I got a message about how this is supposedly mean. I am holding your hand when I say that refusing womanhood and clinging onto girlhood will not save you from the realities of adulthood. I am not saying you are not young. 26 is incredibly young. you are free to love the concepts and media associated with girlhood but there is much to love about womanhood that you are not seeing. there is something to be said for being free of the shackles of girlhood and childhood. you are an autonomous being. you have power over your life and the paths you will take. it is easier to see the paths when you start taking yourself seriously instead of waiting for others to do so. no one is saying you have to be serious. womanhood is joy too. a different shade of yellow
I subscribed to UNNAMED STREAMING SERVICE a few days ago and gave the login info to all my friends, as one does, but one of them went in and turned on 2-factor authentication and set the phone number to her own cell phone, locking me out of the account
It was an accident and we got it fixed but for a brief moment the betrayal and fury was so great I blacked out and was possessed by the spirit of like a 19th century naval officer, I was pacing around my room like "TO THINK THAT JUDAS HIMSELF NUMBERS HIMSELF AMONG MY COMPATRIOTS"
One of the best stories humanity ever produced was a draft of a rewrite of the Epic of Gilgamesh written by a Ecuadorian poet in 1935. It was tossed into a fireplace by an angry boy and lost forever. Another of humanity's best was told 65,000 years ago and was overheard by a small tribe of embarked Neanderthals boating down a river in what is now northern Georgia. A short woman at the bank scrubbed a wooden idol in the water and sang an ancient tale in an unknown language. These two are eclipsed by everything produced by two brothers at the coast of what is now Cameroon between 503 BC and 490 BC, which they shared with some family and friends, and were beloved by everyone except a sour uncle.
there’s sixteen Colorado counties that their most searched was “wolf furry”, plus thirty-odd counties (not counting either Arapahoe or any of the ones marked here as “Insufficient Data”) which may well have had plenty of searches for “wolf furry”, just fewer than for whatever they’re labeled here
and “skunk furry” searches in Arapahoe County outnumbered “wolf furry” searches in the entire state of Colorado
Bill Murray and Gilda Radner, New York City Uncredited and Undated Photograph
“Gilda got married and went away. None of us saw her anymore. There was one good thing: Laraine had a party one night, a great party at her house. And I ended up being the disk jockey. She just had forty-fives, and not that many, so you really had to work the music end of it. There was a collection of like the funniest people in the world at this party. Somehow Sam Kinison sticks in my brain. The whole Monty Python group was there, most of us from the show, a lot of other funny people, and Gilda. Gilda showed up and she’d already had cancer and gone into remission and then had it again, I guess. Anyway she was slim. We hadn’t seen her in a long time. And she started doing, “I’ve got to go,” and she was just going to leave, and I was like, “Going to leave?” It felt like she was going to really leave forever.
So we started carrying her around, in a way that we could only do with her. We carried her up and down the stairs, around the house, repeatedly, for a long time, until I was exhausted. Then Danny did it for a while. Then I did it again. We just kept carrying her; we did it in teams. We kept carrying her around, but like upside down, every which way—over your shoulder and under your arm, carrying her like luggage. And that went on for more than an hour—maybe an hour and a half—just carrying her around and saying, “She’s leaving! This could be it! Now come on, this could be the last time we see her. Gilda’s leaving, and remember that she was very sick—hello?”
We worked all aspects of it, but it started with just, “She’s leaving, I don’t know if you’ve said good-bye to her.” And we said good-bye to the same people ten, twenty times, you know.
And because these people were really funny, every person we’d drag her up to would just do like five minutes on her, with Gilda upside down in this sort of tortured position, which she absolutely loved. She was laughing so hard we could have lost her right then and there.
It was just one of the best parties I’ve ever been to in my life. I’ll always remember it. It was the last time I saw her.” Bill Murray
Posting this for my soul cat Kenzie (she passed a few years ago but I still think of her every single day) and for everyone else who has lost someone they love. ❤️
The 'ingredients you can pronounce means it's healthy' line implies a world in which the kind of nutrition a person requires scales with their biology education and grasp of phonics. Which isn't true, of course, but sure would imply some interesting worldbuilding if it were
"Potassium cyanide. Arsenic trioxide. Polonium 210. Tetrachlorodibenzodioxin," I say, smugly and with full confidence, before downing the glass of wine my political rival insisted on pouring for me. Seconds later, she watches with a smirk as I collapse writhing to the ground, in the knowledge that I never could hit that "R" in "pinot noir" quite right
Forever having thoughts about Sect Leader Ouyang telling everyone that if even the kids are fighting they ought to be as well at the Second Siege of the Burial mounds. Because almost everyone agrees that, even without their spiritual energy they can’t leave the children to fight by themselves.
Lan Sizhui has to be at least 17, possibly 18, and most of the other juniors are a similar age with Jin Ling being on the younger end at 15. Everyone agrees that these are children (they’re right) and that they should be protecting them and preventing them fighting and running into danger, that their safety is a priority and they shouldn’t be involved with the adults’ conflicts.
And it’s just- Jiang Cheng was 17 when he became a wartime sect leader. Wei Wuxian was 17 when he was thrown into the burial mounds and became one of the most feared combatants of the Sunshot Campaign. Lan Xichen was 19 when he became Sect leader. Jin ZiXuan was maybe 18 when he was doing most of the actual frontline fighting for his sect.
I’m not sure how much that theme carried through for other clans but likely a considerable amount since the Wen’s had eradicated the leadership of many of the minor clans first.
But the Juniors are children and it’s the adults’ job to protect them. And the adults are there, they’re present and they are planning to leave the children the hell out of it because that’s an option now. These kids aren’t allowed in their war conferences- they’re only there for this as hostages because it’s a given that their parents would come and rescue them.
They’re only there for the rest of the plot because some of them keep running off and ignoring their families’ pleas to just stay within their line of sight and out of trouble. Many thoughts about how these people who led major military campaigns in their teens are now extremely protective of their own teenage children. Like the cultivation world fucked up on so many fronts but at least they seem to be doing something sort of right.
i have a random issue with a handful of pre-srar fall out boy songs where I LOVE the the start of the song or just generally everything but the chorus, but the chorus itself i find kind of underwhelming (eg: ilalwtwiattgyo, ttotbo, igatrimeanomf, cfmrfrpfmsr, gblogbd(dyptstsasgts)
"'We could only have one child,'' David said quietly. "We thought about adopting, but we decided in the end to just focus on making Shane the best person we could. I think we did an okay job of it.
Ilya smiled at the understatement.
"We couldn't be prouder of the man he's become,' David continued. "I don't have any Stanley Cup rings, but I have Shane.''
Chapter 39, The Long Game
....
It's Christmas of 1988.
There's one more present under the tree, and Yuna's eyes are dancing as she hands it to David. He opens it to find the tiniest pair of shoes he's ever seen.
"No. Really?" He's dizzy.
"Really," Yuna grins, and her eyes are shining with tears, and David loves that face more than anything. He hopes their baby looks just like her.
.....
It's a bitterly cold day in February of 1989 when David puts the shoes away. He pushes down all the anger of it's not fair, why us, why our baby. Yuna needs him.
The doctor had said you're young, you can try again.
.....
In the spring of 1990 the flowers are blooming to life and Yuna's belly is starting to look rounder. David looks around the empty bedroom in their Ottawa house and thinks green might be nice, something that works for a boy or a girl, a nice cheerful shade. Next week he'll buy the paint.
The call from the hospital comes before he gets the chance. When he looks at the doctor's scrubs he thinks green is the ugliest colour on earth.
.....
They don't talk about it. Not when the leaves are changing colour and the nurse offers them congratulations. Not at Christmas or New Year's as they turn the calendar over to 1991. It's Valentines Day before David gets the courage to touch the rounded swell of his wife's body and he cries when whoever is inside touches him back. It doesn't matter that they don't have a name or a face yet, he loves them so much it hurts.
.....
On a Friday morning in May, David holds his son for the first time. His face is scrunched and blotchy red and angry. He's the most perfect thing anyone has ever laid eyes on.
He watches Yuna sing and rock him near the nursery window at home, her face glowing. He thinks the yellow paint was definitely the right choice for their sunshine, their only sunshine.
.....
Shane is a chubby baby (they laugh themselves sick when the baby shoes don't even fit on his fat little biscuit feet) but by the time he turns two he has leaned out into a little boy, they think maybe they are ready to try again. David imagines a girl this time, introducing Shane to his baby sister. Melissa sounds pretty. The baby name book had said it meant honeybee and doesn't that just fit perfectly amidst sunshine and flowers and springtime?
.....
It never happens.
Shane is an only child at four and five and six and he's becoming something special on the ice, all the coaches say so. David thinks that they have no idea what they're talking about when they say that because Shane Hollander has always been special from the time he kicked and rolled inside his mother, before he ever knew what cold was.
If he's all they get, they will make sure he knows he is everything.
.....
Sometimes David wants to take Shane by the shoulders and apologize to him for making him think he has to be everything. You don't have to try so hard to be perfect for us, he wants to say. You're perfect to us because you're you, you're ours, don't you know how we prayed and hoped and waited just for you to exist, don't you know that's enough?
Much, much later as he waves to him (to them) in late evening sunshine, he sees Shane relax behind the windshield with a loving hand on the back of his neck. David feels something inside of him loosen.
.....
On Shane’s wedding day, David embraces both his sons and dances with his wife and my god, if this is all he ever gets in life, no man has ever been so lucky.
.....
"Are you ready?" Shane is smiling and his eyes are shiny. Ilya looks much the same.
David is dizzy. But he nods and holds his hands out. Shane places the baby in his arms and oh, she's so tiny. He forgot how tiny they start out.
Her little knit hat is yellow.
"Hey there, honeybee," he murmurs, and his voice is foggy with unshed tears. "I'm your grandpa."
Eva Stratt's pov of phm is kinda insane really. Because it's basically being told, hey humanity WILL go extinct soon. but we've decided that if one person makes it through all the levels of the Torment Nexus our chances of survival might increase. they might also not. Anyway. We think you're the best person to do this. Your reward is that everyone will hate you forever.
And you're like well. I'd rather trust myself to the fate of the world than anyone else. And I'd rather not let anyone else suffer the Torment Nexus just because of my own feelings. That seems kinda selfish. Alright sure.
So you enter the Torment Nexus. Each level has you pressing buttons like, [abduct innocent scientists to your vat: chances of humanity's survival increases by 0.005%] [everyone disliked that] [congrats! your moral goodness has decreased!].
The later levels get even worse. [blow up Antarctica: chances of humanity's survival increases by, ummm who knows ????] [total humans negatively affected: ????] [congrats! you're an ecoterrorist!].
Then you reach the final level. It reads: [through this door you'll break the news to your friend that he needs to die.] And you're like, wait he has to die??? I have to tell him?? But that's incredibly fucked up. After I went through the Torment Nexus as well. But it's the last level. So oh well. I can do this I suppose. Rather me than anyone else.
You enter the level and you friend is standing next to a cliff. You go over to him and say, hey this really fucking sucks but I've just learnt you need to jump off the cliff. Then we might be able to save humanity for real though. Maybe billions of people can survive if this works.
Then he turns to you and is like, are you fucking insane? And starts sprinting away from the cliff. Suddenly you have a gun in your hand. You're like, no wait. I don't want to do this. For real? I gotta shoot him for real? [Chances of survival if he lives: 0%. Chances of survival if he dies: maybe NOT 0%......????]. You pull the trigger. [congrats! you're a murderer!]
they’re doing one of those fun videos interviews with the communications intern. the guys walking through the tunnel before hitting the ice and drawing question from a cup the intern is holding. shane picks one and reads it out loud “if you could spend a day with anyone in the world, who would it be?” and he doesn’t even hesitate “i already do that” and the intern is like “wait what do you mean?” and shane gestures vaguely in ilya’s direction and ilya that was right behind him with troy and others centaurs, just open the biggest grin on his face and all the guys start groaning and booing cus they’re disgustingly in love and can never be normal about each other
first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets or the masterlist so kindly put together by @tafkarfanfic.
June 2015
It's been a day since Shane sent that message to Brian. A little over two hours since Brian's plane landed. Ten minutes since he texted Shane, telling him he was almost there.
Six seconds since he knocked on the door.
Shane is so anxious he feels numb as he reaches for the handle. He's practiced what to say but he has no idea what to expect from Brian, no way to really mentally prepare.
He's knocked off course immediately as he sees Brian.
His face is bruised, an angry dark purple stretched across his cheek. It's such an incongruous sight - Shane can't remember the last time he saw an injury like that on someone other than a hockey player - that it takes him a moment to figure out what he's even looking at.
"What happened?"
"Can I come in?" Brian asks instead of answering.
Shane steps aside, head still reeling. Once Brian is inside, leaning against the kitchen counter, he asks again, "What happened?"
"I, uh, kinda got into it with this drunk homophobe," Brian says, smiling wryly. "I wouldn't have engaged but I was kinda drunk too, so. I'm just lucky my friends were there and he was alone because it could've ended really badly."
Cold fear pools in Shane's stomach at the thought. He knows the kind of violence gay people face, has seen what even perceived queerness gets met with in locker rooms across every level, but this feels different, the stark, ugly reality of it staring at him in the face.
"That's awful," he says. "Are you okay?"
Brian shrugs one shoulder. "I'm fine. It probably looks worse than it feels. Anyway, it's not why I'm here."
"Oh." Shane shifts on his feet. "Right. Uh..."
"I really fucked up, coming to Vegas."
Shane blinks. Brian is looking at him, brows drawn, and Shane doesn't know what to do with the contriteness he sees on his face. This isn't how he expected this conversation to go, and it hasn't even really started yet.
"It was so inconsiderate of me," Brian continues. "I just knew that I really wanted to be there, even if we couldn't see each other. I didn't think about how much it would stress you out, and I should have because I know what's at stake for you."
"That's, uh - " Shane doesn't know what to say. Even if we couldn't see each other. Would Brian really have been fine with that, if Shane had just asked instead of making an argument out of it right away? "I guess I overreacted a little."
"Babe, no. You were right, I shouldn't have been there." Brian laughs, running a hand through his hair. "Truthfully, I feel like I've been going a little crazy over you lately."
"...You have?"
"I've been really jealous," Brian admits. "I think... maybe opening the relationship was a bad idea."
Shane has no idea how they got here. He feels ten steps behind, his planned speech up in smokes. These are all things he never in a million years would have thought he'd hear Brian say.
"It seemed to make sense at the time. But now," Brian waves a dismissive hand, "I feel like an idiot for suggesting it in the first place. For not closing it again when you asked for it, last May."
Shane doesn't remember asking for that. He remembers telling Brian that not seeing Ilya anymore would amount to the same thing on his side, but that hadn't been the point. He'd wanted to be able to keep seeing Ilya because he liked him - not that he'd realized this about himself at the time.
Right. He needs to get this conversation back on track.
"It wasn't a great idea," he agrees. "But it happened and it - it changed things for me."
Something sharpens in Brian's gaze and Shane looks away, feeling oddly ashamed.
"This is about Rozanov," Brian says. It isn't a question.
Shane nods at the floor. "I, uh. I like him. He likes me, too."
"And now you want to leave me for him."
It sounds so unbelievably cruel, phrased like that. Shane can't bring himself to look up and he startles when Brian's hand cups his cheek, nudging his chin up.
"And then what?" Brian asks, voice gentle. "It would be a hundred times more complicated being with him, wouldn't it? You don't even live in the same country. And what happens when he loses interest?"
Shane's stomach twists at that. It feels wrong, to think of Ilya as being so fickle, but it's been nagging at him all the same.
Brian's thumb brushes softly across his cheek. "This is my fault. I know I haven't been a good boyfriend lately, but I can make it up to you. I just need the chance."
It's so difficult, remembering how awful Brian made him feel before when right now, he's being so gentle. Saying all the right things, actually admitting to fault in a way Shane has never heard him do before.
"I love you so much, Shane. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."
Shane swallows. He can't even say it back, the words getting caught in his throat as he thinks them. They wouldn't be true; he doesn't love Brian anymore. When did that happen?
"I - I don't-"
"One chance," Brian pleads. He kisses Shane and Shane lets him. "This is just a stumbling block, I promise. We can go back to how we were."
Shane isn't sure he can believe that. He doesn't even know that he wants it to be true. But denying Brian the chance to even try feels wrong. Like quitting mid-game.
Day 15 Prompt: Direct WC: 469 Rating: Gen @hollanovmicrofic
--
Shane picks up halfway through the first ring. “Hey,” he says, hushed, soft, like you’d speak in a library. Or at a funeral. “That was quick.”
“No line,” Ilya replies, and if Shane sounds a little subdued, he sounds smothered entirely. Still, it’s an improvement over the state of him half an hour ago, when they pulled into the airport loading zone and all his set-jaw stoicism crumbled like the foundation of chalk it was built on. When goodbye abjectly refused to come out from behind his teeth. When ripping off the band-aid seemed like ripping out his lungs.
Then Shane - practical, logical, surgical Shane - said, “You wanna call me when you get through security?” and that was a near enough goalpost to shoot for. And now, here he is, wrung out empty but in motion. One foot in front of the other.
“What are you doing?” Ilya asks, from his back corner retreat at the gate.
“You know what I’m doing,” Shane says.
“I know,” Ilya agrees. “Tell me anyway.” That there’s well and truly nothing to be said is beside the point right now.
Shane, humouring him, says, “I’m driving, Ilya. What are you doing?”
“Watching people go by,” he says. “How’s traffic?”
“Fine, I guess. It’s moving. How’s peoplewatching?”
“Boring,” Ilya says. “Worst airport in North America.”
Shane laughs quietly. “Two weeks ago it was your favourite.”
“Well life moves fast Shane,” Ilya jokes, serious as a heart attack. “Try to keep up.”
“Yeah, okay,” Shane says, and then they lapse into silence. It doesn’t matter, the connection’s open. Ilya recognizes it’s a flimsy line to cling to but he clings to it, fast, by the skin of his fingernails. Hopes it’s strong enough to hold until the next goalpost comes into view.
For a minute or two they just breathe together. Then Shane, delicately, asks, “How are you doing?”
“Great,” Ilya snarks, “Never better.” He rolls his eyes, and then he hates that he did so, and he mentally takes it back again.
“I thought we were being honest about our feelings,” Shane says.
“Yes, that was the deal. For two weeks at the cottage. Contract’s up, Hollander.”
Shane huffs. “So what, we just go back to -“
“No,” Ilya interrupts, and his voice comes back strong again. “No going back.”
At the gate, the PA crackles to life. “Flight 817 direct to Boston is now boarding Zone A.”
Ilya takes a deep breath and says, “That’s me. I guess it’s goodbye for real now.”
“Not for real,” Shane says, and it sounds like I’ll miss you. It sounds like I love you. “It’s just goodbye for now.”
“So corny,” Ilya replies, and slings his bag over his shoulder. I’ll miss you too. I love you too.
Luca staying with Shane and Ilya for a few days while his place is being fumigated. He’s lying in bed when Hollanov’s sex sounds fill his room. Luca sends a video to the team group chat (the one without Shane and Ilya). It’s of him staring blankly into the camera. In the background, you can clearly hear Ilya moaning loudly. Luca is like ‘I can’t listen to Shane suck Ilya’s soul out of his body for the next 2 days. Can I stay with one of you?’ and Troy is like ‘You can come over and listen to me suck Harris’s soul out of his body’ and the other players respond with similar stuff like ‘You’re welcomed to listen to me fuck my wife’ and Luca remembers he’s a hockey player with money and checks into a hotel.
