Maybe An Alien.

22 yrs old || She/Her

[ramen8008]

Wonder Woman: Batman, we could make good use of Nightwing with this. Would you call him?

Dick, who's filling in for Bruce as Batman: I'll call him

---

Hal: you've gained some muscles

Jason, dressed as Nightwing: I started working out

Hal: Damn. What's the routine cause I just saw you last week and you look completely different.

Jason: steroids

Dick, as batman: *chokes on coffee*

---

Superman: We might need someone who's good with guns, hm... Hey Nightwing you're in contact with redhood, right? Could you have him come?

Jason, as Nightwing: ... I don't see why not

---

Wonder woman: this security is an issue we need someone who can hack this system long enough for us to get pass

Superman: hey hood, any chance you can give red robin a call?

Tim, with 5 inches of padding, as redhood: on it

---

Hal: isn't robin usually with you all?

Flash: yeah we could use him with this one

Superman: Red Robin, would you call in Robin for us?

Damian, in red robin costume: he's dead

[buggachat]

worth every mop

part of my Modern Vampire Marinette AU (intro | tag)

(Support me on ko-fi if you'd like!)

[spicy-apple-pie]

God Damian, you're basically holding him at gun point

Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)

[wallisninety-six]

Today’s Sunday.

[sixshotstothedome-deactivated20]

you have to rb this on a sunday every time u see this on ur dash

[eatmoresoups]

damian wayne the type of kid to be playing chess in the park with old men

the old men teach him curse words and he teaches them worse curse words. comes back home talking about his friends chester or amos or some shit who are all 75+ years old

[oifaaa]

Batman Au Guide

Battle for the cowl au:

Part 1

Part 2

Extra 1

Extra 2

Extra 3

Extra 4

Extra 5

Extra 6

Final part

Reverse Batkids Au:

Part 1: Duke

Part 2: Damian

Part 3: Cassandra

Part 3.5

Part 4: Steph and Tim

Part 5: Jason

Part 5.5

Part 5.9: sad

Part 6:Dick

Part 6.1: fun times all round

Extra 1

Part 6.2: Batman and Robin

Part 6.4 Robin made a friend

Part 6.6 resurrection

Part 6.9

Part 7

(superhero names / costumes)

Vampire au:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Extra 1

Part 4

Part 5

Extra 2

Robin! Jason & Teen! Nightwing:

Part 1

Part 5

Part 2

Part 4

Part 3

Billy & Jason friendship:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Baby Bruce au (Role swap):

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Extra 1

Extra 2

Lanterns au:

Part 1: Jason

Part 2: Dick

Part 3: Damian

Part 4: Duke

Baby Damian au:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

100 years au:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

[filmnoirsbian]

It's fun reading writers who clearly grew up in suburban/urban environments as someone who grew up on a farm because they're always like "oh it was so creepy, woods at night, eerily breathtaking, something was living in there..." and it's like yeah that'll be the deer.

[blackvelvetofnight]

EXACTLY

[silly-jellyghoty]

Same can be said about city streets. Random "gunshot" and "explosion" noises? That's the road construction crew behind the corner. Mysterious howling and barking out of nowhere echoing through the street? That's someone's dumb dog that locked itself out on the balcony on the 3rd floor above you and buildings just happen to have the shape where certain areas just vibrate with echoes from all sides at once. Screeching of car tires and agressive shouting? Fucking teens are at it again.

But the city is the creepiest when it's silent because if there are no cars and no chitchat and no humm of an A/C unit, then where is everybody?

[headspace-hotel]

Meanwhile in a rural area if you hear a gunshot that's actually a gunshot

It's nothing to worry about though, unless you hear a long, screaming NYOOM accompanying it. The Looney Tunes sound effect for flying bullets is legitimately almost what bullets flying past your head actually sounds like.

[brain-deadx0]

[nealashitposts]

So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"

[nealashitposts]

I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.

[hyperrbolic-orange]

"Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all."

"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."

"My god... everything's coming up Jason."

[the-haiku-bot]

“Man its too bad that

im straight since I’ve got like no

gag reflex and all.”

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[monochrome-genesis]

Prince of Gotham

(heavily inspired by this post op if you see this, I didn't want to bother you 🙈)

[abcdfghjklmpqrobin]

I love that Jimmy Olsen is exactly the type of photographer Peter Parker pretends to be. Just bat-shit insane.

Whenever someone asks Peter how he took a picture he's like "Oh! I uh-, climmed a flagpole. Totally"

And very mortal, normal-human Jimmy is like "See, Clark, is not that weird"

I mean, look at this nutjob.

The world could be ending, lava on the streets and Jimmy would be out there photographing away. No powers, no sense of self preservation. Just khakis, a camera and a dream.

I like to imagine Peter meeting Jimmy and immediately being mortified about it.

Jimmy: –and so luckily I was able to take the picture before the building collapsed on me... Superman was super pissed at me but, photographer to photographer, it was totally worth it.

Peter: Right, no– See, this is actually my first time hearing how fucking insane that sounds. No wonder people at work look at me weird.

[bigscaryd]

Headcanon: Jimmy is immune to yellow-ring constructs because he doesn't experience fear.

[incorrectbatfam]

Duke, learning how to drive: What happens to the car if you press the brake and accelerator at the same time?

Stephanie: It takes a screenshot.

Bruce: Please pull over. I’m driving now.

[papayafromtv]

Jason being immortal but it’s kinda like Klaus from the umbrella academy in the sense that he doesn’t fucking realise that he’s immortal. Damian is the only one who knows and it’s been pissing him off for YEARS that Jason won’t get with the fucking program.

the thing is, Jason never questioned what exactly woke him up back in that coffin. he was slightly distracted by dealing with the wood and dirt attempting to suffocate him back beyond the grave, and once he’d gotten free and was wandering around Gotham, he didn’t have the presence of mind to do much but zombie-walk around until the league found him. after that? well he was too busy with training, annoying Ra’s, helping raise Damian, and just overall getting used to life without being Robin to think about the fact that he’d come back to life at one point.

Damian, on the other hand, clocked that Jason was immortal as a toddler when he watched his new older brother accidentally fall off a cliff during a ‘nature hike’ that was actually endurance training that Damian had been allowed to attend from a chest harness that, luckily, he hadn’t been inside of during the fall. he peered off the edge of the stomach clenching drop, sharp spikes littering the bottom, to see Jason un-skewer his shoulder from a rock and stand up to crack his neck, before casually calling up that he was fine and it was ‘just a little fall’. little Damian called bullshit.

things continued like that the entire time Jason spent at the league, and it pissed Damian off to no end that Jason kept just walking off fatal injuries and absolutely REFUSE to believe that they were fatal. ‘i just have a high pain tolerance.’ ‘you got shot in the neck, ahki.’ ‘it skimmed me.’ ‘YOU DIED.’ ‘stop making up stories, demon brat.’ it’s driving the kid insane. the worst thing is he can’t even tell anyone else for fear that Ra’s gets a hold of the realisation and decides to use Jason in his research for finding better ways to prolong his lifespan.

Jason, bursting into Damian’s room in the early morning, spurting blood from an arrow wound to the chest: Dami- Dami- u- argk-

Damian, half asleep, watching blankly from bed as his brother bleeds out on his floor:

Damian:

Damian: *deep sigh*

-twenty minutes later, Jason wakes up on Damian’s floor completely healed-

Jason: …

Damian:

Jason: wow, sorry Dames, guess i drank too much last night and blacked out. didn’t mean to crash here.

Damian, unimpressed and holding a bloody arrow: grandfather says you stopped an assasination attempt on my mother.

Jason: haha yeah, craaaazy night

Damian: get out.

Jason: -getting out.

eventually Damian heads to Gotham and, of course, his overprotective immortal brother follows soon after with the mission of building a crime empire, killing a clown, pissing of the fourth Robin at any opportunity, and infuriating the fuck out of Bruce Wayne. after a while the Red Hood gets his identity reveal, and gradual tentative truce, and Damian gets both of his families to be more or less on ok terms for once.

the issue is Jason is still really bad at staying alive. and the rest of the family is kind of sensitive to that specific thing. and Damian’s apathy is not appreciated. it takes them a while to figure everything out.

~

*all four batboys are captured by a rogue, Bruce on his way but they need to stall*

Rogue: and now, you will have to pick amongst yourselves who will DIE!

Jason and Dick, instantly: ME!

Damian, dryly: Red Hood.

Dick: ITS GOTTA BE M- Robin what the fuck

Damian: *shrugs*

Jason, so used to Damian being weirdly ok with his more dangerous activities he’s not even offended: YEAH SHOOT ME. I CAN TAKE IT!

Tim: no he can’t, don’t shoot him!

Damian: no, shoot him.

Tim and Dick: ROBIN!

Jason: bite me non-believers, i’m getting shot today-!

Damian: please do it quickly so he shuts up.

Rogue:

Rogue:

Rogue: the others told me the new Robin was fucked up but like i didn’t realise exactly how much-

~

Tim: me and Damian didn’t really get off on the right foot, on account of he kept trying to kill me.

Jason: ? so? that’s just what he does when you piss him off. he tries to kill me all the time.

Tim: ?

Jason: i called him a wanker last week so he shoved me off a building with no grapple. luckily the garbage can broke my fall and saved me haha!

Tim: ???

Damian, fully never wanted Tim dead and was instead so used to never having to worry about hurting Jason that he forgot that murder was actually fatal to his other brothers: yeah that’s my bad, Drake. it was instinct.

~

*Bruce walks into the batcave to see Jason, gunshot in his forehead, laying obviously deceased on the ground with Damian stood over him, nudging him with his foot and holding a gun.*

Bruce: oh my- oh my god, Jaylad no please-!

Damian: in my defence he told me the safety was on.

Bruce, crying: JASON PLEASE NOT AGAIN-

Damian: just give him like ten minutes

Bruce: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT- OH MY GOD HIS BRAIN’S ON THE BATCOMPUTER

Damian: again, not my fault.

Dick walking in: hey whats all the noi- LITTLEWING?!?!!

-

*ten minutes later, the family is sobbing and Damian is tapping his foot impatiently*

Jason: wooaaaaah, headache. …is everything ok?

Everyone else, devastatingly shocked:

Damian: i shot you in the head and you died again. they panicked.

Jason: ha-ha, funny as always brat. what’d you do, hit me with the butt of the gun or something?

Damian, turning to the others: it is a miracle he ever managed to get his GED.

[hauntedblouse]

what really pisses me off about this creator’s content is that DC could hire this person to help create one of the most brilliant animated series of all time in the bat family universe. they have a steady stream of wit and dark humor that fits perfectly in the playbook of the direction DC is trying to go. especially with james gunn at the helm.

[balkansoul-deactivated20220924]

love how tumblr staff has time to censor words like “paint mixing” and “my face” and yet they can’t get rid of ssexsophie8127 thats been liking my posts from 2017

[ssexsophie8127]

fuck you

[ssexsophie8127]

i won

[but-a-humble-goon]

Cassandra: I'm alone and I will die alone because that's all I deserve.

Cassandra 12 seconds after meeting Stephanie Brown:

[chefboy-argirl]

Americans will really measure in any form of unit huh?

[the-haiku-bot]

Americans will

really measure in any

form of unit huh?

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[thickness-protection-program]

Why is this heat so hot 😩

[fagapult]

It’s the heat

[thickness-protection-program]

Source?

[mamoswole]

[thickness-protection-program]

[pepsimansthickjuicymeatyschlong]

[v-for-fili]

Happy pride month to my dad. When I came out as bi to him, this man googled what it ment, look at me and said "ohh. Yeah. You get that from me. You'd have far more siblings of I only shaged women." And went right back to his work emails.