r~•.

22 | 🏳️‍🌈 | she/her | entp love others so radically they wonder why

[sansstar]

“may she be smart and not annoying” and then this freak appears

[cairhienin]

rio hates evanora in a way that is so specific to hating a mother-in-law

[nothingbutloveforyou]

a love that feels like the sun in your chest

[lalixlizzie]

Regina to Sidney: Emma Swan is going to be a problem. I can't stand her, she's going to take my son away from me.

Meanwhile Emma: *writing and kicking her feet in the air* Dear Diary, Regina smiled at me today.

[thelastevilregal]

Oh you have a crush on someone who doesn't like you back? Well I have an unhealthy obsession with a ship that has insane amounts of chemistry but will never be anything more than subtext

[starry-bite]

sapphics will see a blonde and a brunette standing next to each other and be like 'is anyone going to ship this?' and not wait for an answer

[pxmlx]

“Fucking idiots” I mutter to myself while reading (for the millionth time) about two dumbasses clearly in love with each other CONVINCED that their feelings are one sided

[jadewestwriter]

give me my little mean sorceress back you fuckers

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Calling it now, the phrase "eat the rich" in response to rich arsehole nonsense will be temporarily replaced with "put him in the sub".

[thesmegalodon]

i am fully behind this

submerge his ass

[marshals-to-dictators]

You’re all monsters

[nutsacktorturer]

even her?

[marshals-to-dictators]

No!!! Of course not!!!! She’s wonderful!

[nutsacktorturer]

you fool!!

[debrides]

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

[lesbirdan]

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

[hermionegranger]

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

[mugsandpugs1-deactivated2019010]

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

[thomrainierskies]

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

[mirab3lle]

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

[icouldwritebooks]

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

[crimeronan]

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

[agrestenoir]

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

[gin-and-eschatonic]

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

[harold-theyre-thespians]

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

[narwhalsarefalling]

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

[wren-likethe-bird]

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

[la-mancha-screwjob]

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside

[fair-itself]

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.

[maplefiasco]

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”

[iamthatbeast]

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.

[widonotts]

My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.

[artwlw]

my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area

[youlovelucie]

I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool

[spacecores]

a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”

[thebritishteapot]

Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.

[valkyrieritter]

The other day they had me working with softserve and fried dough. I was burned out because I kept bouncing back and forth between the fryer and my register and these people had like, 8 things in their order. We get to the ice cream part of the order, and it comes in a bowl or cone. Instead of saying “Would you like the vanilla in a bowl or cone?” I said “Would you like the bowl in a vanilla or cone?” And we all stopped and had to think that through as my cart runner is staring me down like “tf are you doing?”

[dhampir-dyke]

I work at Hardees and we have to yell “thank you” whenever we’re told to do something because of how loud the kitchen is.

One morning, my mom hollered at me to wake up, and half-asleep me yells at full volume,

“THANK YOU”

[eyefriend-deactivated20181218]

i work with dogs, and i have to be a bit strict with them sometimes in order to keep fights from breaking out. recently, while making tea, the kettle started boiling sooner than i wanted, so without thinking i turned around sharply, pointed my finger at it and stared it down, and said, “Bad boy! You need to wait!” needless to say i was very glad i was alone

[mynameisdevon]

I know I’ve reblogged this a billion times but I’ve worked retail for 8 years and these things are never not funny.

[swimtonewyorkstate]

I work with horses and whenever someone’s driving too fast I’ll say stuff like “whoa” and I’ve tried to click to a car because that’s a cue for a horse to go faster.

[immaplatypus]

every time i go to order food at a counter my brain always wants to answer with my customer service phone greeting, I just open my mouth and it comes out

and lemme tell you there is nothing like being in a mcdonald’s and responding to “can i take your order?” with “AUTO GLASS, THIS IS JESSICA”

[he-who-ships]

@deadcatwithaflamethrower have some funny :)

[deadcatwithaflamethrower]

The human brain on autopilot makes for some of the funniest shit ever.

[screnwriter-old-deactivated2021]

THIS IS MY FAVORITE POST EVER

[treemice]

Sensory issues are so funny. No I can't eat the spaghetti you bought a slightly thicker spaghetti than usual. And today isn't a spaghetti day! Oh nevermind today I don't care. I have so little texture related sensory issues I'm so glad. Nvm I can feel all of my seams and I'm wearing the good pants and also please get me scissors I haven't cut the tag out of my new shirt yet. Oh my sensory issues with sound are nonexistent. Nevermind this hurts so bad. Nevermind it doesn't hurt anymore.

[mentalhealthmemesofficial]

[pathologising]

"just put yourself out there" what if I scared. what then.

[ponyoisms]

one hyperfixated tumblr mutual has the power of six hundred thousand ad campaigns

[sandersstudies]

Very torn between “Queen Elizabeth is a colonizer” and “but I do want her to outlive her stupid son”

[solarpoweredcreature]

Personally I think it would be funnier if he dies incredibly quickly after he gets the crown. Like world record shortest time with the crown quickly

[sandersstudies]

You’re illuminating me. Heart attack the moment the crown touches his balding scalp.

[sandersstudies]

Prince Charles dies on live television during his coronation likes charge reblogs cast

[jimmyfury]

sorry i absolutely HAVE to add how this looked on my dash

[mindofthemage]

[rylandsgrace]

#amazing