Mature adult: how to relationship
As a person that has been in a 10 year long, happy healthy relationship, we have fun, we talk about everything, rarely fight, and have a very healthy bedroom life, all while parenting, working 12+ hr shifts, and dealing with crisis’s and life events. Here’s what I learned.
1) you are 2 different people who were raised differently and see the world differently.
You will not share the same opinion on things, or how things should be done, discuss expectations and what you hope the outcome will be.
2) figure out your roles. What you think a husband/boyfriend ect should do my be different than what he/she thinks a boyfriend/husband ect should do. So even if a person thinks they are fulfilling their role they may not be living up to their significant others expectations.
3) ask “ what did you hear me say”, amazing what gets lost in translation.
4) never assume. You don’t know what’s going on In someone’s head, or even their day for that matter. Let them tell you why they did or said or reacted the way that they did. Start with empathy not defensiveness.
5) sex is for intimacy and closeness. Both partners NEED sex. No one should be withholding sex for punishment purposes. A frustrated person who isn’t receiving intimacy from you is not really in a good head space to sit down and discuss “ your needs.”
6) no threats. No ultimatums.
Don’t do it. It’s wrong. It’s counterproductive, it accomplishes nothing.
7) be honest about who you are, and what you need. Every person deserves to be loved for themselves. If your not a good fit better to discover it sooner rather than later.
8) say exactly what you need. ie… When we argue and I walk away I need you to follow me, if you don’t I feel like you don’t care enough about me or our marriage to follow me and fix it.
Yes it is a vulnerable thing to be that honest, and it would be devastating if the person knew exactly what you needed and didn’t do it, but in a good relationships this makes everyone happy. You get what you need and your partner doesn’t have to sift through 6 years of subtle hints to figure out what to do.
9) adults come before kids ( okay throw your stones) seriously. Kids move out, partners ( you hope) stay longer than the kids, plus you need to make a united front. Same goes for friends, don’t ditch em, just don’t put them before your relationship.
10) put some effort in it. Greet them with a hug and smile. It sets the tone for the day, kiss in the morning, sleep together, naked ( yes, seriously, you’ll fight less, have more sex, run a higher metabolism be thinner and sleep better, go sleep naked).
11) NEVER put your significant other down in public. It makes you look catty and bitter, people will develop a long term impression based on your 6 second venting session and you’ll never be able to change it. Plus it’s awkward for everyone to watch you 2 duke it out in public.
12) say thank you, and please, and be polite.
It’s not that hard, it sets the tone for how you will treat each other, and if you do it at home you won’t forget to do it in public, plus why wouldn’t you be kind to your significant other.
13) tell them what you like about them, and thank you for things they have done. Yes… Do it. Everyone needs to hear they they are wanted appreciated, needed and noticed, you want that too.
14) don’t fight to win. If you argue and one of you “Wins” your relationship is the real loser. The purpose is to find a workable solution, not necessarily a solution that both of you like. Compromise isn’t always possible.
15) Put each other’s happiness first, if you focus on making each other happy, you’ll both be happy. If you focus on making yourself happy you’ll both be miserable.
romaincrisis
turnnoffyourmind
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