l𖹭uise

[luiseporcelana]

quick infos about me:

my name is luise. i am 19 [nineteen] years old.

my pronouns are she/her, he/him.

i'm still not sure about my gender, but i'm labeling myself as agender.

i am aromantic and asexual, but i still feel other types of attraction. still questioning too.

i am taken.

i am from brazil, so yeah, english isn't my first language, but portuguese.

i suspect that i am neurodivergent. i'm not sure if i'll get diagnosis.

i suffer with chronic pain.

i intend to post here some thoughts mostly about my life. you can find in the #luise pensamentos hashtag.

my another blog (still not sure what is about): @luluvsmingi.

ps: if i spelled something wrong, please tell me. though i considerate myself fluent, i'm still learning english.

[spoonbendersanonymous]

"Single people are on average less healthy, less financially stable, and overall less satisfied with life than partnered and married people are. This must mean that monogamous relationships and marriage are the solution to society's problems"

Huh, it's almost like society, both socially and financially, is set up to specifically benefit people who have monogamous relationships and get married and punish people who don't partner or get married. It's almost like there are financial benefits that exist specifically to incentivize people to get married and have kids and be a nuclear family. It's almost like it was very culturally normal until very very very recently to just not have any deeper platonic relationships after you get married, meaning that single people past a certain age just get left behind and get treated as spinsters or loser bachelors. It's like life just is not designed for single people to be able to easily participate and survive while still being single. Huh, very weird. I'm sure marriage will fix this.

[hollymolyguacamolee-deactivated]

To all the people who say "oh don't worry I don't see you as disabled!" or "I see you like a normal person!" and think they're doing us a favor.

Please.

Please see my disability. Please see everything that I'm unable to do. Please see how I'm struggling. See how much pain I'm in. See how slowly I get out of bed in the morning me.

Make me feel seen, and feel valid. Seeing "through" a person's disability isn't good. See me. See me as a whole.

Something way more okay to say is "I acknowledge your disabilities and your struggle, but it doesn't make you any less and I still value you."

[luiseporcelana]

question of the day : am i really aroace or am i just a lesbian who always suppress thoughts, feelings and needs?

[weird-and-unwell]

Happy disabled pride month to the undiagnosed. To those with no idea what it could be. To those who are pretty sure they know, but can't be certain yet. To those whose doctors are trying their best, and to those whose doctors aren't. To those with test results, and those without. To those whose prognosis isn't looking good. To those scared by the course of their symptoms, and with no idea what's going to happen next. Living undiagnosed is hard, and I wish you all luck.

[borderline-culture-is]

BPD culture is always assuming everyone is lying to you about everything.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed early" yeah sure you are. Sure you are. You just want a few hours at the end of your day where I'm not being an inconvenience to you. I saw you still online two hours after you said that btw.

"I was busy" "I forgot to respond" yeah sure buddy. Sure. Busy ignoring me maybe. Or maybe you "forgot" in the same sense that I "forgot" to apply for a job or college because I just don't wanna.

"I don't get notifications anymore cuz I don't have the app on my phone" "I didn't get a notification" very clever. good job coming up with an excuse I can ALMOST believe. I still think you're lying to me though. I've got a feeling.

I'm never gonna let you see how I really feel but I hope you can feel in your gut every day that I trust you less and less the more I want you to stay. Just admit you don't enjoy my company and leave already. I'm clearly making your life worse just by being a part of it.

oh shit wait you're asking me to play a video game together completely unprompted??? without me having to subtly beg you for meaningful social connection even a little bit?????? YAAAAAY [immediately stops crying splits white and completely forgets about this entire line of thought until the next time something slightly "off" happens]

.

[blu-skye]

Chronic pain and fatigue means simultaneously feeling proud for getting simple daily tasks you need done for yourself, and feeling ridiculous that you are that proud for doing those simple daily tasks.

[bebsi-cola]

abled bodied people also need to understand that, for physically disabled people resting isn't "free time" that you can use up with assigning us tasks or duties because you're busy. it's an essential part of managing disability and some of us have a hard limit that we're avoiding by having days where we do nothing.

[vampire-loving-vampire]

as someone whos very "it is what it is" ab pain, and being the type to just ignore it in silence, even tho its like obv not great to be in pain its been so refreshing to be physically near someone who actually cares that i am in pain instead of just writing me off even of it is so often that i have pain. like. even if its easier to just be quiet about it i find myself feeling like i *want* to let myself cry and complain about it. i feel so safe and loved and cared for that i know if even part of me wants to cry about it, ill be comforted and paid attention to and its such a beautiful thing to experience that degree of safety and love

[capeclaws]

shoutout to people with disability who struggle with showering, brushing teeth "basic" hygiene tasks. we aren't "gross" or bad we just need help and that's okay

[isa-ah]

it should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. like no i shut it off and back on again why are you still here

[peach-pot]

I think some of you people need to google amatonormativity… and like, think about it.

[peach-pot]

you can actually desire a traditional romantic relationship AND unpack amatonormative ideas within your mind and life. they are not mutually exclusive!

[2003-playground]

Can we stop using "still lives with their parents" or "unemployed" or "doesn't have a drivers license" or "didn't graduate high school" as an insult or evidence that someone is a bad person? Struggling with independence or meeting milestones is not a moral failing.

[nightshadewine]

what does your chronic illness feel like? here’s a place describe your fatigue, describe your pain (if you are in a space to).

i was reading the essay “on being ill” by virginia woolf, and she discusses the poverty of language we have for describing illness, because no healthy person wants to write about it. and certainly no healthy person wants to hear of it. but because of that, we are missing such a huge chunk of human experience, certainly of the disabled experience.

she says if we take “our pain in one hand and a pure lump of sound in another” we will at last be able to describe it.

i feel like a lot of the time we don’t go into detail about what exactly we’re feeling, because it’s never accurate enough, or people don’t want to hear it. but because we don’t, we have so few ways of expressing our pain, and because of that it is harder for those of us in illness to connect. so let’s start now, be imaginative, make up words; let’s create the language for it at last. what does your illness feel like?

[yellowyarn]

I need a badge that says "Nothing happened, I'm just disabled" to wear when I use my braces or other disability aids. Maybe abled people would stop asking me about it then.

[lovelefrueg]

I don't wanna dance around the fact I'm disabled and don't do anything. I feel like it invites questions and unsolicited advice though. How am I supposed to have a normal fucking conversation w someone ever.

[normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke]

I actually think not allowing physdisabled people to self-pity is part of the whole toxic positivity/"don't talk about your illness because it scares able bodied people" issue.

Any time I'm in a flair a little voice pops into my head that says "this isn't fair". And another louder, more aggressive voice says "life isn't fair, get over it". But you know what? It isn't fucking fair. I'm allowed to feel and express that it's unfair. This isn't how I expected or wanted my life to turn out, I'd argue that it's not how it was "supposed" to turn out. Feeling bad for myself and grieving the things that I'll never be able to do isn't selfish or immature. Being frustrated and sad about what I can't do isn't a sign of ungratefulness for what I can do. It's beyond frustrating to be looking at the hundreds of things you can't do and have people try to forcefully redirect you to the like 5 things you can do and go "don't complain! Look at all the things you can still do!" Able bodied people are scared of us being miserable. They want to hear that even if they become like us it won't be that bad. But sometimes it is that bad.