Seeing people I know and like using AI is making me understand the protagonists of those old time sci fi dystopia's.
"Oh I don't normally use AI, I just wanted it to plan my trip"
You lived on this planet for decades, you know what you like, there are hundreds of websites where you can type into any search engine " things to do in [area]" and have at least a hundred different options.
"Oh I only use it so I can figure out what to make during the week with what I have"
The most popular website as you type in "recipes" into google have sections where you click dinner- quick and easy and those usually rely on staples + 1 or 2 items. I found 30 recipes on chicken alone.
"I had a writing idea, so I typed a few sentences into Chat GPT and I was able to write 20 pages with it."
For those of you who aren't familiar, I live in an exceptionally flammable part of the United States, and despite the fact that every goddamn year multiple parts of my state catch fire, destroy homes and kill people, the local assholes insist on getting drunk and setting fire to a bunch of illegal explosives anyway.
In 2023, God granted me a Miracle that prevented my house from burning down.
Last year, I had to resort to Psychological and Chemical Warfare to keep the patriotic arsonists at bay.
This year is apparently An Important Birthday for the clusterfuck we have the nerve to call a nation, so despite the fact there is so much smoke in the air that the sun has literally been blood red for the last week, the pyrotechnic fetishists are out in force.
Last year, I hit upon the concept that if my neighbors were going to act like problem animals, it would make sense to use the management techniques on them that you might use on say, a Bear that was doing serious property damage. Thusly, I created The Stench, a nontoxic but FOUL smelling concoction that I could discretely spray around the flammable gatherings and render the area extremely uncomfortable to occupy for the rest of the night, forcing them to give up or move on.
If this seems harsh:
There is no story from 2024 because a grass fire was started by fireworks less than 12 miles from me and the high winds put me in the evacuation zone in under an hour.
Over fifty people lost their homes.
Errant fireworks burning my house down is a very real possibility, and I pay the price in anxiety and insurance premiums.
The Stench is noxious but harmless, and also very effective at building a buffer zone around my home. But sneaking up to parties on foot in this heat is both exhausting and nerve-wracking. There have to be more effective ways to do this
-And there is!
It involves Weeds and Business Cards :)
All of this spring, I've been battling Bindweed and my City Code Enforcement Officers.
The city code people have been professional, but the truth is that one of my neighbors is calling them on use because one of my housemates is transgender. It's extremely grating to get these notices, having to explain repeatedly that I *AM* working on the weed situation, I just have a heart condition and No Money. It's also deeply paranoia-inducing to know that the city is regularly coming by and photographing my house.
The Solution to the Bindweed is 1 gallon of high-concentration vinegar, half a cup of Borax, a quarter cup of salt, and a couple tablespoons of dish soap. Get one of those weed sprayers from a hardware store and mix it up in there. Spray it on your thistles, bindweed, kudzu, garlic mustard or whatever your local herbaceous invasive is on a day with bright sunlight, and in a few hours the entire part of the plant above the soil is Deceased. It's non-toxic to insects, pets and wildlife (just wait a few months before trying to plant anything in the area for the traces to wash out).
The only real downside to this stuff is that it smells HEINOUS.
Sure, The Stench is nauseating, but WeedFucker 5000 is genuinely painful to inhale. Again, it wont hurt people- even my asthmatic housemates can use the stuff- but boy howdy it sure smells toxic. I've got the ingredients for about 40 gallons of WeedFucker 5000 prepared and ready to go.
I've also got a disposable hazmat suit, rubber boots and gloves, respirator, goggles and a shitty little golf cart from the free section of craigslist to haul my shit around in.
I also have Business Cards!
See, the very nice officers from the City Code department left some Very Nice business cards so that I may contact them about "the fucking bindweed is gone, get off my back".
So I scanned the business card into my computer, fired up Clip Studio, and made my own business cards. I've turned my City's Abstract Triangle Logo into an Eye of Providence and the slogan of "E Pluribus Unum" to "E Plurbis Anus", Changed my city's name to a dumb pun, and stated the card originates from "The Department Of Public Nuisances".
Crucially, where the name and contact information of the real city employee has been replaced with the name and business email of the neighbor who has been bragging on facebook about calling the city code department on my home because he hates my housemate :)
It looks, at a glance, very much like the business cards of city employees. If you look at it for like 5 seconds though, there's no way it could be mistaken for the real thing.
I've printed out 500 of these bad boys and will have them on hand as I, a put-upon employee, am forced to work overtime on a national holiday doing weed mitigation, because my boss can't manage deadlines for shit.
You're mad about it? I've been out here since 5 AM! But if we don't finish by the deadline we lose the contract and I could get fired. You know what the economy is.
Here, this is my Boss's Business card- how about you send him an email about how this has ruined your barbecue?
It's golden hour now, so I'm Suiting Up and preparing to embark on some civil service in the form of Noxious Weed Eradication, and by coincidence, Fire Mitigation.
I'll report back later Tonightđ«Ą
(If you'd like to support your local disabled storyteller in their Acts Of Public Service, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or supporting me on Patreon)
Well.
It's not quite an hour into July 5th.
I am very tired, may have destroyed my sense of smell, and am not sure if I'm proud of or VERY disappointed in my fellow citizens.
On one hand: FAR fewer fireworks parties this year!
- Only nine to last year's thirteen
- three of them had the good sense to be firing their recreational explosives out over the local reservoir
- That's far from foolproof
- and really bad for the fish
- also y'all are RIGHT NEXT to where the Bald Eagles are nesting
- but congratulations on at least attempting some risk mitigation!
On the other hand.
Absolutely NOBODY questioned why the hell I was out spraying weeds.
- In a Hazmat Suit (technically it's a coverall for painting rooms, which is much more breathable, but looks the part)
- In a Residential Area
- After Dark
- On a Federal Holiday
Like I'm glad I didn't get into a fight or something, but like.
I was Ready.
I had that conversation locked and loaded.
I MADE BUSINESS CARDS.
...But instead of Very Reasonably asking What The Fuck I Was Doing, the crowds at these parties saw me (5'0" flat, potato-shaped, sweating profusely) trundling up on the slowest and least-intimidating motor vehicle in the county*, hanging a bit out the side to spray thistles and bindweed on the streets and sidewalks**, and instead of raising a rival stink, I was instead greeted by some derisive muttering and a couple of "OH COME ON!"s, but the groups dispersed and retreated indoors or at least away from the general direction of my home.
*Like genuinely, I think Barbie's Dream Car has more horsepower than this golf cart. This thing doesn't have horsepower. It doesn't even have ponypower. It's running on duckpower. It waddles, something I didn't know a wheeled vehicle could do.
**Actually completely legal and a welcome community service in my city. Thank you Neighbor Barbara for telling me the exact part of city code that details what civilians are allowed to do about weeds on public roads, which is apparently "LOTS". Theoretically I could bill the city for my time tonight.
Do people not know how to Make A Scene anymore?
I was absolutely sure I was going to get filmed and shit thrown at me, or someone would call the cops. My beloved was terrified I was going to get shot. I at least had ONE woman shout "YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!" at me, which isn't quite as good as being told I'm ruining Christmas, but she said it with a genuinely heartwarming anguish while gesturing to a homemade "HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!!" banner, with an attempt at rendering The Evil Orange that as so enthusiastically yet talentlessly executed I almost stopped to get a picture of it. He looked like he'd been put in a wafflemaker.
I promised my beloved that I would turn around and come home at midnight, and I did, having eliminated every fireworks party and Scottish thistle in a five-block radius despite the lackadaisical maximum speed of my Steel Steed.
The complete lack of protest is honestly shocking to me. My flabbers are completely gasted. I waddled home on the golf cart in a sort of stunned silence that this HAS worked so well. The whole world is almost eerily quiet, and reeking of vinegar.
...Which is maybe why I didn't notice the cop pulling up beside me at a red light until he rolled down his window and leaned out at me.
"WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'?" He asked, in a voice that could be used as a foghorn in emergencies.
I probably would have jumped were I not currently melting into a semblance of the Chernobyl Elephant's Foot in the heat, which was the first thing that saved me.
The second was the voice of my Grandfather, coming to my aid through decades of generational memory, to tell me his words of wisdom, usually spoken right before doing something wildly inadvisable:
The Age Of Miracles Is Not Yet Over.
"Weed Mitigation!" I called back.
"CHRIST ON A BIKE, THEY GOT YOU GUYS WORKING THE HOLIDAY TOO?" He said, in the same fontissimo as before. Apparently Officer Foghorn just talks like this.
"Yep." I nodded.
"SHIT." He blared in solidarity. "WHEN DO YOU GET OFF?"
"Just finished."
"MOTHERFUCKER. THEY GOT ME OUT HERE UNTIL GODDAMN 5 AM." Officer Foghorn whined in THX.
"Shit." I commiserated.
The light turned green.
"ALRIGHT YOU GET HOME SAFE! GOD BLESS!" He waved, and drove off at something significantly above the speed limit, and I trundled on home.
I must have still looked shocked when I came in, because My Beloved immediately got up to hug me and ask if I was alright.
"The Age Of Miracles Is Not Yet Over." I nodded slowly as the animals all battered me about the legs for attention. "...For real though, absolutely nothing happened."
"What?" he squints, wobbling slightly as Charlie tries to shove him aside for better access to me. "That's... Is it weird to say I'm almost disappointed?"
"I mean, I confirmed that I inherited my Grandfather's supernatural ability to get out of trouble for no good reason, but we knew that from the code enforcement people." I shrugged. Selene finally noticed the smell of vinegar and retched in disapproval.
"How about a shower and some Ice cream?" My Beloved suggests.
So now it is July the 5th.
- My house is not ablaze
- There are four medium-sized carnivores sleeping on me
- I am freshly bathed
- and I have a pint of Americone Dream all to myself
Here's to you, your health and your happiness, and a reminder to go make good trouble. Goodnight all.
---
(If you enjoy reading about my adventures (and the occasional curious non-adventure) I'd appreciate it if you could tip me on Ko-Fi. Apparently my Patreon link is fucked but it's basically 1 in the morning and I can't be arsed.)
Clean Sweep by @theburialofstrawberries | 29K | Shaneâs brain cycled rapidly through a half-dozen celebrities, porn actors, Grindr profiles, every attractive bartender whoâd ever served him a beer, trying to find a comparison for this level of outrageously concentrated beauty in one person, but he was drawing a blank. The manâIlya Rozanov, Facilities Attendant, his badge readâgestured around the supply closet. âI help you find something?â| I'm pretty sure everyone and their mother has already read this, because it spread like wildfire through my circle...if you have been living under a rock, somehow, this is a canon-divergent AU set during the 2017-18 MLH season. Shane is Shane and Ilya is a janitor. This is totally going to be a classic in the fandom! So, SO good. Amazing characterisation and I love how the author remixed the main beats of canon and all the slight and big changes in this AU really work.
Don't stop believing (hold on to that feeling) | 33K | A series of vignettes following Shane's relationship with music through the medium of karaoke, set along the timeline of his relationship with Ilya.| I urge you to give this fic a chance, because going on the summary alone I honestly was very sceptical. And I shouldn't have been! I would have never imagined a story about Shane Hollander and bloody karaoke could be this good.
white collar crimes | 21K | So Shane Hollander is, how do you say in English, a dirty little thief. A clothing thief, to be precise. Ilya can't say he saw that coming, but he also can't pretend he's all that mad about it. His shirt looks good on his Shane. On Shane. On Hollander. Right. His shirt looks good on Hollander.|Â Set during the situationship. Great characterisation and banter and feelings. Second chapter is my fave but it's all very good.
No Friction, Just Chemistry | 20K | After leaving behind his last job, Ilya threw himself into a new profession: making and selling all things one can pickle. His week revolved around the Sunday farmer's market. Everything seemed simple and predictable until a new vendor arrived late in the season.|Â I normally don't do full AUs but Vee is a genius and I'd trust them to hell and back. This was the perfect rom-com version of Hollanov. Cute, fun and in-character. It also comes as a podfic, read by the author, and that's always a big plus for me.Â
so you must like me for me by @alasse9 | 36.2K | It turns out, having the worst thing you can think of happen to you when you're seventeen years old can end up being pretty liberating. And land you an unexpected best friend.| Shane is outed before the draft, goes seventh and ends up in Ottawa. Best friends to lovers, a trope I really like that somehow works really well for Hollanov. Sweet and earnest.
(Oh I believe in) Yesterday | 9.4K | Time loops are just a fact of life to Wyatt, insane as that sounds. Heâll happily settle in for a repeat day every couple of weeks. Chances are heâll wake up tomorrow morning and go to regularly scheduled practice. A teammate probably pissed off their wife, which is an easily fixed problem. Or, the Wyatt-Hayes-centric-time-loop-Boxing-Day-fight-fix-it-fic|Â A super a fun and original take on the time loop trope! Love Wyatt as our POV character, he's so well-written and his relationship with Lisa is just lovely.
All Love Must Leave but Search For It I Will | 23K | A shoulder injury takes Ilya out for the season ten games into his second year with the Ottawa Centaurs. With one good arm and an empty house, Ilya battles with memories of his parents and his mental health.| Good depiction of depression (I have a thing for stories that explore Ilya's mental health). Great characterisation.
babies born in the month of may by @bitterbloodyorange | 5K | Yuna Hollander and the Art of Raising a Winner Without Giving Him (or Yourself) Too Much of a Complex About It; Ilya Rozanov's Incomprehensive Guide to Charming Your Stoned Boyfriend|Â Really lovely Yuna character exploration.
multitasking by @emotional-synth-music| 7.3K | *IÂ am in hell, Ilya thinks. He's awkwardly hard in his cup and layers of gear. He can't focus. How the fuck is Hollander functioning like this? Is he actually so gifted at hockey that he can play at this level and still have space to let the sex demon in his brain run rampant? Is this what he's like all the time? *|Crack treated seriously. Ilya can suddenly hear Shane's thoughts. Hot and so lovely.
when you leave here by @iddayidnight | 8K | âIt just feels like such a nothing story," Shane says. "But my momâs so fucking... worked up about it.â Ilya watches him. âI think,â he says carefully, âthat your mom is also the parent of a teenage boy who played on that hockey team. And not just the manager of a person who is being asked for comment on a bad story. Yes?â  (Shane was fifteen years old when he moved to Sarnia.)| Extremely painful to read but extremely good fic about hockey culture. Inspired by We Breed Lions (which I discovered and read thanks to this fandom, obvs). Amazing characterisation.
Pencil in the Rest | 87K | Scent patches were mandatory for anyone participating in World Junior's, but a lot of the Russian guys Shane saw in the hotel or around the rink had them loosely attached to their necks or not quite centered over their scent gland. Shane had been on his way to his parents' car when the wind shifted, and he smelled that Rozanov, leaning against the wall and not-at-all-surreptitiously fishing a carton of cigarettes out of his pocket, must have been one of them.|Â Omegaverse with fully realised world-building and great characterisation. Excellent use of the soulmate trope. Unputdownable.And I say it as someone who's usually meh on both these tropes.
winning streak by @citrusses | 9.1K | Everyone hates All-Stars. If anyone asks, Shane does, too.| Perfect, perfect Shane characterisation. Ilya is amazing too, but we are in Shane's head here. What All Stars means for our unhinged duo during the situationship era.
Shane As It Ever Was by @@exactphoify | 7.1K | Ilya wakes with no memory after an eventful night. Or maybe it wasnât eventful. He doesnât remember, thatâs the problem.|Time travel fic. Short and sweet. And hot. Lovely.
oh well, I guess we're gonna find out! by @angel-deux-writes | 95K | Shane leaves that Vegas penthouse suite feeling wretched, and like an idiot, and like he never wants to see Ilya Rozanov again. Except, well. Then there are zombies.|Again, this took fandom over by storm for a reason, but if you haven't read it yet, my bookmark reads "OMG. Zombie apocalypse AU. Fucking perfect."
here we are and what the hell are we going to do with it | 24K | âShane.â Ilya takes Shaneâs head in his hands, squeezes his cheeks so that Shane looks puffy, absurd. Beloved. âI am saying that to me, even though you are retired, you will always be No. 1 hockey player. Fuck Wayne Gretzky.â Thatâs what does it, as Ilya knew it would. Shane rears back, spluttering, outraged, trying not to laugh. âOh, I have committed blasphemy now. They will take back my citizenship, big crime, very sad.â Shane smoothes his hands along Ilyaâs calves, rests his fingertips on Ilyaâs ankles. âFuck Wayne Gretzky,â he says. He looks like he canât believe what heâs saying. Ilya wonders, distantly, if he can get it on tape to play back to himself when things feel particularly bleak. âWe can live in exile together. I donât care. Youâre my, my best, my second best hockey player forever too.â|Â Probably the best 'Shane has to retire and comes to term with it all' fic out there. Excellent characterisation all around, I love that this was plenty angsty without being over the top.
Dance Yrself Clean | 3.3KÂ | Two summers, nine years apart, and the changes they bring|Â Really good Ilya character study.
clouds in my coffee | 7.4K | A scandal breaks. Rose drives to Ottawa, to be not-alone.|Â A fic in which Rose gets some of the care and comfort she deserves.
When I Walk Into The Room, I Do Not Light It Up. Fuck. | 12.2KÂ | Transitions are hard for Shane. Joining his husband's team turns out not to be an exception to that rule.|Â Shane struggles to adapt to Ottawa. Amazing Shane POV. Lots of hockey, which makes it all much more grounded and interesting.
Fracture and Collapse by @ilyapasta | 66K | Shane gets hurt three days before playoffs begin. It's nothing to worry about, really.| Really lovely and complex, layered exploration of who Ilya and Shane are, both individually and as a couple, in the wake of a potentially career-ending injury for Shane.
Would you mind giving me a recommendations this time ? I am looking for something thing that could make me cry but with no character deaths just some thing that really goes in your feelings. If there is also a lot of fluff in there that would be perfect . Thank you.
I wasn't entirely sure what exactly you were looking for so I went with what I thought was the best fit. I hope it's good enough! But also, check out my Hurt/Comfort list because this might have what you are looking for.
Angst w/ A Happy Ending
đ Reasons | 1.9k
Ilya attempts writing a "just-in-case" suicide letter to Shane, and then passes out for 16 hours where he has a very vivid dream about his mother. Shane finds Ilya's letter first, and then him passed out on the bed and (validly) assumes the worst. Happy ending though.
đ Spiral (I'll catch you). | 3.0k
Everything was on the verge of spiralling; he had felt that rush of familiarityâa distinct feeling he experienced just before everything went badly. A pattern. Everything had felt off. He'd woken up this morning with a terrible headache and a familiar heaviness in his chest
đ Useless | 3.2k
After a really bad day at work, Shane lashes out on Ilya, calling him useless and making him think that Shane would leave him eventually. Ilya, just trying to make his husband his favourite dinner, is left alone to hide in their bathroom, that word that he was referred as, echoing in his mind.
đ And Love... | 3.6k
Shane finds Ilya deep in the hurt of healing.
đ Always in my Heart | 3.6k
Irina and Ilya shared a special bond. This fic goes into detail about what Ilya's life was like in Russia before, during, and after the passing of his mother. It is meant to be a prequel and follows book canon. Sad with a happy ending
đ on sleepless roads, the sleepless go | 4.4k
The first time Ilya Rozanov visits his motherâs grave, heâs twelve years old and itâs not really a grave.
đ The Weight of Another Year | 6.9k
Ilya turns thirty-five years old, an age his mother never saw, and he struggles to reconcile with that fact
đ you haven't come this far to fall off the earth | 7.0k
Itâs not that Ilya wants the darkness to win; itâs just that sometimes he lets it.
đ Can't believe you're mine | 7.8k
After their summer in the cottage, Shane returns to Montrealâs locker room only to find out that his teammates have the newest gossip: Ilya Rozanov is dating a famous catwalk model. Shane canât believe it. Ilya is cheating on him! Or is he? And if heâs not⊠How does Shane ever make up for his stupid assumptions?
đ The Pans Don't Go There | 8.9k
What starts out as a small, insignificant argument leads to a revelation of emotions that have been building for months, and one comment goes too far.
đ For Now | 10.2k
Ilya followed. Of course he followed. He'd been following Shane Hollander for years. Across rinks, across borders, across every line he'd ever drawn for himself. And he wasn't going to stop now because of an elevator and a silence and two words he wished he could swallow back down.
đ My favorite place on earth | 10.9k
Ilya Rozanov does what he has to do. Ending things with Shane Hollander is the only logical choice. And then Scott Hunter happens.
đ iâd tell them âput me back in it,â and i would do it again. | 11.1k
 Shane gets mugged on the way back to his hotel from a team night in Boston, and he calls the one person heâs not supposed to
đ one day, I am gonna grow wings | 11.1k
What if the detail that made Shane stop doubting their relationship wasnât the almost plane crash. What if instead Ilyaâs depression flared way earlier, when all he wanted was someone he couldnât have, and what if he tried to do something he wouldâve never forgiven himself for.
đ The Crownless Again | 12.4k
David never walked in on Shane and Ilya at the Cottage. Yuna and Ilya work together for the Foundation, with Yuna still under the impression that he and Shane are just friends. But she is worried about him - he seems very quiet since he moved to Ottawa, not at all like the Rozanov she saw in the media previously. Perhaps she should call Shane to discuss her fears that Ilya is depressed. Ilya needs his friends around him after all. Yuna suspects a toxic relationship with this absent, neglectful partner Jane. She's sure Shane can support his friend.
đ who's chasing you? | 13.2k
In which Ilya Rozanov finds out his best friend Shane Hollander is getting married and goes on a 4-day odyssey to win him back.
đ But Youâre Here (and Weâre So Grateful You Are)Â | 13.7k
two times Anya (who is trained to be Ilyaâs psychological service dog) assists Ilya by performing tasks to mitigate the symptoms of his depression, and the one time she ends up being there to help calm down Shane, too.
đ What is Hell? | 14.7k
The time between the infamous tuna melt and the Tampa All Star game, from Ilya's perspective
đ and when i got into the accident, the sight that flashed before me was your face | 14.8k
 Ilya calls Shane by his first name for the first time, and Shane freaks the fuck out, because everything is real now. He leaves, unable to process how he's feeling, and crashes, with only Ilya's face flashing before his eyes
đ Farewell Mother Russia | 16.8k
Two months after the tuna melt incident, Ilya gets outed when a picture of him texting Jane leaks.
đ Everytime I Leave | 38.5k
đ Â fic where 17 yr old shane is a [redacted] ill patient and ilya is the rookie his team drags to the childrenâs hospital. he falls in love w freckles and canât stop visiting shane every chance he gets. (Part 2)
đ a year safe in your heart | 54.9k
đš The summer before Ilya joins the Centaurs, Shane wakes up nervous. It doesn't stop from there.
đ One Hope Then Another | 55.8k
Shane Hollander knew that this thing he had with Ilya Rozanov couldnât last. There were a thousand reasons why he should walk away and never look back. But maybe hope was enough of a reason to stay. And maybe he wasnât the only one hoping they could be something more than what they were.
đ The Shape of Silence | WIP
Ilya Rozanov has spent his life chasing perfection
If you have any suggestions, feel free to add (:
Make sure to check out other fic rec request here -> Requested Lists
no one is asking for this but i have to make my one million hours on ao3 mean something
the texture of memory: very very very good, read it i am so serious, completed
the anatomy of a bird heart in slow decay: a love story ft ghosts, grief, mothers and sons, and survival. completed
car wash redhead, tube top R.E.M. concert, juror #6: hollanov character study, power and love, i adore those freaks so much <3, completed
fall in love again and again: the classic tuna-melt groundhog day, with a house of leaves flavour, completed
Jessica: teenaged shane as seen through his relationship with his high school girlfriend, i love them both so unbearably much, completed
home economics: nhl lockout leads to hollanov living together in the situationship era-there's no way this could go wrong! completed
Route 96 Kanata: shane suffers a career ending injury before meeting ilya but where there's a will there's a tortured hollanov situationship nonetheless. full of fantastic ottawan idiosyncrasies. wip
World on Your Shoulders: what if shane had a queer rookie while deep in the midst of his "i'm not gay" era? hilarious shane characterization, this whole series is a dark comedy that i want to swallow whole, completed
adding a cut because this got so fucking long lmao
wunderkind: breathtaking look into yuna hollander's inner world but everyone really shines through wonderfully here (ilya my heart i love you so much), completed
always, sun: canon,,,,,,,divergence?? magical realism, gorgeous and vaguely terrifying, completed
I have only two emotions (careful fear and dead devotion): shane disappears from hockey post prospect cup and hollanov meets again much farther down the road, gorgeous tender slow burn, completed
nothing makes me feel as good: shane character study through jj's eyes, god im so obsessed with this crazy crazy man, completed
I. ONE LITTLE GOD FALLING OVER ANOTHER: the last year in boston, gorgeous format, peeling back the edges of the GC universe, wip
The Canadian Hot 100: incredibly tender series of married hollanov vignettes, wip
The Discipline Of It: The Eating Disorder Shane Fic, at least for me. such a realistic look into an ed and ocd tendencies. love this take on shane & yuna's relationship as well, completed
your presence has gone through me (like needle through a thread): ilya gets a family and i cry one million tears of joy, wip
we'll make a home on the cracks: journalist shane fights his way out of an ethics torment nexus and finds true love <3 cute hollanov & fun shane characterization, wip
frequently, secretly fond of each other: boston! shane, you know it you love it, wip
some pacific wind: race and language: a hollanov conversation on perception, completed
dark out and still thirty degrees: one of the only a/b/o fics i've ever enjoyed, the misogyny/discrimination feels very real, ft. wonderful trans shane journey!! completed
gens du pays: "Do you think you can love two people at once"? aka giving shane a second situationship with sasha nolastname. might not be everyones cup of tea because ilya hasn't entered the picture yet, but i've been thinking about it nonstop since reading. such a good sasha , wip
Plexiglass Box: what if hollanov met as teens in Moscow? (ilya x coach's son but it was shane the whole time), Excellent tension, completed, with wip sequel
one of your eyes is always half-shut (something happened when you were a kid): a wonderful take on alexei, Such a gut punch to read as an older sibling, completed
and he spoke the bridegroom fair: pre-tunamelt shane on marriage, gender, race, and being known. completed
Hello From Moscow, Goodbye from Montreal: canon divergence circa 2012 where ilya calls shane drunk one night, and keeps calling after that, equally funny and devastating, wip
i could have been somebody else: shane and rose post-breakup discovering things about themselves together, platonic soulmates2me, completed
waiting for the tides to change: sweet little hollanov-as-childhood-best-friends snapshot , completed
It had to be you, Wonderful you: transmasc ilya you are soooo dear to me, completed
Offside: coach/player forbidden hollanov but it's sweeter than you would expect. wip
Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago: climbing inside your soulmates body is a thing that is both normal to want and possible to have (ft. painful but warming version of shane's life post. career ending injury), wip
head and body to you: tortured self-destructive shane character study, toxic? situationship hollanov, canon-typical emotion development through the lens of sex, completed
the soviet montage: obviously already popular but i had to, cold-war era hollanov post. ilya's defection from the soviet union, completed
Home Ice Advantage: another boston! shane but diving more deeply into how being traded would impact the hockey of it all, very perfectionism torment nexus, completed (with wip sequel)
Blizost: what if you could climb inside your lover and share one body between two souls?, completed
Mama's Boy, Mama's Boy: shane hollander's journey if the whole time he was also haunted by his situationship's dead mom, fantastic irina characterization, completed
cracked plexiglass: canon rewrite that fleshes out a version of shane's pre-NHL hockey career that's more realistic to the actual environment of high level Canadian juniors, wip
i know where to draw the line: older captain shane and younger teammate ilya, super cute, completed
but what if I need you in my darkest hour? : our favorite hockey players plane crash Bad on the way to 2017 All Stars, painful in all the ways, completed
Just Enough of You: shane fills in for his identical twin during a photoshoot with ilya rozanov, and the consequences are disastrous. hilarious plot on top of an incredible twin tormet nexus. wip
other half: another twin! shane fic, but twin sister this time. incredibly endearing main oc and complicated hollander family dynamics. wip
The Eyes are Afraid: "accidental child aquisition in the sense that shane accidentally finds himself co-parenting ilya's little sister", wip
calcified and useless (should i try and do it?): my favorite shanebortion fic, completed
spartacus.: "Ilya Rozanov, what do you want? And how are you going to get it?", completed
lenticchie per capodanno: ilya makes a friend post-tunamelt #doublebeard, the torment is so good, wip
Moscow lost and found: 13 year old shane goes on an epic family reunion quest in moscow and meets ilya along the way, they are soooo sweet and young it makes my heart hurt, wip
the winners-verse: canon-divergent series exploring shane and ilya's relationship after the end of HR. obsessed with these versions of them, they both have serious teeth. completed
I'm Just Happy You Still Call: yuna character study as shane does a little growing up, completed
if you're scared of wolves: ilya in a time loop but it's a Decade Long, broke my brain, wip
thylacine: shane's introspection on his race and hockey, i shed actual tears at the end, completed
virtue theory: a truly excellent shane character study. nothing like a man to misuse stoicism! completed
gulf winds: shane & ilya coparenting alexei's niece when really they could use some extra time cooking themselves. but also maybe the coparenting is the self-parenting in the end. ft. a delightful female oc wip
oh well, I guess we're gonna find out!: shane and ilya together as the zombie apocalypse comes directly post-vegas. really good shanestruggle, completed
Electric Fan (Feel It Motherfuckers): "Ilya has one hour to wipe his existence from his boyfriendsâ house": a closer look at the closet. i can't do the summary justice but know it made me cry a little. completed
the ghost of you: shane and ilya reunite 7 years after the tuna-melt debacle, as shane's divorce with rose is being processed. completed
the one hand rim-rocker: "Ilya Rozanov gets fisted". like the bottom!ilya thesis to me, and the sequel hits just as hardâso so hot. if you don't like no one's forcing you to read, i don't want to hear it! completed
Countdown to Connect: post. breakup with ilya and being outed, shane finds his footing after being traded to the centaurs. told through wyatt's pov with illuminating shane pov sequel. completed, sequel wip
when there's nothing left to burn: "In which Scott Hunter accepts a trade to Montreal, just as Shane Hollander is named captain." love the shane&scott dynamic here, and how beautifully grounded in montreal this work is. #bringcanadianaintoficmore2026. perhaps more scott-focused than the avg person scrolling my blog is into though just a heads up. wip
when you leave here: shane grapples with his juniors hockey experience in the wake of a former teammate opening up to the media. very we breed lions inspired. completed
falling into you: shane stays through the tuna-melt-debacle and he and ilya collapse into schrödingers boyfriends in the following months. completed ha collapse get it (yes ik its the other way around)
Lookout Kid: "Ilya inherits a surly grief-stricken nine year-old and has to figure out how to fit him into their lives." gorgeous and so real and hard as real things are. wip
Empty Net Goal: shortly after tuna-melt, a woman serves shane seeking "unspecified damages after the establishment of paternity". butâit's not what you think. great premise and i love the ecosystem around shane depicted here. wip
something in the movies: "Post-cottage. Shane gets into an disagreement with his mom."character study, completed
paper lanterns, one after another: "It occurs to Ilya that he doesn't belong here. But then, this is a necessary migration.", completed
good bones: "Yuna thinks that if her baby could talk, he would have a lot to tell her. Perhaps he already has opinions on her parenting." , shane growing up through yuna's eyes, completed
periphery : shaneâs adventures through the dreams of the ones he loves and the ones he will love, wip
there are like millions more that i will add once i remember them
The first time, she says "To me," and the mirror dutifully shows her her reflection. And she is pleased.
The second time, she says "To the King," and she is pleased to see herself once more.
The third time, she says "To the Royal Advisor," and is once more satisfied to see herself.
The fourth time, she says "To the scribe who takes the King's letters." She is shown the man's wife. And she seethes, but quiets herself, for it is only right that a man loves his wife.
The fifth time, she says "To the Court Wizard," and is shown the man's departed mother as he remembers her from his youth, radiant and smiling and warm and larger than life.
The tenth time, she says "To the Stable Master," and is shown the fastest horse in the stable, majestic and free as the wind even in captivity
"To the baker," she is shown the man's daughter, young and adorable and full of joy and laughter.
"To the artist who did my portrait," she is shown a painting of a woman done by the man's teacher, who he still looks up to now that he is well established himself.
"To the Royal Knight," she is surprised but not displeased to see the castle's entire guard force in the middle of doing drills.
The one hundredth time she asks the mirror, and it asks her "to whom?" she once again says, "To me." And she does the same the one hundred and second, and again and again and again.
It is a different person each time, and they are all beautiful.
Been lurking for a long time but think it's time to put my hat in the ring :) Been reading lots of HR fics lately, and have come across several which are just amazing but don't get enough appreciation. Most of these will have fewer than 1k kudos on ao3 - time to share the good news!!
Controlled Contact Is Still Contact by @parcai - E/36k/Complete -Part Two of the ongoing Boys Will Be Boys series
I read this this morning and it inspired me to make this post. Shane's mind in this is a sight to behold. I love Shane's obsession, the way his mind works is really something to sink your teeth into. Cannot wait for the continuation of this.
show me how to be whole again by @rozanohwell - E/43k/WIP
Shane is seriously injured prior to winning his cups. Ilya loses it. Ilya is so cruel in this, but also so hurt. Their relationship is so tense and amazing. Every chapter of this I have no idea what is coming.
and we all fall down by lowkey_existential_despair E/14k/WIP - Part 3 of the ongoing two weddings and a scandal series
This may be cheating, as the first part is much more well known, but unless you were subscribed you wouldn't know that there was a continuation to this. Deals with the immediate ramifications of coming out as married after keeping it secret for 4 years. Completely divine. Read part one if you haven't already.
These Icy Waters by @jeejascoffee - E/34k/Complete
Nothing like I've ever read in this fandom. Magical realism, haunting and little bit of horror. Just amazing
they say it's my fault by Rizandace T/5k/Complete - Part Two of the ongoing all the things (they) said series
This one is hard to explain without giving too much away. Shane really manages everything so badly here, I feel like he is so realistic, he's just getting everything wrong. Part one is Rose POV, Part Two is Shane's.
Doses and Mimosas by Ziuzura E/50k/WIP
I'm not usually one for university aus but this one has entranced me. Shane is bloody mental in this I love it.
temporality/liminality by @hemipenia E/10k/Complete
Rose era narrative. I love seeing authors perspective of the inside of Shane's closet. This one in particular is fantastic.
mirage by ann_sable M/8k/Complete
I'm just going to put the summary to describe this. I can't describe it any better. Tastiest time loop in the world.
Ilya discovers that he can control time. Now he's on a quest to prevent his mother's suicide. Enter Shane Hollander. Enter Shane Hollander.
Enter Shane Hollander.
getting killed by a pretty good life by @blixabargelds E/9k/Complete
Different interpretations on Ilya's mental health are something I seriously love. This one might be the magnum opus for me.
I'm Just Happy You Still Call by @distractivate NR/16k/Complete
One of my absolute favourite Yuna fics. Her relationship with Shane is so nuanced and awesome in this. Yuna's identity is so wound up in Shane's I love the exploration of this here.
get gone by geniflux M/11k/Complete
Shane's various identity issues and lack of control over his own life come to a head. AMAZING!
gens du pays by khafre E/3k/WIP
Shane has a situationship with Sasha. There is so much character work crammed into this short fic. but their relationship, against all odds, works so well. Really interesting perspective.
Honourable Mentions - Ongoing WIPs with over 1k kudos that are beyond amazing.
Carrion Comfort by @stevesbootyshorts E/113k/WIP
I've been following this fic since maybe the third chapter? Has been one of my absolute favourites since the beginning. The character work, the tension and the frankly incredible descriptions of injury makes this just beyond amazing.
Progression by conturbat_me T/27k/WIP
Shane's parents disliking Ilya might be my favourite things ever. This one does it so well. Everything this author writes is gold.
on winning and losing (and ilya rozanov) by fingersfallingupwards - M/89k/WIP - Part 2 of the ongoing old man hollanov yaoi series
This series is just amazing. Very well known but Ilya's teenage son is maybe the best OC ever? Part two is a highlight, as we really experience Shane's trials and tribulations trying to manage his new relationship with his own personal challenges.
Hope You're Not Waiting For Me To Wait For You by Latigra Ongoing Series - E/159k/WIP
I've also been following this since maybe the second part? Quintessential Shane reading I'm afraid. There are chapters in this that I just come back to again and again and again. Most awesome side characters. It's like it's own universe.
Iâm literally on shift as a nurse at the hospital (but also on my 15 min break #responsibleblogger) rotating a post in my head Iâve been thinking about for a while entitled âOkay But Like IS Marta From Knives Out A Good Nurse??â And i really do hope that post finds its way out of me and onto the page, but christ the mental draft of it is so long. Maybe I can just get away with posting the conclusion: no sheâs not, and yes she is, and also itâs complicated in ways that have almost no real life parallels. Surely no supporting evidence necessary.
Because while there is overlap between the definition of Good Nurse vs Good Person, nursing has a professional code of conduct. Thereâs patient autonomy and safety, thereâs duty of care, thereâs equitable and impartial treatment, etc. So the question is: by the yardstick of our profession is she upholding the standard of care?
By the professional standards of nursing, when she gives the medication without checking the label, she fails at doing a universal safety check that can have catastrophic consequences. Letâs ignore the fact that the meds were maliciously switched (weâll get to that, itâs a real fuckin wrench in everything). The fact is that she should have verified that she had the right medication rather than go by routine. Med error is so so easy in part because passing meds can become so routine. Especially in home health. You lose the fear of fucking up, you donât check something bc youâve done it a hundred times before, oops something goes wrong.
Additionally, she fails to assess her patient. Harlan is not showing any signs of morphine overdose. (I also want to be clear as Iâm saying all this: if I thought I had given someone 100x their morphine dose and then lost the narcan, my asshole would have fallen out so hard you would have heard a clunk when it hit the floor. I like to think I wouldnât let the dramatic old man rope me into an elaborate coverup, but like. He was very convincing. Anywayâ)
Most importantly, she does not admit her error. Every single person in healthcare will make a mistake. If you are lucky, it doesnât cause any harm. If you arenât lucky, you think about what you did for the rest of your life. Sometimes youâre lucky and you still think of what you did for the rest of your life. Whatâs important is not keeping mistakes secret. It doesnât help the patient harmed by the mistake to pretend there isnât a problem or that you donât know what the problem is. And on a larger scale, it doesnât let the system know what happened, how the mistake happened, and what we can do to stop it. Marta doesnât tell anyone what happened, largely in part bc Harlan is fucking wild and so hyped to die dramatically, but still for the point of nursing argument: she conceals her mistake.
And that causes about every problem in the film. Because if sheâd been like âHarlan, this is insane, I am calling an ambulanceâ the med switch up would have been caught because he would have been fine. So much of the situation was out of Martaâs controlâliterally, malicious interference with the medication and hiding the reversal agent, like whatâs she supposed to do about thatâbut after the error happened, she engaged in a cover up.
And the moment in which Marta is a by the books Good Nurse is when she performs CPR and calls 911 to save someone she believes is blackmailing her and is the only person who knows Harlanâs death is her fault. She is providing care to someone in need regardless of her personal situation. She is owning up to what she did to prevent further harm. In a world in which Harlan was dying from a med error, she provides the family closure regarding his traumatic suicide. Being a Good Nurse means owning up to your mistakes, even if it is too late to save the patient, because we canât find ways to address problems we donât know exist.
But like to get back to the murder of it all, her failure to check the medication DID prevent a catastrophic med error. Like yeah she fuckin t gave the right med! She did know it by touch! And on one hand, thatâs kinda bullshit, but on the other hand, I know what dilaudid feels like when I draw it up. I know what Ativan looks like in a syringe. And to be clear I would not give anything on a purely vibes based premise, but with experience you do get a nursing sense thatâs difficult to articulate. Itâs knowing someone has a fever from the doorway of their room, or that someone has a GI bleed from the faint smell of their poop, or that someone is in the early stages of sepsis from a glance at their respirations, or that someoneâs getting delirious from just a passing comment they make. Intuition is not a consistent safety system, and also it is an invaluable asset. Sometimes you just know something isnât right. That cannot be the entire basis of your practice. But it helps!
Marta knew the med was right because sheâd drawn it up a hundred times before. Thatâs horrible safety practices, but also she was right. If sheâd done the med check correctly by verifying the label on the vial, then she would have killed Harlan. So in this sense, ignoring protocol and going by pure intuition resulted in the correct decision in the context of unknown but extraordinary circumstances (Chris Evans). So like. Not sure exactly what the takeaway there is. I think mainly just murder is wrong.
And also just generally speakingâstepping back from the murder of it all once againâHarlan clearly liked her. Marta and Harlan had good therapeutic rapport, by which I mean they enjoyed each otherâs company which was probably Harlanâs chief need. Like medications, treatments, those are all good, but so is talking to patients like theyâre people and making them feel comfortable. I mean, she did that so good she got millions of dollars and a mansion. Girl knocked it out of the park.
So is she a Good Nurse? Iâd say overall yeah. While at times throughout the movie, she is more concerned with being a Good Daughter or a Person Who Isnât In Jail, the overall impression is a compassionate person who is normally competent at her job, tries to save others despite her personal situation, and takes responsibility for her mistakes. I think thatâs why she rings true as a character who is a nurse, even if you could quibble with the exact medical details.
But like. To be clear. 1) Holy shit you should read the labels on your drugs. And 2) do not let a man with a knife throne take charge of your emergency response.
