably the best. We have to follow what our heart wants, right? If everyone says it, it might mean something, don't you think?" Suddenly I feel an unsure feeling. I will miss you, alot.

"Everyone also says friendships do not last forever. They tear apart, naturally. I do not want that to happen to us."

The sky has a hint of purple now. It looks beautiful. You look beautiful.

"If we can manage to keep this going, it will not tear apart. We will still have plenty of days were we will have to runaway. And I do not think someone else will understand this feeling. Neither do we." You smiled.

But deep down we knew, this would be the last time we see each other.

- ika.