Queen

maya. 19. not ur ray of sunshine. here are some of my rants and ventings

[maihappyplace]

two years later

how do we begin with this update?

a lot has happened in the past two years. i last wrote on here when i was 19 and now im 21. i remember i wrote about the bullshit first semester in ubd(technically it was unib, but still), and now im in the middle of my fourth. i was fresh out of another ‘all-to-good-to-be-true’ fling at the time and now im in a full fledged relationship with my third ever boyfriend. so that’s new... and scary. i dont really write anymore, apart from short verses and paragraphs on my phone’s notes app. i still have an imagination that goes past most of my own expectations. im still a risk taker, to a certain extent. im pretty sure i did things that 19 year old me would only dream of doing, maybe things she wouldnt even wanna do.

but c’est la vie.

[juansendizon]

(memories that you bury by making better ones but turns into flowers.)

Juansen Dizon (via juansendizon)

[yourlocalmadlad]

I hate how casual my suicidal thoughts are

“do i need to clean my room before i kill myself?”

[eefrostpoetry]

“i thought seeing you would make me feel better, but the day after my eyes had to hold back tears”

— and i don’t know why

[wheeloffortune-design]

I want to apologise to

- Britney for making fun of her when she had her breakdown

- Monica Lewinski for judging her when she was a 22year old temp sexually assaulted by the most powerful man in the world

- Ke$ha for ever thinking she was trashy when all she wanted to do was make party music

- Kristen Stewart for ever thinking she was dumb when she’s actually one of the coolest people ever

- Megan Fox for ever thinking she was just a slut when actually she was an actress being harassed by her employer. 

- Hating all the women who made a career out of having a hot body. Being is shape is hard, beauty is a weapon and auto promotion is hard work. 

- All the Mary-Sues, who exist because young girls everywhere want to be part of a story they love so much

- All the female characters I ever snobbed because they got in the way of my ship.

- Hating the color pink during my teenage years, when it’s actually a lovely color and what I resented was society’s pressure to perform femininity. 

[octoberschilld-deactivated20180]

[almostwrittenexcerpts]

“Maybe one day,

You’ll call me in the middle of the night feeling lonely,

While I’m asleep and not missing you.”

excerpt from a book I will never write #108

[mybrainisbroken]

[serotoninsuggestion]

it’s never too late!!!!!!! to text them back. to drink enough water today. to get into a skincare routine. to learn the piano or how to paint!! to learn winged eyeliner. to tell them how u feel. to start getting fitter. to get changed or brush your teeth or shower today. to read that book or watch that show everyone was talking about years ago. to turn an acquaintance into a friend. if u don’t start somewhere u won’t go anywhere at all.

[mybrainisbroken]

[lilpieceofmyworld]

“You’re the kind of person I wanna be with when I want to be alone.”

—

[bled]

[kateoplis]

“I’m interested in nostalgia, especially when it’s tainted by self-deception.” 

Elizabeth McKenzie | newyorker

pic: Arissa

[fate]

via weheartit

[amargedom]

““The marks humans leave are too often scars.””

— John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)

[elementalalchemist-deactivated2]

My bones have gone weak

my feet feel so tired

my soul is on its way to evaporate 

I lie on my bed with a deep sigh each night

then there’s you, staring at me

and I feel reinvigorated once again. 

[woefulwriting]

My friend told me that the boy she’s talking to has been ignoring her for 17 hours. It made me laugh because she was so precise about the timing but it also brought back flashbacks. The days I’d be anxious and desperate for him to reply. I’d sit and wait and check my phone hundreds of times, only to be met with silence. I’d check if his Snapchat score went higher, wondering who he’s talking to and why he hasn’t replied to me. Am I too boring? Is he with friends and too ashamed to text me in their presence? My mind would race with all these possibilities and I was so naive to the truth: he didn’t like me. It took me half a year to come to the realization. A boy who truly wants you will make it known, don’t settle for anything less.

Things I wish I had known