Smile Like You Mean It
āSmile like you mean itā, the title of a song that my brain always has trouble interpreting. No matter how many times I listen to it, all I can think of is the name. I constantly find my face dropping. I never notice when the happy face flicks on, but the second I walk through a door or down a hallway Iām painfully aware that itās gone. I live my life by the title of this lovely song, because if I donāt then others get worried. If I donātĀ āsmile like I mean itā Iād be afraid others might see the emptiness inside that seeps into my face the second Iām alone. I think if I were to be honest Iād say Iām ashamed of my depression, it makes me feel like less of a person. I donāt know why Iām so different, why do I constantly feel like I donāt deserve anything I have, like Iām an imposter in my own life. The only thing that keeps me going is the fear of hurting others. Iām hanging on by a thread and it gets weaker every day. It will snap eventually, but Iāve got time till then. I donāt want others to see my fear, to know one day Iāll just be gone, and I donāt want them to live with that day hanging over them. So I get up, I go out, and I need to, IĀ āSmile like I mean itā.
