[mindwrms]

having one of those days where we wanna delete everything and start over….

[nocternal]

a moment of silence for all us disabled ones who had to watch each of their friends move on with their lives without you and get jobs, go to school, have partners come and go, get engaged and move house etc.

shout out to my fellow struggling people who are still sitting in the same bedroom they grew up in. the ones who can't get a job, can't make new friends, can't find a partner or partners, can't move house and can't go to school.

I hope one day we can all find someone to at least sit with us in our rooms. I see you and I understand... and I'm sorry we can't be that person for each other

[mindwrms]

i hate being a system. i hate feeling like this. i just want to feel normal.

[mindwrms]

something i just realized is sometimes you can be confident in who you are and still suffer from the effects of depersonalization

[mindwrms]

is there any way to gain a consistent front rotation? i dont wanna force it per-say but is there any way for us to convince our brain that it is okay for only a handful of us to front regularly & not constantly have us rotating out new & old alters like we’re having an identity crisis?

[cadaverer]

i think in the same way you have to remove threats of suicide from your internal vocabulary for the sake of your mental wellbeing you should also remove threats of murder from your external vocabulary for the sake of your capacity to interact with other people. especially threats to entire demographics i'm sick of reading 'kill all [group]' like thats in any way a normal thing to say.

[mindwrms]

im so good at tumblr

[moonpool-system]

growing more affectionate slowly toward the term "voices in my head". It felt dehumanizing at first, and there's still a twinge of that, but especially after the Long Quiet joined us, it feels more ironic and self confident. like yeah the voices in my head. They judge u and crack jokes to me and then return to their expansive lives inside our brain. The voices in my head are my family and i love em. And I'm also a voice in my head! What're you gonna do about it? Turning the term around to be cocky and prideful is so funny, I hope we get to do it to a singlet that doesn't ccomprehend our plurality one day thatd be a hoot. sorry u dont have any other voices in ur head to bounce off rip

[mindwrms]

i think the conversation around system accountability shouldn’t actually be about taking accountability but knowing how to maintain relationships with others outside of your system. it shouldn’t be a conversation about, should you have to apologize for your sysmates actions like their your own but it should be about how to come to an agreement as a system on how you deal with conflicts with other people.

you need collective boundaries that everyone in sys knows and follows on how to deal with these situations and how to avoid them too. if someone in sys doesn’t like a collective friend, or a specific sysmember’s friend, you need to communicate that with that friend and between sys members so conflict doesn’t arise. say “x doesn’t like you very much but i still want to be friends, lets just talk when im fronting and x wont talk to you at all when their fronting.”

if someone in sys says something rude or shitty to another members friend its not about taking accountability and saying sorry like you did it, but you should say “x doesn’t speak for me (or the sys as a whole) and what they said to you was not cool, is there anything i can do to make you feel better?”

i hate that this conversation is just “you have to apologize for everything anyone in your sys does.” vs “i shouldnt have to do shit when something goes wrong because it wasn’t me.” when there’s so much more nuance to it. you dont need to have system accountability but you do need to be able to work as a team to deal with situations like this.

[rainofthestorm]

I don't disagree with the points made here, but for our own system, the examples as stated would simply not work. And that's okay, if it does work for your system, then that's good.

But for us... it would just promote internal conflict and division within our system, which we work very hard to avoid. Our internal relationships are important to us, and oftentimes there are cases where one headmate might be okay with some forms of treatment that others of us are not, or may be actively hurt by.

This framework appears to assume that you can model a given system as totally individual people. To an extent this may work, but in most systems we know, headmates are not perfectly separate like this; something one headmate does usually does have impacts on the system more widely, whether we like that or not.

That's probably a large part of why the conversation can often seem so flattened and simplified, a lot of the times we see it, in my opinion.

But. As said... if it works for y'all, fantastic. And I agree, this is always going to be something each system needs to sort out for their own situation.

[mindwrms]

my post was made in direct response to a different post floating around where multiple systems are directly saying “i wont take accountability for someone elses actions because they arent me and i dont care” but even for systems who see themselves as more of a collective (like ourselves) i feel like my point still stands my examples just may not work. so let me add too my original post:

the conversation around accountability should be less of a conversation around accountability and more of a conversation on how to deal with external conflict. its not about saying “im sorry for what i said (weather you were technically the one to say it or not)” and more of a conversation with your system and the people in your life who you are all close with (and know youre a system).

if you do stand by what a sysmate said to some extent, or a sysmate is just “saying what you were all thinking.” then the conversation is no longer about accountability for an individual’s actions its a conversation about how to deal with your external relationship moving forward. you still dont have to apologize for their actions (unless you want to) but you& need to work as a collective to decide how to move forward and as prev said, what works is going to be different for each system.

every system still need to work as a team to decide how to deal with this, and i think framing it as “every system has to say sorry for everything any sysmember does.” vs “i will never make amends for what someone in my sys does ever because it wasn’t me.” is people failing to look at the bigger picture.

[mindwrms]

i think the conversation around system accountability shouldn’t actually be about taking accountability but knowing how to maintain relationships with others outside of your system. it shouldn’t be a conversation about, should you have to apologize for your sysmates actions like their your own but it should be about how to come to an agreement as a system on how you deal with conflicts with other people.

you need collective boundaries that everyone in sys knows and follows on how to deal with these situations and how to avoid them too. if someone in sys doesn’t like a collective friend, or a specific sysmember’s friend, you need to communicate that with that friend and between sys members so conflict doesn’t arise. say “x doesn’t like you very much but i still want to be friends, lets just talk when im fronting and x wont talk to you at all when their fronting.”

if someone in sys says something rude or shitty to another members friend its not about taking accountability and saying sorry like you did it, but you should say “x doesn’t speak for me (or the sys as a whole) and what they said to you was not cool, is there anything i can do to make you feel better?”

i hate that this conversation is just “you have to apologize for everything anyone in your sys does.” vs “i shouldnt have to do shit when something goes wrong because it wasn’t me.” when there’s so much more nuance to it. you dont need to have system accountability but you do need to be able to work as a team to deal with situations like this.

[mindwrms]

panic attack is making me sweaty

[mindwrms]

weve been switching so much lately and its kind of annoying

[mindwrms]

im tired of feeling awful i just wat to live

[positivitygenic]

please love the plurals of color in your life when you can, especially the queer and disabled plurals of color. life is already so hard, please make sure they know that they're loved and wanted. don't assume, make sure you know for certain.

[mindwrms]

your system literally can look like anything. it can have only introjects, it can have no introjects, it can have only non human members, it can have only members that look exactly like the body, it can have only littles, it can have only ageless members, it can have a full system of members that all have only one type of role, it can have a million members, it can have only two members. there is no set way systems have to look! they can present however your brain deems necessary for you!

[mindwrms]

why is eating food so hard

[mindwrms]

cant believe we formed my big brother while i was away