shark vs the universe
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Sade Olutola
if i look back, i am lost
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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EXPECTATIONS
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@micki-mack
fun game: if u listen to a weird variety of things reblog this with 3 bands u like that are completely different from each other and probably shouldnt even be in the same library
also half the people on this post………. y’alls picks are in the whole ass same genre wyd
David Garrett, one direction, the supremes
twenty one pilots, post malone, sam smith
I will be participating on a guacamole contest tomorrow at work. My objective is not to win, but to make every single one of the judges cry.
I will add every single chili I am able to find at the store, all of them.
All the chilis I could find at the store… i wonder if it will be enough :P
Ready for the judges!!
So updates after the contest! I didn’t win.
This guacamole had the talent that when you take the first bite of your chip it isnt that spicy, but after a few seconds the feeling starts to spread. The judges bravely took a bite and were all happy and as I walked away from the table they started to gasp when the full force of the 6 different types of chili hit them at once.
People were free to taste it afterwards and every face of first surprise and then pain filled my heart with happiness.
I have never seen so much people enjoy suffering tho, because they finished everything so fast I even got time to make a second batch before the winners were announced.
Overall this was great and I had lots of fun making others suffer :D
this? innocent sadism. i aspire to be like this
so is this chaotic evil? or chaotic neutral? or lawful evil? cant tell..
When I was 21 and a baby butch, I looked borderline intimating. I had tattoos, piercings, a shaved head, and was pretty damn buff. (Still am, except with more tattoos.) Though I had (and still have) a no bullshit, gruff, and in charge attitude towards men, when it came to girls, I was like an overexcited puppy. It was easy for pretty ladies to take advantage of me because if a cutie needed some kinda favor, my brain would be like “!!!” and I’d lose all sense of logic, jumping headfirst into whatever she needed of me.
That’s why, when a particularly stunning girl who I had a few classes with noticed me in a bar and asked me to be her girlfriend to ward off the guys hitting on her, I did it. (I’m pretty blatantly lesbian, not just because of my butchness but if anyone doubted it, I literally have a double Venus tattoo on my arm.) These days, I’m a couple years older (23) and I know the whole “pretend girlfriend” shtick would only attract more negative attention than it’s worth, but I didn’t think about it. I just wanted to make sure she’d be all right and get the guys off her asses.
She subtly nodded towards the guys who were harassing her, but beyond some gawking they didn’t come over again. She breathed a sigh of relief and thanked me.
“Guess you didn’t need to pretend to be my girlfriend,” she said, laughing. “But if you want, maybe we could get to know each other better, and maybe someday we wouldn’t have to pretend?”
Being a clueless dumbass, I responded, “Huh?” Oh god, I could slap myself for being so unaware.
“I’m hitting on you,” she said with a smile. Was this whole thing a setup? My brain couldn’t handle it. When I blinked, unable to process the situation (I didn’t have much romantic experience), she looked nervous, and added, “That’s okay, right?” Looking back, I’m impressed with how direct she was. It blew away the usual “Wait, is this a date?” type experiences I had before.
“Y-yeah,” is all I could manage.
Me and my femme have been not-pretend girlfriends for almost 2 years now. :) <3
this is so goddamn adorable oh my god i can’t wait to have a girlfriend
Fucking superb u funky little lesbians
did i ever tell you guys about that time i gave my sister 2000 nickels for her birthday
special ordered them from the bank
nice to know that in a world full of change, tumblr still has no idea how numbers work
thats…thats $100, right?
@ you weebs
2,000/10=200
Two hundred dollar power move
#Math is literally the only thing i have going for me #It’s my bragging right #Even Gaud can’t take that away
You divided by 10. 10 is for dimes
Y'all. 2,000 nickels is $400. 2,000÷5. It equals $400.
i’m crying. no, no it doesn’t
the answers keep getting worse better
Guys it’s 50$.
what the hell.
honey no
This post is getting progressively worse and I love it with a passion
… it’s $100
.05 x 2,000 = 100
Oh my god there are 20 nickels in a dollar and a nickel is 5 cents I am going to tear my hair out 2000/20=100 or (2000*5)/100=100 would also work please nobody here work as a cashier.
Jared being savage af!! Go get em!!
legend
I didn’t know there were twenty thousand vegans on tumblr!!!
You can be against animal cruelty and not be a vegan
You can be against animal cruelty and not be a vegan
Also given the fact some vegans wilfully neglect their pet’s diet for personal belief reasons you can in fact be a vegan and be ok with animal cruelty when its convenient for you.
^^^^ Reblogging especially for that last comment.
You can be against animal cruelty and not be a vegan
imagine thinking nail polish is a gendered thing. unnecessary shiny adornment has no gender, if anything it’s more crow than human
Nail polish itself isn’t gendered, but most people who work with their hands for a living don’t want to spend money so flippantly on an ornament, that’s going to be destroyed by the work being done.
You’re not wrong about nail polish not being gendered, but most careers in said trades are usually dominated by men, unopposed.
Imagine thinking that there’s no issue with an unbalanced workforce
You plan on signing up for a craftsmen trade?
Howmany women do you se becoming plumbers? Electricians? Framers? Masonaries?
You don’t. Because it’s not a sold easy job, it’s serious work that almost no one wants to do.
I’m not say I take no issues with an unbalanced workforce, it’s that no one takes issue with an unbalanced work force.
When was the last time you say a push for more women in septic tank repair?
Hey guys this just in, women aren’t interested in
Serious Manly Work
they prefer the
Easy Feminine Jobs
Non-binary people prefer not to work at all and just drift through reality avoiding all jobs
CAN CONFIRM
Fun fact: my dad actively tried to push me to become a Plummer (he was a bricky and mason by trade) because he said there was shit ton of money for women in those types of male dominated trades. After all no woman home alone really wants a random guy to come into their house and do repairs.
Now I chose not to persue that, not to keep my nail polish clean but because I’m a more academic than practical person…
My little sister however, has just started her own ‘handyman’ business and is making a killing because my dad was right and all of her customers are women who don’t want a scary guy in the house. She has Plummed in bathrooms, refit kitchens, torn down walls, replastered buildings, and yes…unclogged pipes.
She also has the fanciest nails I’ve ever seen.
So much love for your sister!
It reminds me oh the lady who started a mechanic shop where all the mechanics were ladies. And they had a nail salon inside so that the ladies had stuff to do while they waited.
if i wasn’t non-binary and drifting through reality i would absolutely become a plumber
Yes, people who do manual labour often don’t want to wear nail polish.
Floristry is one of those; florists tend not to wear nail polish.
Also, a predominantly female workforce.
But I do know several women florists who have absolutely amazing nails.
See these? I wore these while working on a construction site. I had my hands in all kinds of shit for much of the three weeks I had this design. I used various tools, opened boxes with them, prised apart joinery, faffed about getting various bits of equipment to work and then washed them umpteen times in crappy construction site soap (none of your nice moisturising stuff). Plus I can type, use them as tweezers, thread needles, open cans, write with a fine pen, and claw someone’s fucking eyes out with them. The idea that they are a “jewel not a tool” is bullshit. If I can’t work with my nails fancy, I wouldn’t be able to have fancy nails.
i would happily kill a man with these
and i will
im back! sorry about that i just needed to take a break and work on me and all that. heres a josh for your troubles
I still can’t believe that fanfiction is free
I sometimes have to pay for water, but with a phone and some wifi, I get to read whole novels about my favorite characters for exactly zero additional dollars
How goddamn rad is that
all the love to the fanfic authors who make this possible, y'all are the best
me writing dialogue: “what is man but a vessel through which a higher entity may see? what is his purpose? must he find a purpose? we are but stardust; the universe comprehending itself.”
me writing action: they ran real fast from the bad men aand legs hurty
me writing action: Her legs pounded against the earth, the familiar jolt grounding her like nothing else could. Magic, gods, royalty—she didn’t know anything about that. But running? That’s something she’d been doing since day one.
me writing dialogue: “I dunno man whatchu wanna do” “I dunno. What do you think?” “Hey man I don’t know”
me writing action: room go boom
me writing dialogue: noppity nope, that ain’t dope
The holy trinity of writing
Rainbow bath bomb by bellagracebath
chemicals in the water turning th frogs gay
Y'all better be drinking water.
Oh hai
I’m not super sure how the influx of moth memes started this week but MAN am I enjoying them.
depressed kids in the media: I don’t wanna go to therapy! I don’t need help! I’m not some specimen for you to dissect!
me, rollin up to my therapist’s office and collapsing in relief: what is UP my homeboy I fuckin missed you,, hope ur ready to hear some Bull Shit that fuckin happened to me this week
families of depressed kids in media: okay sweetie we’ve researched depression for ten hours straight and signed you up for therapy and re-arranged your school schedule to be less stressful
actual parents of depressed kids: look i get you’re sad but someones gotta do the goddamn dishes stop being lazy get up. why didn’t you go to school today, what’s wrong with you, you’re such a burden on this family.
Therapists in the media: *understanding head tilt*
My real live therapist whom I adore: Natalie, that is the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard.
Therapists in Media: Lets do some art therapy and be really quiet while we talk about your feelings :)))))) also I’m prescribing you 500 different medicines
My therapist Brian who I love to death: Jack, I think your first problem is you stay up too late looking at memes, so let’s try taking a nap
My real life therapist: Okay, before we start, I found this hilarious video I know you’d love.
Therapist in media: serious face the whole time
My therapist: *laughs awkwardly*
therapists in media: refined, cultured, poised, “I’m afraid I haven’t [heard of the nerdy thing their patient just referenced]”
my old therapist derek, from across the reception area, seeing me for the first time after the summer of 2015: HEY DID YOU SEE AGE OF ULTRON?? IT SUCKED, RIGHT???
my current therapist ian, in our very first appointment: do you like star wars? anxiety is like the force, it can consume you, or you can learn to keep it in balance… you’re my padawan now
Actual things my therapist has told me:
“You’re bassicly a glorified sad lizard.” (It makes sense with context)
“Damn girl you need to get your shit together.”
“Go home and cry. Stop drinking in bathtubs. Eat something that isn’t bleach or memes.”
I’ll add more tomorrow after I see her again.
Therapists in the media: how does [problem] make you feel?
My old therapist: lmao what the fuck is wrong with BECKY she sounds like a little bitch ruin her life do it
Can i have your guys’ therapists? My old was shit
hey ya do ya know that post i can't remember if its a fic or a drabble but it was prinxiety i think and Roman worked at a cafe and Virgil was playing the guitar at the cafe and he was playing the song The Broken Heart Club By Gnash and i need to know who made this please @ me
One of the most bizarrely cool people I’ve ever met was an oral surgeon who treated me after a ridiculous accident (that’s another story), Dr. Z.
Dr. Z. was, easily, the best and most competent doctor or dentist I’ve ever encountered – and after that accident, I encountered quite a number. He came stunningly highly recommended, had an excellent record, and the most calming bedside manner I’ve ever seen.
That last wasn’t the sweet gentle caretaking sort of manner, which some nurses have but you wouldn’t expect to see in a surgeon. No; when Dr. Z. told me that one of my broken molars was too badly damaged to save, and I (being seventeen and still moderately in shock) broke down crying, he stared at me incredulously and said, in a tone of utter bemusement, “But – I am very good.”
I stopped crying on the spot. In the last twenty-four hours or so of one doctor after another, no one had said anything that reassuring to me. He clearly just knew his own competence so well that the idea of someone being scared anyway was literally incomprehensible to him. What more could I possibly ask for?
(He was right. The procedure was very extended, because the tooth that needed to be removed was in bits, but there was zero pain at any point. And, as he promised, my teeth were so close together that they shifted to fill the gap to where there genuinely is none anymore, it’s just a little easier to floss on that side.)
But Dr. Z.’s insane competence wasn’t just limited to oral surgery.
When I met Dr. Z., he, like most doctors I’ve had, asked me if I was in college, and where, and what I was studying. When I say “math,” most doctors respond with “oh, wow, good for you” or possibly “what do you want to do with that after college?”
Dr. Z. wanted to know what kind of math.
I gave him the thirty-second layman’s summary that I give people who are foolish enough to ask that. He responded with “oh, you mean–” and the correct technical terms. I confirmed that was indeed what I meant (and keep in mind, this was upper-division college math, you don’t take this unless you’re a math major). He asked cogent follow-up questions, and there ensued ten or so minutes of what I’d call “small talk” except for how it was an intensely technical mathematical discussion.
He didn’t, as far as I can tell, have any kind of formal math background. He just … knew stuff.
I was a competitive fencer at this point in time, so when he asked if I had any questions about the surgery that would be necessary, I asked him if I’d be okay to fence while I had my jaw wired shut, or if it would interfere with breathing.
“Fencing?” he said.
“Yes,” I said, “like swordfighting,” because this is another conversation I got to have a lot. (People assume they’ve misheard you, or occasionally they think you mean building fences.)
“Which weapon?”
“Uh. Foil.”
“No, it won’t be safe,” and he went off into an explanation of why.
Turns out, he was also a serious fencer – and, when I mentioned my fencing coach, an old friend of his. (I asked my fencing coach later, and, oh yes, Dr. Z., a good friend of mine, excellent fencer.) (My coach was French. Dr. Z. was Israeli. I never saw Dr. Z. around the club or anything. I have no idea how they knew each other.)
So this was weird enough that later, when I was home, I looked Dr. Z. up on Yelp. His reviews were stellar, of course, but that wasn’t the weird thing.
The weird thing was that the reviews were full of people – professionals in lots of different fields – saying the same thing: I went to Dr. Z. for oral surgery, and he asked me about what I did, and it turned out he knew all about my field and had a competent and educated discussion with me about the obscure technical details of such-and-such.
All sorts of different fields, saying this. Lawyers. Businessmen. Musicians.
As far as I can tell, it’s not that I just happened to be pursuing the two fields he had a serious amateur interest in – he just seemed to be extremely good at literally everything.
I have no explanation for this. Possibly he sold his soul to the devil.
He did a damn good job on my surgery.
well NOW I can’t see anything else
