unhinged google searches that cause your fbi agent to have a meltdown
a folder on your laptop with too many wips to count that you swear you will work on soon
75% of the writing sessions consist of daydreaming about your blorbos while not writing a single word down
only finding typos after posting the chapter⊠but there never are any mistakes when you proofread it
suddenly forgetting how normal human beings speak⊠why does the dialogue always sound like a rat and an octopus trying to communicate?
(totally healthy) obsession with THE character
2 mortal enemies: the ao3 summary box and tags
sleep deprivation is maxed out
daily nighttime meditation that involves staring at the ceiling while thinking of new ways to forever haunt THE character
saying something like âiâm just going to write a silly little one shotâ and then proceeding to drop the most soul-wrecking, heart-wrenching, so-beautiful-and-painful-it-should-get-published fanfic of all time
Jacksonâs gates promise safety, but for a woman whoâs forgotten how to belong and a man whoâs forgotten how to let anyone in - it might be the hardest place to stay.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
You woke at first light, the three of you swung your packs on, and made it through the remaining brush to get towards the destination. After the week you've had, tiredness had hit you as if it was something that you never experienced before. Exhaustion hit all three of you, but Ellie was the only one that moaned and groaned upon waking. The dogs weren't as quick as they usually were, but they treaded through at your side as they always did.
"Won't be long, now," you heard Joel mutter to Ellie. It was if he was trying to encourage her to keep walking. You looked down at her feet, noticing that she was taking smaller steps, but her worn converse weren't giving her feet the support they needed for a trek like this.
You smelled it before you saw it: smoke, wood, something baked. Civilization. Then the walls rose up out of the tree line like the ribs of a giant â tall, reinforced, threaded with barbed wire and rust. The gates of Jackson creaked open as Joel approached on foot. Ellie had followed behind, muddy and flushed, with a stranger - you - at her side and two Dobermans flanking them like sentinels.
With her tune completely changing from this morning, Ellie bounced on her toes beside you, practically glowing. âFinally! Showers, real food, and beds.â
You smiled, but your stomach twisted. Your fingers curled in Rockâs fur as the gates creaked open.
You followed Ellie through the gates, dust kicking up underfoot as a crowd gathered. Faces - men, women, children - pressed forward. You hadnât seen that many living eyes in years. Ellie had been the first kid youâd met since the world went quiet; now ten more stared back, all alive, all curious. The crowd was in rejoice seeing that Joel and Ellie had returned, yet, upon setting their eyes on you their smiles faded.
You could feel their gazes running you up and down. The town was buzzing with cautious energy. Echo and Rock sat perched on either side of you, their eyes open and ears sharp. They gazed at your worn, muddy boots, the rifle, the backpack full of patches of places youâve gone to. You remained a calm, quiet presence. You hadnât spoken yet, stunned into silence by the sheer number of people in front of you. Perhaps youâd been on your own too long, the thought of re-civilization was foreign. Or, maybe, you were hoping to see the faces that haunted your dreams in the group looking at you. Waiting for your brother to run out with open arms at seeing you again. . . Yet, that was just a hopeful memory.
When the gates clanged shut, the sound hit something deep - a memory of fences, orders, checkpoints. Your lungs forgot how to breathe for a second. Seeing that you were now in the town, you questioned how you would get out. It was only upon seeing the pink blur darting towards you - you were grounded back to reality. Ellie gave you a smile, âDonât let it get to you. They always look like that.â
âLike what?â You questioned.
His shoulders went stiff the second the walls closed behind you, like even safety didnât sit right anymore. Joel spoke low in front of you. âTheyâre trying to figure out if youâre dangerous or dumb enough to walk without a plan.â
You took a deep breath. Ellie nudged your arm with her elbow. âCâmon, thereâs an empty place by the gardens. Iâll take you.â
You gave her a nod, following her through the crowd of people. Giving a click of your tongue, Echo and Rock were on your heels. Walking through the crowd to get away from the close quarters of the gates, they separated as if you were Moses parting the Red Sea. You didn't complain though, there was only so much of seeing many in front of you that you could tolerate. Yet, you were astonished at what your eyes saw. There were shops, multiple shops - books, food, a bar, and more. A restaurant, which Ellie had told you it was used as a meal hall for everyone in town. Beyond the square, there were several houses that were fixed up with people living there. Looking through the windows at the shops, seeing everything that was available. You were in awe.
You came upon the stables, when a man had stopped you. He hugged Joel hard, then nodded to Ellie, eyes warm. Then he turned to you. You didnât move, just gave a nod in his direction - not warm, but not cold either. The look he gave you was polite, measured - assessing. âWhoâs this?â
Ellie interjected, âHelped me out on the road.â
Joelâs brow furrowed, locking his eyes with Ellie. âShe shouldnâtâve been out there at all.â
You didnât bite. You just gave him that same calm look and gently rested your hand on Echoâs head as she sat beside you, alert but relaxed.
Ellie let out a breath. âI told you - I needed air. You didnât listen.â
Joelâs eyes softened. Barely. âDoesnât mean that you go out alone.â
The silence that followed was full and bitter. You were hoping for it to be broken, you didnât care to be a part of their argument. Outside the gates, even though you had run into Ellie by chance, you had felt more in your element. You weren't used to being inside a cage. Everywhere you looked, there was a sense of normal life before the infected had taken over. You felt more like an intruder than you already were when you shared the trail with Ellie and Joel. Looking down at Echo, you scratched behind her ear, she rested her jaw against your thigh in comfort. You felt as if you were the new burden here, society was a creature you hadn't faced for what felt like a lifetime.
âSheâs fine,â Joel added gruffly, tilting his head towards you.
You had raised a brow at the glowing endorsement. Looking up at him from Echo, his jaw was tense. It was a common look for Joel, different from the soft look you would see from him on the trail. You looked away, noticing that the brunette man next to him had eyes that flicked to your dogs, then back to you. âGot a name?â
âYeah,â you said cooly, telling him your name. âWant my Serial Number while youâre at it?â
He blinked, âSounds like your type, brother.â He laughed it off, âShit. Alright, come on in.â
He started to walk with you as you followed Ellie into the town, introducing himself as Tommy. You gathered that he was Joelâs brother. Tommy smiled easier than Joel, but you could tell they carried the same kind of weight behind the eyes. You didnât pry much further. You just had gotten used to the idea that there were two other humans besides you, not a whole town. You eyed your surroundings - it was too quiet, too clean, and the hum of electricity crawled under your skin. A sound you hadnât heard since Outbreak Day. It had thrown you off from what you had been used to seeing for the past twenty years. You kept your pack close and your dogs closer. People stared, Tommy whispered to you that it was because you still had your rifle out. You shrugged, keeping it on your shoulder as you walked in the group. A couple of younger residents tried to pet Echo, she growled once and they backed off. Apparently, she wasnât in the mood for a crowd either.
You caught a few whispers behind your back:
âShe came with Joel?â
âTwo damn war dogs.â
âHope sheâs not staying.â
Ellie stayed near you, sensing your tension. But Joel? Heâd gone quiet again. Not cold, but distant. You caught yourself missing the man who slept beside you during a storm, the one who offered you warm beans from a campfire, and who made sure that you didn't slip in the mud after the thunderstorm.
Now he walked a step ahead. Like he didnât know what this meant either.
âIâll go,â you said. âDidnât come looking for a bed.â
âWait,â Ellie said quickly, turning to you. âThereâs a house near the gardens. Empty. They havenât reassigned it. You could stay the night.â
Joel looked like he wanted to argue but didnât. Not in front of you and not with Ellie still rigid. You looked between them, reading what wasnât being said. You felt overwhelmed here, but it had been before Outbreak Day that you had been around a large group of folks that weren't trying to eat your arm off. Plus, the few QZs you had stopped in at didn't provide a lovely experience either. You thought that you needed to open up more to the idea of having a place that wasn't ran by FEDRA. Plus, it wouldn't be a bad idea to take advantage of sleep under a roof for once. You nodded, responding âOne night.â
You continued to walk the road with Ellie, Joel, and Tommy. Taking in the town in as you passed it. All the way to the other side of Jackson, before Joel turned to separate from you. He continued following the curve of the road. Tommy and Ellie went ahead, leading you toward the path of the house that was hidden away between trees beyond the gardens. The dogs followed beside you, running through the rows of plants and around the trees before you reached the door as if they were looking for hidden infected. You said your thanks to them and politely excused yourself, stating that you were tired from the hike there. It didn't take long for them to take the hint and leave you be.
You shut the door behind Rock and Echo. Looking around, the house they gave you was small and drafty, but it had walls with a working stove. That alone made it feel like a castle. The porch that was attached to it outside was a luxury, one that you forgot that you missed. Rock paced along the length of the small living room as Echo ran up the stairs to the side. You went up the stairs, leading you to a loft. A large bed had greeted you upon entering. You went to sit on it, the comfortable mattress feeling foreign to your backside. Shooting up, you went back down the stairs. A knock rapped upon your door.
A woman, who had introduced herself as Maria, was on the porch. She brought over fresh sheets for the bed and a change of clothes. You thanked her but cut her visit short - keeping consistency with not wanting to be around others for the rest of the day. You needed a day to process what you had walked into. She smiled at you and went down the path from your home for the night. You went to dress the bed in the sheets she gave you. Small, multicolored flowers had littered the mattress and pillows. It was mismatched with the dark red bedspread. Not that it mattered. You were amazed that a comfort like this still existed in the hard, cruel world that you had become accustomed to.
You grabbed the bedspread off, folding it on the ground in front of the bed. Adding a slight plush to the wooden floor beneath your feet. You sat, whistling to Rock and Echo. The beat of their paws came up the stairs in unison, only stopping to lay on both sides of you like shadows. You stayed quiet while people outside passed, watching through windows they thought you couldnât see through. You watched the sun fade and the moon beam light through the windows.
Joel didnât knock that night. But he was there, across the street and watching the door. Not suspicious - protective, and maybe a little curious. You didnât mind. Let him look. You werenât going anywhere.
In the soft dark, Joel learns thereâs a difference between keeping watch and watching her.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
The fire's near out - just embers and whispers now. The kind you watch when you're too tired to sleep, but too wound up to rest. Damp pine needles spit sap into the coals, sizzling like distant fireworks. Joel sat hunched forward, elbows on his knees, knife in one hand, whetstone in the other. Not really sharpening - fidgeting to keep his hands busy. The quiet had stretched long between them, but it wasn't the kind of silence that grated. It was the kind you could almost sit inside.
Ellie's out cold, head tipped toward the dog like it's a damn pillow. Rock doesn't even flinch, just breathes slow besides her. The girl feels safe, even if she doesn't want to admit it. That's something.
You glance over at him, just sitting a few feet away. You're quiet still, leaning against a tree with your face unreadable in the dark. He knew you were awake, he could tell, by the way you held yourself. You always looked as if you were bracing for something that hasn't hit yet. You're the kind that keeps one hand near your weapon even when you dreamt. The kind that doesn't trust the quiet unless you've earned it. Joel knew that feeling all too well.
Joel stayed alert, mostly out of habit, but the truth was - it was his thoughts that kept him up more than the threat of infected.
He sat with his rifle resting against his log, listening to the soft rustle of trees and the distant call of a lone owl. He glanced subtly between you and Ellie. Both of you had a dog within reach, yet, Ellie had drifted off with a knife in her palm and trust under her ribs.
That trust made him ache.
You hadn't said a word since Ellie fell asleep. Joel didn't either.
He studied you from under his lashes. Blood was still on your collar, crusted with the mud from the trail. Echo was covered in dust from where the wet earth had dried on her. No one had the energy to care. That kind of fatigue, the kind that wraps around your bones like ivy, only showed up after a long trek.
He should've been watching the perimeter. Should've been keeping track of the hour, the temperature, the threat of anything moving beyond the dying embers of the fire. Instead... he watched you. He told himself it was about safety. That you were new, unfamiliar, a potential liability. But that wasn't the truth, not really.
Joel questioned whether he should break the solitude between you, but the silence felt. . . easy. It didn't bite like it used to. It settles - soft and steady like dirt after rainfall.
He didn't know when that started happening - the quiet turning comfortable instead of dangerous. Maybe back in the cabin, when you told him off without flinching. Or earlier, when you didn't wait for permission to go after Ellie.
No. Joel thought. Maybe it was the way you had sat next to him the night before, between his legs, close like you had belonged there.
The thought alone had made him exhale slowly through his nose.
He thought about the trail. The mud. Your hand in his. The weight of you when you slipped - how easy it was to catch you, how hard it was to let go.
A part of him wanted to reach out to you. He wanted to feel your smooth skin on his palms, just for a second - to just feel it. The warmth of someone who could stay. . . But he doesn't. Not yet.
Not when he's still figuring out how to let someone close without pulling away the second they get too far in.
Instead, he sat still - watching the fire die and listened to the world around him.
Joel thought about Sarah, then Tess. Thought about all the ways he'd made himself smaller over the years so the grief had room to breathe. His jaw clenched tight, he didn't want to finish the thought in fear of breaking.
He didn't breathe for a second. Just stared at the orange-red coals and thought about how tired he was of leaving people behind. Of never staying. Of never letting anyone stay. . . For Christ's sake, he couldn't even go after Ellie and ask her to stay when she had bolted out of their home in Jackson. Just another door swinging shut in his face.
When you were asleep, Joel could look at you without pretending not to. Hair falling across your cheek, your expression soft in sleep. Something inside him tugged - something quiet, dangerous. He shifted his gaze to the coals again, jaw clenched.
The dogs didn't stir.
Echo had let out a long sigh, her frame settling alongside you. Rock's ears flicked occasionally, but even he had started to relax. The stars blinked above them, sharp and silver in the cold sky.
He didn't deserve moments like this. Never had. But hell, if he wasn't already wondering what it'd feel like to have another. He wondered, for the first time in a long damn time. . . he wondered what it'd be like if he stopped surviving and started living.
And he thought, that if you were still here tomorrow - if you chose to stay in Jackson, he'd find a way to let you in.
annaxmalina
tangentwithtanner
gummygunk
jacobvanloon
blakekathryn
dailybridgerton
areudirty
