after all - plus size lily x james!
title: after all
pair: james potter x plus size! lily evans
summary: lily never thought that a person like james could be sincere when asking someone like her out.
content: uhh idk what to put here but lily has anxiety/body image issues
word count: 2500
a/n: hiii everyone this is my first piece of writing on this account :)) i posted this headcanon on my tiktok a while back and people really wanted me to write about it, so i did! feedback is always welcome.
other characters/ships mentioned: dorlene, wolfstar, mary macdonald, marlene mckinnon, remus lupin, sirius black, minerva mcgonagal
_
“Oi, Evans, wait!”
Lily groaned as the bespectacled boy jogged towards her. Not this again she thought to herself. Despite her less than happy expression, James smiled kindly towards her. She nodded to him hoping that he would carry on and say whatever he had approached her for.
“Would you want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?” Lily noticed that he was fumbling with his sleeve as he asked, and could tell that he was nervous. His anxiousness made her feel a bit bad about what she was to say next.
“James I-” She started, her lips pursing into a frown, but James already knew what she was going to say.
James smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck with his hand. “It’s no worries,” Lily avoided eye contact with him, as he began to walk away. “Just let me know if you change your mind.” James said as he continued down the corridor.
-
“Lily, I honestly don’t know what you’re on about. James asks you out every chance he gets,” Marlene said, glaring at the redhead as she plopped down onto her bed, “you just never accept his offers.”
Lily looked to Mary for help, but had little luck as Mary silently agreed with Marlene. The three had just come back from dinner and were painting each other’s nails.
“Why are we even talking about this, Mary was asking you about Dorcas. What does that have to do with James and I?” Lily pulled her hand away from Mary, smudging the nail that Mary was painting.
“So you agree that there is something going on between you and James?” Mary questioned, ignoring the fact that Lily had ruined the work that she had been doing for the last twenty minutes. Marlene laughed, noticing the flush on Lily’s face.
“We all saw you two today before potions, don’t be coy!” Marlene egged on. Lily got up from her position on the floor, rolling her eyes while doing so.
“I don’t know how many times that I have to tell you that James isn’t into me. Neither of you will ever get it. A guy like him wouldn’t want to date someone like me.” Mary glanced at Marlene, the air in the room starting to become a bit tense. Lily cleared her throat, hoping that neither of the girls across from her would press further.
Mary and Marlene were not unfamiliar to Lily’s harsh demeanor. At this point, they knew Lily like the back of their hands. They knew what she meant when she said “someone like me”. It was far too often the two consoled Lily when she cried to them about a cruel comment that someone had made to her about her weight.
Although Lily had been dealing with these comments all throughout her sixteen years of life, her insecurities only grew as she became a teenager. It was quite difficult for her to not compare herself to her thinner classmates, regardless of how much it hurt to think about.
“You are beautiful Lils,” Lily looked at Mary as she spoke, awaiting the rest of her sentence, but was met without any other words.
Marlene and Mary’s affection towards her was something that Lily had to get used to at first. Lily had never been comfortable with people complimenting her physical appearance because of the conditions that usually accompanied the compliment.
Nearly every compliment that Lily could remember was backhanded, until she had met her two best friends. Whether it was her aunt congratulating her on losing some amount of weight or the uncomfortable, “You’re pretty for a big girl.” Regardless of how hard she tried, the comments about her body never seemed to cease.
“Mary is right, Lily, you are stunning. You don’t have to go on a date with James, but give him some credit. He’s not a total arse.” Marlene said, trying to deescalate the situation.
Lily nodded, but even their kind words couldn’t soothe her anxiety. She looked toward the clock on her side table and noticed the time.
“I have to go. Head Girl duties call.” Lily quickly grabbed the robe on her bed, bringing it along in case she got cold while making her rounds. Marlene and Mary flashed sympathetic smiles at the redhead as she left the dorm, knowing she would have to go face James.
-
Surprisingly, James was waiting for her when Lily reached the bottom of the steps. Lily held back a laugh, noticing him struggling to attach his “Head Boy” pin onto his uniform. You would think someone as smart as James could figure out a simple pin.
“Let me help you,” Lily said, breaking James out of his deep concentration. He looked at her with appreciation before handing the gold pin her way.
Lily tugged the front of his robes slightly before attaching the pin onto it. She hummed in satisfaction before pulling away from him. As she pulled away she noticed James was staring at her quite intensely.
Lily flushed as they made eye contact. She couldn’t deny that James was attractive, but she didn’t let herself dwell on it.
“We should probably get going, I don’t want to be out all night.” Lily stated firmly starting to head out into the corridor, James following close behind her.
As the two walked around the castle, Lily distanced herself from James. She honestly did not want to deal with any awkward conversation. At this point, she had brushed James off far too many times to count, and it made her unbelievably anxious to have to do it again.
Just as they had turned the corner towards the middle courtyard, the pair heard a loud boom near the transfiguration classroom.
“Oh great, just what I need right now,” Lily thought to herself as she and James headed into the classroom. Just as they walked into the room, the door shut behind them quite forcefully. There had seemed to be no one in the room besides the two of them. The brunet grabbed the handle of the door quickly, realizing that it was stuck.
“You don’t happen to have your wand… do you?” The boy looked towards Lily with a concerned look on his face.
Lily patted the pocket of her robe before realizing that this was in fact not her robes, but rather Marlene’s. She huffed out a breath of air. “You would think I would notice the size difference” Lily silently cursed at herself before looking towards a confused James.
“This isn’t my robe, I must have grabbed Marlene’s before I left. Why don’t you have your wand? Kind of irresponsible, no?” Lily scolded, hoping that he was messing with her about not having his wand. After her conversation with Marlene and Mary, Lily was not feeling her best, and it became very apparent to James as she bit her nails anxiously.
“Hey, you also forgot your wand, but you don’t see me complaining.” James was joking, but when he looked at Lily once more, he noticed that her eyes were watering. “I’m just kidding, Lily, are you alright?”
Lily frowned at the brunet’s apology, she couldn’t stand him acting like he cared so deeply for her. The two were barely even acquaintances, and she didn’t feel like explaining all of her anxiety quirks to someone she hardly knew.
“Please don’t do that. Don’t act like you care.” Lily said forcefully, meeting eyes with the brown-eyed boy. The two had now moved away from the door and were sitting on the floor near the wall opposite to the door.
Once more, James looked at the redhead in confusion. He racked his brain to think about every interaction he had with Lily that day, before it dawned on him.
“Is this about me asking you out? I never meant to make you uncomfortable- you see I thought Hogsmeade could even be a group thing. Remus and Sirius would also come- wait I guess they’re a couple, but it doesn’t have to be a double date… you could bring Mary-” James went on, his cheeks a soft pink, before Lily cut him off.
“Listen, James, I don’t know if you get some sort of kick out of asking me out, but whatever angle you’re playing at I’d rather not be a part of it,” Lily was visibly distraught now, her jaw was clenched and a single tear was rolling down her cheek. For what felt like the hundredth time, James looked to her in genuine confusion.
James had nothing to say, and as he stared at her mouth ajar, she started up again.
“You could have at least picked a better joke. Asking out the fat girl is so overdone. I didn’t think that you of all people would be so awful,”
Lily was really crying now. “Marlene told me that you were sweeter than before, and I really gave you the benefit of the doubt...but here we are and you’re still laughing at me!” Lily didn’t mean to blow up at James, but at this point they had been stuck in the classroom for what had felt like hours.
Lily wrapped her arms around herself, her head hanging down. She knew that James was staring at her, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Maybe now he’ll leave me alone.
Both of the Gryffindors were quiet for a long minute before James decided to break the silence.
“Lily, I don’t know what I’ve said to make you think that I’m joking, but I promise you I’m not. I get it if you don’t want to go out with me, but I just need you to know that I would never ask you out as a joke. Why would you think that?”
Lily finally pulled her head up and looked at James. His brow was furrowed and the expression on his face was unreadable. She took a breath, calming herself down.
“What do you mean, James? I mean look at me.”
There it was. That feeling. It was unavoidable at this point. All of the insecurity that Lily had shoved down was threatening to spill out. It was infrequent that Lily really confronted her self-image, but her conversation with James forced everything to surface.
James could almost see the gears in Lily’s head turning, it was very obvious that she was thinking hard about something. He sighed, not wanting to press her further.
“Lily, I don’t know what happened to make you think that I was joking, but I would truly be honored to take you out.” James said cautiously. He couldn’t tell if this would upset her further. Lily was looking at him in speculation, but at some point she had stopped crying.
She was looking at him, not speaking, almost as if to tell him to keep going. For months she had thought James was playing some cruel prank on her, but they were alone now. There wasn’t some audience to laugh at her if she told James how she felt. And even if he was joking, the pair were by themselves, and Lily could deny accepting James' invitation for a date to anyone that James would tell.
As she looked at him, she noticed that James genuinely seemed horrified at her accusation against him. If she wasn’t completely sure that James was being sincere, she would not have said another word, but for whatever reason, Lily trusted James.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Lily was sorry, “I don’t know what it is. There’s just something about someone like you wanting to go out with someone like me that seems… off.”
James frowned. He wasn’t oblivious to what Lily was talking about, but he really couldn’t understand why Lily was insecure. There weren't enough words to describe the beauty that Lily emitted.
“Lily, you’re the smartest person I know-”
“That’s what everyone says, James.” Lily laughed softly, watching James squirm at her words. She knew that he was nervous, but it was funny to see him care so much.
“Oh, so you do want me to be mean to you?” James’ tone was serious, but there was a lighthearted look in his eyes.
Lily rolled her eyes, “Haha, very funny. I don’t even think you could be mean to me. I think the last time I saw someone this nervous was when Marlene tried out for quidditch during second year.” The two laughed, James nudging Lily with his arm playfully.
As their laughter died down, James remarked, “Enough with the jokes, though. You’re actually the most beautiful person I’ve ever met,” Even after he was met with a glare from Lily, he continued. “You’ve been crying and you still look lovely, Lily.”
Lily sighed. First Mary and Marlene, now him? Lily felt embarrassed, but James was still staring at her, and adoringly at that. The soft rouge tint that marked his cheeks was still prominent.
“Well, you’re cute when you’re nervous,” Lily retorted, smiling as James flushed a deeper shade of red, “But I’m sure you get that often.”
James hummed, “Blimey, I don’t think anyone has seen me as nervous as I am right now, honest.” Lily apologized once more for assuming the worst in him.
The two small talked for a long while after that, simply basking in each other’s presence. James learned about Lily’s family, and Lily learned about what it was like at the Potter’s residence. Something about their dynamic felt natural.
Their conversation was halted as someone opened the door. There, standing in pajamas, was a distraught looking Mary and an annoyed Professor Mcgonagall.
Mary started, “There you are! You were gone for nearly two hours. After a while, I thought I should go check on you.”
“That’s enough, Ms. Macdonald,” Professor Mcgonagall said, “What were you two even doing in here?”
Before Lily could start to explain, James cut her off. “We were making our rounds down the corridor, when there was a loud noise coming from the classroom. When we walked in here, the door was jammed and neither of us had our wands.”
Mcgonagall looked skeptical at their story, but decided not to press the issue any further. With a gesture of her hand, the three Gryffindors started walking towards the common room.
Mary immediately went up to bed, exhausted from worrying about her best friend. Meanwhile, James and Lily had to have a quick word with Mcgonagall.
The Professor commented briskly, “Next time, please make sure you have your wand on you. You two are Head Boy and Girl after all.” Noting the nod of approval from the two teenagers, Mcgonagall went off to bed.
The pair walked into the common room, both exhausted. In spite of their tiredness, the two were radiant.
“Goodnight, Lily. I hope you sleep well.” Lily smiled, mumbling a quiet, “Goodnight James,” as she made her way up the dormitory steps.
As Lily settled into bed, she thought to herself, Maybe James would get that date after all.
