untagged nsfw and venting randomly !

minors dont follow me please // they/them - adult //

[many-things]

🔞 minors do not follow me. / minderjährige bitte nicht folgen 🔞

if you know me irl dont follow me nor my sideblogs pls <3 thank u

my tags #mytags

[foldedchip]

The most helpful things I learned while recovering from OCD that might help you if you are in the recovery process:

My worst fear coming true in real life was less unpleasant than the anxiety and panic attacks I had been struggling with every day just THINKING about my worst fear. When it actually happened, I rated the worst fear as a 4/7 discomfort, and a really bad mental health day as a 7/7.

Having a few rough days did not mean that all was lost and I was at the bottom again. Recovery isn’t linear and setbacks are normal and should be expected, even years after recovery. It does not mean that you’re starting all over and it isn’t a sign that something is going wrong.

I was not capable of letting a lot of things go when I first started treatment. It would have been like asking someone with a broken leg to run a 10k. Letting things go takes time and exercise when you’re struggling with OCD, just like healing and strengthening a broken leg takes time and exercise. Start as small as you have to and advance to bigger things. You can get very strong if you keep practicing, and you will feel a huge positive difference in your day-to-day life.

Every time you push against what your OCD wants you to do, you get a little stronger. The strength adds up and it is crucial for getting out of the OCD cycles and living a better life.

Feeling anger at myself and hating my thoughts and fears didn’t change them. I wasn’t wrong to feel that way, but it didn’t make any positive difference, it just felt bad. What actually made things better was acting in opposition to my obsessive thoughts and doing the exact things I was afraid of doing.

Magical thinking compulsions are just as harmful to the brain as physical compulsions. I had to realize when I was using magical thinking, and then purposefully act in opposition to it. This was very tricky but I was able to do it with practice and guidance from an OCD therapist.

Not every therapist is trained to help someone recover from OCD. Different therapists have different specialties and areas of experience, and a treatment that works well against a different disorder could be unhelpful against OCD.

If you’re recovering from OCD right now, whether you’ve just started or you’ve been working hard for a long time, I hope at least one of the things I learned can help you out. You are really brave for deciding to push against this force that has taken over your life, and you are not alone in your pursuit <3

[inkskinned]

Every day I handle more money than I will ever make. Every day.

At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.

At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.

“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.

The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.

I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.

I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.

I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht. 

I’m not worth the cost of a watch.

[inkskinned]

i wrote this while i was working at orlando’s walt disney world parks.

i was part of their college program. i moved to the state for it. they legally owned the building i was living in and still charged me rent. i ostensibly was being charged to work for them. it was a 2 bedroom apartment and they placed 6 adult women in it in forced triples.

as many as one in ten disney employees have experienced homelessness while working for the company. despite huge efforts to unionize, strike, or otherwise demand fair treatment; disney has refused to increase employee quality of life.

disney admits publicly that a good portion of their success is because the employees (“cast members”) are dedicated, passionate, and selfless. this is never reflected in pay. even “face” characters (ie those that are princesses etc) make barely above a minimum wage.

at the time that i worked there, i made $8.50 an hour. at one point i was asked to create a human shield around a bag because a bomb dog had alerted to it. for eight fucking dollars an hour.

i now work a very cushy office job. i have bought the salmon and cooked it all four ways.

i go to the store. i am nice to the person behind the counter. she looks up at the camera while she counts out my change. there is nothing fundamentally different about her and i.

we are both worth more than the watch, anyway.

[vecb-art]

Rainbow Creature Universe

11x17 risograph print up now 🕊️ www.vecb.art

[satanfemme]

"resurrected" is probably too strong a word for what's happened to pjackk. he's still dead as fuck and not ok. but his corpse has drifted back to shore and we can poke it with sticks again. so there's that.

[satanfemme]

turns out resurrected was too strong of a word because they exploded his corpse again for some reason.

[many-things]

@strangerconnection

[mars-matrix-deactivated20150713]

[napstabl00k]

making canon characters into a system is so easy lets all do it

[many-things]

shoots my ocs w the plural beam

[almyranpine]

really good tiktok

Transcript:

Girl, just do it fat. Don’t wait until you’ve lost enough weight. You’re worthy of taking up the space that you fill. Live your life now. Don’t wait for some future version of yourself that you think will be more deserving. You have every right to pursue your passions and dreams just as you are today. Your worth isn’t tied to a number on a scale or the size of your clothes; it is inherent in who you are. You’re allowed to be seen, heard, and celebrated in whatever body you inhabit right now. Don’t let anyone or anything convince you for too long. So go out. Do it fat! Wear the clothes you love, pursue the opportunities that excite you, and live unapologetically. There’s no reason to put off living the life that you want, waiting for a moment that you’re not even sure will come. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled just as you are, and the world needs you exactly as you are today. Everything good that has ever happened to you, happened in this body. Girl, just do it fat.

[ocd-room]

I’m a creator, I’m an artist, writer, actress, etc. I haven’t made it big yet. I want to. I want to put my work out there.

But I have made mistakes in the past.

When I was in high school, the cost of these mistakes (usually an accidental overstep of boundaries or a misinterpreted situation or just displaying ND traits) was social ostracization. My former friends spread rumors about me around school so nobody wanted to be friends with me. I was a social outcast for things that were simple mistakes or just being autistic.

I was accused of sexually abusing a friend because I hugged her and acted flirty with her when we’d been play flirting for months. I was accused of being a transphobe because I stumbled often learning my partner’s they/them pronouns. I was accused of being abusive for playfully punching people in the arm. I was forced into an intervention groupchat where all my “friends” joined forces to tell me how bad of a person I was and how they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore.

On top of that, I grew up in an environment where I was rarely given the benefit of the doubt. Any misstep had to be actively malicious on my part. Other kids, teachers, even my parents always assumed I was the one causing problems for no reason.

And with being introduced to social justice through tumblr and learning through shame, it’s no wonder I developed moral OCD.

Along with being a Vivziepop fan and seeing people bring up stuff she did or said like 10-15 years ago as a “gotcha” and constantly harassing her and her fans about it… Yeah.

I have this deep, debilitating fear that when l finally put stuff out under my real name, when I finally gain traction, those same people who smeared me all those years ago are going to come out of the woodworks again. And nowadays, with the lack of nuance and critical thinking skills among the general population, I fear being harassed and made a pariah for every single mistake I’ve ever made.

I already got chased off tiktok basically because I said “hey saying you want/someone should get an abortion specifically because the kid might have a non-life threatening disability like Down’s syndrome is ableist actually” and people accused me of being a Trump supporter and a pro-lifer.

I’m so, so worried about all of this coming up again. I’ve even tried drafting a post to pin as an overarching apology/repentance for all my missteps. I’m so afraid of putting myself out there now because of this.

I’m not seeking reassurance because I know it’s bad, I’m just seeking a place to throw all this. Maybe this is my apology? I dunno. It’s nice to have a dumpster for this.

I'm really sorry you're going through that!

It's worth noting that often apologizing and writing out what seems to be your wrongdoings can also be a compulsion. I'm not trying to shame you or anything! Just a gentle reminder that it's your ocd talking and you don't need to constantly ask for forgiveness, especially not from people who doesn't have to do anything with those situations in the first place.

[dragunsblood]

i dont rember if i posted them already but i made kitties cats!!!!!!!!!!

[many-things]

ohj my gdo. oh my god . Theyre so lovely

@strangerconnection !!!!!! kity...

[manuciruja]

awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?

[manuciruja]

i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users

[weirdplutoprince]

*Strict father figure in a coming of age movie voice*: I swear that boy is going to get himself jeff the killed one day

[many-things]

@strangerconnection are you perhaps a stict father figure in a coming of age movie

[many-things]

[image id: a banner with the trans flag as the background. theres more flags on top of it: asexual, lesbian, nonbinary, rainbow pride flag with two brown stripes, intersex, bisexual. they are unevenly covering the banner. end image id.]

i was gonna draw so many more flags onto it but my hands hurt :(

if anyone wants to add onto it, go ahead. no credit needed, but id like to see it ... :3 and maybe use it myself LOL

[prof-peach]

A few patreon tier requests done over the last few months.

[lestatfag]

STAY SAFE!! [ID: the Gilbert Baker pride flag with the words “Happy pride to all those who are unable to celebrate openly and safely. You are loved and seen!” in all-caps black text over it. /end ID]

[fatliberation]

HAPPY PRIDE TO MY QUEER FAT BADDIES!!!1!!!!!! FREDDIE LOVES YOU 💖🌈🍑💕🏳️‍🌈💖

[maticide666]

[ID: two pics of Freddie Mercury wearing different colored t-shirts that say "chubby chaser". End ID]

[many-things]

anyway. hello queer people on my phone share some queer stuff, art and or positivity pls