it’s mahi. hi :)

hi I lurk generally lol all prns :} 19

[hyyl18]

TAG GAME GUYS

TAG YOUR MOOTS AND MAKE THEM EXPLAIN THEIR USERNAMES LORE

Starting with me:

Hyyl18 because when i was youngest i had a group in a random app with some friends and i didnt knew qhat username to use so i decided to create one with things i used to read since we were talking abt fanfic in this group so: Hot Yaoi Yuri Lemon +18 stuff (i was in my dirty era dont dare to judge me). Hyyl18 thats it. Now i use it everywhere yay

@patroclus-is-the-bigger-person @b4rty-r0s13r-w1ll-fck-y0ur-m0m @cuntyteardrop @glassesgirlies @leninthestarlight @bardorsomethinglikethat anyone else who wanna join tbh yay

[patroclus-is-the-bigger-person]

so I was just finished with reading song of achilles, highly recommend, made me sob, and achilles pissed me off, like the pride was mental, so I thought that patroclus, my king, deserved some well deserved love and appreciation. The bigger person part is in no way at all a tribute to me because I am the petty bitch you will ever have the displeasure of coming across

@bardorsomethinglikethat @achillesfinch14 @bartdrawssometimes

[bardorsomethinglikethat]

@hyyl18

basically bards are important in my book series, and that was inspired from the bard yaskier from the Witcher, and I feel like it was something he'd say about himself so I went with that.

Your guy's lore is hilarious btw 🤣

@isoldmysoultothefae @mustard-in-a-bottle @st4ry3mi @ellie-moonbeam

[isoldmysoultothefae]

I like faes and my Ao3 user is isoldmysoultothefae and your girl is indecisive when it comes to users

Open tags

[crowthesapphic]

I want my nickname to be crow so it’s my online name and I’m very gay

@whoopcacao @woahlookatthatcoolbird @eggsuperiority @ameliasmith1313 @heyimriver @bisexualawesomeness

[woahlookatthatcoolbird]

One of my favorite memes is the "look at all those chickens", I like birds and a word I use alot is Woah

@qwerty-sky @legendaryllamawolf @stargazer56cipher @fishymari @rooksterooni @astrax-nemo @yippeewhoohwooeeppiy @oddity101 + anyone who also wants to!

[astrax-rayo]

purely because i searched ‘latin names for star things’ one day which somehow shortened to astrax over time and then nemo because. fish

@seizetheday1 @commiemare @nicryukyo

@rapidminecrafter @kweeche @allaboutofmusicwithibukimioda @sunshine-snake @eefogirl @forgetful-crowe @astelbanana @littlechaoscryptid @gloomycoffinn and anyone else who’d like to join

[sunshine-snake]

'sunshine-snake' because "sunshine" i just decided oneday i was going to be my online name, and snake since i kind of make a hissing sound (that sounds like a snake) when i laugh sometimes :3

open tags! (who i'm tagging below the cut) :) /nf

@beanzdabean @gaysnake43 @iicor @yourlocalavian @wiltingtu1ips @ver-astroii @lunathetunaaa @autopilotangel @toadfree @maedaeeee @elilovestrafficsmp @iwishfishwerereal @biteygremlinanon @nerd-alerts @mcytobsessedshine @foxeroni @purrrrplecats @bucket-of-axilotl @fledgeheart @goodtimeswithshane @sea-jellie-thoguhts @ellie-star @ihavebeenstrippedfrommywhimsy @dawn-but-different @opalizedninjacat @vivaciousmessypixie @chocolate-croissant50 @mare-the-gupxolotl @cherryseed7 @merthaevelynk @blue-jay27 @phoenixrainsfire413 @multishipper33 @vickysnowpawz + anyone else /nf

[opalizedninjacat]

I used to have my most common iser name be ninjapoweredcat because that's what my dad gave me on the home computer in my youth. Then I found out what opalization was and thought "huh, that's cool" and thus opalizedninjacat.

[sparkleblast73]

I’m just really sentimental and get attached to things and this was my first username and now I use it a lot of places but I kinda want to change it because there’s not really a good thing to call me XD

@phantumpthetransgender @phoenixrainsfire413 @toadfree @notsticks-notsticks @yuritadami10akayurihoshi @maybe-not-daily-permit-office @saphirenerd @trafficjamming9 @sunshine-snake @yourlocalavian @merthaevelynk + open tags!

[sunshine-snake]

(originally was hellohellohellohellohello3759 but i changed it to sunshine-snake)

sunshine because that's my online name, and snake because sometimes when i laugh it sounds like a snake hissing ;)

open tags! (who i'm tagging below the cut) :) /nf

@beanzdabean @gaysnake43 @iicor @yourlocalavian @wiltingtu1ips @ver-astroii @lunathetunaaa @autopilotangel @toadfree @maedaeeee @elilovestrafficsmp @iwishfishwerereal @biteygremlinanon @nerd-alerts @mcytobsessedshine @foxeroni @purrrrplecats @bucket-of-axilotl @fledgeheart @goodtimeswithshane @sea-jellie-thoguhts @ellie-star @ihavebeenstrippedfrommywhimsy @dawn-but-different @opalizedninjacat @vivaciousmessypixie @chocolate-croissant50 @mare-the-gupxolotl @cherryseed7 @merthaevelynk @blue-jay27 @i-had-a-bad-feeling @sparkleblast73 @lavendersongz @kitkat-moon-flameflower @raynilikescats + anyone else :)) /nf

[twistinghalo]

once upon a time I wanted a user of mine to be twistingcolors, but I forgot about it, and a couple years later I actually made an account for something, but I’d forgotten what I originally wanted and thought it was twistinghalo. I honestly like it better this way, so I never changed it

Honorable mention to my other common user, Sage_brush57, because I like the plant sage and the number 7. the 5 is there for fun

@magpie-exists @limegreenjuice @vaeh2011 @borealismage @thegracefuljay

[borealismage]

When I first started playing minecraft, my username was boreal_mage. I didn't like it at first, but grew to love is. So when I made this account, I changed it to Borealis. Because I love the northern lights and Mage because I love magic.

So yea, you'll always see me as BorealisMage/Borealis_Mage

@sages-dick-joke-mutual @gingersmidge @withered--ivy

[sages-dick-joke-mutual]

thats rad as hell dude.

I changed it once to ErosSurvives and then @sage0clock said something like "nooo you're my dick joke mutual" (my previous user was shiny-and-domesticated-dih after god read shinyandchromediehistoric wrong) so now sage always knows who I am.

(also yes sage that was a tag for the tag game)

@shaethecrow (+ open tags cause I keep misspellings them. I just woke up)

[juliette-demon]

Me and my bestie irl always joke about me being a baptized demon and them an unbaptized angel. Juliette is my "French name", it's a thing my French teacher always does cause it's easier to learn French using names that fit with the language than using names that sound kinda out of place. Also Juliette_demon_666 is my Minecraft gamertag sooo

@justarandomart @twoastricts @cheeto8

If you wanna join :)

[cheeto8]

Yay id love to!!

During covid me and my friends at the time all made up these sort of code names for each other. Most of my friends who were girls had names that are usually more ‘boy’ names and vice versa because we thought it was funnier, but somehow I still ended up with the name ‘Cheeto.’ Which is still really funny to me considering they didn’t even know i was genderqueer lol

And I have synesthesia so the number 8 is a really nice shade of blue, i think just cheeto was taken lol

I have so many mutuals and there’s no way i’m going to be able to remember everyone so im so sorry if i forget to tag someone i promise its not personal lol

@mixigrave @periwinklepaint @uncooked-glass @astreatrappedinthevoid @cinnamon-quails @caninishere @dannymaga @flyingducksoup @goldthenugget @graveyardfisher @rosieeladybug @tunayayo @thorneyflowers @thelimelightisinvisible @imshakingitforshakespeare @is-this-permaneant @puffipetunia @sentientvolcano @hartogtm @jonas-ct @kyurikool @kirachaos888 @myhouseofcardsshallsoonfall06 @notsticks-notsticks @verdantdrawzstories @thegremlininyourcloset + open tags!

[thelimelightisinvisible]

Thank you for tagging me!

I named myself Limelight after a particular user on here who had a username that was basically "colorname-lawlight". Now, I didn't know lawlight was a ship name, so I just put a color and the word light. I added "invisible" because invisiblity because is the superpower I'd probably want most.

(Also limelight is an actual word and I found it cool at the time. I still do)

Open tags + @andr3w-the-d0dgeb4ll @unguidedhand @peskyvinot @pallythesimp @bloodofaninnocentbird @kianf1sh @kewoosh @girlcreate27 @airlocksandaviaries @mayonnaise-is-overrated

(sorry if I forgot to tag someone I know, I'm just tired rn)

[peskyvinot]

thanks for tagging me :)

i love my name so much and I've created it when i was 9 lol. i combined the first time of my irl name (i love to go by it as well so idc if tumblr knows it. its Victoria) and the last name of an animal i really liked back then. but the thing is, when i first typed it out in english i pronounced vinot as "vi-not" and at the time i Really liked the phrase "why not". i was 12 and the english language still felt like the fancy langauge of american movies (it was aesthetic), so i stuck with it. most of my platforms have that name on it, i either add song names at the end (abbriviated) or some funky words. and when i came on here i just grabbed my Twitter handle. made it in 2021 to post hermitcraft on that account so. it was all the rave back then. there were quite a few "pesky" moots of mine on there

i have no clue who doesnt wanna be tagged so sorry just gonna put some peeps that came to mind @heartgamer26-art-stop @whimsicalmists @irlctubbo @epicfranb

[heartgamer26-art-stop]

Thanks for tagging me! So the first part of my name is across all my socials because I do content and want to be consistent. Now the 'heart' part comes from me having a heart condition or a CHD called tricuspid atresia. The 'gamer' part is kind of obvious, I enjoying gaming so I'm a gamer. 26 is my favorite number and part of my birthday. As for the 'art stop' when I originally created my tumblr it was for my art either original or fanarts. Now for the tagging. Sorry if you didn't want to be tagged but @krakenbubble @daiya-what @khaos-creator @sapphire-heart-tippy

[khaos-creator]

Ooooooo ok!

So the name in of itself is a just referring to me making random stuff and whatever “chaos” i get into

The different spelling of chaos though is in reference to greek mythology.

Specifically the first “entity”, Khaos. Sometimes portrayed as a proper entity and other times seen more as the event, the “before” when the gods of earth and time and love hadn’t even come to be yet.

I’m really into mythology so I thought it’d be a good fit!

Next to be tagged: @strangepiine @3000-200-grains-of-salt @necrozhun @sleepybunnysnail

[strangepiine]

Oh boy, this should be fun!

So the 'piine' part of my username is just because I really like pine trees, and the extra i is a holdover spelling quirk from my old username 'Dynastiies' (Although, it was Dynastiiies with three i's here, because someone stole my username, no im not salty.)

The 'Strange' part though, comes from my Persona!

He's named largely out of my feeling of being a stranger to myself sometimes! (haha...wonder why....) So when i charged usernames i wanted to tie back into him more, and since hes a tree i just said fuck it :-P

TAG YOUR IT: @sharpjay217 (even tho i know yours pretty much i think its silly) and anyone else who wants to yall are scary to tag LOL

[sharpjay217]

Ohhhh, Stranger beloved!! <3

Okay, so. I was a Warriors kid way back in the day, and while I didn't have an account I haunted the Warrior Cats Forums of the time. And I mean the old forums, the ones I think you can only find via Way Back Machine now.

But, back on track, I used to spend a lot of my time finding cool warrior names and writing them down, making little catalogs of names and combos. Sharpjay comes from that, one of the many names I found while looking around the forums, and it was the one that stuck with me.

Meanwhile, the numbers are literally just the date the first Sharpjay account was made. February 2017, I believe? The plan at the time was to change the numbers with each new account, but I ended up getting attached to it as it was and sticking with it!

Fun fact! I used to go by Sanddapple, and I think if one of my friends hadn't chosen "Sandy" as their warrior name prefix I might have still been Sandy to this day. It's what finally convinced me to switch to a new username!

Uhhhhhh, tagging, ummmmm. @5dbuckbox @cosmic-cimsoc @djfalloutwolf @lostinthe-void-666 woe be upon ye'. No pressure, of course!

[5dbuckbox]

oh boy my origin story

it doesnt have a whole lot of meaning behind it, but it started a good couple years back when my mom found a little kitten in her backyard and took it in

while trying to figure out a name for it, a friend of mine at the time suggested jokingly naming it something stupid and eventually we landed on "5 dollar buck box" — a dumb spin on a taco bell menu item — or "5dbb" for short

i eventually ended up stealing it as my username a while later except i just turned the "dollar" into "d" and its stuck ever since!!

and because of my current friends #myfriends my assigned name is buck as a result

ANYWAY! TAGS BE UPON YE @havokzsys @scythes-bladecbb @holy-hollis @theechosys @plushtive

[holy-hollis]

It's really simple. I've had a long term religion fixation and its my name. So it's very straight forward Get fucked @lyrker @donutpenguins @with-the-ferns-and-the-flowers

@mahiihi

[mahiihi]

my names mahi i go hi :}

@lyrker @donutpenguins @with-the-ferns-and-the-flowers

[spitzonthefritz]

this is going around twitter rn but im also super curious: please tell me your top four comfort movies that you’re always down to watch bc my friend thinks mine are ridiculous and now we’ve realised everyone’s version of “comfort” is hilariously different

[honeybeesintheimpala]

​ooooo this is fun!!

1. Train to Busan

2. Into the Storm

3. Don’t Look Up

4. Everything Everywhere All at Once

Not a tag game but I’m making it into one because I’m curious. No pressure tags: @appleisoffline @moonprismpower456 @kit-and-kaboodle-02 @9tar3ns (< we don’t interact a lot but I always see you in my notifs!)

[appleisoffline]

Yooo this is fun! I love seeing different people’s comfort movies mine are (in no particular order):

1) Top Gun

2) Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

3) Saw (2004)

4) Jaws

@moonprismpower456 @mondstar (no pressure, and anyone else feel free to join in!)

[donutpenguins]

@lyrker @holy-hollis i forgot asher’s tag

1. everything everywhere all at once

2. project hail mary (who is surprised)

3. your name

4. princess mononoke

do it do it do it

[holy-hollis]

@with-the-ferns-and-the-flowers

Ik ashers <3

Iron lung

PHM as well

Kpop Demon Hunters

Legally blond

[lyrker]

fuuooockkkk guys i dont watch movies

1. Project Hail Mary

2. Alice in Wonderland (2010)

3. The Book of Life

4. The Karate Kid/The Outsiders

@mahiihi

[mahiihi]

1. Project hail mary

2. Kabhi khushi kabhi gham

3. Om shanti om

4. Spiderman across the spiderverse

[dykegrindr]

ryland grace loneliness theory

tumblr // project hail mary (2026) // goodbye love, rent // here's the life i've always longed for, anna haifisch // dust and ashes, natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812 // disco elysium // colma, ca, jensen mcrae // house in a forest, cait mceniff // northern attitude, noah kahan // twitter // east of eden, john steinbeck // project hail mary (2026)

[siderealcity]

After System Collapse and Rapport, I can't help thinking about how completely and utterly insane ART and Murderbot's first meeting was from ART's perspective.

UplandGatewayOne, the station where they met, is ART's home station. In Mihira and New Tideland's system. Which is deeply anti-corporate. SecUnit even notes at the time that there aren't any security or bond companies there, so nobody should be looking for escaping SecUnits. Iris and Matteo, for all the anti-corporate missions they've been on, have never even seen one, which means Perihelion most likely hasn't either. They're not deployed on transit rings except in GrayCris-paying-to-murder-people situations, and when they are, it's a big deal accompanied by a lot of alarms and screaming and panic.

And one just kind of strolls across the private docks without setting off the weapons scanners. Wholly unnoticed.

So there was already no legitimate explanation for a SecUnit being here. That's point one. Which means it has to have an illegitimate reason.

And ART's paranoia is easily on par with Tarik's, generally speaking. Even though it's never encountered a SecUnit before it has to be aware that this could be an attack by a corporate. Except the SecUnit's got no drones, no additional weaponry, no armor, and it's wearing cargo pants and a hoodie. Which would seem to suggest that it's supposed to be mistaken for a human -- okay, maybe that explains how it got across the transit station a tiny bit? Not really. But at least it accounts for the lack of screaming.

But there's no point in it trying to pretend it's a human now, if this is the prelude to some kind of attack. It's not like ART is a passenger transport, and these are the private non-commercial docks. It can't get on board without trying to hack the lock, and it can't get too far from its handler without frying itself, so it has to do whatever it's doing before ART leaves the transit ring. Whatever attack is coming, it has to be soon. Like, right now, soon.

And it just pings ART directly.

Not even... trying to hide its presence as a potential hostile MI a little.

That is... possibly the most stupid prelude to a code attack it could have made? And if it had been trying to pretend it was human to persuade ART's crew (who aren't even here anyway) to give it access to the ship, it just blew its cover. What the hell is its human handler thinking? They're really bad at this.

And then it asks for a ride--which, again, is hilarious if it thinks it can gain entry that easily--wait. What the fuck? It's offering several hundred hours of entertainment media as a trade.

There is no human handler.

ART doesn't even have to check the governor module at that point. No human would imagine that transports watch television. Possibly, no other bots besides transports would know that they do, because transports are famously not-communicative. Nobody could have instructed it to say that. The only way the SecUnit itself could have gotten the idea that this approach might work is if it tried it before and it was successful.

Okay, so what we know for sure is: This SecUnit is a rogue, and it talks to transports.

And apparently it's hitchhiking?

This raises so many more questions than it answers.

Where the hell did it come from? How did it get across the station without setting off any alerts? Why was it chatting up transports before now? How did it even get several hundred hours of entertainment media downloads? And why the hell would any sentient being, let alone a rogue SecUnit, want to hitchhike to RaviHyral? A crummy little moon which has nothing on it except for mines.

ART's explanation of, "I was curious about you," for letting Murderbot on board is the understatement of the millennium.

This is the equivalent of a frigging walrus ringing your doorbell.

[ozbian]

Oh hang on, Art was stalking Murderbot on the station before they even met, and then herded it to the transport.

An old feed showing Murderbot happens to play while it's watching the news, freaking it out and pushing it to find a way off station asap.

Murderbot starts towards another transport area and an automated traffic accident happens to cut it off.

It starts walking in Art's direction, and then Art shows up on the shipping list as being conveniently empty of people and leaving very, very soon.

When they get more comfortable Art starts showing Murderbot how it doesn't move like a 'human', revealing how Art spotted it in the first place.

Then, spoiler for later books, it seems like Art and the university already had an interest in sec-units before meeting Murderbot.

Gods I love an unreliable narrator that shows you enough pieces to put things together

[bigskirtsbestskirts]

this makes a lot of sense, but I am Really hoping that past part about the university having an interest in secunits isn't why it picked MB up. Because they may actually have a relationship ending fight if MB believes ART has been sharing data it collected about it with a Construct Research Department or something at PSUMNT

[mahiihi]

YIKES i never even thought about any of this, but that would be really bad… so far though I think even if ART initially had that kind of intent, it must’ve changed it’s mind a long time ago.

Though Murderbot wouldn’t know that. Is it bad I kind of want to see this play out?

On the other hand, I feel like it would undermine their relationship quite a bit in canon… would be a great fic idea though 🤔

Also reposting these tags as someone who just finished NE and

What I love about this series is the tiny details I could only pick up when revisiting (or seeing others revisit) moments like this. Like yeah I knew ART can be dangerous, and that murderbot is Like That in regards to its own safety, but seeing this made me realize how insane Artificial Condition actually was ??

Not to mention with the SecUnit interest plus that ^ and how Murderbot just let ART operate on it and do surgery while it was knocked out.

[ghostcashewart]

how many pings will it take for secunit to stop sulking?

[thornysort]

The Murderbot Diaries (2024) Season 2 Episode 1

[galaxycepheus]

[ID. A short gif animation. It shows Murderbot, wearing casual human clothes and a pulled up hoodie, sitting down and leaning on its knees as it watchessomething on its feed. In the background, planets and stars pass by. In a sudden, the image flashes and something stares down at it, saying: You were lucky. Murderbot jumps in it seat, taken off guard, and glances behind with wide eyes. End ID.]

[yuner0523]

Three apples tall and one apple tall

↓From this meme(original is Chinese)↓

[mensahbots]

something i think about a lot are the parallels in terms of how mensah and murderbot navigate each other's boundaries, safety, and comfort, especially in the post-exit strategy era. specifically, i like chewing on the fact that there's a level of anxiety in each of them because of how deeply they care for the other — and because of the similar interpersonal anxieties they deal with. i think this moment in "home" is a pretty explicit example:

SecUnit is looking down at her. “You can hug me if you need to.” “No. No, that’s all right. I know you don’t care for it.” She wipes her face. There are tears in her eyes, because she’s an idiot. “It’s not terrible.” She can hear the irony under its even tone. “Nevertheless.” She can’t do this. She can’t lean on a being that doesn’t want to be leaned on. Of all the things SecUnit needs, the only ones she can give it are room and time in a relatively safe space to make decisions for itself. Becoming a prop for her failing emotional stability won’t do either one of them any good.

[continuation under readmore]

there is a lot to be said for this passage, but the moment that i'll pick out for the sake of the point (tm) is that mensah believes murderbot does not actually want to hug her and is offering only for her sake. this is a moment that hits for me for a myriad of reasons. of course i identify with both characters in some ways, so one thing that is going on here that gets me is the way that mensah anticipates and accommodates murderbot's potential discomfort. this is something i rarely experience as a touch-repulsed person (most real humans do not respect or understand touch repulsion). i also think mensah's assumption that murderbot comforting her would be a burden for it and her self-flagellation about being seen expressing difficult emotions is quite relatable and sad to learn about the character.

in exit strategy, murderbot says hugging her is "not awful," and this description shows that mensah is excluded here from murderbot’s usual non-tactical touch repulsion (of note, murderbot is not touch repulsed in the typical sense. its touch aversion seems to stem more from the emotional vulnerability that it associates with non-utilitarian touch rather than a complete aversion to physical contact; it is textually okay with touch that it deems work-required or necessary for security, such as carrying injured clients. the hug is not framed negatively, but notably doesn’t fall into the “required/necessary touch” category.)

mensah being an exception to murderbot’s brand of touch repulsion is further demonstrated by their repeated hand holding as well as smaller interactions between them, such as the moment in all systems red in which it picks her up to put her in the hopper even though touch was not prompted or required for the situation. we also know from network effect that it wants to be close to mensah and to have the option to touch her:

Dr. Mensah would never believe that. My accidents were spectacular and usually involved me losing a big chunk of my organic tissue or something; she knew I could stop a human without hurting them, without even leaving a bruise, that was my stupid job. She would never trust me again. She would never stand close enough to touch (but without touching, because touching is gross) and just trust me. Or maybe she would, but it wouldn’t be the same.

mensah's trust matters so much to murderbot. this includes her feeling physically safe having it near. with the understanding that both characters are trauma survivors, we can also see many parallels between them in their recovery, their attitudes about their own trauma, and their interpersonal behavior leading up to them accepting that they need their respective trauma treatments. but again, this post is really about the mutuality of care between them which manifests in their attitudes and treatment of each other. murderbot itself has issues with touch, with the option to engage with it on its terms being very important to it. what's most important to murderbot in this passage highlights a different dimension of its relationship with physical nearness: murderbot explicitly wants mensah to feel safe with murderbot being near to her, including with the possibility of it touching her. 

to build on this, as i mentioned, voluntarily touching mensah is different for murderbot because of the fondness and trust between them, even when their dynamic is less established (eg, the moments mentioned from asr and es). it virtually only has positive things to say about mensah throughout the series, and even as early as the cubicle scene (chapter 1 of asr), it doesn't ever frame mensah's behavior as an imposition or threat.

i'll soon discuss a passage which fleshes out this idea in more depth, but a key to understanding their dynamic is that early on, murderbot textually feels as though mensah is unsafe with it and that its presence in her life, especially being near her, is a threat to her. when murderbot says "I just wasn’t sure I wanted to see her again. (Or more accurately, for her to see me again.)" and "[Miki] had been [Abene's] friend, and more importantly, she had been its friend," we are given the implication that murderbot's fear of hurting mensah relates to its fear of mensah seeing and understanding it; it perceives itself as monstrous and something to be feared, hated, and abused by humans, and one of its deepest anxieties is that its favorite human will see it as such, too — or that murderbot might actually harm her. this idea is present in the text far more than the idea that it feels unsafe with her because of her potential to harm it or otherwise infringe on its boundaries.

murderbot is not alone in this kind of insecurity, although mensah's comes from a different place and takes a different form. in the snip from "home" above, murderbot clearly wants to offer mensah comfort and thinks she'd like a hug. and she would, but not at its perceived expense. mensah believes that it couldn't actually want to hug her and is offering solely for her sake, and that taking it up on its desire to comfort her with touch would mean she was burdening or harming it. we know from es that this isn't really the case and that murderbot actually wouldn't hate hugging her. this moment shows a great depth of care on both ends, although of course on mensah's side, there's something a little more unique happening, which is a concern for murderbot's boundaries, safety, and comfort that is melding with deep-seated anxieties about the potential to impose on it or harm it in some other way. it's clear from "home" and network effect that murderbot wants to help mensah in the post-es era as she recovers from the trauma of her kidnapping, interrogation, assassination attempt, and the events of the survey. aside from saving her life and fastidiously guarding her, there's another interesting thing that happens between mensah and murderbot which drives home how the care and trust in murderbot’s dynamic with mensah colors its behavior and perception of everything. i'll explain why it's notable with some canon context before digging in.

we know murderbot does not like talking about its feelings with people, nor being talked to about feelings. it’s at times even averse to using the label "friend" aloud to characterize its relationships with people it has narratively already called friends in its internal dialogue. it describes sex as "gross" and "boring." it also places its discomfort about "relationship discussions" on the same level as its discomfort about sex:

Arada and Overse were back to getting along after spending time together in an unused bunkroom while we were traveling to the dock. I hadn’t bothered to monitor them on ART’s cameras or try to slip a drone in; the chances that they were having sex and/or a relationship discussion (either of which I would prefer to stab myself in the face than see) were far higher than the chance that they were saying anything I needed to know about.

here, it equates sex with emotionally vulnerable relationship discussions (“sex and/or a relationship discussion”), ranking them as eliciting the same level of personal discomfort. similarly, it repeatedly emphasizes about how it feels about “feelings conversations,” like with this great little bit:

Mensah and Arada had overruled the ones who wanted to talk to me about it. Yes, talk to Murderbot about its feelings. The idea was so painful I dropped to 97 percent efficiency.

mensah knows that murderbot does not like talking about its feelings. she learns this early about it and actually intervenes when the team tries to talk to murderbot about emotions or otherwise poke at it multiple times throughout asr. one of their early moments of emotional intimacy post-kidnapping is mensah simply asking it why it likes its favorite tv show. murderbot is genuinely surprised and moved by the conversation they have about that (and i think she is, too). menash really seems to play it safe with murderbot interpersonally post-es, and this is especially clear in "home" and ne, where she seems almost disgusted with herself at the idea of burdening it with her feelings.

however, murderbot actively initiates conversations about emotions and relationships with mensah, most notably in ne:

It was a request for information, that was all. I did a quick search and pulled up a few examples from my media collection. None of the samples seemed like anything I’d ever voluntarily say, so before I could change my mind I went with, “What’s wrong?” She was surprised, then gave me a sideways look. “Don’t you start.” So there was something wrong and even the other humans had noticed. I said, “I have to know about any potential problems for an accurate threat assessment.” She lifted a brow and opened the vehicle door. “You never mentioned that on our survey contract.” I got out of the vehicle and followed her toward a group of chairs next to the house, scattered around in the grass under the trees. The shadow was deep so I had to switch to a dark filter to see her. “That was because I was half-assing my job.”

(i find the fact that it wants to look at her face during this difficult conversation fascinating. this comes up in asr, es, and sc as well. and mensah is aware murderbot likes to observe her expressions, too, and she accommodates it by looking away so it can comfortably look at her. it's a lovely detail.)

there are other emotions-related conversations in the series between them, but this one is rather pivotal and includes what i think murderbot would classify as relationship discussion (again, murderbot-initiated):

Uh-huh. “What about you?” She took a breath to say she’d be fine. I knew her well enough to know those exact words were about to come out. But then she hesitated. The drone I had watching her face increased magnification, its low-light filter rendering her features in black and white. Her expression was intense and fierce and she was biting her lower lip. She said, “I hate feeling so weak. I just need to stop. And I need to stop leaning on you. It’s not fair to you. We need to be apart so I can … stand on my own feet again.” I didn’t think she was wrong, but I still wasn’t used to things that were unfair to me being a major point of consideration for humans. It also sounded vaguely like the break-up part of the romance scenes on the shows I watched, most of which I usually skimmed over. I said, “It’s not me, it’s you.” She huffed a laugh.

there's a lot going on here, but to me, one of the most interesting things is that, similar to the moment in "home," mensah shows a lot of care for murderbot's boundaries and comfort. it knows that, and that knowledge deepens its trust in her: "I still wasn’t used to things that were unfair to me being a major point of consideration for humans." this highlights how, as always, mensah's care and respect for murderbot is meaningful for it.

but what to me makes this element of their dynamic so great is that murderbot has a very similar thought process towards mensah as well. here's another murderbot-initiated feelings/relationship conversation with mensah, this time from system collapse:

She came and sat down next to me in the lounge and I adjusted a drone to be able to get a view of her face. I had things I wanted to say but had no idea how, so I blurted, “Did you get the trauma treatment?” [] “Was it…” I didn’t want to ask how she had been without me there. Okay, I did want to ask, obviously, but it was awkward, plus I was still aware of what ART had said about violating her privacy by talking about the therapy. [mensah's response cut again for brevity, but she knows exactly what it wanted to ask, btw.] [] Then, before I knew I was going to, I said, “Did Amena tell you about my emotional collapse?” [] This was an awkward thing and I might as well get it over with. “I didn’t tell you about ART.” [] [Mensah speaking:] “Would this be a temporary job, or something more permanent?” “I don’t know.” This was incredibly weird and awkward. “I don’t want to not see you again.” She took a moment to sort out my verbs. “I don’t want to not see you again, either.” Her expression was still thoughtful. “But if you do find you want to spend more time with Perihelion, you could always come back and visit us.” It was getting easier to talk about this. “Preservation was the first place I was a part of and I don’t want to not be a part of it. But I like being with ART. I want to keep being with it.” [] She smiled a little. “The good thing is, you do know what you want.” I sort of did know. It was a weird feeling. “That’s new.” She smiled all the way. “I wasn’t going to put it quite that way, but yes.”

holy long passsage, but what an incredible scene (and what i skipped over wounded me to omit).

we see that murderbot is essentially discussing that it views art as its teammate, too, but that it will also always want mensah in its life as well. here, murderbot persistently talks about feelings, mostly asking mensah about hers. they talk about relationships, not only theirs but murderbot’s relationship with art, and murderbot ends the conversation feeling much less uncomfortable about the whole thing. it's clearly a positive conversation.

the bit that is most relevant to this writeup, though, is this one: "This was an awkward thing and I might as well get it over with. 'I didn’t tell you about ART.'" mensah immediately reassures murderbot, saying, "I don't tell you everything, either." as with the concerns mensah has about how she interacts with murderbot, murderbot also has some concern about betraying her trust or otherwise upsetting her, even when mensah doesn't mind. this moment reminds me so much of her declining the hug in "home," but emotionally healthier, without the undercurrent of guilty self-hatred. in “home,” murderbot was trying to comfort her, and mensah self-flagellated about her perceived weakness and felt she was a burden on it, “idiotic,” and judged. but here, murderbot is in need of comfort about perceived potential harm to her, and mensah's response legitimately reassures it. she's very glad it has art in its life. and she knows what murderbot wants her to know, which is that she'll always be a part of its life, too.

with one of my very favorite moments (one that is so layered that i've included it in another meta writeup on a different topic lol) we see an example of murderbot being worried about wronging/harming mensah more starkly:

I felt another wave of “I don’t care” coming on. Why should I care? I liked humans, I liked watching them on the entertainment feed, where they couldn’t interact with me. Where it was safe. For me and for them. If I had gone back to Preservation with Dr. Mensah and the others, she might be able to guarantee my safety, but could I really guarantee her safety from me? Altering my physical configuration still seemed drastic. But hacking my governor module was drastic. Leaving Dr. Mensah was drastic.

"could I really guarantee her safety from me?" is so devastating to imagine from her pov. it has risked its life saving her multiple times by this point. she deeply cares for it, sees it as a person, and feels safe with it. but murderbot is so paranoid about the idea that it could hurt her that in this moment, while it's contemplating a life and identity-changing decision, it reveals that part of why it left mensah at the end of asr was to "guarantee her safety from [it]." it was not for murderbot's sake, in its mind. it was for her.

this is an idea that persists for some time for murderbot; not just the possibility that it might hurt her, but that she might feel afraid or unsafe because of what it is and what it's been forced to do in the past. as discussed elsewhere, i think there are many layers to this sentiment and that this fear that murderbot has is not solely about mensah as a person or its relationship with her. but, likewise, mensah's parallel fears about imposing on murderbot are not solely about murderbot or her relationship with it.

throughout the murderbot diaries books, we see countless examples of murderbot's low self-esteem, its maladaptive schema, and its fears and pessimism. in "home" we similarly see multiple instances of mensah's low self-esteem and interpersonal anxieties. despite their many differences, they have a lot in common, but that's not all that's notable about the dynamic. the fact that they attach these kinds of feelings to their relationship with each other speaks to the depth of care they have for each other and how that care will persist throughout both of their trauma recovery arcs. and, more plainly, how important they are to each other. this is a fascinating parallel between them to me — how they care about the other to the point that they both have moments where their insecurities affect their relationship and they fret about the other's comfort and safety to a degree well beyond what the other would ever expect of them.

but what they do for each other goes beyond that, and it goes beyond showing respect for the other's autonomy or making efforts to "guarantee" the other is safe. for murderbot and mensah, one another's comfort is of the utmost importance. they have parallel attitudes and paths to trauma recovery, and there are parallels in how their feelings about each other are embodied, too. the respect and care they have for each other is a constant and reciprocal "you matter to me" throughout the series. their love is the most beautiful thing to me because of how it manifests and persists, even in the midst of navigating and healing from so much trauma. the care they feel for each other is completely unconditional and selfless. something i talk about a lot is how gentle and kind their dynamic is and how unique it feels to me. it’s emotionally grounded, but there is something really special happening interpersonally, too. you don't often see this kind of love depicted as well as it is in the murderbot books.

thank you so much to loveless for the editing help and encouragement

[transcarcinization]

[yuner0523]

I got bored so here is MB 2.0

It has a ART blanket

[poastbeast]

All Systems Red book cover design+mockup from last semester :3c joy and whimsy is stored in the Giant Worm Beast

[poorlemons]

Memory Wipes

[mayhaps-a-blog]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/78466366

Could You Imagine?

Summary:

There is a SecUnit lying on a table. It remembers nothing. It knows only what it’s programmed to. Complete reset. Could you even imagine?

This is a Murderbot TV: Episode 10 SecUnit POV fic, written in 2nd person! Not my usual style, but the idea wouldn't let me go until I finished it.

Rewatching the episode for gift exchange reasons reminded me it was rattling around my WIPs folder waiting for editing, so here you go :) Enjoy!

[lyrker]

stupid old man yaoi freaks when they aren’t trying to kill and die (Noah’s trying to get him to change their height on their medical files cus they’re only a couple inches off) (their entire relationship is an HR violation) (please stop fucking your doctor Who let you do that)

[yeehawpim]

I can be shaped by more than the things that hurt me

[blu3b3rryj4mp1r3]

now 2 beanie baby dragons are crossing your dash together :3

[smallerontheoutside]

reblog if you also sat and waited for them to fully cross before scrolling / reblogging