i saw a post earlier today and now i can’t find it but someone was like the only reason i get through studying is by saying “let’s go steal a grade” where they just imagine they’re doing research for a leverage con and they have to know all the information to pull it off successfully. I’m at my internship rn and i found the original score for the og show and redemption and let me tell you i have never been more productive
Replace imposter syndrome with the conman method! You're a fraud, and you're such a competent fraud that the mark is never going to realize what hit them until the gloat.
I should lock the fuck in *half an hour passes* I should lock the fuck in *half an hour passes* I should lock the fuck in *half an hour passes* I should-
[id: art of thjazi fang and thimble, drawn within a two-circled frame structured to look like a gilded mirror or lock cutout, outlined with gold filigree. through the gold, we can see thjazi from the shoulders up, with a serious expression, looking back at thimble, who flies just above his left shoulder with a needle in her hand. end id.]
Self Care Tips From Tumblr: When you feel like everyone hates you, sleep. When you feel like you hate everyone, eat. When you feel like you hate yourself, shower. Someone out there feels better because you exist.
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Pairing: Andy Barber x Fem!Reader x Ari Levinson
Word Count: 3,829
Summary: Even after everything, you were still struggling to believe in happily ever afters–especially for you.
Warnings: A/B/O AU. M/F/M dynamic. Explicit language. Sassy, untrusting, rough around the edges!Reader. A fictional verse that is not kind to omegas. Reference to past physical and sexual abuse (not by Andy or Ari). Reader being in a disassociated state post heat. Lots of anger, fear, and acting out. Destruction of property. Alllll the feels.
A/N: We have one more little, stubborn hiccup before we can all take a deep breath and relax.
POUND TOWN MASTERLIST
For the next few days following your heat and sleeping with Andy and Ari, you were in a haze.
Your inner omega had taken over, preening and enjoying the afterglow of your heat and being with your alphas, and you didn’t resist.
It was easier to just take a back seat and try to process everything that had happened, everything that had changed.
You spent most of your time curled up on the sofa, wrapped in your favorite blanket, and staring off into space.
You didn’t resist Andy and Ari’s affection as they checked on you frequently, but you didn’t return it either. You didn’t seek it out.
You also missed the way they kept trading looks of concern at your near comatose state.
Not even Ari offering a baking extravaganza garnered a reaction–or any interest at all–from you.
So they decided to let you be, at least for a few days, knowing that a lot had happened in a very short stretch of time, and you were likely still absorbing it all.
And you were.
Until you weren’t anymore.
It was like a switch being flipped, the way your brain rebooted and you instantly shoved your inner omega back down where she belonged.
As you surfaced back to the present moment, your skin was warm and prickling with anger, with humiliation.
You were angry at all of them–Andy, Ari, your inner omega.
You were furious at yourself, too.
Your mind kept returning to that moment–the morning after–and the way you had sobbed and clung to Andy and Ari.
Like a pathetic chump.
Like a stupid, needy, weak omega.
And you were none of those things.
You refused to be.
It was strange, how that emotional outburst seemed so much more vulnerable than the sex you had shared with Andy and Ari.
Out of everything that had happened, it was that moment that left you most shaken.
You had never cried like that before, had never been so consumed by so many feelings, had never broken down–especially in front of another.
And now, even just thinking about it made you cringe. Made you see red.
In a different kind of haze now than your former dissociative state, you finally abandoned your post in the living room.
Andy was at work, and Ari was humming away in the kitchen, so there was no one around to see you go down into the basement.
You weren’t exactly sure what you were doing or what you were looking for. Until your eyes landed on the cans of paint stacked in the corner near Ari’s workbench.
You grabbed one, eyes glinting at the black color noted on the label before you stalked back upstairs and into your bedroom.
You were breathing heavily now, a mixture of anxiety and anger–fear and doubt–swirling through your body and making it hard to focus on anything.
Part of you was annoyed at the way you had crumbled and given in in the midst of your heat. How vulnerable you had made yourself. How willing.
How disgustingly weak and emotional.
Your inner omega was so stupid for thinking this could just be your new norm now–happiness and connection, praise and affection–just like that.
You knew better. Things would never be that easy for you, that good.
Because you didn’t deserve any of it.
You did not deserve this picture-perfect happy life and the two perfect, doting alphas that came along with it.
And you were so fucking sick of it being shoved down your throat–the thing you wanted most, deep down, but knew you could never have.
Your head buzzed louder and louder as you pried the lid off the paint can, and then you lifted it between your hands, turned, and threw it at your bedroom wall. And then another wall, and another.
Until ugly black streaks marred the soft, pretty color Andy had picked out for you.
Until the disgusting, cloying smell of paint filled the room.
But you didn’t stop there, once the paint can was empty, you tossed it aside, moving toward your bed next.
Angry tears streamed down your face as you snatched the scissors from your desk and began to cut up the expensive bed set that had been gifted to you along with the rest of this perfect room that you didn’t fit into at all. You stabbed the scissors into the pretty pillows and mattress, tearing them open until fluff and foam spilled out in a huge mess.
You didn’t care that Andy and Ari had so obviously and painstakingly set up this space just for you. You couldn’t think about them right now.
As mindless as you had been with pleasure and content by the end of your heat, you felt just as mindless now as you destroyed your room–except this haze didn’t stem from pleasure, it stemmed from anger.
And fear.
Shame, too.
You didn’t belong here, you didn’t belong here, you didn’t belong here.
The words echoed through your mind on repeat as you moved to ripping the framed artwork from the walls next and slamming them down onto the floor until broken glass and frames littered the plush carpet. You moved to overturning your desk next, before pulling all of your clothes from the bureau and strewning them across the room.
It was like, one by one, with each act of destruction, you rebelled against all the little hints of who Andy and Ari wanted you to be.
Who you weren’t at all.
When you finally stopped your reign of terror–face streaked with tears and eyes wild–you turned to find Ari standing in your doorway, looking absolutely gutted.
Not because you destroyed your room, but because you, yourself, were hurting.
And god, that just made you want to break everything all over again.
But you didn’t.
You didn’t say a word, or let Ari either, you just turned on your heel and stormed into your ensuite, locking yourself inside as you tried to muffle your sobs of overwhelm.
By the time Andy arrived home from work–early because of your antics–you were numb.
You were in a different kind of daze now, an autopilot one–an unfeeling one–as Andy and Ari shuffled you out to the car and stowed you in the backseat.
None of you spoke as they began a long drive to who knows where. You didn’t, and you didn’t care either.
Well, not until the car turned down a road that you would have missed entirely if you didn’t know it was here.
The car bounced over uneven ground and gravel for a few moments before finally clearing a long, overgrown driveway to reveal a derelict house in the middle of the countryside.
In the middle of nowhere.
It was instant, the way your stomach dropped like a lead weight.
Because you knew what this was.
You knew exactly what this was.
You wouldn’t be the first problem or unwanted omega to be abandoned in the middle of nowhere, and you wouldn’t be the last.
That’s just the way this fucked up world worked.
Omegas–especially bad ones, like you–were disposable.
Your inner omega whined in distress as you stared up at the ugly, broken down house. So very different from the beautiful home Andy and Ari owned. That they tried so hard to share with you for months.
But you had fucked it all up.
And now here you were, on the doorstep of your worst nightmare–a consequence of your own shitty behavior since the day you had first met the two alphas.
The wave that rose up within you wasn’t one of anger, but devastation, and it only made you more volatile as you followed Andy and Ari’s cues and shoved out of the car.
Finally, they were doing exactly what you always knew they would, deep down.
They were throwing you away, like garbage.
Because you weren’t good enough.
You never had been, and you never would be.
Wearing that familiar mask of anger now–the only protection you had left–you clenched your fists at your sides as you rounded on them. You were pissed off that your tears finally escaped as you met their gazes and looked them both in the eye as they finally revealed their true colors to you.
You were so proud of the sass you were able to muster as you hissed, “Did you finally have your fill of me? You got what you wanted, you got to knot me, so now you’re just gonna leave me out here in the middle of nowhere to rot and pretend like I never existed?”
Rather than agree with you, or object to your accusation, Andy and Ari just remained stoic and quiet as they watched you.
That, more than anything, had anxiety and a gut wrenching sort of terror roiling throughout you. In all the months that you had known Andy and Ari, they had never been so reserved or quiet, not with you.
But it made sense now, for them to be cold with you, especially at this moment.
You had been nothing but a literal nightmare since you came home with them, and after your heat, and what could have been a turning point for your new pack, you had taken ten steps backwards and destroyed their house while you were at it.
You really were an utter disappointment.
Finally, Andy gestured for you to follow him as he dug an unfamiliar set of keys from his pocket and started to walk toward the rundown house. “Come on, this way.”
You stared after him, furious as the visage of him blurred from your unshed tears. You did your best to blink them back, clenching your hands into fists as you ignored Ari’s watchful gaze and stomped after Andy.
If this was going to happen, you weren’t going to be a little bitch about it. Your inner omega could cry and whine all she wanted, but you were gonna show them just how much you didn’t care that they were abandoning you.
Because you didn’t need Andy and Ari, just as much as they didn’t want you.
You kept your face twisted into a sneer as you entered the decrepit house. You could feel Ari looming in the doorway behind you, but Andy was nowhere to be found.
The sensation of being trapped–in danger–started to lap at you, but before your hypervigilant mind could run away with that new thread of fear, Andy’s voice called out from the living room just off the entryway.
“My realty firm bought this place to flip and eventually sell.”
A moment later, he appeared in the doorway, holding a sledgehammer.
“Demo is scheduled to start next week, but I thought maybe you could get it started?” he said.
You scoffed. “So you’re gonna put me to work and get as much out of me as you can before leaving me here to fend for myself?”
Andy’s resulting smile was sad, but it was Ari who answered you.
“No, sweetheart, we just thought that maybe this could be a good, therapeutic outlet for you, to get out some of that anger and whatever else you’ve clearly been struggling with.”
Brows furrowing, your face bloomed with the heat of humiliation–because you were so fucked up that they just called it out now, and because this wasn’t what you had thought it was.
Not at all.
You glanced from the sledgehammer, then between Ari and Andy.
“Go on,” Andy encouraged, once again holding out the unfamiliar tool to you. “We’re taking the house down to the studs, so you can break whatever you like - walls, floors, the furniture that’s left.” He went quiet for a moment before he whispered his next words with a hint of understanding, “Let it all go, omega. Get it all out so you don’t need to carry it anymore.”
Your vision blurred with tears at that–not just because Andy’s words were so on point–but because you had never felt so seen–and understood–in your life, and even after everything, how terrible you had been, Andy and Ari were still trying to help you.
The instinct to scoff or get sassy in response to the vulnerability you felt right now needled along your skin, but you suppressed it. Instead, you just watched them for a moment.
Really allowed yourself to witness Andy and Ari–your alphas–and how they had never stopped trying to make this work or make you happy, the entire time you had been with them.
Beneath your anger, you felt so much shame for your actions and behavior over the past few months, at how hard it was for you to let them in, and how much the idea scared you.
Because if you let them into your heart, if you allowed yourself to have them and this happy life they kept promising, you’d have so much to lose.
So much to mourn once it was over and you were left alone and miserable again.
But isn’t it better to have something so good that just the thought of losing it terrifies you? your inner omega whispered.
All of these thoughts and more swirled within you–your tender, yearning heart warring with the hard edge of jaded logic that had protected you as much as possible during the course of your sad, unhappy life.
You felt it all building up within you, bubbling over, but for once, instead of stuffing it back down like you always did, you let it rise up completely.
And you took the sledgehammer from Andy.
You side stepped him–stilling when he held out an arm and slipped a pair of safety goggles on your face–before stalking into the dim, outdated living room.
It was dirty and dank, everything covered in dust and grime, and yet it resonated with you on a deep level, because you couldn’t help but think this is what you looked like on the inside.
A hollow, empty, broken shell–damaged and dirty beyond repair.
And that just had everything inside of you ratcheting up until your body vibrated with the onslaught and your tears finally spilled over.
You started with the stray, wooden coffee table that was covered in dust–winding up and bringing the sledgehammer down onto it and watching as it splintered before collapsing entirely under a second blow.
Years and years worth of anger and pain, desolation and abandonment, rose up as you turned to the rotting fireplace next. You smashed the half-broken wood mantle into smithereens before shattering the old, stained ceramic tiles surrounding the hearth.
As you watched it all shatter and skitter across the creaky floorboards, it felt like all of the impenetrable armor you had worn your whole life–out of necessity, for survival–shattered and fell away with it.
You felt strangely lighter as you started smashing holes in the wall, picturing the breeder’s ugly, menacing face as the sledgehammer demolished. You let out these pained, ragged shrieks as you pulled back and let loose, over and over again, laying waste not only to the room, but to everything inside of you that had kept you so small and miserable and hollow your whole life.
That had eaten away at you more and more with each passing day.
How unloved and lonely you felt spending your whole life at the breeder facility.
How dirty and violated you felt each time the breeder left you in messy ruins in your stupid glass cage.
How angry you were at your inner omega for wanting more than you knew was meant for you.
How furious you were at yourself for fucking up the one stroke of luck and good fortune that had ever come your way.
You were covered in sweat and dust, openly crying now, tears fogging up your safety goggles as you heaved and swung–breaking down so much more than the walls around you–until you couldn’t raise the hammer anymore.
Your arms were like limp noodles once you finally stopped, your body thrumming with both adrenaline and something else. You thought it might be the cathartic release your alphas had wanted for you, but there was still one dark, ugly thought that you just couldn’t shake.
One fear and doubt that you knew would continue to block you from happiness and love, even though it was staring you straight in the face and offered to you so freely on a daily basis.
So you let it rise up, too, wanting to exorcise it along with the rest of your demons.
You don’t deserve happiness or love, that quiet voice whispered the familiar words in the back of your mind. Because you’re not a good omega. You’re not even a good person.
“I don’t understand!” you shouted as you tore off the safety goggles with one hand and dropped the sledgehammer with the other, whirling on Andy and Ari. “I don’t understand why you want me!”
Crying harder as all of your messiest feelings and insecurities poured out of you, you sank to your knees, exhausted and hugging yourself tightly as you sobbed.
“I don’t understand,” you heaved, your voice a sad broken thing. “Why do you want me?”
“We love you, honey,” Andy spoke softly as he sank down beside you.
“And we’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it to believe it, and then some,” Ari promised as he knelt at your other side.
Despite their reassuring words, your most terrifying fear and doubt bubbled up, your words a pathetic whine as you begged, “Don’t leave me!”
“We would never,” Ari murmured, shifting closer. His hand reached for you but stilled just over the small of your back, the heat of his non-touch making you cry harder.
Because you wanted him to touch you–without hesitance, without reserve–you wanted his comfort and his warmth and his love. You wanted it more than you had ever wanted anything in your entire life.
“We love you, honey, so much,” Andy spoke softly, shifting closer, and like Ari, without actually touching you, so cognizant of the hard boundaries you had always set.
“Why?” you shook your head. “It doesn’t make sense! I don’t deserve it. I’m…I’m broken,” you looked between them with your devastated gaze, telling them one of the thoughts–and truths–that haunted you most. “You both deserve a perfect omega, and I’m not that. No matter how hard I could try, I will never be that for you.”
Andy’s smile was so soft and earnest as he replied, “To us, you are perfect, just as you are.”
It took a moment for his words to really sink in for you, and when they did, your heart glowed, because for once, you actually allowed yourself to hear them, to accept them.
To believe them.
As much as you always found yourself lacking–and never good enough–Andy and Ari thought you perfect, just as you were.
They loved you–you–just as you were.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything,” you hiccuped through your tears. “I’m sorry I’m such a bad omega; I don’t know how to do this. I’ll try, for real. I’ll be good. I can be good.”
“We don’t want you to be good, sweetheart,” Ari soothed, his soft, sweet scent filling your nose and settling some of the distress eating away at you. “We just want you to be happy. That’s all. We just want you to be at peace with all of this, with us.”
“And you’re not bad,” Andy said. “We never thought that about you, honey. The only thing you are to us is home, and we just want to be your home, too.”
You looked up at that.
Home.
The one thing you had always wanted most of all.
The thing that had been granted to you, despite who you were and where you had come from, and that you just couldn’t seem to accept no matter how much–and how deeply–you yearned for it.
“I’m your home?” you echoed Andy’s words on a hopeful whisper as you peeked between him and Ari for confirmation.
He nodded, the most tender smile on his face as his own eyes shone with tears. “I told you that the first time we ever met, that you smell like home, and I was right.”
“And he’ll never let you hear the end of it,” Ari inserted on a playful mutter that had you giggling despite your tears and emotional overwhelm.
This is what it could always be like for you, if you let it, if you tried.
Love and laughter and home.
Feeling something inside of your chest finally loosen–crack wide open–after years and years of tightness and constriction, of being overly guarded and stubborn to your own detriment, you sniffled, resolutely deciding to let it.
To try.
Gingerly–shyly–you reached for Andy and Ari’s hands, clutching one in each of yours for dear life, and feeling instantly grounded and safe as their alpha scents rose up around you–more pronounced now at your voluntary touch.
“I don’t really know how to do this,” you confessed on a shaky whisper. “How to be happy and loved, but what I do know is that I don’t want to be this way anymore. I don’t want to be miserable and angry and afraid. But that's all I’ve ever known. Good things–and people–don’t happen to me.”
“They do now,” Andy replied fervently, lifting your hand and meeting your tearful gaze as he pressed his lips to your knuckles in a soft, lingering kiss before continuing, “If you let us, honey, we’ll show you what it’s like to be loved and happy. We’ll do everything we can to give you the kind of life you deserve.”
“That’s all we want for you, omega,” Ari added, his thumb gently stroking the back of your hand clutched so firmly in his. “We just want to love you.”
Your hackles didn’t rise at their perfect words and promises, instead, you felt something unfamiliar flutter to life in your chest.
It was light, and it felt like hope, and you thought that maybe–just maybe–you could let it plant like a seed in your heart, and you could tend to it daily, allowing–no, encouraging–it to grow.
Maybe, one day, you wouldn’t be like a dark, dirty house inside, you’d be more like a beautiful, thriving garden.
You just needed to try. To really try.
“Can we hug you, honey?” Andy asked softly, breaking you from your thoughts as he gave your hand a gentle squeeze.
You nodded without hesitation, even quavering out a quiet, “Please.”
And you didn’t even have a second to overthink or regret the vulnerability and neediness of your plea–of your submission to Andy’s request–before both of your alphas were moving as one.
Andy and Ari carefully smushed you between them, murmuring a litany of praise and love as you went pliant in their hold, feeling that spark of hope in your chest glow a little brighter as you finally surrendered to them–and their love–completely and without reserve.
🥺🥺🥺
I know some of you may be disappointed that I’ve spent a lot of time on this trio lately, but the muse was just so enamored with them, and their story flowed so easily! And now we are FINALLY moving into a good, non-angsty place for these babies!!!
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One of my favourite things when reading fanfiction is when you click with an author's style so much that you adore the fanfiction you're reading, and once it's over you need more. So you go to their page and hope that there's more for any fandom you might know- only there isn't any. They've written for other fandoms you aren't familiar with and never would've thought about before.
But you're down so bad for their style and talent that they got you wading in like:
A cat is a small creature in the middle of the food chain that is fully aware that you are a very large thing that could stomp its head in at any moment and yet it chooses to rest its tiny little head on your leg for a nap and spreads out on the floor near you exposing its belly and its most sensitive organs. It brings dead mice and bugs to you to share food.
Don’t you get it? This tiny thing trusts you. It wants to help you too. It licks your leg thinking that it’s helping. It kneads on you to find comfort. It shares its body warmth with you in the cold and gives you your space in the heat. It hisses at other mammals it sees outside including other cats in an effort to protect its family.
Cats love you so so much. But they will keep trying to eat plastic.
What if Bucky killed Peter's parents as the winter soldier?
(Winter dad and spider son)
Author's notes: This is part two. Don't forget to like and reblog if you enjoyed the story. This takes place in an alternate universe.
Warnings: 13 + audience. Hurt. Angst. Anger and tears. Loss of trust. Not edited.
The tension is thick in the air. Bucky isn't sure what happened to Peter last night. But he can see that Peter's eyes are red and puffy. Peter is silent as he sniffs, staring at Bucky.
"What happened to you, kid?" Bucky asks. His expression is neutral, his eyes filled with worry. Peter sniffs again, glaring in silence. His eye twitches, feeling a lump in his throat. "Come on, Peter. I'm not a mind reader." So, Peter stands up, hitting his fists on the table.
"You know what you did!" Peter snaps at Bucky. His voice cracks, laced with anger and hurt. "I saw the papers in your room!" Bucky stops eating his breakfast. He freezes, staring at Peter in shock.
"What papers?" Bucky whispers, his lips forming a frown. "What did you see?" His hand grips his spoon. "Tell me now." Peter's hands tremble as he backs away from the table. Then Bucky stands up. His eyes focus on Peter's movements. Suddenly, Peter rushes down the hall. "Get back here!" Bucky raises his voice, moving after Peter. Soon, Peter slams his bedroom door.
"You killed them!" Peter screams behind the door. "My parents! You killed them!" Peter's eyes fill with tears again. His hand reaches up to wipe away his tears.
"Kid, let me explain!" Bucky responds through the door. Then his hand bangs on the door. "Just open the door for me."
"Never!" Peter cries out, his tears falling down. He slides down the wall, his hands covering his face. "How could you do this to me, Bucky? I trusted you. And you broke it." Bucky's hear aches, hearing Peter's words. "You took me in. Was it all a lie? Was this a pity adoption?" Bucky feels a lump in throat. He can hear the pain and hurt in Peter's voice. Bucky wants to comfort Peter, but he's shut out. He could break down the door. Yet, that won't help the situation.
For the next few hours, Bucky tries to get Peter out of his room. Nothing works. For the first time in a long time, Bucky feels helpless. He has to fix this. But how?
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