Headcanon that at some point, there was a mirror in the Hokage's office, or may even just a really ultra reflective window (like how tinted windows make it easier to see your reflection than normal windows, depending on the lighting). Many arguments have been had in said Hokage's office, with said mirror/window in it. Between the Senju brothers especially.
Disagreements over procedure, how they were presenting themselves to potential allies and enemies, who was put in charge of what. Arguments about the inner workings of the village and the many clans joining, the influential positions given to members of other clans, and the privileges given to those awarded such station. The worst conflicts between them though, always seem to lead back to the Uchiha Clan, oftentimes to Madara.
During one of those fights, Hashirama isn't entirely sure if he's just imagining it, but if he knows his brother well enough (and he hopes he does, hopes that his trust in his younger brother - the last brother he has left - to protect his greatest dream, the village, has not been misplaced; Hashirama hopes and hopes and hopes, as he always does), he thinks that the subtle flinches, those restrained reactions and fleeting expressions (quick and hidden away quicker, as Tobirama has always been: always ahead of everyone else, the quickest of his younger brothers, and now the fastest Shinobi of their generation), they might just stem not from offense or anger or shock, but from hurt and ... fear?
The quiet tone of voice that his brother takes after some of their fights is slightly unnerving. The distant terms of respect used sting, they aren't said in disdain but just hearing them rubs Hashirama the wrong way.
"My apologies, Hokage-sama. You are correct."
"If there is anything else you require of me, let me know, Hokage-sama."
"I will take my leave then, Hokage-sama."
Hokage-sama. As if there is no sibling relationship to be found, only that of a Village Head and his subordinate. Loyalty, but not that of kin, of brothers who have been through war together. Since the start of the village, perhaps even before that, it has felt like ... something else. Tobirama feels so far away from him, out of his reach from how far below him he's put himself with that assertion of rank.
The distance makes Hashirama want to scream, cry, rip his hair out from frustration. He wants him back, he wants his little brother back, his last precious sibling, who seems to slip through his fingers like water despite all that Hashirama does to try and keep him close. But perhaps, like with water, that would mean containing Tobirama, which is something that Hashirama has never quite found himself able to do, because that wasn't his thing. That would be more like father Butsuma that man.
His reflection catches his eye. The grimace that is slowly becoming something of a constant feature on his face is a bit ... unnerving. The downward turn of his lip, the furrow in his brow, the disapproval burning in his dark eyes. You look like him. That severe expression ... You look just like him.
He had yelled earlier too, hadn't he? He had just meant to admonish his brother for his behaviour, severe and firm, but not cruel. Not like Butsuma was. At a certain point though, he now realises that he had started berating him instead.
"Tobira, how many times have I told you not to incite issues with the Uchiha? I know that you haven't always thought my dreams to be possible, but I would've thought that you'd at least put aside your differences with the Uchiha and trust in me as your elder brother, support the path that I am taking us forward on."
"Little Brother, you cannot be causing such conflicts between ourselves and the Uchiha Clan. We aren't at war anymore, we are allies in the village now and you will treat them as such. I will not hear anymore of your prejudice towards the Uchiha, and especially not towards Madara. He is my precious friend, like a brother to me, and he deserves your respect as the other founder of this village!"
"Do you even want this peace? Because your actions and behaviour around the village say otherwise. The days of war are over, Tobirama. I won't let you drag us back into them. I understand now, that in the past, my allowing you so much say in the decisions made for the sake of the clan's survival was a mistake. Your volatility and prejudice have only grown, and have in turn made you grow insolent. I may no longer be your clan head, but I am your Hokage now, and you will obey me. Am. I. Clear?"
You're just like your father. You're going to become him. You are him.
Hashirama's trembling hands come up to cover his face. If he sits in his chair, struggling to breathe in the wake of his realisation, no one else needs know.
(He hadn't meant it like that. He didn't see Tobirama as a threat to the peace, not intentionally anyways, not in the treasonous way suggested. He works too hard to contribute to the village, to Hashirama's dream, for that to be the case. So much of this village has only been possible because of Tobirama's work. And Hashirama is grateful for it, he just wishes that Tobirama could be grateful for the village too. After all, the initial dream behind it was a place to keep precious little brothers safe and far away from war.
He understands his brother's reservations towards the Uchiha, given their bloody history, and he knows that their younger brothers' deaths had hit Tobirama harder than anyone would've ever thought and would ever know. But ... he wants both. He wants to have his little brother by his side while also having the village of his and Madara's childhood dreams. Admittedly though, if those two become opposing desires, he knows which one he will pick.)
"I will not tolerate anyone who seeks to harm the village. Be they friend, brother or even my very own child."
Hashirama, son of Butsuma. He is the God of Shinobi, the First Hokage of Konoha, and the Dreamer of the Senju Clan. But all he feels right now is that he's more cruel and ruthless than anyone would know, just like how his father raised him to be.
The mirror is removed from the Hokage's office that same day. Hashirama does not seek out his brother for the rest of that week. And from then on, he does not linger when looking at his reflection anywhere, too afraid to see the scowling face of Senju Butsuma staring back at him.
After the Valley of the End, Hashirama wonders about the sanctity of brotherhood with him.
Kawarama and Itama were long gone, taken before their time by a war they should have never been a part of. Tobirama, to this day, still maintains a certain distance between them. It's far better than it was back in the beginning, when their arguments were so frequent, and Tobirama would sometimes go out of his way to avoid him after a fight. But now ... sometimes it still feels like he can't bear to look Hashirama in the face. Not the way he used to.
You do look like Butsuma now, after all. And you remember what he did to Tobirama.
And now Madara, the man he claimed as his brother in all but blood, his first friend, the one with whom he dreamt up and then created Konoha. Even him ...
Hashirama fears, even if he were to avoid looking at himself in the mirror altogether, he'd still see that he looks just like his father, that he's unintentionally folleoing right in his footsteps. A ruthless, cruel man, willing to sacrifice all the precious sons and brothers it would take to achieve his goals, whether that be war or peace.
UGH I LOVE SENJU BROTHER ANGST. Unintentionally but irreversibly suboptimal sibling Hashirama is just *chef's kiss*.
I haven't really gotten into Hashirama's character when reading fic yet, as in reading Hashirama-centric fics, but I do enjoy when they explore his character complexities in general when reading fics. I feel it's a very important aspect that affects Tobirama and Madara's characters as well most of the time. And well, they are the characters I read most about, and Hashirama's character is important to them, so he is therefore also important to me.
Don't worry, buddy, you're doing your best, and while we may all judge you, we would probably not be doing much better, so there.
Hope this was at least somewhat accurate, in some universe, and that yall could enjoy it. This is my first time ever reblogging anything on Tumblr, much less making my own addition to a post, so I'm extremely nervous, but I was possessed by the spirit of writing when seeing this post, and it wasn't going to let go of me till I got all that out.
Also, if you couldn't tell, long unnecessary paragraphs are my love language. <3