Recovering from autistic burnout as a high-masking adult:
To recover, you literally need to manually learn skills that most people learn as a toddler
You need to learn what makes your body uncomfortable, and what to do to fix it
If you are high-masking, that usually means that you have learned to ignore every distress signal your body sends unless it is a distress signal that a neurotypical person would recognize. People have likely been unintentionally gaslighting you about your lived experience your entire life
If you feel bad or panicked for no reason, stop and try to pay attention to your body. Are you tense? You are likely feeling physical pain somewhere. If you've been gaslit about your pain your entire life, you might not be able to identify it.
Go through a sensory checklist.
SIGHT: Try closing and covering your eyes. If this gives you relief, the lights are probably too bright. You may also need differently-colored lights
SOUND: Cover your ears. Does this give you relief? If so, you may need earplugs or noise canceling headphones. You may also benefit from a neutral or pleasant background noise, like soft music or brown noise.
TOUCH: Are your clothes uncomfortable? Your chair? Your body? Do you feel greasy, like you need a shower? Do you need softer, sensory-friendly clothing?
TASTE: Do you need to brush your teeth or tongue? Would chewing on something help?
SMELL: Is there a strong or unpleasant smell in the room? Do you need to clean or empty a trash can? Would an air purifier help? Would a pleasant smell like a candle help?
INTEROCEPTION: Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired? How is your posture? Are any of your muscles tight or sore? Scan your body slowly from head to feet, tensing and loosening each group of muscles. Going for a walk or doing a series of quick stretches may help a lot.
Learning how to do this stuff is not intuitive, if you've had an entire lifetime of gaslighting telling you that everything hurting you isn't a big deal and you're being dramatic over nothing.
This takes time, it takes work, it's not intuitive, and it's hard. Most people forget how hard it is, because they learned this as toddlers.
If you want to recover, you need to relearn your whole body. And get over your idea of "normal" and just wear the damn sunglasses and put on the headphones. If people stare, fuck em. You're disabled and they can deal with that.
I cannot overstate how much the modern conversion therapy movement is about 50 people who all have names and addresses and who simply will. not. fuck. off.
It feels like those people want to establish a norm that they think should be how people are. Everyone one who doesn't fit in, should be terrorized until they give up being different, because for them it is a choice. They cannot deny autism if people have clear and open visible symptoms, but those of us who mostly by masking can get through somehow, we are seen as those who choose to be different.
And honestly, I can imagine someone like Berry getting herself diagnosis was a planned thing to use it later for publicity. It is not that difficult to get assessed as autistic if you do enough research about the assessment procedures.
Where would you place your gender on a scale from 1 (man) to 9 (woman)?
1 – exclusively boy/man
2
3
4
5 – both equally, OR neither
6
7
8
9 – exclusively girl/woman
I can't place my gender on this scale
I don't know/still figuring things out
Voting ended onApr 1
Obviously gender is more complex than a one-dimensional scale, but answer as best you can. This is asking only about leaning, not intensity. Feel free to elaborate in the tags!
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We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.
Rules: There are 30 questions corresponding to each day in April. Answer each question in your own separate post. You can answer all or just as many of them as you want. Make sure you tag your responses #30daysofautismacceptance and you can put them in the various autism tags too (#actually autistic, #autistic, #autism etc). Please help spread this around before the start of April! And with that, I hope everyone enjoys the questions and has fun with this year's autism month prompts. (Prompts under the read more button)
April 2nd: Are there some things in life that you either learned much later than your neurotypical peers or not at all?
April 1st: What age did you find out you were autistic? If you have a diagnosis, what was the diagnosis process like, if you can remember it?
April 3rd: Do you feel like being autistic makes you easier to take advantage of? More gullible perhaps? Talk about a time where this happened to you.
April 4th: Talk about online social interaction. Do you feel that being able to interact with others online, such as on social media, has been a positive or negative thing for you? Do you think its easier, harder, about the same as in person communication?
April 5th: Do you often interact with other autistic people? Online or in person? Do you find it harder, easier, about the same difficulty as with neurotypical people?
April 6th: Do you feel that autism affects the way that you view/interact with media? In what ways? Talk about it.
April 7th: Talk about autistic characters in media. What are your favorite canon autistic characters? Are there any characters that you view as autistic, that aren't officially so? What about them makes you think they are autistic? How do you relate to them? What would you like to see in autistic characters in the future?
April 8th: Do you think, since the time you found out you were autistic, that society's views on autism has gotten worse, better, or about the same? In what ways?
April 9th: Are you ever prevented from doing things because of sensory issues? For example, clothes you'd want to wear, places you'd like to go, etc. How does it make you feel? Talk about it.
April 10th: Are holidays/birthdays/similar social gatherings something that you find difficult in any way as an autistic person? Talk about it.
April 11th: Do you find doctor's/dentist's/etc appointments difficult as an autistic person? Why? Do you have trouble booking appointments or managing insurance? Do you have someone that helps with this? Do you have someone come to appointments to help advocate for you?
April 12th: Do you struggle with a sense of loneliness/social isolation? Has it become better, worse or about the same since you were younger? Is there anything that helps with it?
April 13th: Have you ever had to (or wanted to) correct someone's misconception about autism? What happened? Talk about it.
April 14th: Do you have issues with change? From small changes like a disruption to your daily routine, to big changes like a new boss at work for example. How does it affect you? Is there anything that helps with it?
April 15th: Talk about special interests. What is your current special interest? What do you like about it? Do you dislike anything about having special interests? Talk about past special interests.
April 16th: What are some accommodations that you would either like to have or already have to help you in your everyday life as an autistic person? If you could change an aspect of society to make things easier for you as an autistic person, what would you change?
April 17th: How do you feel about various autism organizations, such as ASAN, Autistic Women's and Nonbinary Network, Autism Speaks, etc
April 18th: Have you had trouble, now or in the past, with people not respecting your boundaries as an autistic person? For instance, people not listening when you don't like hugs or being touched etc.
April 19th: Talk about speech. Are you nonverbal? Do you use AAC? What is it like if you are? If not, do you have trouble controlling the tone of your voice? Do people often misread you based on your tone (thinking you're angry when you're not for example)? Do you have trouble controlling the volume of your voice, especially when excited about something? Do you tend to speak in a monotone?
April 20th: Give a shoutout to some of your favorite fellow autistic people. Could be an actor, writer, youtuber, a family member, another tumblr blog, etc. What do you like about them and/or their content (assuming they're an actor/youtuber/etc)? Would you recommend other people follow them?
April 21st: Do you have trouble keeping up with personal hygiene? Bathing, brushing your teeth, flossing, etc? Is it because of sensory reasons? Is there anything you've found helps with this?
April 22nd: If you had to describe to someone who knows nothing about autism what it feels like/what its like to be autistic, what would you say?
April 23rd: Are you generally a talkative person or a quiet person? Do you feel like this is influenced by being autistic? Do you tend to infodump about things you are interested in? Do you feel like people don't listen to you?
April 24th: Do you have trouble interpreting other people's intentions? Is it hard for you to tell when someone is deliberately being mean to you? Do you have trouble picking up when someone is lying to you or trying to trick you? Talk about it.
April 25th: Do you feel like you got the support you needed growing up as an autistic person? From your parents/teachers/other adults? What did they do to support you? What do you feel you would have needed that you didn't get support wise? Do you feel like you have the support you need at the age you are now?
April 26th: Lets talk about food. Are there certain foods that you cannot eat due to sensory reasons? Do you tend to avoid spice? Do you eat a lot of the same foods over and over? Do you have a same food that you tend to eat often because its safe or familiar?
April 27th: (If the first question doesn't apply to you, you answer the second one. Or if you want you can answer both) Are you lgbtq+? Do you feel like there's any intersection between both identities? Alternatively, if you're not: have you experienced ableism before? What was the situation in which it occurred? What did you do? Have you ever had someone start treating you differently after they found out you were autistic?
April 28th: Do you prefer person first language (example: person with autism) or identity first language (autistic person)? Why?
April 29th: Let's talk about relationships, both platonic and romantic. How are your relationships with your family (parents/siblings/etc)? Are they generally supportive and understanding of you as an autistic person? If you have (non-autistic) siblings, do you feel as though you were treated differently from them growing up or even now? What about friends? Is making friends something you find hard or easy? How does being autistic affect your friendships? Are you now or have you ever been in a romantic relationship? Have your partners been understanding of your needs as an autistic person? In what ways does being autistic affect your relationship?
April 30th: Autistic pride. What does being autistic mean to you? Are you proud to be autistic? Why? What would you like your final message of autism acceptance month to be?
So my dash is full of people complaining about the new reblog policy which is good. Some add a @staff, but that is not enough. So here is a better way to make sure that Tumblr really understands that people hate this.
Don't post any original content. Only post about this awful policy and how much you hate it. Add @staff and @photomatt in every post. They might not read it, but they might notice the amount if enough people do it.
Don't reblog any posts except posts about the awful reblog policy. Yeah, I know that is difficult, but you can like posts and keep stuff you want to reblog for later, put it in a queue.
Write feedback and complaints to https://www.tumblr.com/support. make sure they understand that you hate it and that it changes what you post.
For those who follow me, sorry, but I will follow my own advice. I will tag the stuff with #tumblr in case you don't want to see it. But if you want to keep Tumblr in a way that is attractive to people who post original content, art, photos, fiction, you should consider doing the same.
The reblog chain is one of the things that makes Tumblr unlike anywhere else. All the notes on reblogs are attributed to the original post, no matter which branch people actually liked or reblogged. We want to keep encouraging conversations, and give contributors the recognition they deserve.
Soon, you'll be able to like, reblog, or reply to any part of a reblog chain, and that note will go to that reblog's author. Each reblog will have its own counts, instead of one aggregated number from every version of the post. And yes, you’ll be able to like multiple posts in one chain.
If a reblog doesn't add anything, the love flows up to the last person in the chain who did. Your post doesn't lose notes just because people spread it quietly.
Past notes will stay on the original post — we're only changing what happens from here on out. Retroactively re-attributing all of them would be... a lot.
This is just the beginning. More changes are coming as we keep building this out – stay tuned!
I have had to socialize for two days due to a work related event and I am absolutely exhausted. When I was younger I attended lots of those events and I was also exhausted afterwards, but not that much. The older I get, the worse I can cope. I realize it has to do something with masking. The fact that I've choose to and been able to reduce the amount of socializing for my job in the last few years might contribute to the exhaustion as well, I am just not used to it anymore. But I've also wonder whether age plays a role. Does masking become harder with age?
honestly it’s kind of upsetting how much of the autism experience is just being shamed out expressing yourself in any way that’s normal for you and learning to keep everything to yourself so you’re not shamed for being weird and then being shamed for being so quiet because it’s also weird to be quiet but if you tell this to anyone else they’ll say “why do you care so much what people think” and that’s when the ancient ape part of your brain gets ready to beat them to death
The first asexual person I met outside of the internet was a 65 year old woman.
I’d been interning with her as an artist/executive assistant for some time. To put a long story short she’d developed a tremor that kept her from doing a certain amount of studio work, so in between sending emails and invoices for her I’d chip in and help with line art or drafting on longer projects. A lot of it was the two of us sitting in her basement studio, doing our own thing, waiting for the phone to ring. We got to talking a lot. I’d just moved across the country and was still finding my footing.
There was a handyman she had over occasionally — he was a personal friend who enjoyed her company more than she enjoyed his. She didn’t dislike him by any means, but he definitely had feelings for her that she didn’t reciprocate. One day, after he’d come over to repair something-or-other and left, she and I started talking about relationships.
She asked if I had a boyfriend. I told her I wasn’t interested in being in a relationship with anyone and that I’d never had a desire to be in a relationship. Admittedly, I was bracing for the “You’ll meet the right person someday” response. I knew it generally came from a place of care, but it never changed how much I dreaded to hear it. I really respected my mentor and I was prepared to nod along to whatever response she gave me. Instead of anything I expected her to say, she just kind of nodded and said, “Me neither. I think I’m — what’s the term — asexual?”
I was ecstatic. I told her I was asexual, too. I saw her sigh in relief, the same way I did. I couldn’t believe it.
We didn’t get much work done that day, we just started talking about our experiences. She’d been married once when she was younger and even during that period of her life her disinterest in a sexual relationship didn’t change. She had a roommate after graduating college who confessed to having feelings for her and she had to tell her “It’s not that I don’t like girls, it’s that I don’t like anybody.” The roommate harbored enough bitterness over this that they had to split ways. Her mother told her that she would quote “rather have a gay daughter than a daughter who didn’t fancy anyone at all” unquote.
I didn’t have nearly as many experiences as she did, but I was able to share my own for the first time. I shared how it was easier to say I was taking time to work on myself than to say I had no interest in being in a relationship. We talked about the words “You’ll meet the right person someday” and “You’ll know when you’re in love” and “Don’t worry, one day you’ll meet some guy that changes everything.” As if something was broken.
“I’ve been alive for sixty five years,” my mentor told me, “and I’ve never felt like I was missing something, even if everybody told me I was.”
Currently, my mentor lives with her parrot, her cats, and her backyard-wildlife pals in a house that she owns. She makes art and hosts community art groups and volunteers at care homes and is the most self-fulfilled woman I’ve ever met. And she loves her life. She loves the people she knows and they love her, too. If I could be half as cool as she is when I grow up, I think that’d be pretty amazing.
“Asexuality” isn’t a problem to be fixed or a phase to grow out of. Sometimes you’re fifteen and sometimes you’re sixty-five. I knew in my heart that older asexual people existed but it changed me completely to meet one. We were here before and we always will be.
People have real issues understanding why the absence of romance and sexual desire is such a big deal. "No one bothers you over your sexual orientation! You're basically a straight person!" No wrong. The older you get the more your life is considered a failure for failing to find a life partner and get your 2.5 kids in.
Like people make fun of middle aged women for not getting married or being divorced or "always the bridesmaid never the bride" and all like "oh she's desperate! No one wants her! Old maid!' but they become straight up hostile and upset when you tell them you never want to date.
Being unpartnered after your mid twenties is just like "oh what's wrong with you" and "don't worry you'll find your guy" "aren't you afraid of being alone" "who will take care of you" "you're running out of time to have kids" and no matter what you are or aren't people straight up don't understand that you don't want them.
Disclaimer: This is an analysis. This is not a callout post. I cite posts as evidence in my analysis of how TERFs and GCs talk about asexuality. Please don’t seek out any of these posts or send anyone anon hate: it only entrenches what TERFs think about trans people and their allies. Do not send asks or dogpile anyone. If I find out that you did, I will block you. Partially, I am asking for my own sake: I don’t want TERFs to wonder where this wave of anon hate came from, and find this, and dogpile me back. I’m trusting you.
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Version with full links and sources crossposted to Pillowfort
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Introduction
On April 6, 2025, J. K. Rowling decided that directing hate against trans and intersex people wasn’t enough and she needed to extend some mockery towards asexuals too. April 6 is International Asexuality Day, celebrating asexuals and ace activism across the world and in different cultures. JKR tweeted “Happy International Fake Oppression Day to everyone who wants complete strangers to know they don't fancy a shag.” and kept going all day.
A lot of people were shocked. (Some people weren’t. Generally, asexuals weren’t.) Articles were written. Bluesky and tumblr mostly came together with a wave of support. But the fact that people were so surprised was what surprised me, and the repeated motif of that surprise—“asexuals aren’t even doing anything! They’re just minding their own business!”—was a bit insulting. We’re here, we’re queer, and that’s enough to get plenty of people mad. And honestly, I was kind of annoyed that J. K. Rowling became the only thing anybody talked about on IAD 2025.
Because it’s not surprising that she would spend the day mocking asexuals. “Asexuality is fake and asexual oppression is fake” is a very, very common Gender Critical and TERF talking point. Anyone who has ever encountered a member of either transphobic feminist movement has probably also encountered condescension at best or vicious hatred at worst against asexuals.
I don’t want to be unfair: obviously anti-ace bigotry has been around on the internet for a long time, and it’s not unique to TERFs. And there are TERFs themselves who are baffled at the anti-ace norms in radical feminist spaces, and try to push back against their peers’ anti-ace rhetoric by saying “Asexual people aren’t oppressed nor are they part of the LGBT community but there’s no need to be vitriolic to an underrepresented group either” and “I get what you mean, but asexual women also deal with a lot of bullshit.” Any group will have a variety of opinions! But the majority perspective on asexuality in TERF and GC communities follows four major narratives that serve to dismiss, belittle, and invalidate asexual people and asexual identities.
This is an analysis of common narratives of asexuality among trans-exclusionary radical feminists (TERFs) and Gender Critical feminists (GCs). The two groups are not the same, but they overlap, and so do their talking points.
Here, I collect anti-ace arguments used by TERFs and GCs in their own words. Why do they dislike ace people? This is what they have to say. To illustrate the mindset and community norms that led to JKR’s mocking tweets, the following contains a long collection of direct quotes of anti-ace (and anti-trans) prejudice and vitriol from TERF and Gender Critical accounts on tumblr and twitter. I organize the anti-ace arguments into four main themes: 1) asexuals are just straight people who want to feel special, 2) asexuals are normal women brainwashed by patriarchy, 3) asexuals are perverts and predators, and 4) asexuals just have a medical or mental disorder.
These talking points about asexuality, their narratives of what asexuality is, map very strongly to their narratives about non-binary people, trans men, trans women, and intersex people, depending on the person, and when each suits their argument.
This is not an accident. The narratives to explain transgender and gender-diverse people are the same ones they use to explain asexuality (and to a certain extent aromanticism), to fit it within their essentialist and binary frameworks.
Narrative 1: Asexuals Are Just Straights Who Want to Feel Special
This is the most popular narrative among GCs, and it crops up a lot among TERFs too. This is the obvious one: asexuality isn’t a real thing, you’re just a “spicy straight” who wants to feel special. This is JKR’s narrative, and a popular one on twitter. It’s also probably the longest-running GC narrative of asexuality: Julie Bindel, the infamous British transphobic feminist activist, wrote in 2018, “Is this a parody? The academic 'expert' on asexuality on Woman's Hour right now? / I mean, it is clearly heading for inclusion in the alphabet soup of LGBTQQI+. Presumably, anyone who likes/wants sex will be oppressing them. If you don't fancy a shag, can't you just get on with your life?” Note the “don’t fancy a shag” language, the same phrase used by JKR in 2025. Asexuality, to Bindel, is “a parody,” mock-worthy, part of the “alphabet soup,” not something worth taking seriously as a feminist. (She never stopped believing this, either: this tweet of hers, mocking asexual activist Yasmin Benoit, is from 2024, and asexuality is still a “parody”.)
The LGB alliance, notorious anti-trans hate group, agrees: “Can you provide even one piece of evidence, one recorded incident where someone has shouted ‘asexual abuse’ at someone else as they leave the pub?” (2020)
GCs have a proliferation of ways to express this:
“Asexual really makes me laugh. Babe it just means you haven't met the person who really turns you on yet. Which in the non-binary, gender-queer, pansexual trans community doesn't surprise me at all at all.😂😂😂” (2018)
“Hooooooh boy imagine being 40+ years old and calling yourself “grey asexual alloromantic” I’m sorry not trying to be an asshole but seriously? This shits childish 🙄” (2019)
“Innit. I'm. Non plusses about the sex ting and can happily go without quite frankly. Don't know why it needs a label. Certainly don't feel the need to be "included" in "queer circles". I feel the same way about sex as I do about chocolate. Meh. Colour me oppressed.” (2018)
Asexual awareness is “meaningless, narcissistic nonsense.” (2020)
“'Asexual awareness day' -Wtf? Why? This whole thing must be either a joke, or else the most self aggrandizing movement ever. Do what you want, everyone else is bored and do not want to see/hear/know about it. We have lives” (2021)
“How are celibate people discriminated against? Who even knows about it unless they tell people, and who would say "Not having relationships so you're not on the list and not getting in?" It's getting more and more ridiculous by the minute!” (2021)
“Straight people were already included in the Q. Dyed hair and a few piercings and you’re in. 🤷🏻♀️” “Its really insulting to lgb people. Like this nonsense about adults self diagnosing themselves with asd or adhd.” “As is asexual. What persecution does a person who doesn’t want to have sex face?” (2021)
“No, you’re not asexual because no human is, you’re just an attention seeker.” (2021)
A rant about how trans rights are dangerous to gay people culminates in “Yes, LGBTQ+ is now defined by the BBC's own staff support group as "genderqueer, bisexual, gay, lesbian, trangender, non-binary, pansexual, intersex, asexual, queer, questioning or an ally." Don't half of these names basically mean "straight but I'd like to seem more funky"?” (2021)
“I feel like you may be confusing oppression with people being irritated by you. Do you understand what words mean? How are you asexual AND pan? That's not a thing.” (2021)
“Stop trying to make yourself special and get a personality instead.” (2021)
“No, you are not asexual because nobody fancies you” (2021)
“I don't buy it because it makes no sense, much like the rest of identity ideology. Libido is sexual attraction. I get that some people feel speshul to trip themselves into these nonsense narratives, and all power to them, but I maintain my right to not play along.” (2021)
“Having a gender is now a substitute for having a personality” “Honestly? This could be interesting as I don't have a personality.👍” “That’s agender aromantic asexual, your flag is in the mail.” (2021)
“Yeah, I thought that in the case of males it [asexuality] was really suppressed anger at being 'friendzoned'... with no hope of eventually becoming 'non asexual'. 🤭🤭🤭🤭” (2022)
Repeated themes are “just want to feel special” “attention seeker” “straight but want to seem funky.” Asexuality is fundamentally not a real thing; rather, asexuals are just ordinary straight people, but want the prestige of being something more interesting. Some suggest that asexuality is rather a coping mechanism for “being ‘friendzoned’” or “nobody fancies you,” but the majority of the mockery is based around the idea that it’s self-evidently ridiculous.
These are mostly examples from the twitter GC community. But tumblr TERF communities often have similar narratives. It’s common to hear “no one is saying asexuality and celibacy isn't real, we're saying that you aren't oppressed for not wanting to fuck anyone 💀 #most of us don’t give a shit i you’re ace i’m going to level with you” but that is, demonstrably, not true:
“Anyways, 'asexuality' isn’t real, and 'aromantics' are just sociopaths.” (2020)
“Bi romantic, 8th dimension, 6th gendered species don't exist. Neither do asexuals. […] A bored, “Bi romantic, 8th dimensional 3rd gendered girl such as yourself (a bored straight girl) doesn’t get to project your identity onto gays or appropriate their history.” Further reblogs claim that asexuals are just homophobes and compare speculating that historical figures were asexual to “transing the dead.” (2020)
Demisexuality is an "imaginary sexuality" and a "personal fable" (a proposed psychology term for an adolescent's belief that their thoughts and feelings are more unique, special, or important than those around them) (2017)
“In 2015 in the US our rights movement actually accomplished real normality for us and that just made a bunch of heterosexuals lose their minds. They invited themselves in, claimed to be one of us for asinine reasons (”oh I’m a sapiosexual panromantic greyace agender person!”)…” (2019)
“Equally funny when a man says ‘I’m a woman because I say so’ or a 12 year says ‘I’m an asexual demiboy, my pronouns are xir/xer’ and you just have to be like ok” (2024)
“Queer can be literally anything now (cishets can be in the lgbt if they lave a low enough libido)” (2025)
Regarding International Asexuality Day: “It's more like "Happy International Not-Gay Day to straight women who hijack the gay community so that they don't have to say their sexual boundaries with their whole chest and be cast as One Of Those Icky Radfems" (2025)
“The gendies can't help but make up nonsense identities to seem edgy. "I'm a greysexual demi-boy aroace furry, I'm speshull!"” This is in the middle of a long thread about the fundamental illegitimacy of the pansexual identity. (2025)
Sometimes, it’s a dismissive “that’s just normal”:
“You're an idiot, and your 'identity' is just natural human behaviour/instinct. When you hit 25 you're going to be so embarrassed you made this your whole personality.” (2021)
“Yeah that’s normal […] your sexuality is normal, you have a typical human sexuality” (2025)
Some are willing to accept that asexuality might exist, but asexuals aren’t oppressed and there is no connection to the “real” queer/LBG movement:
“I can sympathize with the personal struggles that asexual people might experience in the sex obsessed society we live in, but i do believe that the appeal of belonging to a marginalized group drives most of their activism.” (2018)
“Asexual people might never have been denied any rights but I'm sure they're experiencing minor feelings of discomfort when dating because their partners sometimes want to shag, which is of course violence and oppression.” (2019)
“how much you like or don’t like sex isn’t a fucking sexuality. it’s different for everyone and you don’t need a label for every little thing, because ultimately labels around sexuality are bourgeoise tools used to defend the reproductive division of labour. asexuality is not a class. asexuality is not oppressed. women and women’s sexuality is oppressed. lesbian, gay, and bisexual people are oppressed. […] How horny you are/aren’t isn’t an identity, and no one cares or needs to know.” Also has a bonus diversion into the argument that teenagers can’t be asexual because that’s sexualizing children and it’s “vile.” (2019)
“LGB stands for women or men who have the same sex attraction. Other letters that were added like Q (queer), T (trans), I (intersex), K (kink), A (asexual) etc, are NOT about sexual orientation. Thats why there were new LGB Alliences created, to protect rights of homosexuals.” (2021)
“Asexually is normal. It’s inclusion under the queer label is, nonsensical. I suppose at an enormous stretch you could say some asexual people are questioning whether they are gay & simply don’t fancy who society expects, but that’s a reach” (2021)
“I know they like to pretend asexuality etc is just as discriminated against as homosexuality (as seen by the inclusion of the acronym in the first place, rather than just saying gay or lgbt. I can guarantee none of the books are being banned for aphobia)” (2023) This is a particularly bold claim to make when the most banned book of 2023 was Gender Queerby Maia Kobabe, which has nearly as much in it about coming into eir asexual identity as eir genderqueer one.
“I definitely like. Believe that asexuality exists. I believe there are people out there who do not feel sexual attraction in any capacity. I also believe that 80% of ‘asexuals’ online are either kids who don’t have high libido because they’re literally 12 or adults who think they must be asexual because their sexual attraction isn’t the typical sexual attraction shown on tv and represented to them […] Essentially, I support asexuals, but I think a majority of self-identified asexuals online are not asexual, and I do not think asexuality should be grouped in with the LGB.” (2025)
“maybe this is an unpopular opinion on radblr, but i really don't care about any number of silly sexuality terms people come up with. they probably do describe someone's experiences, makes them feel seen and all that. and fine, more power to them. the only issue i have is that they insist they are the same degree of "queer" as same-sex attracted individuals. you're demisexual? okay cool! you're asexual? me too! you're in a queerplatonic relationship? sounds interesting! some of these labels might have merit, however small and insignificant it can be, but they are not included in the LGB. they do not face the same persecution as them.” (2025)
“It's not that they're not real, they're just not oppressed 🤣 Anyone who calls themselves asexual is just an attention seeker” (2025)
“I feel so bad for real asexual people. I think asexual people do face oppression and I hate that similar to how men have taken over feminist spaces and TIMs have taken over lesbian spaces, asexual spaces have been taken over by spicy straights who want to feel special.” (2025)
asexuals are “OPPRESSION VAMPIRES” (2025)
“Also, aromantics(not a thing btw) and asexuals(extremely rare actually) have no place with LGB on the account of lacking a sexuality” (2025)
Input from TERFs who identify as asexual themselves can be enlightening:
“Asexuals and aromantics want to be oppressed so bad. Jesus Christ, shut the fuck up. I've been asexual my entire life and refuse to claim that label because these people are insufferable” (2024)
“I think that, as an asexual person with PTSD, the same way that I'll never know for sure if my disgust of sex comes from trauma, trans people will never know if their gender dysphoria comes from sexism.” (2025)
“yes people sometimes do terrible things to us like "corrective rape" to try and erase our asexuality... but at a certain point, everyone has bad things happen to them based on aspects of themselves. and that doesn't make you "oppressed" based on that aspect, it's just an unfortunate reality of living in this world” (2025)
I’ve noticed more belief in the reality of asexuality among TERF communities than GC ones, but among TERFs there is a near-universal conviction that asexuality is unrelated to LGB activism and therefore none of their concern at best or an active distraction at worst. A common refrain is that true asexuality is rare, and the proliferation of people calling themselves asexual are mostly “normal” women or straight women who want to be “quirky.” Most agree that asexuals face no meaningful oppression anyway, and their identities are insignificant and their problems are minor social discomforts at most. Asexuals’ attempt at inclusion in LGB movements is thus harmful:
“but they have also actively decentered a movement for homosexuals and bisexuals in order to accommodate identities that have NOTHING to do with that struggle or fight. intersex conditions, gender dysphoria, and asexuality have nothing to do with the oppression LGBs have faced for their sexual orientation and gender nonconformity, their culture of genderlessness.” (2023)
And sometimes, the proliferation of the asexual identity is explicitly linked to trans activism:
I heard 80% [of a podcast about trans rights with legal think tank The Fabians] and it was pure drivel. The best bits were [Lily Madigan, a trans woman] saying they're demisexual when their bios say they're asexual, and having been asked about Karen White, the legal lib fem replied that 'no transwoman is a sexual threat to female prisoners' (2020)
“Apparently asexual no longer means what it literally means, and now means anything that the person who claims it as their identity wants it to mean, including even 'into kink'. This is what happens when words like 'woman' lose their meaning” (2020)
“How can transphobia be considered a legitimate term if gender identity is internal? [...] Say you're walking down the street and someone passes you. Do you know if that person feels non-binary, asexual, or gender fluid? How can anyone single out someone for how they feel inside? It makes no sense.” (2020)
“It means all humans have sexual drives of one sort or another. It means the rapid proliferation of young women declaring themselves to be asexual (like the radically changing gender balance in transsexualism) must be viewed sceptically with an eye to societal pressures on girls” (2021)
“Demisexuality? Asexual? WTF? @BBCWorld is captured by kids identifying as all kinds of #GenderWooWoo.” (2022)
“The co-opting of lack of sexual desire or drive as part of LGBT is one of the oddest aspects of gender identity ideology.” (2023)
“The left’s framework of asexuality functions to take the feminism out of celibacy. My celibate ass peaked about the asexual community before I peaked about the trans stuff.” (2025)
In this narrative, asexuality is fundamentally a fake thing, and “normal” (usually straight) children and women use the label to feel special and interesting and act like they’re oppressed. GCs usually dismiss the idea of asexuality outright. Some TERFs believe asexuality can be a legitimate identity, but they believe that it’s rare, and the majority of self-identified asexuals fit the “spicy straights who want to feel special” narrative. Asexuals, whether “real” or not, are not LGB, and therefore solidarity is unnecessary and asexuals face no real problems. If asexuals claim that they experience bigotry or oppression, they are co-opting LGB struggles because they want to be oppressed. This makes them distasteful to GCs and TERFs, and worthy of scorn and dismissal.
This is a very similar narrative that GCs and TERFs have about non-binary identities, and “asexual” or “demisexual” are often used together with non-binary identities they think are fake and ridiculous (demiboy, agender, genderfluid, “8th dimension 6th gendered”…) in constructions that are intended to highlight their perceived absurdity. Here, asexual identities and non-binary identities are framed as stemming from the same thing: the desire to feel special, the insistence that something inane actually deserves recognition as an identity on par with being gay. This graphic shows "asexual" under the trans umbrella, alongside a lot of pejorative descriptions of trans, non-binary, and two-spirit identities that they boil down to "straight people, literally straight people."
Even more than stemming from the same root, some TERFs posit a causal relationship: “This is what happens when words like 'woman' lose their meaning” and “The co-opting of lack of sexual desire or drive as part of LGBT” both frame the rise of asexual identities as not only the same dynamic but as a result of transgender identities and activism.
Narrative 2: Asexuals Are Vulnerable Normal Women Hurt and Brainwashed by the Patriarchy
This appears to be the most popular narrative among radical feminists. It dovetails nicely with their anti-porn activism and their common belief that having sex with men is usually, if not always, degrading to women.
“Just spent some time on an asexual FB page. Learned that it's about lack of attraction not libido. And I'm wondering if it's actually a generational reaction to growing up in our sex & porn-soaked world. Rejecting having it pushed at us constantly.” (2020)
“Chances are, you’re not fridgid or asexual- patriarchy probably killed your natural, healthy sexuality.” (2023)
“some women nowadays are identifying as asexual because their view of sex has been so horribly warped by porn & misogyny [...] what a fucking horrible sign of the times that young women think they are the abnormal ones for not wanting to give their men an all access pass to their bodies.” (2024)
“I am so sick of asexuals/aromantics making everything feminist about them […] And then you get into the situations where they attribute blatant misogyny to “aphobia.” […] Same thing happens to women in history who, because of oppression, had to dress or pretend to be men to enjoy any semblance of freedom or independence…and suddenly she’s trans. Fuck off.” (2024)
“It is not a coincidence that asexuality is becoming more popular as mainstream depiction of human sexuality is becoming more violent. Perfectly normal, healthy young people, are looking at this filthy and feeling understandable disgusted by it [...] You are not asexual, you are a sane person in an insane world.” (2024)
“Tbf, I think a lot of women identify as ace when what they really mean is "I am uncomfortable with the societal expectation that I should put out for every man who wants me, and this discomfort has turned me off from having sex" but of course when you say that people get mad at you, so they cushion it behind asexuality bc they believe it will deter men from trying to "fix" them […] I've never met an ace-identifying man, and pretty much every man I've met who claims to be "demisexual" has been either a Liar, or his libido used tk exist, but was destroyed by porn addiction.” (2025)
“A lot of "asexual" women correctly identify the problems with our increasingly pornsick society, as well as the rising tide of conservatism increasingly putting pressure on women to marry and procreate [...] Instead of examining how these pressures harm all women, they assume that their personal discomfort with this marks them as "other" and that it is uniquely terrible for them alone. They are aware of the sociopolitical landscape but have no empathy or class consciousness for their fellow women.” (2025)
“I could go on about how the asexual and aromantic communities divert straight women who are averse to dating/having sex with men and might otherwise have feminist realisations about it, as well as excusing callous behaviour from straight men, but even if their politics were scrupulous, gay and bi people said no [aromantism and asexuality should not belong to LGB(T) community].” (2025)
“If you read feminist theory you’ll understand why people place emphasis on straight sex and marriage and particularly take issue with women rejecting those institutions. But that would require the asexual and aromantic communities to acknowledge patriarchy and misogyny and I have extensive experience of these communities being utterly unwilling to do that. Y’all fucked around (not addressing the root cause of people being bothered by someone not wanting to have sex) and found out (the problem hasn’t been solved.)” (2025)
And some explicitly name the dynamic that produces asexuals out of “normal” women as the same one that turns them non-binary or trans:
“the ‘young woman is sexually traumatized’ to ‘young enby comes out as ace’ pipeline” (2024)
In this narrative, asexuality is a “normal” and “natural” (allosexual) woman’s self-defensive response to the patriarchy. She feels pressured from all sides to have sex she doesn’t want, she gets the message that sex should be violent and painful and kinky, she sees sex-positive feminism encouraging women to have lots of sex and hookup culture encouraging women to have sex with strangers, and she doesn’t want that but is unable to articulate it, so she identifies as asexual to opt out of this misogynistic, pornsick world entirely. Deep down, she really has a “normal” sexuality and desires “normal” sex, but feels unable to confidently say so—or worse, thinks that she’s unique and special for actually being normal.
Asexual cis men (and trans women) don’t exist, in this view. Either they’re such a small percentage as to be insignificant to the analysis, or men who claim to be asexual are liars or porn addicts.
Some TERFs will go further and blame asexual women for their own oppression, because they are identifying as asexual and opting out of the feminist fight rather than realizing they’re normal and becoming radical feminists about it.
This is very similar to TERF explanations for trans men and transmasculine people. In fact, as seen above, TERFs believe the same process causes women to identify as both. It’s not a legitimate identity; it’s a response to misogyny, an attempt to escape misogyny by identifying out of it. A belief that we’re somehow more special, more unique than other women even though we’re just normal and abandoning female class consciousness with our identity. Asexual and trans identities are not only fake, they’re anti-feminist.
Narrative 3: Asexuals Are Perverts and Predators
This one is less common, but comes up periodically among GCs. It’s rare among TERFs.
This narrative came to the forefront during a specific event in 2021. Girlguiding (the main Girl Guides organization, a UK group akin to the US Girl Scouts) posted a benign tweet celebrating Ace Week. The reaction from GC groups, who already resented Girlguiding for welcoming trans girls, was swift and extremely negative. The accusation wasn’t only that they were celebrating something fake, pointless, and stupid—the accusation was that they were using the cover of asexuality to sexually abuse or sexually groom young girls. This is only a tiny fraction of the responses, but it covers the common themes:
“"Guides criticised for sexuality tweets" Good. I should hope so.” (2021)
“Why doesn't boy scouts include diverse gender presentations of boys like trans identified males?” “The same reason that boys and men aren’t expected to welcome gender non-conforming males into their own sports or spaces. Men want to keep their own sex category ‘pure’ so women are expected to budge up regardless of privacy, fairness or safety.” (2021)
“I hope @Girlguiding get the message that sexualising kids is NOT ok Against safeguarding principles” (2021)
“Completely inappropriate. Do you have any clue about who the people are in the 'ACE community' or what you are signposting children towards?” (2021)
“So glad Iv my daughters are older now. Never thought the @Girlguiding would be a grooming ground for the sexualisation of little girls. Disgusting 🤮” (2021)
“'Asexual' is a definition which can be claimed by anyone, is difficult to disprove or prove, opens up exploitation of children. Children who have been convinced they are trans will be disassociated from their bodies & feelings. It’s a peadophiles dream come true.” (2021)
“Teaching kids they can be asexual at a young age is pretty bad and adults who volunteer at a recreational group announcing various details about their sex lives on the public page for said group is also pretty bad” (2021) (Note: adults announcing details about their sex lives was not in fact happening as far as anyone ever reported)
“Completely inappropriate, young girls should be able to enjoy themselves without adults filling their heads with all this nonsense. It would have really upset me if I'd had to think about these things at guides. It sounds like grooming to me.” (2021)
“Why do 10-14 y/o girls need to have their awareness raised around the concept that some adults don't enjoy having sex? What is this assexual 'community' and are these girls considered 'part of it'? Questions, questions.” (2021)
“(A) "this man couldn’t possibly have abused you, he’s asexual." (B) "don’t worry about scare stories about puberty blockers and future surgery. It’s fine not to have sexual feelings."” (2021)
Though the Girl Guides’ Ace Week tweet was a flashpoint, accusations that asexuals are using their identity to sexually prey on others, especially children, sometimes come up in unrelated scenarios as well:
“I've also seen certain grifters say they're asexual - coincidentally just after they've been accused of sexual abuse” (2020)
Talking about asexuality to children is “Normalising deviancy.” (2020)
“Why are you inviting school children to speak with you privately?” (2021)
“raising legitimate concerns abt materials for young kids that teach them harmful lessons (like 'little boys are asexual if they don't think abt naked girls all the time').” (2022)
Often, the predatory nature of asexual education and activism is directly linked to trans hormones and surgeries:
“If a child has puberty blockers, they will almost certainly go on to cross sex hormones. They will never experience puberty, and their genitalia will not develop. They will be sterile, and often grow up to be asexual. Transing children is eugenics.” (2017)
“I wonder if the current pushing of so-called "asexual identities" is supposed to normalise side effects of puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones for minors, which all too often result in sterility, anorgasmia and loss of sexual desire.” And the “shiny new label” of asexuality “can be used to groom kids” (2021)
“UK charities eg Stonewall & Mermaids, overtly supporting medical transition for kids has coincided with their “inclusion” of “asexual identities”. It bears repeating: “children who undergo transition before puberty will never have adult sexual function or experience orgasm.”” (2022)
This narrative frames asexuality as inherently suspicious, because to GCs, the concept of asexuality is inextricable from talking about sex graphically to children. This connects back to JKR’s “don’t fancy a shag” comment: talking about asexuality is inherently linked in their minds with talking explicitly about the kinds of sex you’re (not) having. Saying that a person can be asexual is not only talking about sex, it’s implying that everyone else is, or must be, sexual. Asexuality is inherently perverted, because it’s all about sex!
This narrative is part of a long anti-queer history here. These are also VERY old accusations about gay people, of course. The idea that saying you’re gay is tantamount to talking graphically about the kinds of sex you’re having, no matter how innocent or surface-level the topic of conversation, has been wielded against gay people for decades. The idea that gay people talking about being gay around children is “grooming” them to be gay and to be inappropriately sexual is decades old and still going on today. This accusation against asexuals as an inherently dangerous sexual orientation to teach children about needs no new argument, it’s recycling the exact same anti-gay one that GCs ostensibly want to fight against.
It's also an argument used about trans people: that trans people are trying to trick, brainwash, or pervert children into becoming trans, or that trans women are only transitioning for untoward sexual access to women and children. In this narrative, asexuality is a tool of the trans agenda. Asexuality cannot be a legitimate identity. GCs believe that trans people are maliciously indoctrinating children (typically girls, but sometimes boys too) into becoming trans, going on hormones, cutting off their “healthy breasts” (“minors sterilized, healthy breasts cut off teenaged girls…”) and getting genital surgery, which will forever destroy their sexuality and ability to have sexual pleasure. Asexuality, in this view, is a nefarious ideology that tells children it’s normal and fine to never feel sexual desire or sexual pleasure. GCs, of course, know that it’s false, wrong, and abnormal to never feel sexual desire, and so asexuality is inherently suspect and a dangerous part of the Trans Agenda.
Queer people as malicious, self-deluded, and insincere sexual predators: it’s the inescapable GC and TERF narrative of trans women, though it also gets aimed at trans men, and it certainly has a long history of being aimed at gay men, bisexual men, and lesbians too. Ace people, as a marginalized and “weird” sexuality, face the same accusations.
Narrative 4: Asexuality Is Just a Medical Disorder
This one is associated with all three of the above narratives, but also occasionally stands on its own. Asexuality is either a mental health disorder, an effect of medication, or a hormonal disorder, not a legitimate identity. This is, of course, very common anti-ace rhetoric, so it’s unsurprising to see it in TERF and GC spaces too.
Genspect, a gender-critical group that opposes gender-affirming care and rather promotes “ethical, non-medicalised responses to gender distress” because it “recognises trans identification as a mental-health issue” and “defends biological sex—real, binary, immutable” wrote in 2022, “A question for researchers: How many adolescents on SSRIs come to identify as “asexual” - or trans?” Asexuality and trans identity are explicitly linked as illegitimate effects of medication, not genuine identities an adolescent could have.
Blaming asexuality on medications and antidepressants is common, but so is claiming it isn’t an identity because it’s actually a mental health issue or a result of medical problems or trauma:
“you know what i actually used to be sympathetic towards asexual people and asexuality in general i thought that they had a medical condition that resulted in them being unable to engage in sexual acts....but then they claimed oppression..” (2017)
“However if you have no erotic feelings and can't/don't even masturbate, perhaps you should see a therapist. This is not an identity.” (2018)
“putting yourself into an ‘asexual’ identity box may prevent some people from exploring whatever the trauma/hormone issue might be. It may normalize issues that should be looked into.” (2021)
“"Conversion therapy" aka people suggesting you go see a doctor to figure out why you have low libido” (2024)
“if someone genuinely experiences no sexual attraction their first response should be to consult their psychiatrist, not put a trendy label on it. A functioning libido is part of being a healthy adult, being voluntarily celibate is fine but I don’t think it’s wise to group mental health (gender dysphoria included) under the same umbrella as homosexuality.” (2025)
Mental illness is an easy accusation for any identity or desire in others that people don’t like or understand. TERFs and GCs believe that trans women have a mental illness. They believe that trans men have a mental illness. Mental illness is a common go-to accusation to dismiss, or fearmonger about, trans people. Asexuality fits right in: asexuals don’t identify the way they should, they have desires that TERFs and GCs think are wrong and abnormal, so they must be mentally ill. And because they are mentally ill, their feelings and desires can be dismissed, or better, corrected.
For those who consider asexuality a biological abnormality rather than a mental one, it’s more akin to the “birth defect” or “medical abnormalities” or “crazy freak intersex disorder” narrative of intersex people: that it’s a potentially benign, potential tragic, serious medical issue that is not an identity and should not be treated as an identity. You’re really one of the “normal” binary categories deep down, but you just have a medical abnormality that makes you present strangely. This should be something you get treated by a doctor, not part of queer activism. It says nothing about human diversity of identity or experience, you just have a disorder.
And their reaction to people they perceive to have mental or medical disorders is still very negative. “i thought that they had a medical condition that resulted in them being unable to engage in sexual acts....but then they claimed oppression” is telling: does this person think that people with disabling medical disorders can't face oppression for it? Another says that not having sex is fine, but not wanting sex isn’t “healthy” and thus people with low/no libido should seek to cure themselves of this unhealthiness. If you have a libido, you’re not really ace; if you have low/no libido, you’re also not really ace, you have a medical issue that you have the moral obligation to treat rather than name. Getting fixed and becoming normal—not for your own sake (this is, after all, about people who are evidently content with it because they are putting a “trendy label on it” and don’t want conversion therapy), but for the sake of others who think you are abnormal—is the main narrative thrust here. Sherronda J. Brown writes about this mindset in her discussion of ableism and healthism—the idea that personal health is a moral obligation to pursue, and if you have anything deemed unhealthy in your body or your lifestyle, it is a moral imperative to fix it to become healthier, and a moral failing to continue to be “unhealthy.” Asexuality, as something outside the norm, is deemed “unhealthy.” TERFs and GCs reproduce this healthism when they discuss both trans and ace people. This is certainly not a disability justice-centered framework of medical or mental differences, nor is it one that takes into account anything from Mad Pride movements or intersex activism. Instead, it is a simple narrative that there is something wrong with asexuals, and it is their moral obligation to fix it.
—
Of course, some people don’t bother deciding which narrative to use and throw them all out at once, and even come up with new ones:
I believe ppl are using "asexual" as a means to
1. Include themselves in the LGBT
2. Bait someone into an "exclusive"/isolated friendship with only them
3. A cover for being choice-closeted
4. Avoid psych treatment for trauma etc
It's too broad a category to "exist" fully (2022)
—
For the most part, asexuals can be divided into two categories.
1. People, usually girls but some boys as well, who have experienced sexual trauma and are uncomfortable with others touching them, are mentally ill and it kills their sex drives, or are taking medication that kills their sex drives
2. People so addicted to hardcore BDSM or whatever porn that they can no longer be aroused by "vanilla" sex and so consider themselves asexual
Some other outliers are homosexuals who haven't come to terms with it yet and are in denial so are calling themselves asexual, girls scared of the shit they see in porn and think that's all sex can be, people with autism, or girls from regressive religions like Mormonism or Islam that teach that female sexual pleasure is wrong or unimportant and so aren't interested in sex. (2025)
—
This rambling essay “The myth of human asexuality” is a great example of using all the narratives at once. Asexuality is a sexual dysfunction just like autogynaephilia. Also it's caused by puberty blockers or SSRIs. Asexual identity is “downright sinister.” Also it's a way for women to escape sexual demands of patriarchy: “In this living nightmare scenario, women and girls are suddenly given a way out. You see, one is not a ‘frigid prude’ or heaven forbid a ‘transphobic lesbian who won’t have sex with penises’. One is simply a ‘non-binary asexual,’ or a ‘femme demi’ or any other shiny new label that offers escape from male sexual aggression while still providing protection under the glittery identity umbrella.”
For anyone who doesn’t fit one of the TERF/GC narratives, don’t worry, there are always other explanations to pick up the slack.
Conclusion and Call to Solidarity
The same rhetoric regarding asexuality and transgender identity comes up again and again in TERF and GC spaces. Transphobes come up with their own narratives of what it means to be trans, rather than listening to what trans people say about their own gender experiences. In the same way, they come up with their own explanations for asexuality, rather than listening to what ace people have to actually say about the matter. The four main narratives I identify here—that asexuality is a fake thing made up to make normal straight people feel more interesting, that asexuality is a normal woman’s response to patriarchal pressure to have casual sex, that asexuality is a cover for sexual predation, or that asexuality is a mental or medical disorder—use TERF frameworks for understanding the world, not asexual ones. These strains of rhetoric mirror the arguments used to delegitimize and demean trans people, and in fact a recurring theme is that one causes the other: that trans activism questioning definitions like “woman” allows for a proliferation of unusual or contradictory asexual spectrum identities as well, or that asexual activism encourages children to take hormones and get genital surgery. All rest on the same assumption: asexuals are wrong about their own identity, and it’s up to GCs and TERFs to explain asexuality back to us using their own narratives.
This is incredibly belittling to people who have come to an ace or trans identity, but it’s also patently ridiculous to assert that asexuals identify as asexual because they just haven’t thought or introspected about their sexuality enough. Reading asexual writing, asexual theory, asexual research, and asexual personal narratives would reveal just how much various aces have thought about asexuality and what it means to them—but then, so would reading trans writing. Rejecting what people have to say about their own experiences forms the core of everything else.
Radical feminists say that their post-gender world will be free of gender roles and gender stereotypes; that sex will be all that matters, and it will only matter in certain places where it’s biologically necessary, like medicine, and sports, and dating. Everyone will be free to be themselves and pursue what they want once there are no more gender roles. But they all have to be themselves correctly, and want the right things. Identifying as asexuality goes hand in hand with identifying as transgender, in this sense. To them, it’s a symptom of the perversity of the world, that people are taking their normal experiences/their medical issues/their mental illnesses/their feeling of being left out of the cool kids club/their desire for sexual victims, and making an identity out of it. Once the world is truly fixed, no one will want to be asexual or trans anymore. The narratives that transphobic feminist movements use overlap strongly for both groups. The TERF and GC ideologies are built on the ideas of immutable natural binaries: male or female, straight or gay (or bisexual, though there are still some who don’t like or respect bisexuals either.) Their worldview does not allow for anything outside of those categories, so they must come up with ways to explain why people insist on identifying outside them anyway.
Why wouldn’t they use the same explanations for asexuals, who challenge the straight/gay/bi system, as they do for trans and nonbinary people, who challenge the male/female binary?
This is why ace people need to be allies to trans people, and trans people need to be allies to ace people. We need to all challenge transphobia, compulsory sexuality, and binary assumptions when we see them, because these things are part of the framework that keeps all of us down. The people who hate one of us inevitably hate more of us, and we need to stop being surprised that this keeps being the case. We need to support each other and be allies to each other, rather than trying to throw our lot in with people who hate us too. We all deserve the freedom to be who we are without shame, without oppression, without people trying to “fix” us or force us into narrow expectations of how it’s acceptable to be. And that’s why we’re strong as a coalition, an LGBTQIA+ community. We need to show that solidarity now more than ever.
