An Eerie Human's Thoughts

[spiraling-labyrinth]

Everything is so frivolous, so insignificant. I have a deep rooted hatred for the absurd nonsensical people who decided what was universally acceptable and what wasn’t.

[spiraling-labyrinth]

We are all imprisoned - psychologically - by ideologies that we were forced to believe in and an unjust system we were non-consensually born into.

[metaphysicalmortal]

“There are no beautiful surfaces without a terrible depth” - Friedrich Nietzsche

[spiraling-labyrinth]

burning the scripts

I've been thinking about how much of the things I say are scripted. I feel so fake and ingenuine. It's all tied to masking who I really am and my agonizing fear of saying the "wrong" thing.

It's trivial to me now because, a vague binary category of what's "wrong" and what's "right" to be saying, is not something anyone should conform to. It's imprisoning to conform to such norms.

I've pushed myself to speak when I feel non-verbal. It's painfully draining. I also don't say things I want to because I have these loaded responses for particular situations and those are not even close to what I really want to be saying.

I'm going to be burning these "scripts".

[spiraling-labyrinth]

an abundance of cognitive compositions

i am a neurodiverse person. there's so much going on in my mind. these spirals are getting out of control. this is going to be a disordered record of this chaotic odyssey.

[metaphysicalmortal]

I might be fictional. - John Green

[metaphysicalmortal]

It's the fucking binary, you know?

This is just the great binary doing its work.

Stay or go,

isolate or celebrate,

Funyuns or Hot Cheetos...

But, this binary keeps wanting you to choose, in or out,

So you're just like, can't stay in, so gotta be out. Then, the binary wins.

{Quoted from Genera+ion }

{S1 E4 - 6:22}

[metaphysicalmortal]

Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody is gonna die.

Come watch T.V.

-Morty

{Quoted from Rick and Morty}

{S1 E8 - 17:59}

[metaphysicalmortal]

Ever think about how horrified the people we love would be if they found out who we truly are?

So we just dig ourselves deeper into our lies every day, ultimately hurting the only people brave enough to love us.

Wish I didn't do that. Wish I was brave enough to love them back. I don't know, maybe you should try it.

We don't have as much time as we think. Ooowee. - Mr. Poopybutthole

{Quoted from Rick and Morty}

{S5E10 20:57}

[metaphysicalmortal]

Well, fuck normal. What does that even mean?

Nobody ever actually feels normal

- Winston

13 reasons why, S4 E1 {49:49}

[metaphysicalmortal]

I don't know why they bother asking. It's not like you have a choice. There are no choices.

Shit just keeps happening, and all you can do is react.

- Clay Jensen

13 Reasons Why, S4 E2 {39:11}

[mangomoth]

when i was a teenager and i learned about how light pollution and a certain billionare’s satellites obscure the night sky and all of its glory that humans have looked up and admired for hundreds of thousands of years, i always kept the mantra ‘they would steal even the skies from you’ hidden deep in my gut like a warning

but now i’m in my 20s and in the midst of a plague, having to watch corporate entities like space x and jeff bezos scramble for a piece of the infinite vastness of our universe while we’re all down expected to toil for their gains, live in an age of widespread sickness where we can’t be granted healing or rest without a profit, have every single piece of our lives cut up and dressed for sale like a butchered animal, from basic human needs to human expression. and now that same mantra comes to mind, but now instead of a cautionary warning it sits in my chest and my throat bc it has gone from a warning to a certainty. they will steal even the skies from you.

[metaphysicalmortal]

I know a lot of you probably hate me right now, and I get it.

If I could be a different person, I promise you, I would.

Not because I want it, but they do.

And, therein lies the catch.

- Euphoria, Season 1, Episode 1, 19:59

[metaphysicalmortal]

The other thing about depression is it kind of collapses time.

Suddenly you find your whole days blending together to create one endless and suffocating loop.

So, you find yourself trying to remember the things that made you happy. But, slowly, your brain begins to erase every memory that ever brought you joy.

And, eventually, all you can think about is how life has always been this way, and will only continue to be this way.

- Euphoria, Season 1, Episode 7, 34:07

[metaphysicalmortal]

The absolute worst part of depression, is that, even though you know you're depressed, you're unable to stop yourself from getting worse.

- Euphoria, Season 1, Episode 7, 13:21

[metaphysicalmortal]

The thought of having to stand up, exert 172 muscles, each step for 35 feet, just so I can sit on cold porcelain and piss out toxins, over and over again, for the rest of my life, makes the whole concept of living, feel like one long sadistic joke.

- Euphoria, Season 1, Episode 7, 13:04

[metaphysicalmortal]

God, are you broken inside... That's precisely why I don't trust you.

Because you're so broken you don't even trust yourself, and that's scary.

- Euphoria, Season 1, Episode 4, 47:27