Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

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Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis
religion is so fucking funny the world is just too beautiful there must be a higher entity behind all this. lets oppress women
all timer to me specifically
shane when he joins the ottawa centaurs:
“I was on a strict diet during Episode VIII, and she was like, ‘Kid, get into that fridge and take some chocolate bars. I have many there.’ And I did,” he recalls. “I failed my diet because Carrie Fisher told me to. And it [felt] great.”
-John Boyega on Carrie Fisher
This is the Carrie Fisher post of body positivity reblog for a chocolate bar from her fridge
Shane thinks it's soooo sexy when Ilya busts out those English vocab words btw. Listen to the way he says "When did your English get so good" and tell me he's not wet. He thinks it's so sexy that he is married to a bilingual baddie who knows what the word pedantic means despite English being his second language and he has a sexy accent when he says that shit. Shane can't even be mad at being called pedantic because he liked the sound of it in his husband's voice so much. "I'll show you pedantic," says Shane Hollander, as he plummets to his knees in the kitchen.
David and Yuna are clearing out their attic, and they come over with a box of Shane's old childhood stuff to see if there's anything Shane (but realistically, Ilya) wants to keep.
As Shane and Ilya are going through the box, Ilya pulls out a little Centaurs branded notebook, with "Shane's Fun Facts!" written on the front in sharpie. Ilya is understandably delighted.
"What is this?" he asks, smiling from ear to ear, quickly yanking it out of the reach of Shane who immediately tries to swipe it out of his hands.
"It's nothing," says Shane, but the way his cheeks have gone pink behind his freckles tells another story.
"Uh-uh. It cannot be nothing if you don't want me to see it this badly."
Turning his back to Shane so he can't easily grab at it, Ilya opens to a random page and reads in Shane's 8-year-old scrawl:
Lightning bolts are five times hotter than the sun. That is very hot!
Ilya is grinning even wider now.
"Wow, Solnyshko, that is a fun fact."
"Fuck off," Shane says. He doesn't even attempt to grab it again, just kind of collapses and bonks his head into Ilya's shoulder. "I used to have trouble making friends as a kid. Dad suggested I start collecting facts to use as icebreakers. Y'know, to get conversations going."
"Did they work?" asks Ilya, tilting his head so that it rests on top of Shane's as his husband gives an almighty sigh.
"I think they made it worse, actually."
Ilya turns to another page and reads it out loud.
"Oology is the study of eggs. It's so cool because it looks like there are three eggs in the word!"
"Oh god," says Shane, burying his face further into Ilya's neck.
"I think you knew all the worst kids in Canada," says Ilya, putting down the book and wrapping his arms around Shane. "Those facts would have worked on me."
"Really?" asks Shane, glancing up at Ilya's face to see if he's teasing him, but Ilya is being perfectly serious.
"Of course. You came up to me and started telling me fun facts straight away, remember? 'I don't think you can smoke here.' 'Wow, Rozanov, you are the best player ever to watch.'"
"Fuck off, I didn't say that," laughs Shane.
"Well, it was something like that," says Ilya, pressing a kiss to the top of Shane's head. "So at least the fun facts worked when it mattered, yes? Imagine where we'd be if you hadn't come over to break the ice."
And Shane tugs Ilya even closer.
"I don't think I want to."
Everyone: omg Hollander leash your dog, Ilya is barking at opponent hockey players again
Shane Enabler Hollander: ok so Ilyusha this player has had zero assists in the entire season, he got drafted last, and finally - and this is crucial - he once scored a goal in his own team's net
Ilya Heart Eyes Rozanov: thank you my ShaneWiki this is valuable data, off I go
kissin kate barlow has the best villain origin story ever put to paper. if i fell in love with a sweet man who just wanted to sell onions and show of his sick carpentry skills and they killed him for being black i think i would also snap and kill everyone involved in the most ironic way possible.
ilya being all jittery and nervous before yuna and david coming to visit the cottage for the first time because he wants their approval plays out very interesting to me. he’s vacuuming all the nooks and crevices, he’s organising and reorganising the shelves and shane just going “baby it’s okay they’ve been here when i was behind cleaning before” and ilya’s just no no shane you don’t get it it has to be perfect and so shane sighs and pushes ilya on the couch and just
lies on top of him until yuna and david comes
During the post-cottage era when Ilya's still playing for Boston, Shane sends Ilya a text one night that's just like "Are you alone?"
And Ilya is like "No I'm out for drinks with the guys. Did you not see that we won, Hollander?"
And Shane texts back like "Of course I saw, that's why I'm texting." Then a few seconds later: "Download this app right now. Be discreet." with an app store link. And Ilya texts back like '??? 🤨 Shane, have you been hacked?'
And Shane is like 'Just download the fucking app, asshole. This is your reward. Username is Jane2481. Fucking HURRY.'
And when Ilya follows the link and finds out that it's the app that controls a vibrating butt plug, he nearly blacks out at the table before disappearing for a suspiciously long smoke break.
shane in the beginning of their official relationship being unsure of how to do casual intimacy because he’s used to only get it if it’s during sex or with the intent of turning into sex but now they’re boyfriends and he doesn’t always know how to navigate that so sometimes he will just 🧍🏻♂️ in the middle of the room because he wants a smooch but he’s unsure of how to progress and he feels weird asking for it before eventually realizing that ilya is more than happy to indulge
soju meme collection
it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit
anti abortion propaganda that tries to like scare you into feeling guilty by reminding you that the fetus has body parts are so funny. "uwu please don't abort me I have eyes at 4 weeks old 🥺" nice try sucker I don't care if you see it coming