must be fate...

they/them, 21+ perma-brainrotting over izkt and ochahimi. ask me about tmasc izuku and his blackwhip strap! twt: greyliesdormant sideblog: coloringitblue

[spreadassholesdotorg]

[twinkhole-destroyer]

I need to press his bruises like it’s his gspot

[twinkhole-destroyer]

I’m gonna think about killing myself

[happybunnykat]

[akashicrecord]

[kaiba-cave]

I wouldn’t normally comment on a post but I follow the r/rats subreddit and I wanted to add that this is one of their most commonly used memes in the threads there, because that subreddit is actually really wholesome:

[what-even-is-thiss]

Taking up Japanese as a side project for myself has reminded me of something.

So like a long time ago I had a professor that I absolutely adored. She happened to be Japanese American. She grew up speaking Japanese at home but never really spent a lot of time in Japan. She mostly spoke with other Japanese Americans and read books.

So one day early in her teaching career there’s an exchange student from Japan who’s having a hard time understanding a concept so she explained it to him in Japanese and then he looked absolutely rattled. Like in shock. Pale.

This is how she learned that the way she speaks Japanese makes her sound like a gang member.

Japanese doesn’t exactly have cuss words in the same way as English does but imagine that the nicest professor you’ve ever had pulls your paper over and says “Okay listen here you little piece of shit I’m gonna fucking explain this to you. Violently.”

[goldswords]

I love stock photo sentences. This has been the new thing to repeat for me when things go wrong. A mentally ill man with psychological disorders is going crazy at home. The crazy man who is alone in his house is yelling.

[innerchildabortionclinic]

honestly the original USDA food pyramid was funny as fuck for recommending 6-11 servings of bread a day. like honestly don't mind if I do

[fjordojustice]

That's a normal amount of citations lmao. I see a perfectly small patch of ice drifting by.

[hypotenussy]

the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.

[cardboard-cut0ut]

[freeze frame] yeah, that’s not me. I don’t know who that is. [unpause]

[ladyshinga]

[buddie-romance]

thank you ao3 for being an archive and not an algorithm. thank you for letting me like things without consequences, thank you for being free with no ads, thank you for having lawyers to defend our freedom of speech. thank you tag wranglers. thank you to all authors and thank you ao3

[tjwock]

HEY.

HEY YALL.

USAMERICAN DEMOCRATS SUCCESSFULLY REMOVED EVERY ANTITRANS RIDER FROM EVERY FUNDING BILL

Spread the fucking word because LORD knows democrats fucking suck at spreading it themselves and will fail once again to inform their base

But just in case you’re sitting there going “the Dems aren’t doing anything,” THEY ARE

IT IS JUST SLOW

AND MOSTLY INVISIBLE

BUT THEY ARE

[the-muppet-joker]

The Truth

Haven't posted in a while. A lot has happened since my last post so I'll just get into it.

Basically, as some of you may have surmised, my relationship with Kermit the Frog had turned pretty toxic. I believe the old character I once played, good ol' croaker, had revived itself within the Muppet as a form a divine punishment from God for what I had created, and franky, I deserve it. There's a lot of old posts out there of mine that make me shudder in horror. I cannot even look at a clown without thinking "The Joker," and then gnashing my teeth in regret. The colors green and purple throw me into despair.

Anywho, it all reached a head when Kermit tried to take my life at the Dangerous Chemicals Factory (where I work). He took my company-mandated non-slip shoes and tried to make me fall into a big vat of Joker Chemicals, after which point he would possess my corpse and take over my life. For those of you who don't know, this is the fate of all who create tumblr fake stories. They come to life, kill the person who created them, and take over their dead body. Why do you think we haven't heard from the Weed Smoking Girlfriends guy? Baka. He IS the Weed Smoking Girlfriends now. They puppeteer his corpse, probably with all three hands deep in the muppet hole of his mind (we all have one). I can only hope he managed to have bangin sex with them before they killed him, as I was able to have bangin sex with Kermit while he was inhabited by the Croaker Persona. God the sex was amazing. And Let's Just Say His Cock Was Huge

But I'm getting sidetracked. I signaled for Batman (my ex wife) just moments before his attack. I did not realize this at the time, but she had been tailing me, concerned for my safety, so she arrived the moment she saw the signal. She picked me up and threw me a safe distance away, entering a vicious brawl with Kermit. She ripped off Kermit's arm and bit off one of his eyes, but it was no use. He began to mupp her to death right before my eyes. I looked around frantically for anything I could use as a weapon, even just something I could throw at him.

And then, I felt something slip out of my ass.

I had put it there before, for safekeeping:

The

Jrap

On

(Joker Strap On).

Grabbing my weapon, I quickly jumped on a nearby skateboard (also produced by the Dangerous Chemicals Factory), and began to race towards my former lovers, taking the shorter but more dangerous route over a tank full of Deadly Sharks (another byproduct of the Dangerous Chemicals Factory).

My heart raced.

My skateboard raced even faster.

Somewhere, within my mind, I felt my inner Joker chuckling darkly.

Completely jumping the shark, I leapt at Kermit, and roaring like a lion, I stabbed a fatal blow deep within his Muppet Hole using only my sheer will and my trusty weapon, the

[lunarwitchb-tch]

‘tis the season to bust this bad boy out :P merry phristmas to all who celebrate!!

@danielhowell @amazingphil

[demilypyro]

vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off

[pukicho]

28 yr old man kicking his feet and writing funny tumblr post btw

You're right, I'm too old to be writing jokes online. I should spend my time doing more adult things, like cleaning the gutters or thinking about switching car insurances.

[transmascmarypoppins]

why is this post completely broken in every way imaginable

[cecilsrandomeverything]

Broken notes… deactivated account… removed image….

Finally, we have them all.

[spacefinch]

In addition: OP’s name is just… gone. No “[insert username]-deactivated[insert a bunch of numbers]” as is the standard for deactivated blogs.

Just the world “deactivated.” Look upon their post, ye mighty, and despair.

[chatblancofficial]

It’ll be almost impossible to find this post unless it wanders across your dash.

[huewrite]

It wandered across mine. I shall help it travel forward.

[gossamermouse]

this is not a place of honor

[pseudoply]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[sourcreammachine]

i’m sorry kink fans but i just can’t see the suffix ‘con’ without thinking it means convention

‘dubcon’ will skrillex be there??

[sourcreammachine]

oh no oh no please not this post please

[wynnyfryd]

reblog to get your bones rattled at the dubious convention