How to Speak so that People want to listen.
In a world of social media and instant messaging, people have forgotten the value of speaking properly. Rather than taking time to learn how to effectively communicate with others, we write shortcuts like "LOL" or "btw." We don't even bother using punctuation, simply because it takes too much time! But in reality, learning how to speak properly can help you achieve great things—like getting a job offer or the chance to go on a second date.
Learning how to effectively communicate with others is one of the most important skills you can have. Whether you're pitching an idea at work, trying to convince your parents that you need more money for school supplies, or simply chatting with friends in class, it's helpful to be able to talk in a way that convinces people what you are saying is worth listening to. In this article I'll explain why being able to speak well is so important and give some tips on how you can improve your communication skills right now!
Lots of people want to become better public speakers. You can find books on how to prepare, how to overcome fear, and how to deliver a good talk. But no one ever talks about what happens after you've given a speech. Your job is not finished when you walk off stage.
If you're frustrated by how often you find yourself in the position of "being talked at," rather than having a productive conversation where ideas are exchanged, then it's time to rethink your speaking style. Even if you're not ready to buy a full suit and practice your handshake, there are some simple ways to make sure that, when it's time for you to speak up, people will listen.
1.) Be a good listener
> When you're talking to someone, be sure that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. If someone is telling a story or sharing information with you, ask questions about it—but don't interrupt! Some people like talking about themselves; others don't. If possible, try to strike up a conversation about things that both of you share in common. This isn't just for those who want to make friends and enjoy conversations; it's also great for business people who want their colleagues, clients and customers trust them enough so that they'll listen when they have something important to say.
* Remember*
Every person has something interesting about him- or herself—if you can find out what it is through conversation then he/she will feel valued by being treated like an equal rather than just another customer or client.
2.) Step outside your comfort zone
“[Step] outside [your] comfort zone.” As you can imagine, this is easier said than done. We live in a world where many of us have become comfortable with doing the same things over and over again—going to work, eating dinner at the same time every night with the same people, watching the same television shows. But stepping outside our comfort zones will help us grow as individuals and will make us more interesting to other people who listen to what we have to say. Try something new! Try something that you feel uncomfortable doing or saying but would like to try anyway because it seems like fun (or at least interesting).
If you're having trouble coming up with ideas for things that might make for an interesting experience—and therefore also be good fodder for conversation—then start by thinking about how much time you spend alone in your apartment versus how much time you spend alone in your car during your commute each day of work (as opposed to weekends).
3.) Start small with your fears
Start small with your fears. If you are a public speaker, start by speaking to small groups—a few friends, or even a single person. If you are an executive assistant, take on the task of coordinating meetings and scheduling appointments for yourself instead of delegating it all to someone else. In order to conquer your fear of public speaking, practice in front of a mirror or record yourself on video before trying out new material in front of others. Also consider starting with smaller events such as industry conferences or business meet-ups where there will likely be few people in attendance who don't already know you well—and where failure won't result in massive embarrassment!
4.) Expose yourself to what you fear the most.
There are two ways to overcome fear: you can either avoid the thing you fear (like a phobia of public speaking), or you can expose yourself to it. Exposure therapy is a way of overcoming fears by gradually exposing yourself to what you fear in a controlled environment. It's a common treatment for phobias and other anxiety disorders, but it also works well with public speaking—especially if you're afraid of saying something stupid or boring (or both).
It's important to note that exposure therapy does not mean just going up on stage and winging it. You'll need to practice your speech beforehand so that when the time comes, everything will be smooth sailing—and your audience won't even notice that they've just witnessed an act of deliberate exposure!
5.) Stop negative thinking in its tracks
Our thoughts have a powerful effect on our actions, attitudes and moods—which means that negative thinking can become a habit. And once it's formed, it can be difficult to break. To stop negative thinking in its tracks, try these three simple steps:
> Take note of your thoughts. When you feel yourself starting to get negative, ask yourself what is going through your mind. What are some of the reasons why this task might fail? How will people react if I don't do well? What would happen if I did something stupid?
> Challenge these thoughts by asking: Is this really true? Is there another way of looking at things? If we're honest with ourselves, we know that most people don't really care about what we think or say (no matter how confident we may feel), so why should we let ourselves believe otherwise? What evidence do I have for believing my own negativity?
6.) Challenge the way you talk to yourself
Negative self-talk is a common problem, and it's one that you may be unaware of until someone else points it out. But if you find yourself constantly criticizing yourself or thinking that things can't possibly go right for you, this could be your issue.
It's important to learn the difference between constructive and destructive criticism, especially when it comes to how we talk about ourselves. Constructive criticism is intended to improve performance by identifying specific areas where improvement is needed; negative self-talk, however, often involves making broad generalizations based on an isolated incident (for example: "I'm terrible at dressing professionally!"). When dealing with any form of negative self-talk like these examples below—and there are many more—it's helpful to ask yourself whether what you're saying is constructive or destructive:
For example: "I'm so stupid."
Instead say something like: "I made a mistake today; now I know I need to work on my attention span."
7.) Talk to strangers more often
It's important to practice talking with strangers. You can't be good at it if you don't talk to people when they're not expecting it. This is because there are rules to follow that make conversations between two people feel natural:
a.) Be interesting.
b.) Make your conversation short and memorable.
c.) Make the conversation comfortable for both parties involved in it.
8.) Be assertive and direct when needed
Don't be afraid to speak up and assert yourself, whether it's at work or in your personal life. You don't have to ask for something directly all the time, but if you know what you want and you believe it's reasonable, don't be afraid to do so. If someone asks for a favor from you, don't assume that they'll read your mind and figure out what they need—ask them directly!
If there are things that make you uncomfortable or unhappy in your workplace or elsewhere, it's not always appropriate or possible to voice those concerns directly (especially if the person who makes you uncomfortable is also your boss). However, if there is a way that works for both parties involved (and everyone else), go ahead and say something! It will help make everyone happier at work.
And finally: Be assertive with yourself as well—don't let other people take advantage of your timidity because they assume they can get away with anything just because they're in charge. Learn how to say “no” when necessary; learn how much authority over yourself belongs solely within your own hands -– no matter how scary this might feel at first
9.) Find someone who has overcome the same fear as you have, and ask them how they did it.
When you come up with a fear, think of someone who has overcome that fear. Maybe it’s a colleague at work or a friend from your neighborhood—someone who used to be afraid like you are now, and then got over it.
Now ask them: What did they do? How did they do it? What was most helpful in getting past their fears? What was most challenging for them? And what advice would they give someone else in your position right now?
10.) Stop trying to please everyone
a.) Speak your truth.
b.) Don't be afraid to speak your mind.
c.) Don't be afraid to offend people.
11.) Becoming a good public speaker means being able to speak well one-on-one as well, and that is something everyone can do
It’s not a secret that people who are good speakers also tend to be good listeners. Good communication skills are contagious, and the more you practice speaking well, the better you will become at listening.
The next time you’re in a conversation with someone new, pay attention to how they communicate with you and others around them. Do they focus on what they want to say or do they listen intently? Do they ask questions often or do they speak at length without giving their partner an opportunity to talk? The next time someone asks for your advice about something personal—whether it’s related to work or romance—make sure that before offering advice, you ask questions first: “How did it make you feel when this happened? What did she say? Were there any other factors involved? How did that affect things later on…etc., etc., etc., until she feels comfortable enough opening up about her feelings about the situation." This kind of active listening makes everyone feel heard and understood (which is crucial for having strong relationships).
And lastly...
We hope that this blog has inspired you to take a closer look at the power of storytelling and informing and consider how it might be able to help you get your message out there. Our advice is to keep trying and keep pushing toward an ideal. And remember that to go forward is to move toward perfection!
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Written by:
Ducay, Shy Mae
Dapat, Guile
Salcedo, Marianne Jade
Lucero, Angelie
Caitum, Arvie
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