Touched by His Noodly Appendage

Hi! I'm Maitia. I guess you're all wondering why I've summoned you here today...

[alicent-florent]

MICHAEL CERA as ALLAN BARBIE (2023) dir. Greta Gerwig

[corduevasmila]

He was so badass in the movie Omg

[everythingfox]

So clumsy

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

"oh no I am falling, I hope a big strong delivery man is here to catch me"

[spanish-blog]

When people ask me why they should pay a human translator instead of using google translate I show them this picture:

[wolvesandhoundshowltogether]

uterus: Guurl, you’re ❌NOT❌ pregnant🎉💃

me hunched over in agony: This… could have been… an email

[vardaelcntari]

That’s it, the Professor is truly the King of Sass

[nimium-amatrix-ingenii-sui]

The letter didn’t come from the Nazi party, but from the publishing house which had expressed an interest in the German translation of The Hobbit. Tolkien’s response really is a thing of beauty, though, so it deserves to be quoted in its entirety:

25 July 1938                                              20 Northmoor Road, Oxford

Dear Sirs,

Thank you for your letter. … I regret that I am not clear as to what you intend by arisch. I am not of Aryan extraction: that is Indo-iranian; as far as I am aware none of my ancestors spoke Hindustani, Persian, Gypsy, or any related dialects. But if I am to understand that you are enquiring whether I am of Jewish origin, I can only reply that I regret that I appear to have no ancestors of that gifted people. My great-great-grandfather came to England in the eighteenth century from Germany: the main part of my descent is therefore purely English, and I am an English subject - which should be sufficient. I have been accustomed, nonetheless, to regard my German name with pride, and continued to do so throughout the period of the late regrettable war, in which I served in the English army. I cannot, however, forbear to comment that if impertinent and irrelevant inquiries of this sort are to become the rule in matters of literature, then the time is not far distant when a German name will no longer be a source of pride.

Your enquiry is doubtless made in order to comply with the laws of your own country, but that this should be held to apply to the subjects of another state would be improper, even if it had (as it has not) any bearings whatsoever on the merits of my work or its suitability for publication, of which you appear to have satisfied yourselves without reference to my Abstammung.

I trust you will find this reply satisfactory, and remain yours faithfully

J.R.R. Tolkien.

(Letter 30)

The Hobbit wasn’t published in German until 1957.

[correspondingnerd]

This might just be the politest “fuck you” ever written.

[geekandmisandry]

W.h.a.t.

[bramblepatch]

Not just “I wish I had Jewish ancestors, but I don’t,” but also “you do realize that’s not what ‘Aryan’ actually means, right,” and “you guys are making it pretty hard to be proud of my German heritage.”

[steakplissken]

Nazis: Are you Aryan?

Noted linguistics freak Tolkien: Are you?

[i-say-ok]

ok!

[foxes-in-love]

[wizardnuke]

"everyone experiences [symptom]" how many times does it have to be explained that it's often about the frequency of the symptom, not the symptom itself

[wizardnuke]

"nearly everyone has had a headache before" i agree. "most people get headaches regularly" you're starting to lose me. "it's normal to have a headache all the time" go to a doctor.

"everyone gets anxious sometimes" true! "people get anxious pretty often" um. "it's normal to be anxious all the time" go to a doctor. etc

[whitepeopletwitter]

[eosofspades]

i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues

[actualmermaid]

What Women Want, according to the first 10 minutes of The Old Guard:

- cool sunglasses

- to be called “boss”

- big snuggly hugs from guys who are not romantically interested in you

- baklava

- an axe

[ardatli]

I see no lies here. 

[robotmango]

what women want, according to the last ten minutes of the old guard:

- more women friends in the gang

- painkillers

- assistance murdering pharmaceutical executives

[zombeesknees]

#once again: no lies detected

[turing-tested]

what else does this fish suggest

[huffylemon]

[andthepeople]

new dash finally caught up with me.

🤮🤮🤮

[pikestaff]

"Stop saying 15 year olds with weird interests are cringe, they're 15" this is true however you should also stop saying adults with weird interests are cringe because who gives a shit

[themythicalcodfish]

To wit:

[switchelsweets]

I want to share some wisdom from my high school art teacher.

In my AP Art class, there was a girl who was just starting to experiment with mixed media. At this point she was still playing around, trying to decide what direction she wanted to go with her portfolio. So one critique day, she brought in an abstract canvas with some rhinestone highlights and painted and real peacock feathers. She loved sparkles and peacock feathers so she thought she’d try introducing them a *little*. And after everyone had given some input, the teacher gave her his advice, VERY roughly paraphrased here:

“So here’s the thing… I do not like this style. These are just elements that do not speak to me personally, but I see that you like them, and you’re doing interesting things with them.

“My biggest critique is, I only merely *dislike* this piece. I want you to make me HATE it. Go crazy with the things that you like. Don’t hold back trying to make it palatable to people like me. Because I am NEVER going to like it. And if the audience does not like it, it should drive them crazy seeing how much YOU love it.”

Her portfolio was chock full of neon colors and glitter and rhinestones and splashes of peacock feathers and it was a delight. Our teacher despised every piece lol, but she got great marks and I think even won some awards. And more importantly, she was happy and proud of the results. Because she didn’t limit herself by trying to appeal to people who were never going to enjoy what she enjoyed.

Takeaway here: be as cringe as you want. Don’t limit yourself based on other ppl’s tastes. They’re not you, and you are incredible 💕

[lommerjonn]

My biggest criticism for good omens 2 is that this didn’t happen

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

New weird horse just dropped, folks.

A spotless giraffe was recently born at Bright’s Zoo in Limestone, TN and was just announced in the media this morning. They’re starting a public naming contest for her, of course.

I’d love to know what type of mutation causes this lack of of pattern, but I don’t know if we have genetics on that for giraffes the way we do other species. As far as is known, she’s the first spotless giraffe ever documented!

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

There’s been at least one spotless giraffe before! Gotta love how quickly the director debunked that “first” claim - good on him even though it changes the publicity slightly.

The archival photos have to be licensed so the media is linking to them rather than reproducing them, and I’m going to do the same. You can find them at this link and see them for free (with watermarks).

[gallusrostromegalus]

I think we should call her "Spot".

[bananonbinary]

here's your fucking feedback @staff

list of problems the removal of icons causes:

i cant see my friends

ruins the sense of community

can't tell at a glance who's online right now and what they're interested in

literally cannot tell without scrolling back up who put a post on my dash if it has a single addition attached to it. or like. 2 paragraphs in the op.

i cant click my own icon at the top of the dash to quickly view my own blog

can't tell who someone used to be if they change their username

squashes the margins between the menu and posts, making the whole dash feel more cramped

ruins the quick visual cue of how long each post is and where it ends when you're trying to scroll past ones youve seen before

people put a lot of creativity and individuality into icons, and now i never see them

makes people who primarily reblog instead of make their own posts all but completely disappear

list of problems solved by removing icons:

?????

who the fuck was asking for this

ive never in my life seen a website or app that has profile pics forcibly HIDE them, so i guess you did it you made the dash unique again in the worst way

here's some more feedback: maybe when you run an a/b test you should, idk, actually have a feedback form people can fill out about it somewhere

[racethewind10]

cosigned

[petralemaitre]

@staff

[megatraven]

It's not exactly what you mean in that it's not specifically for this a/b group thing but...

THERE IS A FEEDBACK FORM YOU CAN FILL OUT!!!

Click Help at the bottom right of the screen (might have to scroll a little bit to get it)

At the top of your screen, tap Contact Support, and it will open a sidebar.

On the Choose a category for support option, choose Feedback.

Fill out the rest of the form with your feedback and be as civil as possible while getting your points across.

If you're on mobile:

Tap the profile button, then enter your settings.

Under General Settings, which should be the first option available to select, scroll down until you see Help.

Scroll the page to the bottom until you see Contact Support, and tap it.

And like on desktop, you select Feedback from the dropdown menu for Choose a category for support.

I have no idea how effective this is, but considering it's one of the few ways to actually contact staff and support that gets you a response (you'll receive an email reply eventually!), it's worth a shot