Queer joy, neurodiverse love!!

Icon ID: a drawing of a young woman, young man, teenage boy, and middle-aged man sharing a group hug. Header ID: a drawing of the same people in the icon, plus a demon woman and a beagle, sharing a day at the beach. End ID. 27, he/him, white. If you wanna know more feel free to send an ask or just check out my posts (I'm fairly chatty in the tags)

[neurodivergent-loverboy]

No seriously why are self-proclaimed human rights activists so eager to borrow slurs from the fucking Klan. What's up with that huh.

[neurodivergent-loverboy]

Just had to block a new follower over this, so here's an emphatic reminder of my stance on the terms "Zio" and "Zionazi": they are slurs coined and popularized by violent white supremacists and using them is antisemitic regardless of your reasoning. If I see these terms anywhere on your blog that's an instant block 👍

[txttletale]

of course, in many cases, copyright actually obstructs and discourages accurate credit, because credit openly given to influences can become evidence in a copyright suit

[technicoloranarchy]

“Aphobia discourse ended” but…

you still think aspec representation is a loss for queer representation.

you still can’t see a character with no romantic or sexual interests and interact with them without shipping them.

you still don’t accept people who are aplatonic, afamial, or any other kind of nonrose anattractional.

you still don’t accept alloaces and alloaros, people who are oriented aroace, people who are cupidosexual or cupioromantic, etc.

you still don’t accept hetero aspecs.

you still associate asexuality and aromanticism with whiteness, thinness, conformity, etc.

you still think of arormanticism as something that only occurs in tandem with asexuality.

you still think of aspec adults as lesser than allo adults, infantilize them, etc.

Maybe the discourse did end. But the bigotry hasn’t gone away.

[ajcrowlor]

big tshirt that says MY INTERPRETATIONS MUST HAVE A STRONG BASIS IN THE SOURCE MATERIAL on the front and THIS IS FUN TO ME on the back

[duskdragonxiii]

Why is pet play always dogs anyway

[duskdragonxiii]

Youre a dirty little goldfish arent you. daddys gonna clean your tank out so good so you have to wait in the sink until im done.

[quasarkisses]

Apparently because you have no idea how to care for anything but a dog

[duskdragonxiii]

Daddy is not known for his animal husbandry

[wizardarchetypes]

i know it's been said on here and said again but people do so desperately need to genuinely do intentional work to build distress tolerance and start figuring out how to recognize the differences between danger, discomfort, and when a situation that is merely uncomfortable is triggering an emotional flashback in your bodies because it resembles a past situation that actually was dangerous which makes it difficult to realize/believe that this moment is merely uncomfortable.

[transfaguette]

what i’ve learned in my life is if someone is treating you poorly and youre asking yourself “what magic words can I use to make this person treat me with basic respect,” those words don’t exist and they never will.

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Genuinely disturbing how missionary "work" is still so normal. Like I do not understand how anyone can listen to someone talk about their cutesy little Christian colonizer vacation to a deeply exploited community and not just be horrified and disgusted.

[kerakitty]

Not just normal, but lauded. Missionaries are praised for (supposedly) bringing resources and infrastructure to impoverished people without it ever being acknowledged that 1) that aid is contingent on converting and abandoning local beliefs and traditions and 2) those communities are usually only impoverished in the first place because of Christian colonialist empires.

It boggles my mind that people will talk about somebody's missionary work like it was some act of charity and self-sacrifice when it's really just going up to a bunch of people who are starving to death and telling them you'll give them some rice if they join your cult. It's 50% White Man's Burden and 50% extortion racket.

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Not to mention how often that "aid" is useless to the people who are suffering.

Missionary-built houses are often made with incredibly cheap materials by people who are absolutely not qualified for that work AND they aren't designed with the cultural and social needs of the people they're for or the climate and infrastructure of the area in mind. Immediate aid like bottled water produce even more trash and pollutants that many communities are not equipped to handle. Farming methods taught often aren't designed for the area or climate and don't fully provide for the nutritional needs of the community (and then those people are demonized for poaching by Westerners who don't understand that an animal being endangered means very little when your family is starving). Even educational materials are poorly translated, Western-centric, and strictly Christian (along with often being controlled and modified by extremist, militant, and terrorist groups that control the areas).

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Btw there are still regular mission trips to Native reservations. Christian colonization of Native communities and cultures is still on-going and prevalent.

[wiisagi-maiingan]

I am going to fucking scream. Do you see how cheerful these people are about this evil and predatory shit? Talking about the high rates of poverty, suicide, addiction, unemployment, and incarceration in Native communities as a talking point to convert us?

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Genuinely disturbing how missionary "work" is still so normal. Like I do not understand how anyone can listen to someone talk about their cutesy little Christian colonizer vacation to a deeply exploited community and not just be horrified and disgusted.

[an-ruraiocht]

sometimes people take attempts at historical nuance regarding terminology to mean "people didn't use these words to describe these identities and behaviours, but these identities and behaviours still existed, because they are fundamental truths of what it means to be human", rather than "we map our current conception of identities and behaviours with these words but they are not labels that can be straightforwardly applied to past experiences of the world because identities, behaviours, and conceptions of how those fit together are culturally and historically specific" and it. frustrates me

i don't think there is a concrete external reality of sexuality that we are merely creating labels to describe. i think the fundamental experience of sexuality is shaped by the labels and ideas available to us. people will always exist who don't conform to the norms of their time and will drive the development of new terms and new ideas but they do that within their own context not because of some like........ ontological pattern

[artisanjelly]

reminder for all hockey fans:

netflix is making a hockey show called "the sticks" that is based on a very real tragedy that occured in canada in 2018.

the show follows a minnesota high school team after their bus crashes and coming back to hockey afterwards.

in 2018, the humboldt broncos' (a junior A team made up of 18-22 year olds) bus was hit by a tractor trailer on a highway intersection. 16 people (10 players, 2 coaches, and 4 team staff members) were killed, along with 13 other players severely injured.

the memory of the humboldt broncos crash is an incredibly sensitive subject carrying a lot of trauma to both the survivors, their families, and deceased's families. the trajectory of hockey in canada was changed significantly after this tragedy.

despite this, netflix has decided to make a show using the death of young hockey players for profit. they did not consult the survivors, nor the deceased's families. they stole a canadian story for a feel-good cash grab.

i understand wanting to watch shows about hockey, but this is not the show to watch. do not give it attention, as the humboldt broncos' memories deserve to be theirs and theirs alone to share.

[dateamonster]

look i WISH more horror movies were just the directors thinly disguised fetish. instead we got all these horror movies that are just undisguised reflections of culturally hegemonic values and anxieties. like if we got some weird fetishes up in here it would probably add some variety thats all im saying.

[romanceyourdemons]

psychic beam blast. none of you understand the late victorian eugenics/determinism/orientalism/scientific history/racial-sexual-class great chain of being unity of affect enough to be talking about what dracula does and does not represent

[romanceyourdemons]

dracula serving as a synecdoche for european aristocracy is in no way at odds with his widely recognized status as a gross antisemitic stereotype, because in the late victorian (especially english) literary mind medieval aristocracy = regressive = disabled/malformed = irrational = feminine = catholic = eastern = jewish = romani = queer = underevolved, which in turn smacks of irishness and spirituality. these are all linked together—explicitly in the scientific and literary worlds of the 1890s and more covertly today—in a web of emotional associations that smooth over all contradictions, and all adds up to: we have moved into the rational, masculine, blue-eyed light called modernity, but something is clinging to our ankles and wants to drag us back into the dark. are you one of the things on my ankle? prove to me that you are not. step into the light and assume your proper place under me, or i will defend myself by slicing you away

[bioluminescent-fungus]

no amount of butter or salt removes the nutrients from vegetables

[therosielord]

Also cooked vegetables are more easily digestible than raw vegetables! People always act like raw vegetables are the healthiest but that is NOT true if you have a sensitive digestive system. Roast that shit.

[sexybritishllama]

just finished this month's book club book, went skimming goodreads reviews afterwards as you do, got my breath taken away by this absolutely brutal ending to one of the multi-paragraph 1 star reviews

[hypokeimena]

[image description: screenshot of text reading: i am so tired of absolutely 'head empty, vibes only' style of writing genre fiction. i'm sure the pinterest board for this was lovely. /end description]

[thisismyspitesong]

Opinion | What ‘Good’ Dads Get Away With

Division of labor in the home is one of the most important equity issues of our time. Yet at this rate it will be another 75 years before men do half the work.

The optimistic tale of the modern, involved dad has been greatly exaggerated. The amount of child care men performed rose throughout the 1980s and ’90s, but then began to level off without ever reaching parity. Mothers still shoulder 65 percent of child-care work. In academic journals, family researchers caution that the “culture of fatherhood” has changed more than fathers’ actual behavior.

Sociologists attribute the discrepancy between mothers’ expectations and reality to “a largely successful male resistance.” This resistance is not being led by socially conservative men, whose like-minded wives often explicitly agree to take the lead in the home. It is happening, instead, with relatively progressive couples, and it takes many women — who thought their partners had made a prenatal commitment to equal parenting — by surprise. Why are their partners failing to pitch in more?

The answer lies, in part, in the different ways that men and women typically experience unfairness. Inequality makes everyone feel bad. Studies have found that people who feel they’re getting away with something experience fear and self-reproach, while people who feel exploited are angry and resentful. And yet men are more comfortable than women with the first scenario and less tolerant than women of finding themselves with the short end of the stick. Parity is hard, and this discrepancy lays the groundwork for male resistance.

Though many men are in denial about it, their resistance communicates a feeling of entitlement to women’s labor. Men resist because it is in their “interest to do so,” write Scott Coltrane and Michele Adams, leaders in the field of family studies, in their book, “Gender and Families.” By passively refusing to take an equal role, men are reinforcing “a separation of spheres that underpins masculine ideals and perpetuates a gender order privileging men over women.”

While interviewing working parents for a book on parenthood, I spoke with one dad in Vermont who said: “The expectation among my male friends is still that they will have the life they had before having kids. My dad has never cooked a meal. I’ve strayed from that. But subconsciously, the thing that makes you motivationally step up and do something when you’re not being asked …” he trailed off, and then said: “I have justifications. It’s a cop-out.”

Take love out of the equation and focus on the workplace, and it’s clear how this plays out. Studies show that male employees sit back while their female co-workers perform the tasks that don’t lead to promotion. In a series of lab studies, the economists Lise Vesterlund, Linda Babcock and Maria Recalde and the organizational behaviorist Laurie Weingart found that in coed groups, women are 50 percent more likely than men to volunteer to take on work that no one else wants to do. But in all-male groups, the men volunteer just as readily.

In an interview with NPR, Dr. Vesterlund explained that the women do the work “because they’re expected to.” The men “come into the room, they see the women, they know how we play these games.”

We play the same games at home. I interviewed couples separately and found that the women were often angry, while many men didn’t seem to realize there was a problem.

The couples offered three explanations for this labor imbalance. The first was that women take over activities like bedtime, homework and laundry because men perform these tasks inadequately. But this isn’t “maternal gatekeeping,” the theory that men want to help but women disparage their capabilities and push them out. Instead these seem to be situations that necessitate the intervention of a reasonable adult.

A mother in California said: “It’s important to me that my sons are not falling asleep in class and that they’re not late for school. My husband does not share those priorities, so I do bedtime and school drop-off.”

The dad in Vermont explained: “I do laundry when I need it. When it comes to the kids’ laundry, I could be more proactive, but instead I operate on my time scale. So my wife does most of their laundry. Let me do it my way and I’m happy to do it, but if you’re going to tell me how to do it, go ahead and do it yourself.”

The second explanation involved forgetting or obliviousness. A mother in Illinois said: “My husband is a participatory and willing partner. He’s not traditional in terms of ‘I don’t change diapers.’ But his attention is limited.” She added, “I can’t trust him to do anything, to actually remember.”

A dad in San Francisco said that many of the tasks of parenting weren’t important enough to remember: “I just don’t think these things are worth attending to. A certain percentage of parental involvement that my wife does, I would see as valuable but unnecessary. A lot of disparity in our participation is that.”

Finally, some men blamed their wives’ personalities. A San Diego dad said his wife did more because she was so uptight. “She wakes up on a Saturday morning and has a list. I don’t keep lists. I think there’s a belief that if she’s not going to do it, then it won’t get done.” (His wife agreed that this was true, but emphasized that her belief was based on experience: “We fell into this easy pattern where he learned to be oblivious and I learned to resent him.”)

A father in Portland, Ore., confirmed that his wife takes on more but said: “It has to do with her personality. She always has to stay busy. No matter what day of the week it is, she has a need to be engaged, to be doing something.”

Many mothers told me they had tried to change this and had aired their grievances with their partners, only to watch as nothing changed. A mother in Queens said she spent three years trying to get her husband to do more before coming to terms with the fact that maybe it was never going to happen. “He notices the unfairness, but he just accepts it as something we have a disagreement about,” she said. “How much convincing of the other person can you do?”

All this comes at a cost to women’s well-being, as mothers forgo leisure time, professional ambitions and sleep. Wives who view their household responsibilities “as unjust are more likely to suffer from depression than those who do not,” one study says. When their children are young, employed women (but not men) take a hit to their health as well as to their earnings — and the latter never recovers. Child-care imbalances also tank relationship happiness, especially in the early years of parenthood.

Division of labor in the home is one of the most important gender-equity issues of our time. Yet at the current rate of change, MenCare, a group that promotes equal involvement in caregiving, estimates that it will be about 75 more years before men worldwide assume half of the unpaid work that domesticity requires.

If anything is going to change, men have to stop resisting. Gendered parenting is kept alive by the unacknowledged power bestowed upon men in a world that values their needs, comforts and desires more than women’s. It’s up to fathers to cop to this, rather than to cop out.