"It would destroy her": Parenthood, Laundry Rooms, and Childhood Innocence in the Season 2 finale of The Americans
Unlike most shows, The Americans doesn't do explosive scenes or sudden cliffhangers for their finales. They want their audience sit down and contemplate the aftermath of the event. In Season 1, it is the image of Paige going into the laundry room; a lesser show would reveal that she had found out the truth about Elizabeth and Philip. Yet she does not, and she will not for quite some time. But the damage is already done.
Paige has begun to suspect her parents are not who she had thought they were, and this suspicion marks the permanent loss of her childhood innocence. This moment gains even more traction in the second season premiere, when Paige opens the door to the master bedroom in the middle of the night, expecting to find her parents missing from the house. For a few seconds, the audience is led to believe that Paige's suspicions will be confirmed, but what is confirmed, for Paige and us, is that Elizabeth and Philip's marriage has become real. It is a bittersweet irony; Elizabeth and Philip are closer than ever because despite the lies, they are utterly truthful to one another. But their lies have carved an irreparable rift between them and their children.
The morning after, Elizabeth asks Paige, "Why would you open a closed door?" In the light of the series finale, this is an ominous line because we know that the door, representative of Paige's innocence, will forever remain broken. Paige cannot take back seeing her parents in love, and the truth is that they are more loyal to each other than they are to their children. (e.g. in the series finale, Paige watches from a distance as Elizabeth and Philip exchange their real wedding rings. In that moment, she knows that she will not have a place in their life.)
And it is equally sad that Paige replies, "Because I missed you." This may not be the actual reason, but it is true. She misses her parents, or at least, the version of them before she opened that door and lost everything she once was.
All this brings us to the finale, when The Center orders Philip and Elizabeth to tell Paige the truth and recruit her as a second generation KGB agent. The obvious answer for Philip is a flat out rejection. We know that he has been falling apart from the weight of living a lie. Like any decent father, Philip does not want that for his child. But Elizabeth thinks differently. "It would destroy her," Philip says in response to Elizabeth entertaining the idea of letting Paige know that not only are they Russian, but also, KGB agents.
Elizabeth simply asks, "To be like us?"
The season ends right there.
The implications of Elizabeth's question are triple-fold (as everything always is in The Americans). Would it destroy Paige to be a KGB agent, like her parents? Or would it be worse for Paige to live her life as an American, estranged from her heritage, a lie that Elizabeth and Philip are presently trapped in as undercover agents? Lastly, would it be so terrible for Paige to be like Elizabeth and Philip — Russian? What Elizabeth is telling Philip is that maybe it wouldn't be so terrible for their child to be their child. It is about leaving a legacy - maybe a parent's narcissism - and it is also a kind of love that inheres in the hope that your child inherits all the best parts of you. Elizabeth doesn't think that being a Soviet woman was something to be ashamed of. She is proud of her background, and she wants Paige to be proud too. For the first time in years, Elizabeth is thinking of what it would mean for Paige to be her daughter, and not a product of forced circumstances. In Season 3, Elizabeth tells Philip that her mother didn't hesitate to send her away to serve their country; the fact that they are wrestling with the decision to bring Paige into the fold reveals something else both damning and heartwarming: they are no longer their parents. Their time together have changed them. Elizabeth is no longer alone. She knows what it means to be loved. And that love has changed how she sees her daughter.
Despite everything that went down later, I always thought that Elizabeth's first response was beautiful. Earlier in the season, she tells Philip that because of her inaction, Jared would have to hear about his parents from an American. He would never know why Leanne and Emmett joined the KGB, or their lives prior to moving to the United States. In learning the truth from somebody else, Jared learns another lie. She doesn't want that for Paige.
Again, another lesser show would have Elizabeth succumb to the American lifestyle and defect, but she never does. Her desire to tell Paige the truth is also simple - she wants to be close to her daughter, and they cannot do that while living a lie. Halfway through the first season, Elizabeth wakes Paige up to pierce her ears. It remains one of my favourite scenes, because whether Elizabeth accepts it or not, she has been changed by her love for both Philip and her children. It is only a tragedy that she is a product of wartime when love meant little. The finale lets us think about what happens when children eventually grow up and learn that their parents, whom they'd assume to be perfect, are flawed and nothing like the happy pictures from their childhood. The truth is hard to reckon with, but it is necessary and inevitable. And parents, whatever comes, must realise that their children may not accept them, or even grow up to be who they want them to be.
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