Mind Vomit

Enjoy the reblogs and random things.

[versasfanficwastedump]

i actually never ever want AO3 to be censored bc nothing is more fun than reading the tags on a fic and going “huh. didn’t know there was a market for that.”

[galahadenough]

squinting at a tag and trying to decide how badly I want to learn a new word

[stitchposts]

what is your LEAST favorite stitch?

I don't like counted work at fucking all. So: the cross stitch.

[rabbitindisguise]

reading this as someone who does cross stitch but is scared of the other kinds of embroidery is like overhearing an incredibly tall and buff person say they have beef with Mr. Tom, the kitten that chills at the bookstore

[stitchposts]

FUCK Mr. Tom and his stupid little fluffy tail ok. And his little charted designs.

[the-dragongirl]

Okay, but this neglects the true villain of embroidery stitches: the French knot

[stitchposts]

Don't you dare malign my girl again

[im-a-dream-wizard]

Ok the french knot is very useful but it is a BITCH to do it consistently

[stitchposts]

[ao3-anonymous]

We talk about how this website’s hate mail game is insane, but this might just be a new level

[talbatross]

"skill issue" made entirely from French knots is a next level roast. no coming back from that one. damn

[moniquill]

[reasonablywittyatbest]

Scrolled past this agakn and just can't get over how much I love it. We need to make things beautiful again and this is such a wonderful example. The beadwork on the wires of a utitarian object, contrasted with the grey concrete.

[theblackparadeisdead]

Tumblr is such an awesome website. What if your diary had a pvp option

[charlesoberonn]

"Cave Johnson here. Human beings only use 10% of our brain. And personally, I think that's way too much. Thinking burns calories and food ain't cheap. I bet we can get it down to 7%. Maybe even 5. Way more efficient."

"Cave Johnson here with a few updates. Turns out humans use 100% of our brains. Which is probably why our Aperture Science Unthinking Cap didn't increase employee efficiency one bit. On the bright side, we discovered a new method to create zombies. That's the third one this month. Good job, team."

[lucybellwood]

Fucking slain in my tracks by this postcard on my friend’s dresser

[ominous-signs]

Official ominous postcard

[captain-price-returns]

Re: sailors on USS Abraham Lincoln on half rations.

[charlesoberonn]

"Cave Johnson here. Human beings only use 10% of our brain. And personally, I think that's way too much. Thinking burns calories and food ain't cheap. I bet we can get it down to 7%. Maybe even 5. Way more efficient."

"Cave Johnson here with a few updates. Turns out humans use 100% of our brains. Which is probably why our Aperture Science Unthinking Cap didn't increase employee efficiency one bit. On the bright side, we discovered a new method to create zombies. That's the third one this month. Good job, team."

[penny-anna]

spider man would have a tumblr i think

[penny-anna]

he made a tumblr account back when it was more normal for celebrities to be on tumblr and just never deleted it. nobody believes that it's the real actual spider man but it is. long time followers are like no no he's posted proof here are the receipts. occasionally he shows up on posts where he's mentioned to jumpscare people.

[penny-anna]

#i agree if we’re talking spider verse peter#a peter old enough to have read homestuck back in its heyday#that feels right to me

spider man occasionally jumpscares people on posts talking about him and also on posts about Homestuck

[liarsblade]

I do consider Veth showing up, dropping off some money, giving her kid a previous undiscussed puppy, a dangerous & annoying new toy, making a bunch of promises to the kid that the other parent will be 100% responsible for fulfilling, and then fucking off completely to be an example of a woman excelling in a male dominated field.

[zac-oyama]

manic pixie dream grannie

[zac-oyama]

saw some people saying this was a great meme format, so have a blank one

[guerrillatech]

[kedreeva]

if you, like me, are hesitant to enjoy what kinda sounds like "relaxes food standards" on the surface, I'm happy to report that this isn't "everyone can do what they want with your food supply without oversight" but rather a case where in NYC you had to have a permit to sell food and a second, superfluous permit to sell frozen desserts. This action simply removes the need for the second permit, rolling it into the first permit in order to help small businesses. Yay!

[replicated]

i'm not really into blondes but this is an objectively absurd connection to make

[not100bees]

In order to be properly non-pedophilic you have to want to fuck somebody old but not with gray or white hair because that's too close to blonde which as we've established is the hair color of children. So ideally somebody old as fuck but bald. And obviously wanting to have sex with a man is misogynistic so it has to be a woman. And it can't be a white woman because that would be racist and it can't be a woman of color because that would be fetishistic, so ideally a woman with some unnatural skin color, oh let's say, purple. But it can't be an alien, because we don't know anything about alien life cycles so it could be an alien child or an alien that looks like a child. So it has to be an animal from Earth, but obviously one of human level intelligence that can communicate is otherwise that would be bestiality. So an old purple female animal that can speak English. I think the only creature you can be hot for is the Ant Queen from A Bug's Life.

[kholdseid]

[loredwy]

I cant believe this tweet is how I find out

[would-you-punt-them]

now all the things you guys have told me about american high schools are starting to make sense

[jeaninelatragedia]

holy shit.

[frustratedasatruar]

You're not really supposed to say it this way, because its considered crass, but here in the US children are culturally and legally considered essentially the property of their parents.

Note that its considered more crass to point this out than it is to treat children as property in the first place.

[bogleech]

bat opens up their little bat wallet to find they are all out of moths. A worthless $100 bill flies out for emphasis

[poondragoon]

From top-of-frame, a month flutters into the wallet. Confused, the bat looks "up" to see an equally-confused human standing "above" her, holding an open wallet containing a single $100 bill.

Camera rotates to reveal bat has been hanging upside down above a human doing the exact same visual gag and each ruined the other's bit.

Laugh track.

[legov7]

[realdonkeykong]

All so true. Why is the human Jon Arbuckle

[amynchan]

Why not?

[elucubrare]

You’ve heard of “i didn’t say it was good, i said i liked it,” get ready for “i said it had some technical problems & didn’t fully deliver on its themes, not that i didn’t like it”

[elucubrare]

#I voiced a criticism of some of its aspects#which in no way implies I did not like it#“and especially does not imply that I would like to hear a defense of it of the form 'shut up and let people have fun'”

REALLY endorsing these tags from galileosballs

[sexy-necromancing-bird]

Is the guy in the cuck chair supposed to stay quiet or is he allowed to clap and cheer

[foxgirlmindcrank]

he's supposed to take notes and make an intrigued hum when an interesting plot point occurs

[conspiracydeerist]

[blu3str1k3]

[thisarenotarealblog]

one is getting cucked by the bottom and the other is getting cucjed by the top. Subject matter experts discussing the sex like a sports panel

[morganoperandi]

One cuck always lies, the other always tells the truth. You have one question to determine who’s a top and who’s a bottom.

[whumpster-fire]