??? @maddiening - Tumblr Blog

prsephonies-deactivated20200815

when i was a teenager it felt very revolutionary to be cruel to myself. like some kind of slow passive protest against how much everything hurt. i starved myself of sleep and food and tenderness because it felt right. it felt sharp and angry and radical and i wanted to be those things. adulthood is the realisation that the world is already working to cut into you well before you learn how to do it yourself. caring for yourself and others is the real protest

friedegg

whats-your-name-man

lovemeorlovemycloset

open and raw communication with your partner may be uncomfortable and feel so ugly and vulnerable but it solves soo many problems in the end

hellfresh

The idea that was sold to us of "love is effortless and you should communicate telepathically with your partner" is false. Love is awkward as hell. It's A LOT of straight up talking and realization of your self - your own needs. It's important to make those needs heard. Do not deny yourself full love

sylviaplathstypewriter-deactiva

that idea robs us of so much intimacy, the intimacy that comes with honesty and vulnerability and being known.

thedaniverse

I am a little high but what if people proposed with beautiful, intricate knives. Ladies would gather around the table and be like “guess what finally happened!!” And pull this beautiful, intricate dagger out of her purse and all the other ladies would gasp and congratulate her

thedaniverse

Me: I’m a little high but –

Y'all rushing to that reblog button:

chuckyzoopa

It’s an awesome idea tho

weareoracle

Because I have a tag for pretty weaponry, some knives I’d accept as proposals follow:

lianabrooks

I said yes!

(but, actually, hubby bought me a dive knife when we got married so this works…)

phase2-moved-deactivated2021073

*Crosses my arms and scoffs like an artsy gay coded goth boy in an 80s movie*

falastinniya

you’ve gotta stat romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. you have to, because that’s when you start truly living. that’s when you look forward to every day.

jaspurr

live your life like a ghibli movie where literally everything is charming and beautiful

sprosslee

Good advice

rustedsun-deactivated20230308

sir that’s my emotional support knife collection

(Source)

Cat blobs

I saw this on facebook and honestly yeah

maximumgayce

ok this has become a somewhat popular post, and I just want to add on because I realise this just says about dating, but it extends to friendships too. just be aware of this and remind the person of their worth, yeah? Even if it’s just a friend and not a partner

japotecture

fullpraxisnow

“[I]t is actually more expensive to be poor than not poor. If you can’t afford the first month’s rent and security deposit you need in order to rent an apartment, you may get stuck in an overpriced residential motel. If you don’t have a kitchen or even a refrigerator and microwave, you will find yourself falling back on convenience store food, which — in addition to its nutritional deficits — is also alarmingly overpriced. If you need a loan, as most poor people eventually do, you will end up paying an interest rate many times more than what a more affluent borrower would be charged. To be poor — especially with children to support and care for — is a perpetual high-wire act.”

— It Is Expensive to Be Poor | The Atlantic

bae-in-maine

“Poverty charges interest ” holy hell. Ive never read$heard someone put it that way before. But its so friggen true.

taraljc

what $$$ does is buy TIME. Which poor women know, and rich men barely understand.

secretoctopus-deactivated201912

standupcomedyblog

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

eclipsebykimlipmp3-deactivated2

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

danfuckedoffbutreturns

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

andlifeisgrand-deactivated20160

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

thesporkidentity

[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.

Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?

Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…

BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’

Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest.

And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’

They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]

justlookatthosesausages

reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it’s still forever hilarious omg

worldrevolving

hey!! just in case my blog gets deleted and you need to contact me, you can hunt down three pieces of a mysterious key which will unlock my jail cell in the unknown castle floor where i have been imprisoned for my forbidden knowledge!! =)