[gilgameshhimself]

(Getting swindled by a genie) it’s like talking to a fucking tumblr user with you

[higglety]

the genie: how dare you say I'm fucking a tumblr user

[ch0co-c0rn3t-lov3]

DO NOT DOWNLOAD TUMBLR it will install a virus on your device called tumblr

[angelbabymikaa]

does anybody want me in like a stray dog kinda way

[gumy-shark]

playing stupid games but im really bad at them so im not even winning the stupid prizes

[chimaerakitten]

“Would you block someone just for disagreeing with you?” Pal, I’ll block someone for agreeing with me in the wrong tone of voice.

[cumdumpstiel]

so cool how advanced the algorithm has become, it literally only takes like a decade or more of spying on all my internet activity and then it can expertly curate a selection of 15-20 youtube videos that i don't really want to watch, and then keep showing me those videos over and over again for a week so i can scroll past them again. the future is now

[profoundathletecowboybanana]

Something, something, being a rising hs freshmen when Homecoming came out vs about to graduate uni during BND something, something

[aceofpans]

"theyre only friends" ONLY friends??? oonllyy friends??? friends is one of the most amazing things you can be

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

reblog if you’re a sick fuck

[memento-meliora]

forced to say “it’s okay!” Instead of throwing a fucking chair at their head

[wateredwizard]

Why does your post have lingerie on

[memento-meliora]

God forbid a bitch be feeling herself while mentally ill in this economy 😢

[rusholme]

[woman who has never been gentle with herself voice] I just need to be more disciplined

[calamitys-child]

God I want like. A full body massage. A team of dermatologists acting like an f1 pit crew to destroy my bad skin issues. 3 days in a jacuzzi. Another full body massage. Put onto a medieval torture rack and stretched until it fixes me idk I feel like it'd do wonders for my hips

[narutwitter]

[depsidase]

[broken-horn-of-equius]

[philcollinsenjoyer]

about 90% of fanfiction takes place in a utopia where men are thoughtful and unsure of their place in the world

[paininmyassachusetts]

A hitman who advertises his services the way a commission artist does

[paininmyassachusetts]

“Um hey guys. I’ve been hit pretty hard with financial difficulty lately. I’d really appreciate it if you’d consider commissioning me.”

[the-mighty-birdy-deactivated202]

Stabbings: $45

Gunshots: $100

Poisonings: $200

Thanks you guys please share if you can!  ❤️❤️❤️

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

Commissions I will NOT take:

👎 Kids (Teens are fine tho)

👎 Bystanders

👎 Other Hitmen

If you want to know why, message me, but otherwise no hate pls ✨

[jelloapocalypse]

hey guys, normally i try to keep drama off of my blog but this is really important. I just wanted to let you know that someone named WetWorkKing05 has been taking credit for MY kills over on redbloodle.com and is making money off of my hard work. When I messaged him directly he blocked me and threatened to kill ME >_> I’ve tried talking with the mods about getting his account taken down, but redbloodle has NO policy for this and they are no help at all. i don’t know what to do??

PLS signal boost if you can! And in the meantime, if you need somebody killed, do NOT hire WetWorkKing05! he is a THIEF!

[jelloapocalypse]

repeat after me:

MURDER 👏 THEFT 👏 IS 👏 A 👏 WORSE 👏 CRIME 👏 THAN 👏 REGULAR  👏 MURDER  👏

[uncklerman]

Credits to the murderer

[vashito]

“Why are your prices so high???? I could kill him myself for free! whatever, ur not even that good at murder anyway”

[alertmode]

Emergency Murder Slots available!

First Person - $450, additional bodies add $375 each

(Basically a steal still my normal rate is $650. Cmon guys it’s $200 off!)

Serious inquiries only. EXPOSURE IS NOT A CURRENCY!

[klubbhead]

Guys please support all these hardworking Individuals!

Good hitmen are hard to find so it’s up to us to raise awareness!!!!

[slumberinggirl-deactivated20210]

Omg I love this guy’s work! He’s new and not so well known in the hitman community, but he’s so amazing and is appreciate it if you guys have him some love ❤️❤️

[thatquietkid108]

Support your local assassins

[helloareyouheremdfan]

”um why would I pay a hitmen would I could just steal military ai and have it kill anyone I want for free”

[shr00mie-rat]

Ai military robots can not murder like real hit men, they’re messy and lack the spirit that involves murder

[cliodevotus]

I’m never leaving this fucking app.

[cinemaspast]

#me whenever there is a small inconvenience