Happy Singles Day :)
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@m139blog
Happy Singles Day :)
Everything I see online just wants me to cut myself deeply.. I just want to die so damn much..
But no matter how much I say that or how often I explain that to someone nobody cares..
I could just die and nobody cares.. Nobody notices it.. Why can’t I just die? It’s not easy to kill myself.. I already tried that a month ago or somewhen..
But I really can’t do it anymore and just want to die.. I want to cut myself so deeply and to punish myself.. I want to punish myself for not being good enough for anyone..
I‘m so fucking sorry that I‘m never good enough.. I could cry and break enough so much times but nobody would care if they would see my fucking weak tears.. 😞
Being a bit drunk without drinking to much to get a headache the next day or forget what happend is just the best 😆
Like idk why but you drink and everything is funny or I just get kinda sleepy lol
I drink just at home anyways so I‘m fine and feel comfortable and safe without worrying that something happens if I still would be outside alone :)
Pictures of the walk today in the sunset and autumn evening 🍁🍂🌇
Todays pictures when I spended time with my father ^^
(Last two pics are a bit edited in the pictures app bc it wasn’t much to see and to bright)
I hate everything.. I hate this place here.. I hate everyone who hurted me and still makes me suffer now.. I hate myself.. I still feel so ugly and fat even if I already lost weight so much..
Why can’t I just die..? I want nothing else than to leave this fucking place.. I want to die.. to hurt myself.. because I deserve it so much.. because I hate myself so much.. because I deserve to get punished..
It’s all my fault.. I should just end it.. I don’t even want to continue.. I have no energy either.. I‘m just so tired, mentally and emotionally but also physially I feel like I can’t do it further anymore..
Todays sunset was so amazing 🤩
Wasn’t going for a walk for so long.. 🫠
Todays pictures from the walk ✨💚 It’s sunny and nice weather and also beautiful flowers 🌸🩷
I feel bad. I feel like everything is to much.. It builds up every day a little more till somewhen I feel like freaking out..
I can’t do this anymore.. That’s what I thought very much but still continue and survive in this shitty life I have right now..
Why am I continuing? For what? I‘m don’t have to do anything for anyone.. I don’t owe anything to anyone.. Why am I continuing then?
Am I doing this to not leave the ones who are still there and important to me? Just for my family? For them that they won’t be alone..?
Or am I doing this for my father who lives alone now? Am I staying alive for him that he won’t be completely lonely?
Maybe I‘m just afraid that if I leave this world that my parents hate each other.. and give each other the guilt for that.. I don’t want that to happen..
But I don’t owe anyone anything, right? Why am I thinking about the others then if it’s my life? If I can decide what to do with it..
Why didn’t I just left already? Why am I not dead already..? If I already wished that for so long.. If I already tried so much but it wasn’t enough..
Why? Why am I doing this to myself? Just to suffer more here? Why can’t I just be dead already? Why is it so hard to stay but also so hard to leave..?
Today I‘m here at this place again where I used to hangout with my best friend.. I miss her still but this place is so nice and calm 💚
Today on the walk in the hot weather with the sun ☀️
Today at the park in hot weather 🏞️☀️
♡ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ౨ৎ ‧₊ .ᐟ 。 ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ 。♡ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ౨ৎ ‧₊ .ᐟ
Happy Easter! 🐰🐣
♡ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ౨ৎ ‧₊ .ᐟ 。 ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ 。♡ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ౨ৎ ‧₊ .ᐟ
From the walk yesterday in sunset 🌇🩵💙
🪶🤎
So viele schöne Bilder von heute! Der Spaziergang draußen in dem schönen Wetter war wirklich schön 🏙️💙
Der Sonnenuntergang von heute Morgen war sehr schön 🌄🧡