The fringe Parasitic Encephalization Theory claims our nervous system is a parasite that took over the body of the earliest vertebrate ancestor. It captures 20% of the body's resources, while staying separate from the blood and being considered unique by the immune system.
While very few defend this theory, one fact supports it: If the body dies while the skull is open, the brain and spinal cord sometimes detach and briefly flail outside, in what could perhaps be an ancient host-seeking reflex.
there's a reason this ISNT taught in school. it's because they want you to believe that your struggles are your fault and not the fault of the ruling class hoarding all the wealth
I love when Clark uses Bruce (and his kids) as his baseline for average, normal human. Ranging from gym routines, to illness and injury recovery to simply what's considered normal knowledge. Like, sure Clark could look up the standard for an American white male, but like. Clark never expects to have someone asking him detailed questions about his workout or about how long it took him to get over his last flu. Plus, he takes sick and injury leave for Superman reasons, and his default is to just use whatever the last reason for Bruce being benched was (or rather, the last, most reasonable for a normal human to have happen to him).
Cue Clark saying something "oh, yeah, I had to take for an hour the last three weeks for physical therapy for that dislocated shoulder. But it's all good now."
Coworker, who had previously dislocated their shoulder, and was worried for Clark due to him being such a sweetheart: "you... just had three days of physical therapy for a dislocated shoulder?"
Clark, thinking about how Bruce did his physical therapy by himself aside from once a week when Alfred or Dick would help him, "I mean, I was also doing it at home too?"
Clark learns that 99% of Bruce's injury recovery protocol is inhumane by most standards and leaves work and flies straight to the Cave to regale Bruce with the timeline of Craig's (the coworker) rotator cuff surgery and how apparently you're not supposed to put weight on it for months and did you know that, Bruce?
Bruce: Hn.
Bruce, internally: god I wish I could spend three months not putting weight on this fucking shoulder. Craig doesn't know how lucky he is.
Street Kid: They say the manor was haunted long before Gotham was even settled. If you stand in the center of it at midnight, you can hear screams comeing from the walls, strange animals crawling in the woods and bad luck follows you like a shadow. Strange things happen on that property because of The Kid.
Jason: The Kid?
Street Kid: A boy who was murdered and haunts the area. Apparently still searching for his sister that was kidnapped there too.
Jason: Wait how was she kidnapped if The Kid was there before Gotham was settled? Like who knew that fact? Did the kidnapped go around saying he did it?
Street Kid: Damn, you have no sense of wonder do you?
Jason: It just doesn't make sense. It's obviously a bunch of lies rich people made up.
Street Kid: Bet you wouldn't feel like that if you saw The Kid.
Jason: Bet I would! Bet you nothing would even happened!
Street Kid: Oh yeah? Go to Wayne Manor then! Prove me wrong!
Jason: I will!
Street Kid watching him leave: Excellent. Another sacerfical lamb for my master. Soon I shall have a full set of siblings.
Danny eating breakfast with Bruce: *Shivers*
Bruce: You alright, love?
Danny: I dont know why, but I got the oddest feeling a child of mine just did something stupid. Where is Dick?
Bruce: He's cosplaying some homeless kid from a show with Barbara in the city. Said something about finding someone to play his brother?
Danny:You don't think he's trying to kidnapped a sibling again do you?
Bruce: No I think he learn his lesson after Tim.
Tim: I liked being kidnapped
Danny: We know, honey.
Tim: I got two dads now!
Danny: We know, Honey.
Tim:Sometimes I think Dick got effected by Phantom's ectoplasm and grew his own Obsessions. Like how Bruce grew Obsessioned with Batman and I'm really into following people and taking photos. Ghosts make people go mad!
Bruce Wayne enjoys visiting the farmers' market, especially the one in Smallville. Something was refreshing about wandering stall to stall, looking over fresh fruit, baked goods, and little handmade nicknacks.
One of the best parts was realizing that almost no one recognized him. Maybe in a place like Gotham, where his face and his activities were always splattered on news outlets and gossip rags, it made it hard for him to go unnoticed unless he actively disguised himself.
That wasn't a problem in here.
People didn't follow the rich here in the same way they followed celebrities. Why would they care that Bruce made a fool of himself at a fancy gala in a random street they had never seen or heard of? Why would his donations to charities matter when the charities never reach this far out here? Why would they bother to look deeper in the thought of Don't I know that guy from somewhere? while he browsed the tomatoes.
Smallville was a pleasant, quiet place to retire or raise a family. But it lacked a night life, and to be fair a large amount of entertainment. There wasn't a whole lot to do out here. It was, in every sense of the world, a little rural town in the middle of nowhere.
Oh, Metropolis was a mere hour and a half drive away, or ninety miles, because Americans need to use actual measurements when speaking of distance, as Alfred once put it (Bruce just thought it was funny to see his father-figure get annoyed at the oddest things). It was a relatively easy drive, hardly out of the way, but it still felt like far too much to go for a mere night out, at least a constant one.
Commuting for work was a different matter.
So, really, Smallville had a limit to gossip, not because the neighbors weren't nosy - in fact, Bruce found them far more invested in each other's lives than they should be but because there just weren't enough people to hear new gossip about. They passed along the same story over and over again, until everyone and their mother had heard it, but after a day or two, that would be old news.
Maybe that's why the vendors all knew Bruce's face, and knew that when he strolled through, he would buy almost everything he paused to browse, but knew nothing else about him. He likes it that way.
Oh, there were whispers; however, those speculations were more about the fact that Martha Kent's boy brought around a city boy with him every other weekend. How suspiciously close that Clark fellow was to his friend.
Mr. Parr, who sold a rosemary sourdough bread that Bruce was addicted to, muttered to Miss Davis that he always knew Clark was on the more colorful side. Miss Davis then commented how Clark did well for himself because Bruce always seemed to have enough cash to walk back to his car, bags nearly spilling out of his arms.
Bruce thought it was hilarious and chose not to correct anyone. He knew Clark was aware of the rumors - it was hard not to, given the man's superhearing made him hyper-aware of everything all the time - but his friend had no idea how people got that impression and didn't know how to make them stop.
His parents' neighbors thought Lois was made up, even after Ma and Pa Kent talked about their son's girlfriend.
This week, he actually showed up without Clark. His friend was busy at work, but had been willing to fly him over so he could get his bi-weekly fix of relaxation. The kids knew they were always welcome to join him, but they also knew Bruce liked doing his little Smallville farmer's market alone.
As he was chatting with Mrs. Green, he noticed a new stall had been added to the usual lineup.
"That's Danny Fenton." Mrs. Green revealed after noticing his curiosity. "Sweet thing, just moved into town. He took over Mr. Jackson's old flower farm after Mr. Jackson became ill. You know the poor man is in the early stages of dementia, so his daughters wanted him closer to their houses, a state away. Anyway, Danny makes these excellent natural creams and lotions from his flowers. You should try his ointments too! Why, it helps clear up most of my arthritis aches and pains."
Bruce flashes her a boyish smile. "I'll go over and see his selection. If it's a recommendation from you, he must be fantastic."
"Oh, aren't you a charmer?" Mrs. Green laughs bashfully, swatting Bruce away. "Go now before you make an old lady faint from a severe big head."
"You big-headed? Never." Bruce laughs taking his fresh set of carrots and apples. "Have a good day, Mrs. Green!"
"You too, Brucie."
Strutting over to the new booth, Bruce made sure to wave at the regular vendors, who all smiled and greeted him back, except for Mr. Martinez, who Bruce had come to know had always had a bit of a hard time with eye contact. He didn't take it to heart.
The man's salsas were far too delicious to be upset over something small like eye contact.
Danny Fenton's booth was much like the others. A large pop-up canopy with a long foldable table was set up. Fenton had some wooden stands displaying randomly sized jars with a ghost-like logo stuck on them. He placed fake flowers around the wooden stands, making it appear as though the jars were sitting in a garden bed, and had soft, classical music playing from a speaker near the back of the booth.
Bruce realized that the closer he got, the more battery-operated fountains were placed around to grab people's attention and create the obvious soft, cottage-core ambiance Fenton was going for. Not only did it pull in customers, but it also let him influence their mood from the get-go for his sales pitch.
The man obviously had some experience in the field.
Fenton kept up his fantasy gimmick by dressing in a peculiar outfit. Bruce couldn't quite name the style at the top of his head, but he was sure that Fenotn wouldn't be out of place in a Renaissance fair among the fairy section that Tim and Damian loved so much. All he was missing was a mushroom-themed hat.
Since Fenton was currently chatting with a few customers, Bruce decided to browse the selections of hand salves. He dipped a spoon in a few of the sample jars and spread the salves on one of his hands, testing out the sensation with a critical eye. His many years of grappling across the city made his hands a bit rough, and it was always nice to find something to soften them again.
He couldn't be a proper gentleman if his hands weren't gentle after all.
Almost instantly, he realized he was going to be walking away with at least three jars: lavender rose, rosemary spearmint, and lavender chamomile. Not only did they feel great, but they smelled divine.
Bruce then truned his attention to some lotions, hoping to find some for Cass who always had a bit of a more pungent nose then the rest of his kids so she tended to look for more natural sents and came face to face with Fenton himself.
The man had finished with his other clients, moving behind the table to stand on the other side directly across from Bruce. He had a few small flowers braided in his hair, letting the rest of it fall loosly around his shoulders and he offered Bruce a smile as gentle and as pretty as the flowers he grew.
Bruce felt his jaw drop.
Never before had he seen such beauty.
"Hi there! Let me know if you have any questions." Fenton chirps, looking so darn happy to have someone standing in of his items that he was almost glowing.
"Um...No...I ...Just these." Bruce coughed, handing over the jars and a random lotion bottle. He didn't break eye contact, as Fenton happily rattles off the price and bags his things for him. But he can't find the will to push words out of his mouth, grunting in thanks and all but fleeing from the man.
Much later, he overhears Mrs. Lee giggling with a few ladies. "Mr. Fenton has to be the most attractive person to ever move to Smallville. I heard he was a supermodel."
"Well, I heard he has some siren blood in him. Miss Jackson said his voice was hypnotic."
"Siren blood? Really?"
"Hey, anything is possible; people like Aquaman are running around."
A siren.
That had to be it. No wonder Bruce had been so struck dumb. A magical creature of the sea had moved to a landlocked town to sell flower-based skin care goods. Not the oddest thing he has faced as Batman.
However, to be safe, Bruce should return next week. Just to make sure Fenton wasn't going to eat anyone.
(Three weeks later, Clark tries his hardest to assure everyone Bruce is not cheating on him with the new Beauty of Smallville because they were never a couple. He gets lots of baked goods to heal his broken heart in response, and Lois laughs.)
I mentioned this to my mother the other day, that i dont think he even did it, and she pulled a "wtf" face and was like "how did you come to that conclusion" so I laid out the various things that don't add up and the glaring procedural fuck ups and the targetted campaign to make everyone think he's guilty.
At one point she goes "ok, but hold on - if he didnt do it then why did he confess?" She was FLOORED when I told her that he hadn't. That he has maintained his innocence since the start.
And this is my mother, who is usually across this kind of thing. She had no idea about the missing bodycam footage that happens to align with the time they took his backpack out of sight before bringing it back and opening it for the """"""first""""" time and finding the supposed evidence inside.
She straight up thought that HE was the one who called himself in. Thought he'd gone to Macca's for a last burger then called the cops on himself and confessed. When she learned that wasnt true, she was SHOCKED.
Keep talking to people about this. Keep reiterating that they havent found him guilty of anything yet, and that they've breached his rights in several different ways since arresting him, and that he and the UHC shooter are almost certainly different people.
Too many people think that he confessed. Too many think that he's guilty, when the odds are good that he VERY MUCH IS NOT.
$50,000 immediately dropped into my bank account wouldn't improve EVERYTHING but boy it sure would be a grand, sexy little start to a good, happy life path, don't you think
âGirls want a Superman, but they walk past a Clark Kent every dayâ
You fuckin CLOWNS think youâre a CLARK KENT? Not on my fuckin watch. You dumb, headass motherfuckers are barely a Guy Gardner and you think youâre a CLARK KENT? The amount of disrespect is unreal.
Listen here, wannabes: My boi Clark is 240 lbs of PURE KANSAS BEEF trained from a young age by Ma Kent to Love and Respect women as the Intelligent, Independent beings they are. He is shy rambling about tractors and casually moving the copy machine when my pen falls behind it and he would NEVER demand I be sexually or romantically interested just because heâs nice.
This is a mashup of various tropes. Donât like donât read. May include
- deaged danny
- Damian x Dani (serious chaos)
- dead Jazz
- dead Sam
- dead Tucker
- not-shit parent Vlad (kinda)
- the Waynes have a strength kink
So when Danny is 18 and have safely moved out, has financial security and can go no contact with his parents he decides to tell him that heâs Phantom.
It doesnât go well.
By the time Jazz Sam and Tucker find him he is deaged to around 6. The fentonworks lab explodes.
Dani, who is 16 and was on her way to visit, came just in time to sift through the rubble and find Danny, who has only had enough memory to recognize her as his sister. She also finds three dead bodies. Jack and Maddie survived.
Scared and mourning, she takes Danny and runs to Vlad, who realizes how terrible and obsessed Jack and Maddie were and gives Dani lots of money to hide somewhere where the Jack and Maddie wouldnât dare to look- at least not for a little while.
Gotham.
So she takes Danny and changes their names.
Elliot âElleâ Jasmine Nightingale and Daniel James Nightingale, brothers and sister duo.
Dani- now Elle- still holds a grudge on Vlad, coupled with the Fenton stubbornness, she insists that she can pay rent/bills/groceries/etc. she gets an apartment in crime alley.
Because Elle doesnât want to leave a paper trail, she does a less-than-legal job.
She joins a fight rink under the name of Phantasm.
And sheâs great at it.
Shes spend the money on education for Danny, ignoring her education for the moment until Danny is old enough to join school.
Damian and Bruce were having major arguments, mostly about his violence and Damian quits being Robin and becomes Nocturne. (Bc I love that name)
He undercover a fight rink and thinks if he busts the rink Bruce will trust him enough.
He does recon and quickly realizes that one of the fighters was incredible, winning fight after fight without causing major injures to her opponents. Her name was Phantasm.
He decides that in order to find out more about her, he has to join undercover. It was only to take down the fight rink and learn more about the beautiful fighter that could bend him in half and nothing more.
Damian joins under the name of Ghoul and swipes some DNA from Elle, learns her (fake) name her (fake) backstory (family died in an heated lab explosion) but doesnât understand why a chunk of her DNA was unreadable (ghost part of her DNA)
After a bit of digging, realized she didnât attend school and the next morning Elle waked up to a letter starting that her full-ride scholarship to Gotham Academy has be approved (GA offers a afterschool care for students with younger siblings)
Elle never applied and is confused but accepts after Vlad, Ember, and Kitty convinced her.
She coincidentally is put in the most of the same classes as Damian, who she eventually crushes on befriends because heâs hot sheâs suspicious of his faint and funky ecto signature.
So shenanigans include (not in this order and are optional)
- GALA where Vald announces her as Vlad Co heiress and the are invited to the gala and get a bit sus of Elle bc Vlad is sus
- JASON AS ELLEâS NEIGHBOR is actively trying to set up/prevent Damian and Elle getting together (either one works, as long as the plans fail comically)
- PRINCESS ELLE OF YHE INFINITE RELAMS + SUMMONING
- TALIA ATTEMPTING TO KIDNAP DANNY because he looked like Bruce/she wants another son and Elle absolutely beating her 7 different ways to Sunday and Talia telling Damian that she approves of her
- ELLE DESTABILIZING/GETTING REALLY SICK and Danny calls Damian in a panic because he knows Elle trusts him even if she wonât admit it
- ELLE GETS SAVED BY NOCTURNE and Elle instantly clocks him as Damian bc of his ecto signature and rips him a new one because look how vigilantism turned out for Danny
- THE BATFAM THINKING DANNY IS THE CLONE OF ELLE and investigating Cadmus, who could have ties to the GIW somehow
- ELLE BECOMING A SORT OF SERIAL KILLER to protect Danny (check the comments @emerald-fox-93 linked it :)))
- DASH BECOMING A GCPD COP AND HAVING TO ARREST ELLE because she killed someone who tried to kidnap Danny. Damian picks her up from the station after she calls him.
- PAULINA BECAME A LAYWER FOR WE bc I saw a post like that and it was fire. She eventually fights for the removal of the AEA (anti ecto acts)
- THE OTHER BATS GENUINELY BECOMING CONCERNED and began to think that Elle is mind-controlling Damian because he keeps brushing them off to hang out with her
- DAN JOINING THE JLA and calling up Elle when he needs her help and Damian being there and being like âwtf??â
Jack and Maddie eventually find Danny and Elle and Elle vanishes. Danny- who Elle hid when the Fentons stormed the apartment- calls Damian sobbing and pleading for him to find Elle because the bad people are going to hurt her.
Damian, knowing little to nothing about her situation, basically goes ballistic trying to find her. The family, titans, and the League gets involved because one 15 year old doesnât realize he has a massive crush on his classmate. He calls up that every favors he is owed (and some that is not) so now basically almost the entire LOA is after a 15 year old girl who was kidnapped by the two mad scientists who are committing around 16 wars crimes.
They find her after the ghosts sheâs Still in contact with realize she hasnât texted in a while and theyâll help Damian on his manhunt
And because Elle is the high princess, the entire ghost zone is ready to help Damian get their princess/queen/regent back
Jack and Maddie never stood a chance.
Any more ideas?? Please tag me and comment đ :))
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