ain't dead yet @marseny - Tumblr Blog

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venndaai

have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.

venndaai

they are sexually mature at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD.

their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.

longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years

toxic flesh

has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.

lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion

largest genome of any shark

eats everything including moose and polar bears

ma'am you are delightfully strange and I'm privileged to share a planet with you

fluorescentbrains

this post prompted me to refresh my memory on Greenland Shark Facts and this detail about how they feed goes so hard

just vacuuming up their unsuspecting prey. whole !

muffinlance

Good news good news good news! Recent research suggests the eye parasites do NOT blind them!

Dorota Skowronska-Krawczyk sits in her office, eyes fixed on the computer monitor in front of her. "You see it move its eye," says the UC Ir

I <3 you a normal amount Greenland sharks

cassolotl

A poll for Firefox users

I use up-to-date Firefox and I have used the AI kill switch

I use up-to-date Firefox and I have turned off some AI features but not all

I use up-to-date Firefox and I have not turned off any AI features

I use up-to-date Firefox and didn't know you could turn off AI features

I use an older version of Firefox with no AI features

I don't use Firefox

Remaining time: 5 days 2 hours

cassolotl

For Firefox users who weren't aware of the AI kill switch, type about:preferences#ai into the address bar, and you should see this:

acecasinova

She was sooooooo well behaved for a few minutes before trying to get off my lap and explore (illegal) (and unfair bc why does her BROTHER get to??) (Because he only wants to nap)

thebibliosphere

Absolutely wild to find out another indie author has been referring to you as "the competition" this entire time. Like there can only be one disabled werewolf Romance novel.

I'd like there to be more, actually. I'd like them to hold hands. I would have liked us to hold hands, but alas.

retquits

reclaiming character designs from an old project ☕

foldingfittedsheets

Get you a girlfriend who will hold popcorn in front of your face while you play video games and whisper “Like a horse” as you delicately nibble it off their open palm.

crochethub

After 10 months of dedication, I finally finished! I confess I was hesitant to post it, since I'm not a professional, but I feel I achieved a good result. by TheresaZoe

bethanydelleman

Important research for a story I'm writing! Not real life, never real life.

You are transported back in time and into the body of a young noblewoman in the 1400s. Your parents have married you off to an awful, abusive, rapist husband whom literally no one else would marry despite him being very high nobility because he's that terrible. You successfully produce a baby boy and then plan to murder this man for the good of everyone and yourself. Here is the question: do you think you could murder him in a way that is undetectable to the historical people around you? Note: they aren't stupid, you are the prime suspect as the battered wife AND you can't just say poison. Where are you going to buy poison? Do you know anything about poison actually? NO GOOGLING! You were sent back without a plan!

Do you think you could murder someone in the 1400s and get away with it with your modern know-how?

Yes, I totally have a plan (tell me for research purposes)

No, I realize that I'm very uninformed about murder

I have some ideas but I'm not sure they would work

Remaining time: 2 days 6 hours

Edit: my notes are full of murder. I love you all

firthbetterorfirthworse

First step: alliances. Who is going to support my power when my husband dies? Who's a threat? Who can reliably slip me information, who will look the other way, who do I need to pretend around? Is the local medical dude stupid and easily led, seduceable, or a good man who already detests my husband?

THEN construct a plan. Ideally, I'll be a day or so travel away when shit goes down. Can I incite a duel with some well placed words to an enemy? Does he have a drinking buddy who might recklessly induce him to fence or ride after too much liquor? I didn't do anything, I wasn't even there when he got that wound.

When I come back to nurse him (if I do) it's with all the modern day knowledge that I won't apply. Not that anyone would listen to me, of course, but I can ask questions, after all I'm just a female? What is happening? Isn't bleeding the patient good? This water from the stagnant pond was blessed by the priest, surely God will favor him if we anoint his wound with it?

I get nowhere near my husband, especially without witnesses. The sick room is no place for a delicate lady, and besides, on no accounts can we risk his heir. I should probably be sent away - for my health, you understand.

Sometimes people die young. Women are widowed early.

It's so tragic.

bethanydelleman

Two notes:

To clarify about the poison, you can use poison if you actually know how to identify it, I'm saying you can't just go "Poison!" with no knowledge about poison. Buying it probably means they know that poison and you're caught. Your personal knowledge when you read this post is all you have.

Another point of clarity: You went through all that trouble to have a baby without modern medicine so you could get the sweet house after your husband died. That's why you can't be caught. No disappearing.

captain-kit-adventuress

i love the ideas in the notes, but one thing is really sticking for me: you are the only person that would marry this guy—whether by your own consent or someone else consenting for you—and suddenly, this fucker dies under what could be considered suspicious circumstances, especially if it was sudden. everyone knows you're an abused wife, knows the servants are abused, it's all public knowledge whether anyone talks about it or not. even if he legitimately died without being murdered, gossip might still spread.

but you are still a woman in the 1400s with a great house and likely an excellent fortune. how are you going to keep opportunists from blaming you as an excuse to get their hands on your property, especially in the face of rumours that your husband's death wasn't natural? it wouldn't even be that hard to make what is essentially theft look legitimate, it could still pass to the son, and he will need a trustee or guardian of some sort until he comes of age, and who better than the local lord justice, who also happens to be a greedy shit but basically is the law, so who's going to stop him?

who's going to stop anyone with better claim to their accusations (because again, you are a woman, and possibly not even a noblewoman yourself but by marriage) from depriving you of your property? what's going to stop your son from doing so once he comes of age, in the event that you can't legally inherit?

i think the question is not 'can you make it look good enough to get away with it,' but 'is anyone going to let you get away with it no matter how good you make it look'? i mean, it wouldn't take much, an accusation of witchcraft—sensationalised, of course, but it is hard to refute—and whipping up a very public campaign ending in a death sentence, and...that's it. game over.

or maybe the best question is, in the face of that, are you willing to risk it? it might not actually be the most cut-and-dried question: which eventuality of possible death are you most willing to risk? that at the hands of your monstrous husband, or that at the hands of a conspiracy to wrest property and possibly power away from you at any cost?

bethanydelleman

These are excellent points!

In this particular work, the husband is the heir apparent, his father is still alive and holding the title. Grandpa loves the little baby grandson and will definitely make him the new heir if his son dies. The husband has such a bad reputation that I really think if the wife kills him with plausible deniability, the gossip will be, "god has struck him down and he deserved it." Then she gets to bask in being in control of the household until her son grows up and then she retires as a dowager when he marries.

But the main point is that the noblewoman is getting genuinely worried that the husband might kill her or her son, so she's got to do something before it gets worse.

captain-kit-adventuress

ok, not to be a total shit about this—i am the first to admit i love poking potential plot holes as a form of brainstorming, sorry if that's not what you're looking for—but if granddad is still alive and loves grandson (and daughter-in-law?) my immediate first question is, how is son/husband getting away with this in the first place, especially to the extent there's genuine worry he'll kill wife or grandson or both? i am assuming a continental european-esque and/or british-ish medieval setting, so if that's wrong or markedly different, obviously none of my line of thought will apply.

if granddad is alive (and i'm assuming fairly robust), especially if he's titled, there would have to be some pretty good legal reasons why he's unable to help, or i'd have to come to the unfortunate conclusion that he's just as bad as his son. and he could be! he could be just as bad as his son and still love his grandson, that's not necessarily a conflict, but i am a little confused about the setup.

noblewoman daughter-in-law doesn't need to get away with it if granddad is willing to help make it go away—especially if he brings his purse as a bludgeoning tool—and would likewise, as you pointed out, be in the way of some unscrupulous person getting their hands on the estate. i know it will depend on their relative position in the society you're writing, but i'm also fully aware that you definitely have an understanding that a low-ranking nobleman doesn't have the kind of pull that someone higher up in the nobility would.

perhaps it's enough to say that i'm already hooked on the plot lol. and again, sorry if i'm stepping on toes, i don't always have a good awareness about turning off my editor tap.

bethanydelleman

I posted this on my Jane Austen blog so I'm not surprised everyone thinks I mean Europe, the story is from China, but honestly I was just wanting to know if anyone had ideas to kill historical people with future methods. The character is translated into English as a duke, so very high nobility.

As for why grandpa is alive and son is still awful? It's like a Tom Bertram situation if you've read Mansfield Park, Tom just runs off and does stuff and his dad can't figure out how to stop him (also, it's not like they are breaking into their kid's bedroom when he's alone with his wife). This character is the only son, so he's basically guaranteed to inherit and they keep covering up his actual crimes in some sort of vain hope that he'll stop. Also, if you live in a patriarchal society, there is this fun thing you can do called "blame the wife for making him angry/not fixing him," it works every time!

The feeling I got from the original story is that the grandparents are in this like, cognitive dissonance where they do know their son is The Worst, but they only have one option, and they do love their kid as parents, so they kind of both try to protect the wife but also excuse their son and pretend he isn't as bad as he is. And they probably don't want to admit to themselves that they raised such a terrible person and are enabling his future behaviour by never letting him face consequences.

As for money, I'd bet he's just charging things to his family account and then they don't want to look bad as a family by not paying or telling places that he's grounded. What thin veneer of dignity they still have as a noble house and whatnot.

This character isn't totally fleshed out, but I imagine him to be similar to Arthur Huntington from The Tenant of Wildfell Hall if you've read it. There is a story line where he almost manages to drag friends down with him too.

captain-kit-adventuress

you said china and it all immediately clicked for everyone's behaviour. so it's rich, noble arsehole son drags down everyone around him because no one can quite admit how terrible he really is, much like a rampaging rhino—you have to wait until the rampage is over before you can safely get it back to where it can't harm others and hope against hope that there isn't too much lasting damage.

not sure if this was mentioned in the notes, i didn't consult before i started this, but any thoughts on pennyroyal? could legitimately be medically administered for mundane reasons, by a medical professional, and it's notoriously difficult to dose correctly, as in, a few grains too much and someone is dead rather than cured. not sure if this would apply in china, but sometimes pennyroyal was also used to create a minty flavour in dishes. even if (when?) the wife is suspected, medical guy can back her up or servants can be like, we use this all the time, i don't know why this one was different, and maybe grandparents are like, welp, that seems reasonable to us, because it lifts a huge burden off their shoulders and their son dies in a way that doesn't reflect poorly on them.

bonus because pennyroyal often causes very painful, agonised deaths and husband sounds like he deserves it.

ruinedhands

I think I'm throwing every form of food poisoning known to man at this guy. ServSafe? boy will she have things to say about me.

marseny

Couldn't you just wait until he has a scratch from something then get shit in the wound? They didn't have antibiotics back then. Infection is a great killer.

crypticcuntking

Anairë portrait!

sashayed

but ykw at least i'm not on mount everest. at least i'm not paying tens of thousands of dollars to slowly suffocate in a 300-person line at the gates of hell. never in my life will i have to be steered in a hypoxic stupor through the maze of poop and corpses atop mount everest. on this earth a lot of horrible things can happen to you without your permission but there are a few that you have to opt into. you can just say no thanks! and be guaranteed never to have to be on mount everest. much to be grateful for actually

sashayed

still not on mount everest this morning 😌 alhamdulillah

disterbia

threeeyedharemp3

first day in the time loop it is not a loop yet. i go about my day and its a pretty good day and when i make my evening cup of tea i wish all days were like this

threeeyedharemp3

second day in the time loop and in the moment before waking i have a dream about something i have to do tomorrow. i do not realise i will never get to do it.

threeeyedharemp3

third day in the time loop i get hit with a wave of deja vu sitting in traffic. i am bored of the songs on the radio.

threeeyedharemp3

fourth day in the time loop i realise i am mouthing along to my lecturer even though i do not know anything about the sampling of early electronic music.

threeeyedharemp3

sixth day in the time loop my friend says hello to me and i say 'yes i know'. she looks at me funny and i apologise. she starts telling me about her girlfriend and i simply do not care. i feel mean for not caring. when i get home i accidentally walk into a doorframe which does not improve my mood. i realise i already have a bruise on my elbow.

threeeyedharemp3

seventh day in the time loop i realise there has been a cloud shaped like a weasel outside my bedroom window for the last week. i think 'what are the chances of that' and then i realise the chances are very very low.

threeeyedharemp3

eighth day in the time loop i skip everything i had planned to sit by the river and read. i know all about the sampling of early electronic music now and if i have to listen to the radio play summertime or my friend talk about her girlfriend and her stupid cat one more time i am going to scream.

threeeyedharemp3

ninth day in the time loop the irony of hearing summertime every day becomes apparent. i am trapped in an endless summer day. i remember the saying about not being able to stand in the same river twice so i make a point of standing in the same river for half an hour on the off chance i'm doing it at the same time as i dipped my feet in yesterday just so i could be the exception.

threeeyedharemp3

tenth day in the time loop it is very obvious that no one else know they are in a loop. i wonder if the whole world is looped and i'm just the only one who knows it or if i'm the only one who is looped and the world is seeing endless double exposures of me. i wonder which loop is the real one.

threeeyedharemp3

eleventh day in the time loop i wonder if i'm aging at all.

threeeyedharemp3

twelfth day in the time loop i start to think about video games. playing the same level over and over and over again. you die on the same point of the level every time but you re appear the start to have another go. i wonder what part of the day i am stuck on. which obstacle i have to beat to get to move on to tomorrow.

threeeyedharemp3

thirteenth day in the time loop i am remembering everything now. i do not think i did at the start but i can definitely remember what i had for breakfast yesterday morning because that was today. my friend calls me in the middle of the night asking why i wasn't at the lecture. i start telling her that i've already been to that lecture six times when it hits midnight and the loop resets.

threeeyedharemp3

fourteenth day in the time loop i drive as far away as possible to see if i still wake up in my bed when the loop resets. i get a cheese and pickle sandwich from a gas station but it sucks so i leave without paying. i do buy a packet of gum though. just not the sandwich. i wonder how food works in a time loop and suppose food consumed gets um-consumed. the radio stills play summertime and as i drive i think about the inherent time loop of a song. the exact same four and a half minutes over and over and over again. i wonder if we have a god complex about our favourite songs. i wonder if i am getting to wound up in the themes of the time loop and if there is an easier way to solve this than getting philosophical. it is a long car ride and i have a lot of time to think. but still only twenty four hours.

threeeyedharemp3

fifteenth day in the time loop i get up early wash my hair and sit outside on the porch. a woman walks past with her dog. they were not there on the fourteen day and i think this is a good sign.

threeeyedharemp3

sixteenth day in the time loop i open my diary and see that i have been writing on the same page over and over and over. i turn the page and write 'today is tomorrow' in big letters.

threeeyedharemp3

on the seventeenth day i the loop breaks. i still don't know what i did. i don't think it was the diary page because that reset but the world didn't. or i didn't. or something. i go to the scheduled lecture and i'm so relieved its not about early electronic samples i get lost in the lecturer's voice and forget to take notes. i order a piece of lemon cake from the cafe because they didn't have it yesterday but they do today. i hang out with my friend and she tells me about some endearing silly thing her girlfriend did and i laugh. it's a nice day. i find myself thinking 'i wish more days were like this' but i don't think i do, actually.

official-time-loop-posts

Official Time Loop Post

psychotic-gerard

listening to a man break up with his partner on the train and the first sentence I heard was "I just don't appreciate you cheating on me six different times, once with my own father."

noah-wyles

malcolmschmitz

I'm starting to think that a lot of fantasy writers who are writing Heroes and Wars and Quests would be a lot happier writing the magic equivalent of a sports anime.

malcolmschmitz

If the thing you want to focus on is your magic system, good news! You can just... do that. You don't need to know the entire history of Japan to understand why the anime boys want to win their volleybasketskateball tournament; it's no different in a secondary world setting.

If you're uncomfortable with the human cost of war and don't want to glorify it... good news, you don't have to! A tournament arc gives you all the fun of competition and rivalry and struggle to improve, without the uncomfortable knowledge that your protagonist's subordinates are likely doing awful things offscreen.

Similarly, if you like getting into your antagonists' heads and humanizing them, but don't like writing the kind of monster that makes a good high fantasy antagonist- good news! In a tournament arc, the only thing that makes an antagonist an antagonist is that they want the same thing Blorbo wants and are fighting them to get it.

Struggle to come up with a plot? Tournament arc has defined beats. Struggle with making high stakes feel cool and not corny? Tournament arc. Want to write a big ensemble cast? Tournament arc.

Tournament arc is there for you. Put Blorbo in Tournament Arc Mouth.