Eva Stratt's pov of phm is kinda insane really. Because it's basically being told, hey humanity WILL go extinct soon. but we've decided that if one person makes it through all the levels of the Torment Nexus our chances of survival might increase. they might also not. Anyway. We think you're the best person to do this. Your reward is that everyone will hate you forever.
And you're like well. I'd rather trust myself to the fate of the world than anyone else. And I'd rather not let anyone else suffer the Torment Nexus just because of my own feelings. That seems kinda selfish. Alright sure.
So you enter the Torment Nexus. Each level has you pressing buttons like, [abduct innocent scientists to your vat: chances of humanity's survival increases by 0.005%] [everyone disliked that] [congrats! your moral goodness has decreased!].
The later levels get even worse. [blow up Antarctica: chances of humanity's survival increases by, ummm who knows ????] [total humans negatively affected: ????] [congrats! you're an ecoterrorist!].
Then you reach the final level. It reads: [through this door you'll break the news to your friend that he needs to die.] And you're like, wait he has to die??? I have to tell him?? But that's incredibly fucked up. After I went through the Torment Nexus as well. But it's the last level. So oh well. I can do this I suppose. Rather me than anyone else.
You enter the level and you friend is standing next to a cliff. You go over to him and say, hey this really fucking sucks but I've just learnt you need to jump off the cliff. Then we might be able to save humanity for real though. Maybe billions of people can survive if this works.
Then he turns to you and is like, are you fucking insane? And starts sprinting away from the cliff. Suddenly you have a gun in your hand. You're like, no wait. I don't want to do this. For real? I gotta shoot him for real? [Chances of survival if he lives: 0%. Chances of survival if he dies: maybe NOT 0%......????]. You pull the trigger. [congrats! you're a murderer!]
they’re doing one of those fun videos interviews with the communications intern. the guys walking through the tunnel before hitting the ice and drawing question from a cup the intern is holding. shane picks one and reads it out loud “if you could spend a day with anyone in the world, who would it be?” and he doesn’t even hesitate “i already do that” and the intern is like “wait what do you mean?” and shane gestures vaguely in ilya’s direction and ilya that was right behind him with troy and others centaurs, just open the biggest grin on his face and all the guys start groaning and booing cus they’re disgustingly in love and can never be normal about each other
first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets or the masterlist so kindly put together by @tafkarfanfic.
June 2015
It's been a day since Shane sent that message to Brian. A little over two hours since Brian's plane landed. Ten minutes since he texted Shane, telling him he was almost there.
Six seconds since he knocked on the door.
Shane is so anxious he feels numb as he reaches for the handle. He's practiced what to say but he has no idea what to expect from Brian, no way to really mentally prepare.
He's knocked off course immediately as he sees Brian.
His face is bruised, an angry dark purple stretched across his cheek. It's such an incongruous sight - Shane can't remember the last time he saw an injury like that on someone other than a hockey player - that it takes him a moment to figure out what he's even looking at.
"What happened?"
"Can I come in?" Brian asks instead of answering.
Shane steps aside, head still reeling. Once Brian is inside, leaning against the kitchen counter, he asks again, "What happened?"
"I, uh, kinda got into it with this drunk homophobe," Brian says, smiling wryly. "I wouldn't have engaged but I was kinda drunk too, so. I'm just lucky my friends were there and he was alone because it could've ended really badly."
Cold fear pools in Shane's stomach at the thought. He knows the kind of violence gay people face, has seen what even perceived queerness gets met with in locker rooms across every level, but this feels different, the stark, ugly reality of it staring at him in the face.
"That's awful," he says. "Are you okay?"
Brian shrugs one shoulder. "I'm fine. It probably looks worse than it feels. Anyway, it's not why I'm here."
"Oh." Shane shifts on his feet. "Right. Uh..."
"I really fucked up, coming to Vegas."
Shane blinks. Brian is looking at him, brows drawn, and Shane doesn't know what to do with the contriteness he sees on his face. This isn't how he expected this conversation to go, and it hasn't even really started yet.
"It was so inconsiderate of me," Brian continues. "I just knew that I really wanted to be there, even if we couldn't see each other. I didn't think about how much it would stress you out, and I should have because I know what's at stake for you."
"That's, uh - " Shane doesn't know what to say. Even if we couldn't see each other. Would Brian really have been fine with that, if Shane had just asked instead of making an argument out of it right away? "I guess I overreacted a little."
"Babe, no. You were right, I shouldn't have been there." Brian laughs, running a hand through his hair. "Truthfully, I feel like I've been going a little crazy over you lately."
"...You have?"
"I've been really jealous," Brian admits. "I think... maybe opening the relationship was a bad idea."
Shane has no idea how they got here. He feels ten steps behind, his planned speech up in smokes. These are all things he never in a million years would have thought he'd hear Brian say.
"It seemed to make sense at the time. But now," Brian waves a dismissive hand, "I feel like an idiot for suggesting it in the first place. For not closing it again when you asked for it, last May."
Shane doesn't remember asking for that. He remembers telling Brian that not seeing Ilya anymore would amount to the same thing on his side, but that hadn't been the point. He'd wanted to be able to keep seeing Ilya because he liked him - not that he'd realized this about himself at the time.
Right. He needs to get this conversation back on track.
"It wasn't a great idea," he agrees. "But it happened and it - it changed things for me."
Something sharpens in Brian's gaze and Shane looks away, feeling oddly ashamed.
"This is about Rozanov," Brian says. It isn't a question.
Shane nods at the floor. "I, uh. I like him. He likes me, too."
"And now you want to leave me for him."
It sounds so unbelievably cruel, phrased like that. Shane can't bring himself to look up and he startles when Brian's hand cups his cheek, nudging his chin up.
"And then what?" Brian asks, voice gentle. "It would be a hundred times more complicated being with him, wouldn't it? You don't even live in the same country. And what happens when he loses interest?"
Shane's stomach twists at that. It feels wrong, to think of Ilya as being so fickle, but it's been nagging at him all the same.
Brian's thumb brushes softly across his cheek. "This is my fault. I know I haven't been a good boyfriend lately, but I can make it up to you. I just need the chance."
It's so difficult, remembering how awful Brian made him feel before when right now, he's being so gentle. Saying all the right things, actually admitting to fault in a way Shane has never heard him do before.
"I love you so much, Shane. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."
Shane swallows. He can't even say it back, the words getting caught in his throat as he thinks them. They wouldn't be true; he doesn't love Brian anymore. When did that happen?
"I - I don't-"
"One chance," Brian pleads. He kisses Shane and Shane lets him. "This is just a stumbling block, I promise. We can go back to how we were."
Shane isn't sure he can believe that. He doesn't even know that he wants it to be true. But denying Brian the chance to even try feels wrong. Like quitting mid-game.
Day 15 Prompt: Direct WC: 469 Rating: Gen @hollanovmicrofic
--
Shane picks up halfway through the first ring. “Hey,” he says, hushed, soft, like you’d speak in a library. Or at a funeral. “That was quick.”
“No line,” Ilya replies, and if Shane sounds a little subdued, he sounds smothered entirely. Still, it’s an improvement over the state of him half an hour ago, when they pulled into the airport loading zone and all his set-jaw stoicism crumbled like the foundation of chalk it was built on. When goodbye abjectly refused to come out from behind his teeth. When ripping off the band-aid seemed like ripping out his lungs.
Then Shane - practical, logical, surgical Shane - said, “You wanna call me when you get through security?” and that was a near enough goalpost to shoot for. And now, here he is, wrung out empty but in motion. One foot in front of the other.
“What are you doing?” Ilya asks, from his back corner retreat at the gate.
“You know what I’m doing,” Shane says.
“I know,” Ilya agrees. “Tell me anyway.” That there’s well and truly nothing to be said is beside the point right now.
Shane, humouring him, says, “I’m driving, Ilya. What are you doing?”
“Watching people go by,” he says. “How’s traffic?”
“Fine, I guess. It’s moving. How’s peoplewatching?”
“Boring,” Ilya says. “Worst airport in North America.”
Shane laughs quietly. “Two weeks ago it was your favourite.”
“Well life moves fast Shane,” Ilya jokes, serious as a heart attack. “Try to keep up.”
“Yeah, okay,” Shane says, and then they lapse into silence. It doesn’t matter, the connection’s open. Ilya recognizes it’s a flimsy line to cling to but he clings to it, fast, by the skin of his fingernails. Hopes it’s strong enough to hold until the next goalpost comes into view.
For a minute or two they just breathe together. Then Shane, delicately, asks, “How are you doing?”
“Great,” Ilya snarks, “Never better.” He rolls his eyes, and then he hates that he did so, and he mentally takes it back again.
“I thought we were being honest about our feelings,” Shane says.
“Yes, that was the deal. For two weeks at the cottage. Contract’s up, Hollander.”
Shane huffs. “So what, we just go back to -“
“No,” Ilya interrupts, and his voice comes back strong again. “No going back.”
At the gate, the PA crackles to life. “Flight 817 direct to Boston is now boarding Zone A.”
Ilya takes a deep breath and says, “That’s me. I guess it’s goodbye for real now.”
“Not for real,” Shane says, and it sounds like I’ll miss you. It sounds like I love you. “It’s just goodbye for now.”
“So corny,” Ilya replies, and slings his bag over his shoulder. I’ll miss you too. I love you too.
Luca staying with Shane and Ilya for a few days while his place is being fumigated. He’s lying in bed when Hollanov’s sex sounds fill his room. Luca sends a video to the team group chat (the one without Shane and Ilya). It’s of him staring blankly into the camera. In the background, you can clearly hear Ilya moaning loudly. Luca is like ‘I can’t listen to Shane suck Ilya’s soul out of his body for the next 2 days. Can I stay with one of you?’ and Troy is like ‘You can come over and listen to me suck Harris’s soul out of his body’ and the other players respond with similar stuff like ‘You’re welcomed to listen to me fuck my wife’ and Luca remembers he’s a hockey player with money and checks into a hotel.
Re Ilya being the one obsessing about marriage I loooooove how their post Tampa dynamic is like
Shane: listen I like you and I think you like me too
Ilya: ok SO WHAT. What are we gonna do. Hold hands?? Kiss on the ice?? Get married?? Have three kids and a vacation home in the Dolomites because I know you’d love the skiing there?? Whisper to each other each night how lucky we are to have found each other? Die hand in hand like the end of the Notebook? Don’t be RIDICULOUS Hollander how could you even think about these things
Shane: I was thinking maybe starting with like you could come over?
Anyway scrimmages are enrichment for post-rivalry married on the Cens hollanov. Don’t talk to Shane right now Luca, he’s thinking about slamming Ilya into the boards and saying “Too slow, eh Rozanov?” Before expertly stealing the puck and scoring with reckless aggression on their poor backup goalie. He’s going to suck on Ilya’s bruise later. Wiebe is wondering if this is at all productive but like. Hollander and Rozanov did take a slight pay-cut.
Ilya in a huddle with Bood and Troy and the d-men like “don’t fuck this up for me we have to take him down” and Troy is smirking like “don’t you mean them?” And Ilya is like “NO. Hollander. We take him down like a hoard of ants. Why are you laughing Barrett? This is not funny. This is not haha. He sees through you and knows all your fears. He is relentless. When he can’t play hockey he reads about it. What was the last book you read, Dykstra?”
Harris: Here is a compilation video of stupid Hollanov competitions for your enjoyment ♥️🖤
Videos include, but are not limited to:
Who can tie their sneakers faster (Ilya, by 5 seconds),
Who can do the most of that water bottle toss/flip/land straight up challenge in a row (Shane, by 34. It was intense and a crowd gathered to watch. The Centaurs now try to break the record every so often, but no one can get close)
Who can juggle more (unsuccessful, competition suspended when a rogue juggling ball is tossed too poorly by Shane and breaks Weibe's office window)
Who can make it to the Centaur facilities' staff first to apologize for breaking said window (Ilya. He body checked Shane into a wall mid race.)
Who can pick more apples at Drover Family Orchards in 1 hour (To be replayed next harvest. Anya ate a bee and both Shane and Ilya freaked out.)
Who can fit more Veggie Straws in their mouth at once without choking/throwing up. (Shane, undisputed. It was disgusting and honestly a bit freaky to watch.)
"Just because you and your boyfriend are on break does not mean you want more from me," Lily said. "You will find a man to be with soon enough. It will probably just be him again."
"I'm not going to go back to him, and I'm not going to find another man," Shane said firmly. "I'm a lesbian."
"That did not stop you before."
Shane took a breath. Lily's words sunk into her skin.
She'd known on some level, for a while now, that she didn't like men the way she liked women. And she'd still fought kicking and screaming to try to make it work with Hayden.
"Lily, I like you."
Lily snorted. She didn't look at her. "You like the way I can make you feel."
"Yeah, and I like you."
Shane tries to make it work with her boyfriend. It doesn't. She has a conversation with Lily.
3.8k E. 4/5 Jagged
basically this is myhollanova's episode 5 yay yippee and my @hollanovaweek bingo is almost complete!
racism runs so deeply in people that if you call it out you are calling out them, and instead of sitting down and examining their own racism they lash out at you for being sooo meansies to them. you don't even have to be talking about anyone's racist behavior in particular because it makes racists so uncomfortable they will come forward themselves and act like you're targeting them specifically. it's okay when they do it because they're doing it in the correct way, in the nice way! they don't mean it like that. in fact they're actually being progressive. you're the cruel one for acting like their racist behavior is racist. you're the problem if you're bothered by their comfort racism. you're the bitchy colored person who makes eeeverything about racism when it so clearly isn't. i'm fucking sick of this.
the mark of a real actor is if they did theater before they hit it big and continue doing theater after. if they didn’t do theater before, then they are hacks and if they stop doing theater after, then they are dilettantes who lucked out. obviously this applies to all actors ever and there are no exceptions.
closing statement from an article about being intersex & the possible connection of gender expression and sexuality in intersex individuals, published in The Gay Liberator, 1970s
absolutely incomprehensible baby walked ahead of its parents into my job. babbling babbling babbling at me and I couldn't understand a word. and you must know i speak fluent baby babble so i was like what is up little baby. i can't understand a word you're saying. then its parents walked in fully speaking Swedish. I speak fluent baby but not Swedish you see.
hollanov pr friendship is so special to me i need it played out more. i need them to have an absolute blast with confusing people whether they actually like each other. i want them to chirp at each other left and right but then also stand next to each other at the practice rink gossiping with their mouths covered. i want ilya to drop random shane lore he acquired that has everyone confused as to how close they are. i want shane to correct other people on their ilya opinions. i want everyone to wonder why these fuckers decide to sit eat hang out with each other all the time if they always piss the other off and then see them being the absolute safe space for the other and wonder when they got that close. i just want them to have a little fun with being close friends in public yk
En Anglais, on ne dit pas “quatre vingt dix neuf”, on dit “ninety nine” qu'on pourrait traduire comme “Hurr durr, regardez mois, j'ai un système de numérotation fonctionnel” et je crois que c'est magnifique.
a star danced and under that was i born @luny0 - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
