[meloncolei]

You will remember me, and then you will lose yourself in that misery.

[meloncolei]

I wonder why it doesn’t explode? A human heart is more tenacious and stronger than anything else I’ve come to realise. Even if you are damned to suffer for the rest of the eternity. It will beat and beat and beat. It will refuse to die. The human heart loves suffering, perhaps it finds peace in it. And so we suffer, we suffer—I suffer.

A life of suffering and a life with a stubborn heart.

[meloncolei]

“Let it pass.”

“It gets better.”

If I let it pass, does it get better? If I let it pass, will I be the person I was before I loved?

“Love is the worst curse of all.”

Yes. Love is the worst curse of all. A burned child will always remember burning as a form of love even if it destroys it.

I grew up in a burning home, forgive me, if I destroy myself in loving you— that is the only form of love I have known.

I burn myself— I call it love. My father taught me love.

[meloncolei]

Perhaps the only thing love cannot be is free of pain.

[meloncolei]

I will always be there— in all the actions that you take, in all the gestures that you make, in all the feelings that you feel and in all the love that you lose.

You will always be there— in all the pain that I feel, in all the misery that I suffer and in all the destruction that befalls me— because that is how you have impacted my life and that is how I have impacted yours.

Pain and love go hand in hand.

I hope the thought of me keeps you up at night— the way this misery tears my world apart.

[meloncolei]

One day when I’m gone, even if it’s for a little while, even if the regret lasts for a few days or months; I hope I hope I hope you regret not appreciating me more. I hope it wears you down, I hope it breaks your heart and you finally have it in you to say that I was also useful for something— that I was good too, that I had something in me that was worthwhile too, that I was a good child.

dear mother I still love you despite what you say about me.

[meloncolei]

I wonder why loving had been so painful and so suffocating? // Is it love when you have to destroy yourself to love another? Isn’t it just misery. Yes it was misery I was in, not love // How could love be so painful? My heart still bleeds itself raw at the thought of you. In all words, metaphors, philosophy I call love the most miserable thing to fall into // Your absence has brought me peace, that’s the kindest thing you’ve done to me // I may still softly think of you but I’ll cut my hands off before they reach you // Is your heart at peace now that I have left? // I will remember not to starve myself anymore // You broke me to pieces and I called it love // Now where are you and where am I? // Don’t come, I’m no longer waiting // On hope that we never meet again // What about the plans that we made?

[meloncolei]

I longed for love and you burned my heart.

Don’t come, I’m no longer waiting.

I don’t wish for someone who betrayed me.

Now where are you and where am I?

You ruined me. I hope now you are at ease.

Let me be a beautiful memory that brings you pain.

On hope that we never meet again.

[meloncolei]

Why do you still remember the love when you no longer love them?

[meloncolei]

You are the centre of all my sufferings. You are the one that kills me and the one that keeps me alive. You are the bane of my misery. You are more pain than love could ever be.

I wonder if it was pain I fell into or was it just love?

[meloncolei]

End my suffering— leave me and never come back.

[meloncolei]

Perhaps, there exists a world different than ours. And maybe in that world you are mine and I am yours. In that world, my love is not tragic and our story gets to end. And.. you and I make it together in the end. Perhaps.. in another world, my beloved. In another world.

I will see you at the other side of the moon.

[meloncolei]

You were the only colour in my world filled with black.

[meloncolei]

You ended me.

ہم سفر میں تو ہیں ہمسفر ہے نہیں

[meloncolei]

“But you mesmerise me, love. When you told me your name, I forgot everything else. I melt when you call me by my name and I can see nothing else except those eyes. You mesmerise me and that is why you scare me. I am scared to fall for you. No, I dread to fall in love with you because you will not and I will be left alone watching the door. But you mesmerise me, you do, love. And this is why I must avoid you, I must run away from you.”

[meloncolei]

Grief is love we hold onto that we could not give. It is the love that had nowhere to go and we kept it buried in our hearts mistaking it for pain and anger. Perhaps I think some people are meant to give more love than they can ever receive. And that is why they are always so much in mourning and grieving. Because love that has nowhere to go is the love that eats away at your heart. It is only so heavy and painful. Don’t you think?

[meloncolei]

We were only to entertain the heart.

ہم تو محض تھے بس دل بہلانے والے