Idk man @melodramaticallydysfunctional - Tumblr Blog

yuna: how long have you two been dating?

ilya: uh. like. one spoonful of pasta ago. you were there. we have been fucking for like a decade tho

I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:

Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.

Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"

Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."

They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.

johnny-depp-is-loved

mina-logan

Some art about coffee and certainly nothing else

chachi-baby

I like to imagine Rose’s brothers gave her shit for not sticking it out with Shane Hollander long enough for him to meet the family then when they find out it’s because Shane is gay they give her shit for not passing him along to one of them and she’s like??? you’re not gay??? to which they’re like !!!! everyone’s gay for Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov ain’t special

finelytaylored

“can’t believe you treat your gf like this Hollander 😔” has me crying lmao please someone write this

perlukafarinn

Canon divergent AU where Shane is a little more paranoid and when Hayden first comments on "Boston Lily", he decides he has to do something to break up the pattern and make it not so noticeable that he's got someone on Boston.

Not seeing Rozanov is not an option, so instead Shane picks out a few other cities to regularly go out by himself in. He'll go for a long walk, maybe sit down somewhere for a drink, and then catch a taxi back to the hotel an appropriate amount of time later. It's honestly pretty nice, unwinding by himself in this way, and now disappearing after games is not a thing specific to Boston! It's just another strange Hollander quirk!

Unfortunately, he fails to account for the guys on the team jumping on the most obvious explanation for all these disappearances, which is that Shane now has a girl in every port.

Word about this starts to spread quick, because it is so out of character for Shane, and pretty soon half the league is under the impression that he's some secret playboy.

Ilya is extremely not chill about this rumor.

rainbow-femme

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

femaustinpowers

david hollander is the true winner of the idgaf war. he doesn’t know what youtube is. he doesn’t care about shane’s sponsorships. he understands why shane doesn’t wanna go to wimbledon and is just happy to go with his wife. he sees his son making out with his supposed arch enemy and turns 180 degrees, gets in his car, and doesn’t tell a soul. he pulls out the vodka when his newly out gay son is having a freak out at the dinner table. if shane had even 1% of his idgaf powers he would be unstoppable. unfortunately that boy inherited his mom’s gaf-ability, which is constantly set to 150%.

ccrux00

he ran after him btw. he noticed him leaving and followed him.

wingsseni

irina and ilyusha 🤍

fleev

So... i love them very much

aavec

I understand that people have issues with ep 3, but I’m grateful for it bc it gave us the Scott/Shane fight and therefore all of these great posts on Tumblr.com