so I read the entirety of Peter Pan in one sitting today and it is SO GREAT and unintentionally hilarious and really really enjoyable and I wanna gush so hereās some stuff
someone once told Captain Hook that he looks like a Stuart so he started dressing like Charles II complete with long black ringlets
ringletsā¦ which he combs using his hook
he also uses his hook for āother homely uses.ā I have no idea what, J. M. chose not to extrapolate
Hookās great master plan to kill the Lost Boys is to BAKE THEM A CAKE and put dodgy stuff in it so they eat it and die
Wendy is like āyou aināt eating shit you found on the floorā and makes them use the cake as a missile, which Hook later falls over in the darkĀ
speaking of Wendy, the Lost Boys are All About Wendy when she first arrives. Peter is like never touch Wendy. build a house around her. we are her servants. she is a lady.
John is literally like āare you fucking kidding me"Ā
Tinker Bell is super not here for Peterās flight of fancy shit and yells YOU SILLY ASS at him literally about ten times
Peter is kinda dumb actuallyĀ
at one point he falls asleep on Wendy Guard DutyĀ "and some unsteady fairies had to climb over him on their way home from an orgyā
there are non-binary fairies! girls glow white, boys glow mauve and the blue ones are ālittleĀ silliesĀ who are not sure what they areā which isā¦ really really cute!!!
thereās a whole section where Peter and this bird are yelling at each other but Peter doesnāt speak bird and the bird doesnāt speak human and theyāre mad about it
J. M. makes sure to point out that Hook āwas not wholly evil; he loved flowersā
when the pirates kidnap Wendy and the Lost Boys, Hook bows to Wendy and sweeps his hat off and gives her his arm and sheās so starry-eyed about it she forgets sheās being kidnapped
the thirst is real, Wendy
Hook is scared of Smee. all the kids love Smee cos heās little with funny glasses and thinks heās really fearsome but. Hook is. actually. scared of Smee
at one point Peter is helping Hook up onto a rock because a) good form and b) he wants to have a proper nemesis fight, and Hook BITES PETER and Peter is fucking beside himself about it
in fact 100% of their interaction reads like Kate Beatonās nemesis comicĀ
Tiger Lily is a stone cold badass. all the men in her tribe want to lock that down and sheās like āfuck noā
when Peter rescues her from Hook and Smee, rather than carrying her bridal-style back to her camp (no thx Disney) sheās just like TIGER LILY OUT and swims home, abandoning Peter to his dumb pirate fight
Peter may be slightly unhinged actually. like one paragraph early on basically says that sometimes heād go for walks on his own and not talk about it when he came back, then the others would go out AND FIND THE BODY
like the book pretty much insinuates that when the Lost Boys start getting too old Peter takes āem out back and puts āem down
and before the big boss fight heās picking pirates off one by one and a Lost Boy is just calmly keeping an out-loud count of how many throats Peterās slit
and after the boss fight he literally kicks Hook overboard to where he knows the crocodileās waitingĀ
that kid is fucked up, Iām just saying
the narrator loses his shit towards the end. Iām serious. one minute heās like āI HATE MRS. DARLING SO MUCHā and the next heās all āI love Mrs. Darling, those kids are some selfish brats thoughā
Mr. Darling blames himself for the childrensā disappearance because he locked Nana outside, so he startsā¦ living in her kennel. a taxi picks him and the kennel up every morning and takes him to work in it. he becomes famous because he lives in the kennelĀ
in conclusion, this book was great and J. M. Barrie was possibly on crack and, also, Disney what were you thinking
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