mish

[madebymothman]

Shhhh.... he's eeping...

[memyselfandi13531]

post skip kiss but ilya is still chirping the fuck out of scott hunter every game and a clip of it goes viral ( "hey hunter! didn't know that the nursing home was doing field trips right now." "yep, they sent me out here to kick your ass." "but where is your walker? i think you need will it tonight" "fuck off" "oh boyfriend has it huh? you are so lucky. he is so young and you are so weak." "rosanov so help me god i will fuckin-").

ilya's next press conference has him answering questions about his "borderline offensive" remarks to scott hunter and he's just like

"yes i said this to him. it is chirping it is meant to be offensive."

at the collective intake of breath that follows from the room he adds,

"what, you want me to treat him different because he is gay? i think that is not good. scott hunter is a slow old man. coming out has not changed this. still old, still slow."

when scott's asked about rosanov's comments on his coming out he's like

"well no we talked at the NHL awards he was actually really supportive. yeah he's an asshole, just not a homophobic one."

[lexicanons]

You know that meme that’s like “A job will have you, a 21 year old, with a 55 year old bestie” Well, AU where Ilya gets hired at the Treasury Board and quickly becomes besties with David Hollander. They’re really good at their jobs so they finish most of their work by 10:30 am and spend the rest of the day fucking around and pretending to be busy together. They get lunch together and talk shit about their boss. David tells Ilya that he’s throwing a birthday party and asks Ilya to come. “You can meet my son and talk hockey! I think you’ll like him!” Ilya decides to go and the party is in full swing when he arrives. David takes him around, introducing him to people until they make it to David’s son. David introduces him to Shane and Ilya is taken by how beautiful Shane is. He’s admiring Shane’s freckles when it dawns on him that he’s staring at THE Shane Hollander, best hockey player in the league. David told him that his son plays hockey but he never put it together that David’s Shane was THE Shane. Ilya and Shane end up in the far corner of the living room, talking all night as the party goes on around them. Years later at their wedding, during his speech, David admits to throwing the birthday party to hook Ilya and Shane up.

[kosmogrl]

[penandinkprincess]

okay but ilya and cliff being besties but ilya rooming with connors during the club episode makes me laugh because i'm just imagining him being such a demon to everyone that they had to put being his roomie on ROTATION

[penandinkprincess]

"SOS IT'S A SHIRTLESS AND YELLING NIGHT. I REPEAT. IT'S A SHIRTLESS AND YELLING NIGHT."

[jesse-is-spiralling]

i like to think they have a group chat without ilya that they use only for dealing with him in this way. from the outside it seems like an abusive hell dynamic but he is actually a very good friend and a very good captain and any person on that team would go to war for him. but it DOES take a dedicated crisis team with a calculated strategy to deal with him

[rainbow-femme]

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

[jesse-is-spiralling]

[warren-keplers-funk-band]

it doesn't count as crying if you don't let the tears fall~

a chance encounter between shane hollander and irina rozanova, inspired by a couple fics i read a while back with a similar premise (small serendipity by the_hemlocked and soulmates by justaromanticfool)

[omens-of-what-is-to-cum]

shane hollander is literally so lucky Chappell only got big in 2024 because if in 2014 he heard "knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out, is it casual now?"

dude. he would start vibrating at a frequency that renders him invisible to all but the eyes of those fucked up shrimp.

and if in 2016 he heard GOOD LUCK BABE??? "when you wake up next to him her in the middle of the night, with your head in your hands you're nothing more then his her wife husband, and when you think about me, all of those years ago, you know I hate to say it but I TOLD YOU SO?????" MOTHERFUCKER there would be CARNAGE I think it would cause a legit mental break I think he would go on a rampage and kill people

[sunnys1de-d0wn]

myshane is an ilya enabler, not an ilya apologist.

[dailyhudsonwilliams]

via cravecanada

[mawofthemagnetar]

What do you mean “chat” is now referring to ChatGPT and not twitch chat? What? What? What the fuck? No?

When I address chat I am speaking to a presumed Greek chorus of real human people shitposting on their lunch break, not a machine that devours lakes to covert electricity into slop.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

sorry to be a broken record every month but christ menstruation is a stupid concept. oooooh excuse me for not getting pregnant, why the fuck is there goo falling out of me about it? grow the fuck up and reabsorb that shit for nutrients.

[tiredandoptimistic]

Nothing puts the scale of Alec and Magnus's relationship into perspective like remembering that Rafe (the second child they adopted) was born before they started dating. Alec really did the speedrun from "seventeen-year-old who's never been on a date" to "married, father of two, important government leader" in five years

[andhumanslovedstories]

It really is crazy how if you mention you write fanfiction with people outside fandom, they're always like "you should change the names and try to sell it." It misses the point (fun), but more importantly to me, I get slightly (and I know irrationally) insulted on a craft letter. Excuse me, my fanfic is entwined with the canon, thank you very much. I wish sometimes less entwined. You wouldn't believe the stupid bullshit some of my fics have to include because of canon.

[marypickfords]

i genuinely believe there’s a right time to watch certain movies so sometimes i’ll wait and wait until i know.

[deletiaclementine]

David and Ilya’s relationship is so precious to me. Finally David has an ally when Shane and Yuna start plotting world domination (riling each other up, two bitches who keep telling each other EXACTLYYY) like he’s been in this alone for almost three decades and now he has someone to raise his eyebrows and slightly shake his head at

[agent-odessa-over]

Yuna invites Ilya over for lunch. He is tempted to decline, believing it to be motivated by pity, but Shane is in Montreal and the loneliness of rambling around his too-big Ottowa house starts to feel like living in a mausoleum, so he accepts. It is this afternoon that he learns Shane's darkest secret. Darkest in name only, because it turns out to be quite the opposite in appearance.

After lunch they are seated in the den, fondly flipping through old photograph albums, when Ilya spies one that makes him lean over and squint. In the way of disposable camera film from the early aughts, it is grainy and overexposed, but there are no mistaking the warm brown eyes and pouty lips of Shane Hollander, looking blank faced at the camera. What comes as a surprise are the bleached blond ends of his dark hair, styled into crunchy looking spikes with obscene amounts of product.

Ilya emits a noise that can only be described as a squawk. Hand clapped to his mouth, because he barely trusts himself to speak, he chokes out, "What is...this?"

Yuna glances over nonchalantly. "Oh, that. Shane begged me to let him get frosted tips when he was 12."

Ilya will die. He will die right here, gagging on suppressed laughter, and Yuna will be forced to clean the mess of his remains off the berber carpet.

"I think he was trying to emulate some boy band he was obsessed with then. NSYNC maybe? I thought it was a bad idea, but David convinced me to let him try it out. Shane was going through a moody period, and he thought it might help."

"And-" Ilya squeaks in way too high a pitch, then clears his throat. "Ahem. And did it?"

Yuna thinks. "Hard to say. God, he was a bit of a bitchy preteen." She chuckles. "He had a poster of Lance Bass taped to his closet door. In hindsight, I should have guessed the gay thing much earlier."

Ilya can no longer contain his laughter. He doubles over with it, waving his hand and wheezing, "Sorry, sorry." He wipes tears from his eyes. "I can have this picture?"

Yuna shrugs. "Sure. The poster is probably still upstairs in his closet, if you want that, too. I've been meaning to clear it out-"

Ilya just stares at Yuna in wide eyed wonder. "Yes. I want." He dashes up the stairs so fast he nearly trips.