sheepfilms
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
oozey mess
JVL
taylor price
almost home
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
tannertan36
shark vs the universe
Misplaced Lens Cap
Mike Driver
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
art blog(derogatory)
pixel skylines
No title available
Xuebing Du
tumblr dot com
titsay
trying on a metaphor
KIROKAZE
seen from Malaysia
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@marseny
"When life gives you lemons" FALSE LEMONS ARE A HYBRID OF A BITTER ORANGE AND A CITRON, MEANING WE GAVE OURSELVES LEMONS
I have big news about like 85% of our problems
Approaching problems like "is this a lemon or an apple kind of problem"
i.e. is it something I have created for myself by way of hubris, or is it something that the universe has decided to bonk me on the head with for my own good
meows at you loud as fuck. meows at you loud as fuck again
concept
a beaded curtain, but instead of beads they’re worms on strings
you know… these guys
Hi op I hope this satisfies your needs.
Needs more worms
I wanna make one of these that is like a literal curtain of worms
No clear strings available to get caught and tangle, I want them nose to ass like some kind of horrible human centipede of worms, covering my doorway
@fanotastic more worms
Aw fuck. Nothing makes you assholes happy.
Fuck you guys.
My fellow fuckers, I present you-
384
Happy Pride Month
The worm curtain is GAY
My one wish for tomorrow is to not be woken up by this again
5:45 a.m. is not the best time to learn that a neighbor 3 houses down owns a husky now.
"going out to get milk" is a common turn of phrase used to describe a man abandoning his family.
the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.
this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.
therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:
- being a cow
- being an almond
- being a woman
- being a coconut
- being in the omegaverse
- being an oat
(list is exemplary and not finite)
in this essay, i will redefine the nuclear family and explain the seductive and inflammatory nature of the 1993 "Got Milk?" commercials.
you shut your mouth.
resurrected dead wife watching her own montage: wow I looked so hot in that
Somebody in a Twitch stream chat was trying to insult a streamer by saying, "You're almost 40, and you've only gotten a tarot card reading once?" And I don't know, I'm still amused by this. I'm in my late 20s and I've also only had a tarot card reading once. One of those ones on the street you pay for. The guy doing my tarot card reading was like, "You're going to join the military," or something like that, and 15 year old me thought to myself, "Okay, well that's not true. So I guess I just got scammed," and then I just never got a tarot card reading since then.
Military recruiter who pretends to be a tarot card reader so he can tell every person who gets their future read by him and they'll be joining the military in the future.
(military recruiter tarot card reader in august of 2001) *draws The Tower* *draws a second The Tower* now that's not supposed to happen
It's Clio's Birthday! 🥳
She just turned 3! Please wish her a happy birthday
Do other countries not tailgate? I mean I know pickup trucks aren't a thing everywhere, but they're not a necessity, even if you'd think you need a tailgate to actually tailgate. Ya don't. Just brews and brats and buds.
Off the back of a quick search: The Foxborough stadium there and the largest stadium in Scotland, Celtic Park, have about the same seating capacity, about 65,000.
The Foxborough stadium normally has 20,000 parking spaces.
Celtic Park has 800, with another 600 nearby.
You might not need tailgates, but you do need to be parking there.
I forgot, somehow, how much of America is paved (and mostly empty most of the time), especially near stadiums. Thanks for doing the research!
That Englishman got his first taste of seasoned chicken and his first thought was “I need to save this recipe for my fiancé 🥰” what a dork I love Jonathan already.
today I had a dream that there was a species of deer called “ice deer” and every winter they’d travel up North and have their babies in a frozen cavern and the babies would be sort of comatose in the cold, and then the deer would leave the babies there and migrate South until spring, and just before the first thaw, they’d go back up North and find their babies and wait for them to thaw out and wake up and they’d nurse them.
But with the Earth getting warmer and spring coming sooner and winters being less harsh up North, the babies were starting to thaw out too early, so when the Ice Deer got to them, they’d been awake already and starved to death.
So there were only like, 300 Ice Deer left. They were bigger than elks, all white with blue antlers that even the females grew, and I realized the only solution would be to somehow lead them North every year when it started thawing. As a human I could check the weather and the ice in the North Pole and when it was time to go to the babies, even if the deer thought it was still winter.
So I had to devise a plan to get the Ice Deer to follow me North to their babies on time every spring, and it just became part of my life. I did other stuff and lived life as usual while keeping track of the weather near the end of winter and I’d be like, welp it’s time to lead the deer North, and I’d set out to find their winter home.
And a lot of people were like “this isn’t a permanent solution. We need to focus on climate change so it’s fixed for good.”
and I was like dang I know but the Ice Deer need us right now so, someone’s gotta do it? And it just became a thing I did.
ppl messaging me like “I thought this was real for a minute”:
: O !!!!!!!!
Everyone asking is absolutely allowed to use the Ice Deer in their fantasy world building and in fact I encourage it bc I love the idea of this one made up animal quietly linking all of your universes.
just saw a "only one bed" fic with the major character death warning
#i guess that's one way to solve that problem
“This bed ain’t big enough for the both of us.”
Was about to fall asleep and apropos of nothing was struck out of nowhere by a horrible future vision of a brightly-lit and saccharine 3D-AI Calvin and Hobbes movie with Scarlet Johanssen voicing the mom and Chris Pratt voicing Hobbes and experienced an emotional haptic jerk so chilling I feel like I just foresaw my own death
(Drenched in a cold sweat, visibly shaking) We Need To Warn Bill Watterson
No, we don't.
He knows.
He has always known.
Actual quote:
"I don't want some animation studio giving Hobbes an actor's voice, and I don't want some greeting card company using Calvin to wish people a happy anniversary, and I don't want the issue of Hobbes's reality settled by a doll manufacturer. When everything fun and magical is turned into something for sale, the strip's world is diminished. 'Calvin and Hobbes' was designed to be a comic strip and that's all I want it to be. It's the one place where everything works the way I intend it to"
This was in the 1990's, pre-AI, pre- Chris Pratt, pre- Cinematic Universes, and if he was opposed to it then, he sure as hell wouldn't be okay with it now.
I think he probably experienced the same nightmare dystopian vision of the future you saw, but fortunately he had it like 40 years earlier.
oh thank heavens
one of THE scariest comedy videos i've ever seen about to hit a milestone
Lawyer: How would you like to handle the custody agreement?
Parent: I want my wife to take one of my infant daughters to the UK and I’ll take the other one and we will never see each other again.
Lawyer: You want to fucking what?
After school care pulled me aside about my child dropping an f-bomb “without remorse” and I put on my concerned face and nodded a bunch.
Apparently he was building something with a younger kid “who really looks up to him and is just starting to make friends” and said “Hey, you’re really fucking good at this.” which is, in my estimation, really a parenting victory.
I absolutely failed at doing this:
“Subverting” Catholic art? Oh, okay. I see, you think this has nothing to do with you. You log onto the internet and you post about how “Wound of Christ” from Psalter and Prayer Book of Bonne de Luxembourg, attributed to Jean le Noir, c.1349, for instance, looks like a vulva because you're trying to tell the world that you enjoy Catholic art and imagery in an alternative, queer, risqué way that challenges Christian beliefs. But what you don't know is that that stigma isn’t just a vulva. It's not just a mandorla. It's not just yonic. It's actually intentionally erotic. And you're also blithely unaware of the fact that around 1297, Saint Angela of Foligno experienced a vision of Christ himself, who called her to put her mouth to the wound in his side and lick the freshly flowing blood. And then I think it was Saint Catherine of Siena who drank blood and a clear liquid from the wound before receiving a ring made from Christ’s foreskin? And then graphically erotic encounters with the side wound of Christ quickly showed up in the writings of eight different mystics. And then the yonic interpretation of the stigmata filtered down through the illuminated manuscripts and then trickled on down into some pseudo-intellectual corner of the internet…where you, no doubt, fished it out of some Pinterest board. However, that interpretation represents hundreds of years and countless visions of religious ecstasy. And it's sort of comical how you think that you've come up with an idea that exempts you from Christian theology when, in fact…you're posting an image that was sexualized for you by the very Medieval saints you think you’re so different than…from “subverted” Catholic art.
