#2 Oil Paint Eater

27, he/him, I do things

[narcissistcookbook]

tumblr should have a little clippy guy, a tumblrweed or something, that pops up and says "hey it looks like you posted this exact joke 15 months ago, are you sure you want to do yhis"

[bigger-rat]

Vladimir Serov, The Worker (1960) and The Builder (1964)

[lieutenant-sappho]

transition timeline

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

winding up for a thunderous soviet slap on th ass

[brainstatic]

Just a heads up right now: on the day when Trump dies, I’m going to be extremely tasteless about it. It’s going to get ugly. You are going to see a side of me I am not proud of. I don’t want any call-outs in my inbox, I’m stating right now that lines will be crossed.

[stoned-dahmer-deactivated201802]

How disgusting can someone be

I wouldn’t even say this about my worst enemy

Forget the fact that its trump. If you agree with this youre fucking evil. Evil literally lives inside you. Wow.

[a-really-bad-decision]

Anyways all of y’all AND the evil that literally lives inside of you are invited to the sick ass house party I’m throwing when lord dampnut kicks the bucket

[dracofidus-deactivated20200523]

I feel like all you Americans need to take a look at what happened here in the UK after Maggie Thatcher died. Because when it comes to tasteless celebrations fuelled by anger and the death of a hated political leader, we REALLY pushed the boat out. We had street parties. We had burning effigies. We pushed “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” to the top of the charts out of sheer hatred. Bone up kiddos, and I really hope you manage to do that truly American thing, of dramatically outdoing us with your celebrations.

[truth-has-a-liberal-bias]

Reblogging for last comment.

[eyesofatragedy67]

With the way this year is going, the sooner it happens the better.

[hazeldomain]

*this can be reblogged every year

[systlin]

I’m going to make cake. There’s going to be fireworks. There WILL be a burnt effigy.

[jackdaw-kraai]

Look, I’m gonna level with you americans for a second. When old wrinkly and orange kicks the bucket, for once in my life, possibly the only time, I’ll actually want to be able to see the fireworks from across the Atlantic. And I daresay I won’t be the only one. So listen to me and listen closely, cause I’ll only say it once: When the moldy Cheeto bites it, it’s the one and only chance you’ll likely have at being loudly, unbearably, obnoxiously American in your celebration and for once, the rest of the world won’t complain. 

[blondejaneblonde]

…I know I just reblogged this, but that last comment 👌👨🏻‍🍳

[finnglas]

Listen I’m already designing the cake I’m gonna order from Publix.

[caitlynlynch]

I want to see the fireworks from AUSTRALIA, guys. Make it happen.

[brushwork]

Weather camera self portraits (2012— )

Tatu Gustafsson

[pillowspace]

Why is everyone solving Deltarune. Can I solve Deltarune too

[pillowspace]

I am the knight

[pillowspace]

Kris will be in chapter 6

[pillowspace]

Ralsei will be even more transgender

[horselovrrr]

emoji kitchen is lowkey beautiful guys…

[dragon-in-a-fez]

am I doing this right

[totally-cis-offical]

Important tags

[tsunflowers]

reading a historical romance novel and reflecting on the way these stories often present woke nobility for the contemporary reader. a big thing is servants. you can’t not have servants in those times but many modern readers think “but I would never have servants. it would be so weird to have servants” and in order to make the protagonists of the story more relatable they are actually friends with the servants. but flip your perspective and think of it from the side of the servants. wouldn’t it be so awful if your boss was always trying to be friends with you. a really common thing you’ll see is the woke baronet having tea in the kitchen with the servants bc he’s not like other baronets. but what if your boss wanted to hang out and talk during your lunch break every day. not so charming when you think about it that way

[handsaniti]

Imagine your old, weird manager who kept trying to be besties with you because you were a captive audience.

[1five1two]

[alexseanchai]

[image reads: “geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at”]

[cursedpdf]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

The thing about doing house and yard work is like. You would think that you could go out and weed until you get tired, and then come in and do something a bit more low-intensity like tile or wood cutting, then have a cup of tea and go back out into the yard. BUT. High intensity works like weeding results in The Tremblies. And you canNOT handle a circular saw when you have The Tremblies. So clearing a patch of the garden lays you up for like an hour at the computer, making multiple typos (because of The Tremblies), so even writing a chapter of your story isn't convenient enough to bother with. Weeds should not have this kind of time commitment outside of the actual weeding.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

You would think that a bit of sugar would help with The Tremblies but it does NOT. A bit of sugar helps with The Dizzies. The Tremblies cannot be bargained with, and they cannot be fought. No power tool (except a drill which hardly even counts as a power tool) can be used with The Tremblies, and I have run out of things that need drilling.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Fascinating level of variation in the advice in the comments

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

The level of variation grows

[bakedbananners]

dolorem ipsum / "pain itself"

[birdandmoon]

Heat waves.

[lemonsharks]

I've been finding a lot of job postings that ask me for a photo lately, which is uncool of them.

So I made an image which lets me bypass their demand. I don't care if I get that particular job, I just want to shame the HR goons who thought the photo requirement was a good idea.

Note: this only applies in the USA.

[msilverstar]

Took me a bit to figure out the implications: this image can be downloaded from here and uploaded whenever a job application asks for an image. Clever!

[lemonsharks]

That's the hope! Save this image and upload to job applications that "require" a photo

[thebeeshaveknees]

Quark can't say Fuck because Fuck is a valid ferengi name and he doesn't know what cousin Fuck did to the hu-mons that they say his name with such vitriol but Quark is proud of him for it

[squishy-gumble]

god i wish we could somehow erase all cultural preconceptions when engaging with a story so we can have aliens named shit like "fuck" bc why not. they could do that, there's plenty of human names in other languages that just happen to sound funny to english speakers. what just because this world was made with intention we can't have the same thing there? i want hyper-realism, and that means giving people funny names on purpose because in the made up world it just happened like that

[thebeeshaveknees]

WE. NEED. AN. EPISODE. WHERE. QUARK. FINDS. OUT. IN. HUMAN. HIS. NAME. MEANS. THE. ITTIEST. BITTIEST. LITTLE. THING. IN. THE. KNOWN. UNIVERSE!!!! TELL ME HE WOULDN'T GO ON A WHOLE ADVENTURE TO CHANGE HUMAN LANGUAGE BECAUSE HE'S SO OFFENDED

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

make out with a frenemy. buy noise cancelling headphones. wear office inappropriate attire. quit a toxic workplace. improve your apartment. start a dog walking sidegig. get on first name basis with your local librarians. bully politicians at town hall meetings. get an unexpected piercing. cultivate farmer's market connections. trade recipes with a gossipy old neighbor. unionize your apartment complex. move to the countryside. let a friend take you larping. keep a sword on your mantleplace

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

get a tattoo on your 40th birthday. be tempted to buy a loom. do a charity drag show. sue your landlord. buy a really nice kitchen appliance. volunteer at an anarchist soup kitchen. rediscover a tv show you watched when you were 8. spam your state senators. shop at asian grocery stores. do cosplay. buy trans flags in bulk and mount them along the highway. go viral for unexpected reasons. move in with your best friend. make lemoncello with leftover lemon rinds. run for school board membership. explore pegging.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

update: i'm delighted to report this post has been responsible for at least one person dumping his ass

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

update: three four people

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

my family has had some pretty interesting encounters with psychics/mediums that seem genuine in the past, but nothing will ever be funnier to me than the last guy my mom talked to who was so definitely bullshitting, because she said "I was hoping to hear from my husband" and the guy went "he said....it's okay to Move On" and like. every single person my mom has recounted this too has been like "He Would Not Fucking Say That". as if this was an ooc fanfic about my father. it's just so fucking funny. fake psychic dude take your shitty headcanons about my ghost dad and LEAVE!!!

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

like, my parents were legitimately insane about each other. I cannot stress how much he wouldn't say that. I have to assume his ghost was standing right next to this fake psychic yelling "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" when he told my mom to move on lmfao

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

actually. funnier to imagine he was a Real Psychic who was just trying to put a move on my mom and didn't think the ghost would do anything about it and now is now dealing with a violently angry haunting for the rest of his days lmfao

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

this psychic for the rest of his life all because he tried to hit on some dead guy's wife in an elevator

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Ghost Dad: WE LITERALLY CHANGED OUR VOWS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T LIKE "TILL DEATH DO US PART"

Psychic: he says you need a real man. a tangible one. a man visible to the average eye.

[thequeeninyellowlace]

Psychic: I also choose this guy’s still-alive wife.

[galacticsabc]

Here's some unserious comics and hastily drawn doodles

[sand0115]

Lepidodendron