✩ M𝐲 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐠 ✩ @m139blog - Tumblr Blog

Happy Singles Day :)

#singlesday #i am alone #feeling alone #sad things #sad thinking

Everything I see online just wants me to cut myself deeply.. I just want to die so damn much..

But no matter how much I say that or how often I explain that to someone nobody cares..

I could just die and nobody cares.. Nobody notices it.. Why can’t I just die? It’s not easy to kill myself.. I already tried that a month ago or somewhen..

But I really can’t do it anymore and just want to die.. I want to cut myself so deeply and to punish myself.. I want to punish myself for not being good enough for anyone..

I‘m so fucking sorry that I‘m never good enough.. I could cry and break enough so much times but nobody would care if they would see my fucking weak tears.. 😞

Being a bit drunk without drinking to much to get a headache the next day or forget what happend is just the best 😆

Like idk why but you drink and everything is funny or I just get kinda sleepy lol

I drink just at home anyways so I‘m fine and feel comfortable and safe without worrying that something happens if I still would be outside alone :)

#im drunk #drunk #drunk blogging #drunk thoughts #drunkposting #funny post #funny #stupid shit #stupid post #stupid thoughts

Pictures of the walk today in the sunset and autumn evening 🍁🍂🌇

#beautiful photos #digital photography #nature #nature photography #photoblog #photography #sunset #sunset photography #autumn trees #autumn pictures #autumn photography #autumn #street photography #street pictures #night photography #dark street

Todays pictures when I spended time with my father ^^

(Last two pics are a bit edited in the pictures app bc it wasn’t much to see and to bright)

#beautiful photos #digital photography #nature #nature photography #nature photoshoot #photoblog #photography #photoshoot #sunlight #street photography #autumn #autumn photography #autumn pictures #trees #autumn trees #photooftheday #sunset #sunset photography

I hate everything.. I hate this place here.. I hate everyone who hurted me and still makes me suffer now.. I hate myself.. I still feel so ugly and fat even if I already lost weight so much..

Why can’t I just die..? I want nothing else than to leave this fucking place.. I want to die.. to hurt myself.. because I deserve it so much.. because I hate myself so much.. because I deserve to get punished..

It’s all my fault.. I should just end it.. I don’t even want to continue.. I have no energy either.. I‘m just so tired, mentally and emotionally but also physially I feel like I can’t do it further anymore..

Todays sunset was so amazing 🤩

Wasn’t going for a walk for so long.. 🫠

Todays pictures from the walk ✨💚 It’s sunny and nice weather and also beautiful flowers 🌸🩷

#beautiful photos #digital photography #nature #nature photography #nature photoshoot #photoblog #photography #photoshoot #sonnenlicht #sonnenschein #sunlight #sun photography #photooftheday #naturecore #walking in nature #my walk today #walking around #on a walk

I feel bad. I feel like everything is to much.. It builds up every day a little more till somewhen I feel like freaking out..

I can’t do this anymore.. That’s what I thought very much but still continue and survive in this shitty life I have right now..

Why am I continuing? For what? I‘m don’t have to do anything for anyone.. I don’t owe anything to anyone.. Why am I continuing then?

Am I doing this to not leave the ones who are still there and important to me? Just for my family? For them that they won’t be alone..?

Or am I doing this for my father who lives alone now? Am I staying alive for him that he won’t be completely lonely?

Maybe I‘m just afraid that if I leave this world that my parents hate each other.. and give each other the guilt for that.. I don’t want that to happen..

But I don’t owe anyone anything, right? Why am I thinking about the others then if it’s my life? If I can decide what to do with it..

Why didn’t I just left already? Why am I not dead already..? If I already wished that for so long.. If I already tried so much but it wasn’t enough..

Why? Why am I doing this to myself? Just to suffer more here? Why can’t I just be dead already? Why is it so hard to stay but also so hard to leave..?