Mackbag

Mostly writing the little silly things my brain gives me

[mackbag]

And I want to hold the younger me against my body. I wish I could take her away to be free. I want to hold her so tight she can’t breathe. I want to be there for her while she’s kicking and screaming, letting her feel the emotion my parents never let me feel.

[runningintospiderwebs]

reblog if you've read all the peculiar children books i want to know you exist

[mackbag]

Maybe I just want someone to hold me. Maybe I want them to look at me and without a word passing between us, I’ll know I’m gonna be okay. I’ll know that they will keep my secrets even if what we have falls apart because they once loved me, and that was enough. My vulnerability forever safe in their hands.

[mackbag]

I’ve tried and I’ve tried and I’ve tried and I’ve failed. I’m so tired. What if I didn’t? Just this once? What would happen if I finally just stopped? Would you notice? Would you care? Would you care about ME? Or would you care about how you would look if your child suddenly stopped being “productive”. How you would look if your kid became a lazy slob. I feel terrible, but I can’t give you anything anymore. I’m sorry.

[mackbag]

I get so angry sometimes. The things you say or do make me want to put my fist through the glass, through the wall. I want the brick, the shards, to split the skin of my knuckles, and I want to bleed all over your carpet just to have you yell at me about the stains. I want to stand in front of all of you and cry as my broken hands leak blood all over your floors. If I put my fist through your walls or windows, I want you to see me bleed, not the stains on your carpet.

[mackbag]

To light a candle for ever person passed, would be a kin to lighting the building on fire. Watch it burn and feel their gratitude

[mackbag]

Is it so terrible to want to be known? To be loved in the smallest ways? Maybe for someone like me. Maybe it is terrible to wake up next to someone and see them smiling down at me, for them to know my freckles and my sins. They love me for all my gel pens and books, my great assortment of chapstick flavours. They know I go out on my longboard to feel free and that I play guitar when I feel guilty. To know these things about me and love me anyway, is a horrible crime.

[mackbag]

When I die

When I die tie up my corpse with cloth and toss me in a ditch. Sew my lungs with seeds of oak trees, my eyes stuffed with forget-me-nots; because one day, they will forget me; my once strong branches will have withered. But those from my pollen and acorns will unknowingly live out my legacy as I have for many before me.

[mackbag]

Remember the way I was, not what I looked like

I want to be remembered by way of feeling, a fuzzy face with a name you can’t quite put a finger on. But when you think of me you will remember all the fires I set, the lives I turned to flames. You will remember that I was a hailstorm of fleeting human spirit. An ember turned from raging flame to ashes all too soon.

[cherrychapati]

playlists for when you're

so bone-tired you could collapse

streaming midnights

in a museum

ready to gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss

baking something sweet

floating in the clouds

ready for a 2am nap at an airport

on a nostalgia kick

feeling like a rockstar

in a fall mood // anne with an e

in need of a hug

crying on the bathroom floor

[mackbag]

The girls in my town are all about that "bad boy is good to you" and I'm all like "okay, but what about, good boy is bad for you?" Like, he all happy and good with people. (I hate people) But the moment that someone steps out of line, insulting me or one of his friends....it's like-

I'm just gonna leave it there

[animatedtext]

requested by kunaigirl

[mackbag]

Forgiveness

My mother always told me not to ask for forgiveness if I was just going to do it again. So, I never ask for forgiveness, in fear that I will do it again, and I never apologized because I am never sorry.

[mackbag]

It was inevitable

"Herd behavior" she said out of the blue, wiping at her damp cheeks. My eyes flicked over to the window. "You can't believe what everyone else believes, just because they believe it."

My gaze slowly fell to the floor, "It's a nice thought though, Isn't it?" I asked, her eyes full of questions. "That you're beliefs are yours alone. In these cases I would say 'follow what your heart tells you to believe and you will find your own way'." I stood up brushing off my trousers, "But instead I say, find a belief that you agree with, with all your heart and soul." I walked over to the door, my hand resting on the handle. "Then fallow that belief to it's core, and find your people." I left her, wondering. I knew that she would leave me, it was inevitable, but I never thought it would be like this.

[mackbag]

The sea

In a dream,—it is unknown if it is mine or not— my bed and I break apart from the wall and drift out into a sea. The sea could be made of water, thoughts or any kind of emotion. It doesn't matter of which the sea is made, I'm still scared to fall in and drown.