im gettin real sick of this fucking hot garbage so yāall are gonna get a big ol bile post that I highly encourage you to read because itās valuable life advice
This is not a vague post, as this has happened with so many people over the course of my 22 years of surviving on this planet and I have seen it tear relationships apart to the point where it genuinely upsets me just thinking about it.
Iām a child of divorced parents. This happened 4 years ago and it currently moved me here to North Carolina. I lived in Wisconsin previously. That is a pretty big move and I dropped all my friends and family to move here.Ā
My parents had been married for 25 years and in that long engagement they went from a loving couple to absolutely loathing each other. And while time apart has mellowed them out they still do not like talking to each other as far as Iām aware.Ā
I bring all this up because the reason my parents divorced was mostly because of a lack of communication. They never really talked about stuff that was going on, stuff that needed to be taken care of, and as a result there were multiple misunderstandings and drastic things occurred, including my mom falling into alcoholism. Shit was fucked.
Moving on, this lack of communication persisted beyond that. My dad is an exceptionally thick guy and he has a hard time relaying information. I literally found out he started dating again when he asked me if I could watch his gfās dog (And heās a good boy so I guess that worked out anyway)
and my mom, while she has made leaps and bounds, is still not exceptionally great at it either. Last year at christmas she started gossiping with my grandma about dad in front of us kids, and while weāre all adults in our twenties, I feel its highly inappropriate to discuss stuff like that in front of us. So I called her out and asked her to elaborate, she refused saying it wasnt our place to know, to which I repliedĀ āthen dont fuckin talk about it in front of us.ā
This is a problem that has persisted throughout my life externally and internally, as yāall know, Iām diagnosed aspergers, although Iām pretty sure Iām full on autistic. Not in a joking way either, I do legit believe I have autism. Because it explains a lot of my mannerisms as a child and my difficulty trying to talk and understand people today.Ā
Iāve had a majority of my friends get upset with me or boil over in anger at me because they didnt explain stuff I did was frustrating or angering them. Iām not diverting the blame from myself, if I did something that was bad, I should be held accountable. The problem is, I donāt KNOW what I did that was bad, and instead of talking about it (Like adults) people are under the assumption that I should actively know what I did wrong the second I do it.Ā
Which doesnt make a lick of sense to me because if I knew it was wrong I wouldnt have done it. So If I do it how would I know its wrong?
This is a problem thats been driving me crazy. Iām a personable guy who wears his emotions on his sleeves and likes getting to know people, flirt with my cute friends a bit, etc. I do a lot of weird shit but its never out of malice or sexual desire. I donāt actively HATE many people (I say hate but what i usually mean is annoyed or angered, like in the case of my co workers) and Iām honestly not to interested in romantics. The thing is this type of extroverted honest personality isnt somethign a lot of people like.
And thats totally ok. I dont expect everyone to like me or how i talk or do things. Im totally fine with that. The problem I have is that a lot of people dont draw the line or say anything until they start getting super uncomfortable or angry.
And again, Iām not shifting the blame from myself, but I feel as though its only reasonable to share it when this all could have been avoided if I was told to stop saying X or Y. I have a hard time picking up on social cues, as do a lot of other people, so there are times when I legitimately have no idea if im making someone uncomfortable.
And like, im not gonna keep persisting when someone says no to me. Unless youre a close friend and I feel like giving you shit, but if youre an acquaintance or whatever I do stop when Iām told to. The only thing I do after that is try to be cheeky and be likeĀ āremember when I did that dumb thing hahaā
which is usually a defense mechanism but regardless.
Its just so infuriating because a lot of people misunderstand what Iām saying to them and I would have been more than happy to clarify if they just fucking asked me to. A lot of people jump to conclusions or act outright rude to me for whever I say something when all that needed to be done was just to communicate with me.
TL;DR talk shit out. If someoneās makin you uncomf. Tell them. Figure out boundaries. talk about problems openly. Tell people when you need space. Dont make it a fucking guessing game or its gonna get worse, stupid.
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