Arrow of Mistletoe

[mistletoefletcher]

Hardened Soul (A poorly written poem)

Gaze upon it

Beauty untold,

the shades of olive so profound

Beneath the crushing heat

True to phrase

This beauty borne of pain

A soul wrought of fiery torment

Yet captures the light around it

Bringing color to this world

A passerby sees not

The suffering of this soul

But simply basks in the light reflected

And shines brighter as a result

A glow has enveloped this soul,

Hardened it may be

It shines its own colors

For the world to see

After the suffering

This soul shines brightly

[the-silly-words-on-your-screen]

As an alternative to 'sugar, spice, and everything nice'

I present: 'salt, vinegar, and everything sinister'

[the-silly-words-on-your-screen]

no it does not, I am perfectly happy with my obscurity

[mistletoefletcher]

Too bad, Im adding notes now!

[mistletoefletcher]

I've been thinking of death differently lately. Originally it was just something that happened in old age, things die when it's their time. Then, it was a potential escape. If things here were too bad for me, I could take that door one way or another. But now, I fear it. It should be a good thing, right? I don't want to die, so that means I want to live, right? I don't know. I truly hope it means I want to live, but I'm not sure what for. Maybe I'm just doing it for others, like my family and friends. I'd hate to leave them like that. But right now, I think this fear comes from being selfish. I don't want to be another number, another queer kid killing themselves, another overworked employee becoming a check the company gets to ignore. Another death for nothing. Maybe I should be more selfish at this point, seeing as nothing comes from just doing nothing.

[mistletoefletcher]

My hyperfixation, since I was in middle school, was fitting in. It's more often called masking, but I didn't know that then. I wanted to be normal, like everyone else was, like I was told people should be. So, for some reason I took the abnormal route. I analyzed everyone around me, seeing how they acted, what their character was like, and what other people did or said that they liked. I third so hard to see what other people considered normal, or so I thought. And then I followed that "normal". People started talking to me more, and hanging out more often. I got invited to more things like birthdays or hang outs. But it was exhausting. I didn't know why. "Are normal people just tired all the time? Is it normal to take a nap every time I get home after talking to people?" I asked these questions so often, but what I didn't know was that I was taking the most difficult path to interacting with people. I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to have to know exactly what to say or do to make people happy around me. I didn't know I was pushing myself too far. I suppose it wasn't that big of a surprise that night in Florida, when I tried so hard to make life easy for people, that I thought that my death would do it. That me dying would make everyone happy. I was still trying to please everyone then, even my mother's abusive mother. I was pushing myself so hard to be "normal", and make everyone think I was okay. I still do, I think. I still hide it when I'm exhausted, when I'm in pain, when I don't know what I'm going to do in life. I hide the fact that I'm hurt by what my family says sometimes, I hide the fact that I'm terrified of what the election could do to me and other queer people, I hide the fact that even a dirty look from a homophobic stranger can make me feel guilty, at least for a second, that my existence causes them annoyance. I hide all of my problems, because I want to make the world better, at least a tiny bit. I learned that when I tried to die. That my death means nothing, but in life I can bring a tiny bit of good. I don't want to burden the world around me with my complaints. But I think I have to. I think if I bottle it up any more, it's going to burst, and hurt everyone. It's time, I suppose. Tomorrow, I'm making the call. Tomorrow, I'll start talking as myself, and not the painting of "normalcy" I've turned myself into.

[1eona]

heye every one.

[1eona]

i have on important announcemen t to make.

[1eona]

sam.

[1eona]

[randomalienencounter]

ᓭᔑᒲ.

[mistletoefletcher]

Pt. 2/2

Dad lifted me up over his head, landing me safely on his shoulders. "Daddy horse, charge!" Off Dad went, sauntering just fast enough to make the air feel like wind, while keeping me safe. It was nice to have a kind family for once. The other two were... painful. I'm surprised they weren't the ones that killed me. But I'm happy with this one. They're fun, and love me so much, it's almost impossible to believe. We eventually got to Mom's study. She didn't use it for work often, mostly she used it as a quiet place to read, just like me. I only read in there when Mom and Dad are asleep though, because an 8 year old doesn't usually read books by R.A Salvatore. Most wouldn't get though the first page actually. When got to the door, Dad let me down so I didn't hit my head on the doorframe again. They got so worried the first time it happened, that even though I was fine, Dad refused to go through doorways with me riding on his shoulders. We walked in, and Mom was reading a novel from the Kane Chronicles, which I loved to read in between new books, although I was a bigger fan of the Percy Jackson series. She looked up at us, although a little unfocused. She tended to get like that when she liked a book, almost fully getting lost in the story. After a split second, she realized who we were, and a smile lit up her face. "Aww, what brings the two of you into the bookworm's lair?" "Our little kiddo has something to tell you dear, if you're ready?" This last question was directed at me, as Dad looked down at me, seeing if I wanted to follow through. "Yeah! Like I told Dad, I feel like I'm a boy and a girl. If it's okay, I'd like to be called them when you talk about me." Mom looked a little confused, but then Dad spoke up. "They gave a really good explanation, and he- I mean they are sure about it. I'd say we should go ahead with it. Worst case, they decide later on that they don't feel that way anymore, right?" Mom gave some thought to this, then seemed to be decided. "Sure sweetie. It'll be a bit to get used to, but I'm sure we'll figure it out in time. But I do have to ask, what clothes do you want to wear? We only bought you boy clothes, do we need to get any girl clothes?" I was relieved. Both of them had taken it so well, I wasn't even sure how to continue. I'd only really planned for the negative reactions, knowing how people usually think about gender expression. This was almost unsettling, but I was glad it turned out this way. "Well, if I can get some dresses and skirts, that would be nice. But I'm fine with pants and shirts if I have to stick with them." Mom smiled down at me. "Oh my, you don't have to stick to anything dear. We'll make sure you have some dresses and skirts added to your wardrobe. Can't have you wearing something that doesn't feel right, now can we?" Mom patted me on the head, while I stood there shocked. I knew my family loved me, but to go to such lengths for a kid my age, just to make me feel accepted? I had no clue parents could be so kind. I know my last ones weren't. "Thank you both so much. I love you guys!" Mom and Dad looked at me with such kind faces. "We love you too honey. I'm just glad you could trust us enough to tell us about this." Mom was petting my hair as I started to tear up from joy. Dad leaned down and picked me up into another big hug. "Sweetie, I'm so happy you know who you are. Not many parents are lucky enough to have a kid like you!" After a quick squeeze, Dad let me down. "Alright then, it's about time you got to bed kid. Remember, you have school tomorrow. Plus, that meeting with your teacher. Can't believe those brats are still bullying you when you've been such a good kid." Dad looked at Mom, who gave a shake of her head. "That teacher has no idea how to deal with troublesome students, that's clear." Dad turned to head out of the study. "Of course she doesn't. She's so out of touch they could tear the classroom apart, and she wouldn't blink an eye. Anyway, c'mon kiddo. Let's get you to bed."

[mistletoefletcher]

Pt. 1/2

"Them." Dad looked confused. I don't blame him, it is a bit early to say I'm nonbinary, since I'm only 8. "What do you mean them?" I looked at him, trying to show how serious I was. "Them. I'm not just a boy. I like doing what boys do, and what girls do. I like how they both dress, I like some boy games and some girl games, I like to hang out with girls and boys, and I feel like I'm both a boy and a girl. But if I'm both, then I should be called them, because it means multiple people, usually with girls and boys." Dad sat there with a thoughtful look. "I suppose that makes sense, but are you sure that's how you really feel?" I expected a more outraged reaction, so I was happy about him just making sure this was how I felt. "Yes!" Obviously my excitement was visible, because his doubt melted off his face, replaced by an expression of caring as he leaned down to give me a big hug. "Alright sweetie, I'll try my best. Just don't be mad when I mess up, okay?" "Okay, I wont!" I was glad this went over so well. Thankfully, all I had to do was tell the truth. I had actually been a girl in my past life, before I was reincarnated into a boy, then into this life. It was really scary to die in both lives, but at least I got to keep my memories from both. And this time, I was going to make sure I live as myself, since I always did what other people wanted in both of my past lives. "So, do you want to let Mom know, or should I keep it secret for you kiddo?" Dad was asking out of concern for me, I knew. The world is still harsh for anyone who's different, unfortunately. But I was ready this time. "Let's tell her! I don't want to surprise her when you call me them after all!" "That's true." Dad gave a little chuckle at this, then went on. "Well, if you're sure then, let's go say hi!"

[mistletoefletcher]

Pain, And The Genie

"Do you have family? Any loved ones you hold dear?" The genie asks, hovering just above his chair. "H-huh? Uh, no, not really." He nods at you to continue, as you take a seat yourself. "My parents abandoned me shortly after birth, so my grandparents raised me. They passed away after several years, and I spent a few years in foster care." The genie looks at you with a look of intense sadness, unlike any you'd seen before on the people you'd told about this. "Death is hard to those with something to lose. And even harder to those with nothing left." The genie said this in a soft voice, as if he were afraid you might break from these memories. And you just might, as tears start to flood your eyes, pouring down your face. The genie floats to you, and rests a hand upon your shoulder. "But you cannot fight the pain of death by causing more to die. The cycle still continues, and the little joy the world could have from you would be erased. Better to stay your hand, and live." After a time, your tears dry, and you look around you to see the genie is nowhere to be found. All that's left is a small golden lamp, sitting in your hands. Pt. 2/2

[mistletoefletcher]

Pain, And The Genie

"That's it!" You say, pacing the rooftop. "I've had it with this world, this life, and these horrible people!" You walk up to the edge, feeling the wind blow across your face. "This is it. You just have to fall, and gravity will take care of the rest." As you close your eyes, however, a faint glint catches your attention. A few feet away, on the same ledge you're standing on, is a curious golden lamp. Strange and delicate looking, you can't help but to walk towards it, as if it was drawing you in. You pick it up, and notice a bit of dust has settled on it. "How long has this been here?", you ask yourself, absent-mindedly rubbing off the grime. Suddenly, a blast of force pushes you back on the roof, landing in a sprawl. You get up shakily, looking back at the newly forming smoke gathering where you just were. As you watch with fascination, the smoke condensed into an almost human form, aside from the fact you could see through him. And it was a he, with a fierce beard filling the lower half of his face, and wild hair to match the deadly cunning in his eyes. You muster up the strength to speak, as he stares at you from a distance. "Um, what are you?" "Ah, the right question for once!" His voice is a complete counterpoint to his fearsome countenance, being a booming, jovial voice, full of lighthearted cheer. "Most of my masters ask me who I am, but I've no true name to go by. What I am, however, is a genie! Here to grant you your wishes!" Responding to your confused look, he continues. "You do know how the wishes work, yes?. You get three, no extra wishes, no wishing for wishes, anything else goes. Goodness me, I though the legends would have been told more!" "Hold on, wishes?", you ask, still as confused as ever. "Why do I get wishes?" The genie, looking mildly amused, responds. "You found my lamp. Then, you kindly wiped it clean. That is enough for you to earn your wishes." "But that doesn't make sense! You just give wishes to any random person who rubs your lamp? Then why am I the special one?! Why is it me?!!" Your voice gets increasingly louder, as you grow angrier and angrier. The genie sits there silently, looking slightly concerned. Then, he simply states, "You have earned your wishes. Use them as you please." Bitter and furious, you grit your teeth, and cry "Fine then, you want me to use my wishes? Okay then, I wish I was never born!" You close your eyes, waiting for something to happen. But when you open them, you are still there. The genie is sitting there, slowly shaking his head. "You poor creature, what kind of pain have you endured, to want to wish for such a thing?" As he opens his eyes to look at you, the deep sadness in his eyes, and the sincerity on his face shock you. "W-what happened? Why didn't you grant the wish?" "Because I would never wish such a thing upon my worst enemy, much less myself. I don't believe you truly wish for such a thing. Come now, master. Let us talk for a while." You follow him to a magically conjured set of chairs, still beyond understanding of what's going on. Pt. 1/2

[mistletoefletcher]

The Final Divorce

I walked into his apartment, confidant and sure, as of it were my own. I went straight to the bedroom. I knew he'd be in there. That was the arrangement of course, it always is. The terror in his eyes was palpable, easily found with a glance. And why wouldn't he fear? I've barged into his apartment, and gone straight to where he was sitting. All the while, holding a fine revolver, made sturdy and efficient for these jobs. I aim the gun at him, almost bored of the situation. "Wait! Don't kill me, I have a wife and children!" He screams, raising his hands above his head. This brings out a chuckle from me, as I speak to him. "Who the fuck do you think sent me you idiot?" BANG!

His wife was excited, to say the least. She had just kicked him out of the house, having caught him beating their kid. Like all of my customers, something went wrong, and they lost their love for each other. But this one was especially satisfying, since I don't take kindly to child abusers.

[mistletoefletcher]

I didn't want it to come to this. It was a simple rivalry, that's all. But it's gone too far. The rich bastards who funded my "evil" plans are demanding his demise. All of that work to fight the hero, and it somehow ends in his defeat. I can't let it end this way, when it wasn't even my plan that stopped him. "Let me interrogate him. I'm sure he has some kind of backup plan, right? Let me get it out of him." I really hoped The Investor would let me in. And there wasn't much reason for him to say no. What villain would pass up the chance to let another villain torture the hero? "Very well. Report back to me with any important information when you're done." I was in. I wasn't going to let this chance slip from my fingers. As I walked into the dungeon, the hero looked at me from his position, chained to the wall. "How amusing to see you so pathetically captured like this. It's quite vexing that I haven't seen you like this before." I had to keep up the act, or else the plan would fall through. For once, the plan had to work, or else everything was finished. "What do you want Villain? Here to rub my defeat in my face, just like your precious Investor?" That truly stung. I'd hated The Investor since I started working with him. I only continued because he had such a strong grasp on my finances. If I'd had it any other way, he and I would have never met, and I would have caught the hero on my own terms. "Not at all, dear hero. No no, I would never gloat about a capture I myself had never achieved. This was all thanks to the wonderful planning of The Investor themself! I'm quite proud to have such a masterful ally for my cause, of course." I get as close as I can to the hero, hoping that he understood I didn't want him captured like this. "But of course, you knew this already. I'm sure you know just how hard it is to escape this place. The only exits in your cell are through those vents. Oh so close, and yet unreachable in your imprisoned state. How unfortunate for you, it seems." Once I've said this, I quickly move in to kiss him. Obviously the hero was shocked at first, but I'm sure he realized quickly why I was doing this when the metal hit his lips. I deftly placed the key under his tongue,then pulled away, giving him the most urgent look I could, without raising suspicion from the guards. "Ah, just as I thought. The great hero of this land is a terrible kisser. Anything to say in your defence, your greatness?" I gave a second to pause, knowing why he couldn't reply, but enjoying the look of shocked anger he gave me. "I thought not. Many have been left speechless after I get through with them." I turned and began to walk out. "Just remember that during the execution tomorrow. Remember that I, the lowly villain, was the last person to kiss you before you died." I finally walked out, confident in the hero, knowing that he would have gotten the message. The next day, right before the execution,it turned out the hero was missing. Apparently he had stolen a key off of a guard, unlocked his chains, and escaped through the vents in the dungeon. Strangely though, no one could figure out how he stole the key from a guard posted on the other side of the hideout. Who could have ever guessed that the hero's longest rival, The Villain, could have helped him to freedom.

[turquoisespace35]

Questions were answer at toh panel today

[deep-dark-fears]

A fear submitted by Jeremy to Deep Dark Fears - thanks!

You can find original artwork and commission portraits in my shop! Click Here!

[cheruib]

that comment about how you should not borrow grief from the future has saved me multiple times from spiraling into an inescapable state of anxiety. like every time i find myself thinking about how something in the future could go wrong i remember that comment and i think to myself: well i never know, it might get better. it might not even happen the way i think it will and if it does happen and it is sad and bad ill be sad about it then, when it happens. and it’s somehow soo freeing

[1dietcokeinacan]