m. picolla ann

𝚑𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝚐𝚎𝚖. the blue print | writer | 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻 ❁ 𝚖.𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚊 𝚊𝚗𝚗 𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚙𝚘𝚎𝚝𝚛𝚢&𝚊𝚛𝚝♡

[mpicollaannpoetry]

everyday I wonder,

how much longer can I do this ??

and then the next day passes,

and the next, and the next, and the next,

and all of a sudden it’s been three years.

and I am still, just sitting here, wondering,

how much longer can I do this ??

[mpicollaannpoetry]

I dream of a slow, steady life. a life that tastes like peace, and takes that aching feeling away from my stomach.

I don’t wanna be in survival mode anymore

[mpicollaannpoetry]

genuine friendships, genuine smiles, genuine love

[mpicollaannpoetry]

it’s crazy to know that I’ve wasted all of these years with all the wrong people, it’s crazy to know that it never worked out because of you. I was waiting for you. it’s super crazy yaknow

[mpicollaannpoetry]

do you ever just think oh actually i don’t think I am ever going to stop being eleven years old and scared, even tho I am turning 28 this year.

no??

just me

[mpicollaannpoetry]

I have a happy personality and a sad soul sharing one body. it feels weird sometimes.

[mpicollaannpoetry]

I crave you in the most innocent form. I crave to say good night to you every night and to give you endless forehead kisses. I crave to play with your hair and to remind you that I adore you even when you feel at your worst. I crave you in ways where I just want to be next to you and nothing more or less. I crave your presence.

[mpicollaannpoetry]

and when I have nothing left to give, and my heart feels so heavy, and my lungs feel like they can’t fill up with air anymore, and when my soul is so,

so tired.

I find the strength for her.

I look in the mirror & see her.

she reminds me that I am good,

because she’s the best parts of me.

we will be okay.

[mpicollaannpoetry]

[mpicollaannpoetry]

everyone has that ‘one day’ love

that connection you can’t explain but it’s always there

[peacozy]

[mpicollaannpoetry]

all I think about is love. it consumes me

whole.

[mpicollaannpoetry]

hi it’s me, just taking up space

[mpicollaannpoetry]

the more I learn, the less I have to say

[mpicollaannpoetry]

and how odd is it to be haunted by someone who is still alive

[mpicollaannpoetry]

on sundays i look at my grief & beg it to let me rest. on sundays I do not want to think about loss. I do not want to be sad. i want to try to eat, I want to absorb the sun. I want to fill my glass with fresh cold water, and chug it all in one sitting. I do not want to think about the empty spaces and the things i can no longer do anymore or the things I never got the chance to even try. I don’t want to think about the way my life should have been, or could have been. today i want to stop thinking about anything. today I want to soak in everything my life actually is. today, please let me go. let me be happy with where I am. sundays are for resetting my nervous system. I will keep starting over and over again, for as many sundays as I need to, until I feel like me again.

[mpicollaannpoetry]

i am afraid of you. afraid of opening up my wounded heart to you, again. in loving me you hold a knife at my throat, and know exactly where to cut. without me speaking a word, you can take my breathe away. you leave my lungs empty. you give me butterflies. palm sweat. heavy breathing. sleepless nights. we are two against the world, yet i still do not trust your hand in mine. this all seems so familiar, and i am terrified.

things have changed, yes, but the wounds still bleed just the same. how do I forgive you? how do I trust you again?