[maddoxium]

heyyy i go by maddox / maddy. starter of wips, abandoner of many. in my early 20s, but mentally i'm a 45 y/o divorced dad. this is my super secret, cool kids corner for fandom funnies and sharing my fanfics. i do selfship but fear not! i do it privately. mostly. kinda.

my inbox is free for ramblings, rants, comments, concerns, gifts, goodies, trinkets, doilies... you name it, just lemme hear it (within reason)! i promise i won't bite!... unless you got the snacks. >:]

current interests: retro games, hardware collecting, uk garage, devil may cry, final fantasy vii, silent hill

best fics of: MADDOXIUM > "and even in my dreams, you follow" - qpr angsty slow-burn sephiroth (ff7) x reader (ongoing). > "interim" - crackfic sephiroth (ff7) x reader with a purrfect surprise! > "sparks" - platonic sonic x reader with rescue/recovery. > "figure eight" - ambiguous calamitas (terraria) x reader hurt/comfort. > "momentary relief" - found-family, platonic dante & lady (dmc) hurt/comfort. > "commemoration" - "'the/coronation day" (mario) horror rom hack fic adaptation.

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[maddoxium]

my thoughts and observations from my completed first-time playthrough of silent hill 2 (spoilers)

last time i wrote about this, i left off heading to the historical society.

i don't think i mentioned this last time, but eddie reminds me of that one kid from "monster house". i don't think i need to elaborate anymore on that.

but wow. damn. i kinda feel for the guy. i haven't had many "traditional" bullies growing up, but i've felt (and carry) a lot of past resentment for people who've treated me awfully, even though they might not have consciously been aware of their behavior.

hell, i feel for ALL the characters. the last time i ever really had a neutral and/or empathetic view on almost all the cast of characters in a piece of media was breaking bad.

that being said his 2nd boss arena SUCKS. let me blast him away with my shotgun without constantly aiming at corpses? i died too many times here.

james: "wow i can't believe i killed another being." me: mmh. mhm. yeah. okay.

angela is a completely different story. holy fuck. at first i didn't really pay much mind to her, even when she gave james the knife way back in the apartments (and i missed her photograph in the same room), but the abstract daddy fight made a whole lot of things start clicking together for me.

i really can't say much in regards to the subject, but i think this is one of the best portrayals of sexual abuse and its long-lasting effects on the victim in media. i really hope any and all survivors reading this have gotten the help and support they need.

now onto the lakeview hotel: laura giving her version of mary's letter to james and us reading it was one of the many heartbreaking things in this section. her perceiving the special place being silent hill when it was actually a possible afterlife after mary's death. good god.

losing my items to descend the hotel elevator suuucked so bad please give me a gun, man.

and now the reveal... the tape.

i knew what was going to happen, but i didn't think it'd happen like THAT. jesus fucking christ.

thing is that... i still feel bad? for james? very effective story-telling, i fear. for an unreliable narrator, he sure makes a damn good protag.

okay ignore everything i said above. JAMES, YOU BA-BUMBLING IDIOT. DON'T BE TELLING AN 8-YEAR OLD YOU KILLED YOUR WIFE? WHAT THE FUCK?

angela fire scene. might be my favorite scene ever so far in the series, if i'm being honest. gut-wrenching, though.

the long hallway section was the point where i finally put the controller down for a good minute or so and reflected my life choices playing this game. i wish i was joking but it physically and emotionally hurt me listening to mary here.

dual pyramid head fight was fine. bruh maria died like. two times (story-wise) already until here. the first time was pretty damn effective in the feels department, but now it's just kinda like... get on with it, brother. i'm still kinda confused what exactly she is besides being a manifestation but hopefully that's what "born from a wish" will expand upon.

mary/maria fight was fine, too. a step up i think from the first game's final boss LMAO.

the ending that i got was "leave". i thought the endings would have more good/bad connotations like with the first game, but thankfully that's not the case. i'm quite satisfied with what i got and what i did with this playthrough. YAY! (don't ask why the boat stage took me so long.)

i was playing on a crt so you're getting a crt screenshot!!

the ending letter is so upsetting. been a while since i cried over a game.

i see that the general consensus is that "in water" is the most "canon", but i like the sense of closure i got from "leave". not sure how laura could ever forgive james, though, but maybe she can't really grasp onto what he did considering she's just a kid?

regardless, i had a VERY good time and i can't wait to play "born from a wish" and the next games!!

[maddoxium]

getting nothing but crickets on your latest chapter in the first few weeks of updating is so nerve-wracking as a writer. like is there something wrong? did you like it? did you not? do you have any questions? any concerns? did you fall asleep mid-way through? did it turn you off? do you hate me? oh my god you hate me, don't you?

[maddoxium]

for what (game?) you mustered the courage to play horror games, friend? :3

oh dear, putting me on the spot, i see HAH. yap session incoming!

i used to watch a lot of let's plays and analysis videos with the horror genre before eventually trying out some games for myself not too long ago.

in the early 2010s, there was this game circling mobile app stores called "eyes: the horror game". i'm not sure if it ever reached outside of the smartphone ecosystem but i remember me and my sister playing it, but getting too scared to progress beyond this one safe space room. i think it was a slender man clone...

...and speaking of such, kid-me was terrified up and down, left and right, over early, internet creepypastas as a whole. even things that weren't necessarily supposed to be creepy with video games, such as the ps2 startup screen, had me leaving the room to avoid listening and seeing a game disc boot up. but i was between the ages of 4-8, so can you really blame kid-me?

i think around early 2022, i got back into the five night's at freddy's series (i know, how original) with the release of security breach. my siblings were pretty much all up-to-date in regards to fnaf lore, but i was not. i didn't care much about the games after the 4th entry when they released back in the day (i say, as though i'm a geezer).

side-tangent, but honestly, with security breach's release?... damn. it's such a shame that the original, frankly disturbing concepts, lore, and overall atmosphere of the first 4-5 games aren't explored anymore because the developers would rather cash-in the mascot horror craze and compete against other indie studios. now it's a battle against "who's lore is the most complicated?" and "what broken game can make the most money?" instead of telling a cohesive story through the gameplay and environment.

so it was around that year (2022) that i decided to put my big pants on and actually start playing most of the mainline fnaf games. i am not one for jumpscares or any loud, sudden noises, but understanding the management mechanics and getting into a flow state for the first 3 games is very rewarding. still stressful though, HAH. if i wanted to be around disgruntled and startling npcs, i'd go work in fast food again. i haven't really played any of them since then, but a horror game that i've been wanting to play for a while now was silent hill. i was waiting for the right moment to play the first game (which was just last year in october, believe it or not).

loved it. hands down. i genuinely wasn't expecting to because i wasn't used to survival games (outside of minecraft LMAO), but wow. a lot of the progression felt like the legend of zelda in a way - getting to a "dungeon", getting through puzzles in the dungeon, a boss here and there, etc. - so i felt really at home. religious trauma + small rural town setting hit the hardest for me, so it really holds a special place in my heart alongside my other favorites.

since then, i've been more inclined to pick up rpg-maker horror, alan wake, and maybe have a try at the resident evil series. but first i MUST play through the rest of the silent hill series - it feels like i got hexed but it's worth it lol.

[maddoxium]

doodled the most rancid, pathetic, and wettest creature in my entire existence in my journal (i think he's neat). ref / inspo under cut!

[maddoxium]

I would never be able to be a housewife tho y.y xD s2

HAH nooo i don't think he'd mind either way if you're the domestic type or not! i have yet to finish the original silent hill 2, so take this with a large grain of salt, but i think showing any language of attachment and care to james is enough to get him head-over-heels. he strikes me as the type to get sentimental over hand-crafted or symbolic gifts, and maybe even praising/complimenting him over the most smallest, most insignificant things ever. he's such a sad, wet heeler dog to me, but perhaps in the best way, i think.

[maddoxium]

james is a loser, but my special loser xD ~teatimemols here

[mpregeminem]

[gaymooshroom-archive]

sinjin drowning titles/thumbnails need to be studied. its like reverse clickbait like if i didnt know the channel i would be avoiding these at all costs 

[maddoxium]

some observations and rundown from my on-going, first-time, silent hill 2 playthrough (spoilers for sh1 + sh2)

i would totally have beef with a kid too, james.

i completely missed pyramid head in the gated hall of the apartments even though i heard it on the radio before i watched the fmv of it getting slurty with one of the monsters (horrific cutscene btw why does this shit happen twice)

something is definitely up with maria and idk if it's a lisa (sh1) callback to her actually being dead and being some alter ego to mary but i'm 100% going to assume my run / ending is fucked because i didn't do so hot preventing her getting wounded. idek how i didn't get a game over yet with her taking hits oops.

...also is maria actually supposed to die by pyramid head? the walkthrough i'm using just says "a cutscene will play here". veeerrry reassuring, man. because if this isn't supposed to happen on a good note, my ending is DEFINITELY fucked. but if so i feel bad because yeah, james, way to fucking go. you COULD have done something (i'm coping).

fucked up listening to the "trick or treat" broadcast in the elevator by accidentally pressing start to skip it. fml. had to revert my save allll the way back. don't ever hand me the controller guys i never know what i'm doing.

after all that in the hospital, james makes a small observation: "or is this your way of taking..." and i'm going to guess this guy means bloody revenge with how maria accused him of not caring about her (and possibly his wife) in the otherworld segment. i knew this guy was a complete loser.

retroachievements unfortunately spoiled a few things for me already but i care much more about the journey to the outcome rather than the outcome itself.

what the hell is with abigail and eddie and even laura man WHO EVEN ARE YOU PEOPLE.

no actually, laura is connected to mary / maria somehow i just don't know how yet.

omw to the historical society as of writing so i think i'm halfway through? runtime is over 5 hours which definitely means i'm not getting a good 10-star rank at the end LMAO.

[markscherz]

I know it is an odd request, but do you know what may be going on with the frog in this image? The earliest date I can find of it being posted online is 2016, though it may be older.

The angle of the forelimbs looks biologically correct, so I am confident this is a real photo and not a photoshop job. A popular answer is that it is an ovigerous female, but that is obviously wrong. My guess would be that this frog has a myostatin mutation, causing enormous growth of its muscles. That is what causes muscular hypertrophy in cattle.

[maddoxium]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Summary: It's been four years since the events of Meteor and the beginnings of your reclusive life in the northwest. It isn't until a trail of feathers mysteriously appears after a week's worth of rain that drags you into a spiral once more.

[maddoxium]

genuinely drives me nuts that most x-readers are nothing but smut-filled fast food meals like NO FELLAS i want something thought-provoking as the main course. something i can chew on for hours and never get full. something that makes me feel dread and sadness and despair but also overwhelming hope because hell yeah!! fictional characters!!! now where's my angst again.

[maddoxium]

james is such a wet miserable pile of sludge i mean bro just look at this guy. LOSER ALERT‼️‼️‼️LOSER ALERT‼️‼️‼️

[chilipook]

Favorite sh game favorite sh protag.....

[sameasthem]

so please..

[oldcoyote]

if you ever doubt that your ao3 comments matter or mean something: i have been struggling with my writing for 6 months straight, crying myself to sleep afraid that i will never be able to write again, that the thing i love most in the world has left me, that my writing is just gone

this morning i got this comment:

and after i stopped blubbering over it, i picked up my writing notebook, and re-read all my fic research, and opened up my document again for the first time in weeks without being afraid of it

you have no idea how much writers treasure every single comment we get. you have no idea how big an impact you can have. sometimes, just sometimes, your one "insignificant" comment changes everything