SHITAGI NASHI

"If I had time to worry about every person who admired, imitated, or stalked me, I wouldn't have time to be my fabulous self." independent chloe mcgruff from don't trust the b in apartment 23 tracking: martinigoggles

[soulpaths-blog1]

                                       ART IS DEAD.

                                                 ( written by blythe. )

[honestcolburn]

 “Seriously, the passcode was your measurements? How did I not think of that ages ago?”

@martinigoggles

[martinigogglesmoved-blog]

              “Maybe because you were too busy yammering about Aaron De Mayo. Seriously, June – it was the seventh grade. You could’ve banged like, ten guys by now and still kept your Korean values in tact.”

[serlorasstyrell-deactivated2019]

Krysten Ritter on the set of Don’t Trust the B**** in Apartment 23.

[martinigogglesmoved-blog]

                     “Listen, if you’re gonna grab my boob, just grab it. Don’t tease me.”

[selcouthwitch]

Send me ‘💍’ for our muses to wake up married after a night of heavy drinking

[paintingflcwcrsarchive]

popular text posts + ask memes (part two) 

❛ i don’t have time for a relationship. do you know how many books i need to read? ❜ ❛ i think it’s hilarious when people tell me i’m laid back because i’ve pretty uch been screaming nonstop in my head since like fifth grade ❜ ❛ coming out of my cage and i’ve been doing just… not good ❜ ❛ i’m a piece of shit, but it’s fine ❜ ❛ how i am supposed to have a lit summer with $4.65 ❜ ❛ i’m a huge fan of space; both outer and personal ❜ ❛ and to your left, you can see me, ruining everything ❜ ❛ any full cast musical number can be a solo if you believe hard enough ❜ ❛ kinda hungry, kinda horny, kinda tired, kinda wanna get a tattoo ❜ ❛ no amount of under eye concealer can cover up how tired i am of this world ❜ ❛ i’m ready for autumn, but not autumn responsibilities ❜ ❛ today i’m wearing a lovely shade of i slept like shit so don’t piss me off ❜ ❛ i’m not making enough boys nervous ❜ ❛ i really want my last words to be ‘hey, wanna see a dead body?’ ❜ ❛ don’t you hate it when money goes away when you spend it? ❜ ❛ i’m always a slut for conspiracy theories ❜ ❛ i wanna make a diss track about myself ❜ ❛ true friendship is bullying your friends into watching the tv shows you watch ❜ ❛ i’d be such a good girlfriend/boyfriend/s.o. you’re all missing out ❜ ❛ sorry i was late. i can’t conceptualize time. ❜ ❛ fuck what the aliens said ❜ ❛ sometimes it physically pains me to hold back my sarcastic comments ❜  ❛ if outfit repeating was a crime i would be sentenced to life without parole ❜ ❛ does anyone have ten thousand dollars they don’t want? ❜ ❛ i want a sugar daddy, but i know nicki minaj wants me to be independent  ❜ ❛ i stress about stress before there’s even stress to stress about ❜ ❛ i don’t have plans for tonight or the rest of my life if anyone wants to have a drink or get married ❜ ❛ tbh sometimes you just gotta let me be dramatic because i will get over it, but let me be dramatic first. ❜ ❛ painfully average looking with a great sense of humor and always down to get drunk ❜ ❛ if we date, you have to hold my hand in the car. no exceptions. ❜ ❛ in an unfortunate development, i am now awake ❜ ❛ you’re hella bomb, hella cute, and anyone would be hella lucky to have you ❜ ❛ kinda hurt, kinda offended, kinda not planning on saying anything about it ❜ ❛ trying to embarrass me is so unnecessary. i do it to myself just fine. ❜ ❛ if you don’t think i’m a princess then you’re 100% right. i’m the fucking queen. ❜ ❛ fuck summer. i want it to be dark and misty and frigid and october. ❜ ❛ lana may have fucked her way up to the top, but i am bullshitting my way up to the middle ❜ ❛ i don’t want to get involved in the drama, i just wanna know 103% of the information on what happened ❜ ❛ so… do you want to watch 49.7 hours of parks and recreation with me? ❜ ❛ i hit rock bottom like every two weeks ❜ ❛ can someone please be proud of me? like fuck, i’m trying. ❜ ❛ give me a few days to overthink about it ❜ ❛ can i sell my feelings on ebay? i don’t want them anymore. ❜ ❛ i’m really fucking sarcastic for someone who’s about to start crying most of the time ❜ ❛ when does hibernation start because i am 100% participating in that ❜ ❛ don’t you hate it when you wake up and you’re awake ❜ ❛ i lowkey just wanna make sure you’re happy as fuck ❜ ❛ i literally have no idea what i’m gonna do if i don’t end up rich ❜ ❛ you know you’re in deep when you love listening to them talk and you get attached to their voice ❜ ❛ no offense, but when is it my turn for someone to be in love with me ❜ ❛ i’m an asshole with a really big heart ❜ ❛ i have to be funny because being hot is not an option ❜ ❛ can i apologize in advance for basically everything i will ever do ❜ ❛ okay that’s cool, but consider the following: snuggling with me until i fall asleep ❜ ❛ please handle me with care. i am a very sleepy and soft creature. ❜ ❛ drunk me is the me i really want to be. confident, hilarious, and most importantly, drunk. ❜

[martinigogglesmoved-blog]

come watch chloe ruin everything!

[martinigogglesmoved-blog]

scarranhalfbreed:

“Your species has a truly incredible obsession with popular culture. It’s practically become a language of its own. Tell me– are you a scientist, like John Crichton, or is your occupation some trivial economic pursuit?”

                What’s that? Sorry, the peep she found stored in her clutch is of much more interest to her barely buzzed brain. She pulls apart the marshmallowy treat, plopping one half in her mouth and chewing when it dawns on her that she’s been asked a question. 

                “Am I supposed to know who that is?” Because I don’t and I don’t care. “I’m many things; and if you have to ask, you can’t afford any of my services. Which is a shame, because you could really use an interior decorator.”

               She only crinkles her nose for a moment before shrugging her shoulders dismissively. “Well, this little chat’s been fun – I’ve gotta get back, though. John Legend just walked in and I’m gonna see if I can get him to leave his wife for fifteen minutes.”

                                                  If only there were a conceivable way out.

[martinigogglesmoved-blog]

concept: chloe mcgruff meeting joanne the scammer

[scarranhalfbreed-blog]

@martinigoggles

“Do you have a problem with the way I am dressed?”

[martinigogglesmoved-blog]

              “Not at all – I’m just trying to figure out where the fat girl is. You know, rubbing lotion on herself, because somehow I left the bar and ended up at the bottom of the well in Silence of the Lambs.”

[martinigogglesmoved-blog]

          “Hey, BONE GUY!” Yes, she recognizes the doctor in question, even if she is five cocktails into the night and doesn’t really care that she doesn’t remember what his actual name is. Trotting around in six-inch heels doesn’t stop her from making her way down the bar, poised with a martini in hand as her free one claps him on the shoulder. “In town for a BONER CONVENTION, eh?” 

            The cackle at her own joke only lasts a few seconds before her expression goes more serious, glass lifted toward her lips. “Seriously, what are you doing in New York?”

@orthopxdic // welcome to hell

[martinigogglesmoved-blog]

starter call!

[martinigogglesmoved-blog]

                                    “Hi, we’re having a party for no reason!”

[martinigogglesmoved-blog]

"Chloe? Why are your 'gum drop mountains' now the background on my phone?"

             “Oh, that?” She nearly forgot, it’s been two whole hours and she found the tequila that MYSTERIOUSLY went missing (she’s onto you, June). Shoulders shrug idly as scarlet-painted manicure runs through her thick mane of dark hair. “Figured you could use some inspiration in getting yourself out there. I mean, how long has it been, June? I killed a spider last night. Did it come from the WEB WOVEN IN YOUR VAG?”

[shauriofabydos]

                          “Grandaddy purple? What is – Oh, Chloe, you didn’t….”

[martinigogglesmoved-blog]

                 “Of course I did! You should know by now that I don’t bake unless drugs are involved.” She picks up her own delicately sliced brownie, a tiny island in comparison to the continent Sha’uri’s been working on. “Besides, it’s not like you’re going to OD, it’s just weed. You gotta work your way up to the good stuff.”

[martinigogglesmoved-blog]

So does that mean Chloe ships it. 8)

                   “I’d rather see June function like a NORMAL twenty-something New York woman but not everyone has the talent for casual sex like I do, so if she HAS to be in a relationship with someone, I GUESS the less hot version of Indiana Jones is permissible. 

                    “But if he keeps sassing me in the foreign language of the day, I’m VETOING him. After I cut out his tongue.”

[sinfxlmemes]

Send ♏ to find my muse in nothing but their underwear!