So a while back I asked Twitter/bsky “Hey transfemmes (or anyone vaguely adjacent) what’s a non-medical thing you wish someone had told you sooner in your transition that you know now?” And got the following answers:
-For Black transfemmes in particular - Everyone’s care tends to be different, but for mine (between 3c/4a depending) I wash and detangle 1x/w with argan oil shampoo/conditioner and curly detangler brush, sleep in silk bonnet. Knowing roughly what hair type you have will help you find more care, find what’s closest from the following, but you may be between!
-Buy a pumice stone for your feet bc moisturizer alone isnt enough
-Go to an esthetician and ask for your eyebrows “cleaned up a bit”
-“More companies make different undershades of orange concealers, incl pinkier ones, at all price points. They can be used for all pigmentation, dark eye circles, shadow from hair growth etc. Your horomonal chemistry changing means softer scents smell different w long wear now!”
-“If you a newbie, neutral shimmer that matches your lids swiped up to your brows + light mascara brightens up the face w/out requiring a ton of skill/cash”
-“Use Lotion! Using a mild college girl scent will be good for your confidence and will ensconce the impression of "busy girl"”
-“You don't need as aggressive shampoo/conditioner/holding product. Trim your ends or your hair won't get longer. Cute hairpins + scrunchies are widely avail at walmart, daiso etc and can help pull together a casual look, and specialty designs can be found via Etsy”
-“Consider buying even one simple hairband for keeping hair/bangs out of face even when hair is in the awkward short-long stage while you do stuff like clean. “
-If you have curly/coiled hair texture look for larger silk scrunchies as smaller ones tangle in our hair easier!!
-“look, sad-lil babytrans asciicat, you'll never figure out how people have money to do all the things to be so pretty - don't even sweat it, just buy a bunch of cheap skater skirts and feel free to lose yourself in the joy of wearing them.”
-“Glasses help a lot to feminize the face. As always, there are exceptions but delicate round glasses help this. Take a lot of pics to find your favorite angles, raise your head and/or try not to slouch in your pics, posing and posture is everything”
-“one of my biggest self love discoveries: just take the damn selfie. even if you feel gross, just take it - you'll like it in a few weeks. also it's okay to have favorite parts of your body. take pics of it often”
-“That nothing more transformative for my self-image than just doing makeup/changing what kind of clothes I wear. First time I properly got to wear a dress in public, and later when I first did my own makeup, it really hit and stuck that I am a woman. And not a bad-looking one.”
-“if you not super confident with makeup, but want to start wearing it, it's ok to start small. try glosses. practicing simple eyelining. a dash of mascara. "less is more" is a great rule for makeup in general, and it's ok to take time to find a look that best suits your face”
-“Snug period undies usually have a wide gusset and extra layers of material, making them a good (and much cheaper) alternative to gaff undies for tucking”
-“Ask a fashionable friend with a sense of style you admire to go clothes shopping with you, to help you find items that fit your frame. Barring that, keep in mind that high waisted pants and dresses are typically a good place to start”
-“poise and posture and movement are a huge part of presentation and can be incredibly empowering but also really painful”
-“- eye cream. invest in the future
- non-comedogenic lotion (especially after shaving) for less ingrown hairs/happier skin
- eye makeup BEFORE foundation
- halter necklines are very kind to strong shoulder silhouettes
- crossover dresses have more play in fit than many options”
-“Accept well meant advice, but never let anyone tell you what is and isn't 'ladylike'. Also, Venus razors with those thick moisturizing blocks are magic when it comes to shaving any part of your body.”
-“Glasses are huge. Go bold; folks are gonna notice you anyway, it might as well be for something you chose. Get a haircut, even if you're growing your hair out. Hairdressers are wizards, and the shaping can make you look more feminine even if your hair's still shorter.”
-“I am cis but I come to you from years in the large women's shoes trenches, that you do not suffer as I have: Nordstrom Rack. Watch the calendar for the Large Shoe Event they have like twice a year. Zappos and its outlet 6pm are also pretty good, and Rothy's has extended sizes. Toms and Madewell also go up to size 12. Toms is known for the simple canvas flats but they also have cute,high-quality leather sandals and booties!”
-“if something gives you gender euphoria, DO IT, and do it a lot! you’ll quickly lose the initial rush of euphoria, but it will help you feel centered and whole. for me, nail polish and comfy dresses were super helpful for feeling feminine all the time”
-“curly/coily-haired cuties most likely already know but sleeping with a bonnet has been a game changer. as a straight-haired girlie, it keeps my hair from tugging as i toss and turn in my sleep, from getting sweaty, and my scalp doesnt get sore like sleeping in a bun/pony does”
1. you dont have to do makeup most days
2. you dont have to dress hyperfemme
3. washing your hair every day is not good
4. if you're confident enough, people wont question your gender”
-“This is so basic (and not directly trans related) but no-one ever told me to use body lotion as a kid. I distinctly remember asking friends how to deal with body acne, and I got tips for exfoliating, but I guess they just assumed I knew lotion was a thing already”
-“if a piece of costume jewelry or metal hardware in a piece of clothing doesn’t agree with your skin you can put a layer or two of clear nail polish top coat on the offending object”
-“if you're removing hair and hate shaving you may consider using an epilator. the idea is to not be lazy and use it often enough that you don't have to shave at all”
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