Things I have learned from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (part 1/?)
1. Yes I am doing this because we all need some happiness in our lives with all the crap that is the world right now. Also, I need to cleanse myself and my soul after the utter crapfest that was the fifty shades series.
2. I can hear my childhood calling to me, to save me from the pit of despair that is adulthood.
3. Kids, whoever told you it’ll be fun to be grown up has been lying through their teeth to you, because the only fun part is alcohol.
4. And being able to binge eat candy and chocolate, with no one berating you when you’ve made yourself sick because of all the candy and chocolate. I mean, a balanced diet? What is that.
5. “Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.” – name a more iconic first line. I won’t even wait, because THERE ISN’T ONE.
6. Don’t even @ me.
7. “Mr. Dursley blinked and stared at the cat. It stared back.” – that’s Minerva judging you. Blesssssss. This is what salvation looks like
8. Okay but when are cloaks coming back in fashion. I mean, I *know* I can rock a bubble pink one and it’s honestly the best way to say “fuck everything I’m off to slay some monsters” and be fashionable while doing it.
9. Bring back cloaks 2k17
10. “And the old man hugged Mr. Dursley around the middle and walked off” – lowkey want someone to give me a hug right now and tell me to rejoice
11. I told you, it’s the crippling weight of adulthood.
12. “The cat didn’t move. It just gave him a stern look” – Minerva be like
13. “hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise” – Potterworld version of group chat
14. Imagine receiving an owl just to find out someone tagged you in a stupid doge meme
15. “He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak that swept the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots” – my aesthetic™ tbh
16. “a silver cigarette lighter. He flicked it open, held it up in the air, and clicked it. The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop” – fucking JK, planting plot stuff for book seven in book fucking one this is what I should aim for in life – bewilder and throw people curve balls years in advance and then laugh menacingly while sipping my tea
17. “You’d think they’d be a bit more careful, but no — even the Muggles have noticed something’s going on” – wizards don’t give a shit lol, this is the definition of YOLO
18. “Dumbledore, however, was choosing another lemon drop and did not answer” – Dumbledore is me avoiding my responsibilities and pretending candy will save the day
19. “[…] how in the name of heaven did Harry survive?
“We can only guess,” said Dumbledore. “We may never know.” – Dumbledore, you sly fox.
20. “screaming for sweets” – I am Dudley 24/7
21. “Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter?” – McGonagall, the voice of reason for an entire generation. Honestly, for a hella smart, competent dude, Dumbledore can be dense. It’s like: “hey I know you hate your sister and her husband but shit hit the fan over here, so anyway here’s their kid can u explain all this to him kthx bye”
22. “there will be books written about Harry — every child in our world will know his name!” – I’m so happy this turned out to be true blessssss
23. “Can’t you see how much better off he’ll be, growing up away from all that until he’s ready to take it?” – like, I see the point, but why couldn’t he have been raised in a wizard family that wouldn’t overwhelm him? I know it’s because of the protection spell, but STILL. He could have just come live with the Dursleys for like 2 weeks every summer. Yearly tradition for the worst vacation ever™. But like, it beats death, no matter how awful it is.
24. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER TRADE OFF, DUMBLEDORE, DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME
25. “I would trust Hagrid with my life,” – SAME, FAM, SAME
26. “Young Sirius Black” – sobs forever (boy, book 5 will fuck me up)
27. “To Harry Potter — the boy who lived!” – this takes me back to when I read the series for the first time. This was the moment I knew I was in for life.
28. Yes I am aware this is just the first chapter shut up
29. I’m fucked if I’m really doing the entire series
30. BUT I DON’T CARE BECAUSE THIS IS WHOLESOME AND PURE. PURER THAN CINNAMON ROLLS. YES, I WENT THERE FIGHT ME.
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