Just a friendly neighborhood gay

Matthew. Montréal. 30. Law School Trash. Gay. EN/FR

[montrealhomo]

Lazy Saturday.

How do we feel about this mustache boys?

[montrealhomo]

Proving my humanity by selecting fire hydrants and in so doing training the robot dogs of the future what they need to simulate peeing on

[hylianechoes]

Its hot even at night

[montrealhomo]

Figured my mutuals would like this!

[tearlessrain]

what companies who sell you anti aging stuff don't want you to know is that if you're chill about aging, your perception of attractiveness changes as you get older. there is no "wall" where you suddenly become ugly and unfuckable because in my experience what actually happens is you get into your thirties and suddenly realize that people in their thirties are hot as fuck and the "flaws" that the beauty industry wants you to panic about are a feature not a bug, and based on the std statistics in nursing homes I don't really expect that trajectory to change.

[nealashitposts]

I cant go to my local library anymore because last year when I stopped by a librarian was reading a book I wrote under a pen name years ago. This book sold under 10k copies and I've literally only heard people talk about this book online *if* I went looking for it so I went up to them and tried to start a conversation like "oh hey I've heard of that book is it good?" Like hoping for some real feedback and she goes "yeah I love reading things by queer writers" and in a moment of terror I was like "oh but- hold on, I thought the author was some old hetero white guy?!" A thing I thought because I used my own dead grandpa's picture for the author pic because grandpa never had internet. I fake looked it up and was like "yeah if he was queer its not public?" And without looking up this absolute unit goes "oh the author bio is obviously fake. I'd bet my left leg the author is a west coast millennial non-binary queer who has never lived on the east coast." And then proceeded to rattle off a dozen linguistic flourishes that are specific to the pacific northwest that are in the book and several that are nearly ubiquitous in the state where I said my pen name lives that are somehow completely absent from the book.

So you know. Got read for filth and didn't even find out if she liked it.

[midtown120blues-deactivated2018]

[filmnoirsbian]

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

[filmnoirsbian]

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

[filmnoirsbian]

I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

gshsjb

[fairycosmos]

you couldnt imagine what it was like to be 10 years old and listen to radioactive by imagine dragons

[fairycosmos]

its … it’s almost like it was enough to make your systems blow

[montrealhomo]

Gotta be crazy living in New York City because at any moment, someone could be filming you for their documentary's b-roll footage

[netnel]

[mudwerks]

Bringing you more Bad Books and Immodest Pictures, your Impure Thoughts Stockpile was getting low.

[radetzkymarch]

[unusualhysteria]

[mentemori]

My mom left an eviction notice for the carpenter bees burrowing into our porch

[gravityjunior]

My pronouns are he, because I'll never be him 😔

[swiftlark]

hot take possibly? but i actually think it’s okay for things to be marketed for adults. it’s literally okay if things aren’t suitable for children. i feel like we are losing the plot

[zoestorm]

Correct. Furthermore: children bending or breaking the rules to get a peek at something that's not intended for them is a part of growing up.

[nonexistent-triangle]

the irredeemable pervert is generally well regarded among their friends for their insightful thoughts and all around pleasant demeanour

[depsidase]

[blanketfortarchitect]

Why is the car smiling at me?